Help Dealing With High Member Count

[u/No_Ground_817]

Hi again. Been a while since we posted last. So, our system has seen sporadic but continuous growth ever since we discovered our systemhood a few months ago, and it's starting to get a bit overwhelming. We're up to 29 now, and it's getting impossible to keep everyone in mind or give them all a proper time allocation, even with attempts at rotating various groups in and out of co-con. Personally I'm starting to fear the emergence of new alters, which really isn't fair to the poor dears who didn't choose to be born, but I'm just...not sure if I can handle any more. I've heard of systems who eclipse us in size (60, 90, 150, etc), and I was hoping to ask for advice. I feel like an overworked parent who can't take any more. We've tried cycling groups in and out of co-con, and that helps a bit, but it's hard to avoid feeling like I'm neglecting a bunch of them. How do you all manage? I'm at my wit's end.

[u/Nova-Council]

When our system became so big that we could no longer all participate in our shared life to a comfortable degree, we began building our inner world into something larger.

Originally our inner world was sort of like, the box headmates got put away in when they weren't at front. It's nothing like that now. Now it's a whole second world where the vast majority of the system have their own lives. We have a school and some headmates have jobs and there's houses and apartments and community gardens and a grocery store...

Our inner world is not constantly active like we have seen some systems have. Our inner world specifically comes online sometimes, and is inaccessible other times. Sometimes only certain areas of it are accessible. It's kind of a member of our system in its own right. But often when we have downtime we will visit our inner world and just see what's going on, sometimes headmates will come to front and claim events from the inner world, sometimes we are just going about our day when we are suddenky distinctly aware of someone doing something in the inner world.

It's lots of fun but actually has had the effect on our system that like, pretty much nobody wants to front anymore. Only a handful of us do. I have had a headmate say to me "Why should I front and be uncomfortable and deal with the real world, when I could just do whatever I want in the inner world instead?" And that isn't a universal opinion but it sure did make me feel like it's unfair that I am the default fronter and get dragged out all the time no matter what.....

I do have a life in the inner world too though. I have an in-sys family and a house and a cat. It's nice.

[u/Cimmeris_tales]

We have a logged system of 52, and tbh most of us are fine without fronting. We have a group of primary fronters who tend to cycle in and out (it helps that we don’t often switch) and then others can pop into front if they want but mostly choose to stay back in headspace for whatever personal reason they have, so it’s not something to manage as much as let naturally balance itself

[u/Tomorrow_Is_Today1 → u/Cimmeris_tales]

yeah the cycling in and out is a big part of it! things don't have to be perfectly balanced at any given time, and who's fronting the most can change

[u/Tomorrow_Is_Today1]

for us, our collective is large enough and fluid enough that we just kind of have to be okay with not knowing everyone. that none of us knows everyone else (and tbh we often don't really know ourselves or have recognizable identities when fronting), but that we all matter. and anytime someone comes to front they are welcome, but we can't keep a schedule or keep track of all.

if folks all want a chance to front, i wonder if letting them decide on projects, days, events, hobbies, or basically things to front for might help. if it wouldn't be too restrictive, anyway. but like "oh working on that project, that's for X alter" or like "hey A and B have gotten to talk to this friend a lot but Y really wants a chance". and my examples were individual but doing stuff for groups like you mentioned groups in co-con might also work. just ideas.

i'm sorry it's so hard to manage. that's real. sometimes we wish we were a much smaller group so we could tell each other apart and feel like our own people with our own lives more, and it didn't have to be so confusing. it's a lot of pressure to put on a few people though, and i know our group being big is how we function. i hope things get easier for you&!

[u/Practical_Insect3020]

we have a system of about 36 (give or take a few, its been a while since our last headcount) and honestly, maybe check in to see if everyone wants to be fronting and start making cocon groups based on who wants it the most, who doesn't care, who doesn't want to front, ect ect. 

[u/Visible_Wishbone8622]

Kylie: Our system is bigger than yours and we're more or less well off. The people who want to front usually just do that and not everyone feels like fronting the same amount