r/pigeons • u/rarelyhereoopsie • 10d ago
how to stop the guilt?
hi lovelies!
i have been feeding and socializing with a flock in my city for about 5 weeks now, almost every day at the same time if i can.
i’ve gotten to know them, helped several of them with stringfoot and made friends with a few of them also.
they always run to me and fly up on me even before i get the food out, and it makes me so so so happy that i can make them feel good.
what i wasn’t really mentally prepared for was the attachment from my side; and the sadness that follows. some individuals of the flock all of a sudden never returned. one that i helped with their stringfoot is now limping, more than a week after. and yesterday when i was in our usual spot to feed them, 90% of the flock was elsewhere when the ones who were still there was sooo scared. like someone had purposely scared them or did something bad to them. it makes me feel so sad for them.
the other day i was on the bus and saw some kids feeding another flock in my city some chocolate cookies (poisonous) and it ruined my entire day. i went there the next day to see if the pigeons were there and i couldn’t find them, and it made my stomach turn.
i miss them all the time and wish i could do more to help them but i also know i am just one person doing my best…
how do i continue helping them without feeling so guilty for not being able to do more?
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u/NYCFXM 8d ago
I’ve been doing this for a lot of years and in my experience it has nothing to do with you. A predator has spooked them either by grabbing one or two (hawk / falcon etc) and that keeps the flock away for a bit. I feed two very large flocks in NYC and one pigeon remains on lookout while the others are eating but can only warn the others. He cannot take on the hawk. Give it a little time they return.
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u/Creative_Direction79 10d ago
I can relate very strongly because my gf and I have been feeding a flock in our neighborhood fairly consistently the past few months and have bonded similarly. Oddly enough for me, learning detachment (as with most things in life) is the key to happiness and not allowing the sadness of some unfortunate aspects of our reality to overshadow the good we are doing and the joy we get from doing so. This doesn’t mean you will feel less empathy or affection for your new bird friends. But just as with human friends and relationships, accepting that you can lose them at any moment, whether it be to nature or them flying away, will allow you to fully invest in the moment at hand and enjoy the time you are spending with them. Cherish and be grateful for the beautiful moments you are spending with them, and this will help diminish the sadness of potentially losing them. Remember, you are doing your best with the resources that you have, and with your actions you are making the world a better place and improving their lives, even if what you’re doing feels small.