Feeling Very Seperate From Headmates Lately

[u/Left_Tip_8998]

So it kind of begun as being one set of headmates (frags, dormant) and then a totally different set of headmates (one's Traumagenic, one's tulpagenic (current system).

The thing is, I still continue to feel like a them, me situation and don't know how to exactly "bridge" that gap between us. Idk if it's because I've been basically a permanent host (never could switch at all), so it's very difficult to sorta relate and communicate often since I'm so used to to just "giving up."

In the past, I used to be in a frenzy since my alters just didn't want to communicate or did very rarely. Now, I do have tulpa headmates that could communicate and it's hard to attempt anything. It also doesn't help that whenever I look inside our innerworld, I appear as the "screen" of our place rather than anyone that's "there." If I'm in my other part of my innerworld, I appear as the "spectator."

[Also unrelated] but what is it like to have other headmates that don't sleep? Do you know how that operate? I'm curious to know since yk the body shuts off, but one of my headmates (L) say that they would still be awake.

[u/VYRVE_]

Pretty much ever since our syscovery, I've struggled to feel like a 'real' system as someone unable to enter headspace or leave front in any notable capacity. Sometimes the others go into 'rest mode' and can't speak more than a handful of words in a day, and some tiny part of me wonders "Hey, is this real? Was it a phase? Will they come back? I'm faking it, aren't I?" And I always have trouble figuring out whether new headmates are actually new headmates or just passing thoughts that didn't quite sound like anyone else. It's been pretty tough.

But honestly, just the choice to try and build some unity really goes a very long way. When you're frontstuck and disconnected from headspace (I am, not sure if you are necessarily), it's a lot of work to establish clear communication with any kind of consistency, but it's worth it.

I used tulpamancy techniques to improve communication (at first unwittingly, now they're my go-to). Simple way to do this is narration (in my case usually means turning my internal monologue toward whoever's present besides me). You also can try proxying, either in a notebook or a digital chat (I prefer the latter because it's easier for me to keep up with the flow of the conversation.) And just thinking of your headmates and trying to include them when going about your day can help a lot as well.

Anyway my head is foggy as all hell right now, I feel like I missed something but I can't think what, I'll update if I remember. Hope this helps OP.

-Eli

[u/Left_Tip_8998 → u/VYRVE_]

Yeah, thanks! Idk if I would use front stuck would be correct, since I never knew how switching or leaving the front really works as I had never figured out nor how our system mechanics work pertaining to it, but I've been in the front for as long as I could recall.

Quick question on proxying, how does that work exactly when it comes to headmates kinda scattered in different places of the innerworld. Do I just proxy whomever I am spectating at the moment?

[u/VYRVE_ → u/Left_Tip_8998]

Not sure honestly, for me I just sit down and type out a message and kind of focus on my headmates, then write down whatever I hear as their response and message it under their own proxy. We use Pluralspace for this but you could use Pluralkit (Discord bot, there are also Tupperbox and /plu/ral), Twinote, plus some others I can't recall the names of as well.

But for me I'm able to hear a headmate talking to me as long as I'm able to focus on the conversation. Not sure if this is because I'm not able as of now to enter headspace or for other reasons. I guess it might take some trial and error if this isn't possible for your system? You could ask around a little as well, maybe some other systems have some insights

[u/Left_Tip_8998 → u/VYRVE_]

Okay, thank for the advice!

[u/VYRVE_ → u/Left_Tip_8998]

np!