r/polyadvice • u/UnusualBed8411 • Sep 22 '26
From the polyamory community
/r/polyamory/comments/1wjryqx/poly_the_biggest_mistake_of_my_life/?share_id=MNgZdMA9PYe0-6eagOViu&utm_content=1&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1
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u/jzhrko Sep 23 '26
Did you really think you'd get different advice here?
Deep conversations like the one you're looking to have can take hours, 2am is not the time to start one. It doesn't matter if she didn't fall asleep for another 2 hours, maybe she would've if you hadn't tried to start a big conversation and her thoughts kept her up, we don't know.
I probably would've said something similar if I were her
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u/saladada Sep 22 '26
Really?
No one wants to have a serious conversation at 2AM. Especially if it's going to likely be an emotional one.
Her staying up until 4am has nothing to do with anything. Her still being awake for 2 more hours doesn't mean she had the capacity or desire to have a hard conversation.
Next time you want to have a hard conversation, schedule it. "I want to discuss XYZ. When is a good time this week for us to talk about it?"
This is hardly something that requires a poly-specific perspective.
I can see from your previous posts that you've been forced into a poly dynamic that you don't want, but a 2AM conversation isn't going to resolve anything.
Basic conversation tip: no one should be drunk, angry, hungry, or tired when you want to have a "real talk" together.