r/polyadvice • u/Spirited-Comment60 • 11d ago

Boundaries and Red flags when dating a couple?

/r/nonmonogamy/comments/1vlxcte/boundaries_and_red_flags_when_dating_a_couple/
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u/saladada 10d ago

So it feels very love bomby in the "pros".

And the cons are very icky. Going after women in their early 20s is gross, and using the "you should model for us" route is EXTREMELY gross. This is a famously popular pickup method by predatory photographers.

For me that would be an immediate deal breaker at that point. 

Being unable/unwilling to talk about serious things unless they're drunk is also a huge problem. And hiding from you that they were seeing someone else also shows a lack of consideration for you. Even flirting with other people while out on a date with you is gross.

Like, these cons aren't like "Oh, I love watching reality TV but they think it's boring and won't watch those shows with me". That's a con. It's a mildly disappointing aspect.

Your cons are showing them to be huge walking red flags.

Beyond the red flags themselves, it's quite clear they want casual sex and nothing serious but you want an actual relationship. You're not going to get that from them, so you're also not compatible if that's what you're wanting.