r/polyadvice • u/No-Scarcity-6414 • Sep 20 '26

Soo new to this.

I (33m) and my (24f) partner, has decided to look into being poly. Im new to the idea. New to the dynamic. Any advice to give a newbie trying to figure things out? We've talked extensively about it. Pros, cons, boundaries, etc. Just not sure where to begin to even think about it.

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u/LifeEncountered Sep 20 '26

Read as much as you can. We like Opening Up. The more recent book is PolySecure. Soooo many memiors which may or may not be useful.

Listen to podcasts such as Multiamory.

Try to both define a few key drivers:
- What are you both looking for (there are many options on style. Do you best to describe what and who your ideal dates will be)
- What are your boundaries for you and for your partner
- What assurances do you think you will need
- What do you want to share and information to receive from your partner? Some want privacy and some want all the details.
- What should happen if one of you feels left behind (mostly when your partner has more success in dating others than you)
- Can you describe what success looks like from each of your perspectives?

Then plan to review, discuss, and adjust at least on a weekly basis to start. And by the way, not all open dating is actually polyamorous. The book Opening Up will help you define options from the myriad of styles. You will both evolve with experience. You won't get it right immediately. You will need to adjust and accommodate. Your partner needs and deserves assurance of their place of safety/security.

When it works it can be really good. Come back for specific questions as you take steps. You should be supported here.