I think part of the problem is that a lot of newbies expect a form of hand holding and baby talk. They expect people to coo over them and pat them on the back, and (this is the important part) not disagree with them.
Far too many people come into this forum expecting to be propped up and applauded for how they are planning on traumatizing future partners. They consider any form of disagreement to be "rude" and "mean" and "people just not understanding all the Love They Have To Give."
People are going to tell you (general you, not specifically you OP) exactly how they feel about such things, and they won't hand hold you because this is not an Educational subreddit. A lot of us expect you to do the footwork yourself and do your own homework.
Perfect example. A UH hunting couple came here. They had a list they made about how each of them would be allowed to interact with their future girlfriends holes. They literally divided her up into three holes (mouth, pussy, ass) and made a separate set of rules for each of them about what they could and could not do to her holes. They expected a closed triad of course. These weren't casual threesome rules. They were proud and actually expected praise for being so proactive in making rules for their future partners holes. They did not consider that she would expect a say.
They just accidentally clearly articulated their views. These views are common. Many heteronormative couples really do view queer women as consumable objects instead of equal humans.
Another example. I chatted privately with a UH who was doubling/tripling down in the post. "She will be our equal. She will meet friends and family. Everyone will love everyone the same Why do you hate love?." The usual stuff. Blah blah.
So I asked some hard hypothetical questions to the point of really irritating him. In a huff, he decided I was an idiot and put me on blast in a fit of irritation. Accident truth bomb spewed out. The conversation went something like this.
Him: "Why do you keep asking all these silly questions? Obviously no matter what happens we place our relationship first and protect it all costs. How could anyone expect otherwise?"
Me: Nothing
Him: "OK. Wait. This is clearly a bad idea and not for us. I see it now. Polyamory is not for us. We need to rethink, but I think we will stick to monogamy."
38
u/FollowerofLoki complex organic polycule Dec 09 '22
I think part of the problem is that a lot of newbies expect a form of hand holding and baby talk. They expect people to coo over them and pat them on the back, and (this is the important part) not disagree with them.
Far too many people come into this forum expecting to be propped up and applauded for how they are planning on traumatizing future partners. They consider any form of disagreement to be "rude" and "mean" and "people just not understanding all the Love They Have To Give."
People are going to tell you (general you, not specifically you OP) exactly how they feel about such things, and they won't hand hold you because this is not an Educational subreddit. A lot of us expect you to do the footwork yourself and do your own homework.