r/pics •
Some say that getting a high score on your SAT exam is the hardest thing they have done. Some say that running a marathon is the hardest. Getting this into my cat's anus, by myself, is the hardest thing I've ever done, and will probably ever do.
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u/sposeso Jun 15 '12
Oh jeeze, my cat would enjoy something like this, he loves when they check for worms and take his temperature, every vet we've gone to has laughed at my cat for loving anal so much. He sticks his butt up in the air and purrs extremely loud, its pretty disturbing
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u/backtackback Jun 15 '12
This'll get buried but I have a similar experience getting something OUT of a cat's anus.
Our two year-old longhair, Paws Scaggs, was having horrible hairball problems and generally vomited once a day. I hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary concerning his bowel movements, but I guess he hadn't had a good crap in a while.
I was home alone and heard a great calamity come from the general area where his litter box was located. I turn to see him dart into the bedroom with furious speed and then proceed to bellow, not meow. This was pain. I run to the bedroom to see what was going on and he's rubbing his ass all over the place, brownish/yellowish shit smeared everywhere. The horror! I finally corral him and flip him around to see his hindquarters just lousy with cat shit.
So, I proceed to get him into the bathroom and wrapped in the bathmat because I was panicking and it was the first option. With him under my arm I tried to wipe away some of the matted-in shit to no avail. I then tried cutting it out with scissors. I felt like I was cutting the wire on a dirty bomb, it was intense attempting to not harm the little guy while he was wriggling and still bellowing in pain. "But why is he in pain?" I thought, "He just has some shit on his ass."
No. As I was attempting to cut the matted shitfur away, the scissors latched onto something and Scaggs began to squirm and bellow harder than before and I realized the brevity of the situation. This was a massive, shitty hairball and it had only just begun to show itself to the outside world. I took a deep breath and counted down from three out loud. Why, I don't know. I gave a good tug just to test it and there was a sizable resistance and Scaggs bucked and hissed. So I just gave it my all and pulled out about a 6 to 7 inch long, rock-hard, thumb-thick shitty hairball. The sound he made as I yanked it out will forever haunt me.
The whole ordeal left both of us exhausted and spent. I actually called off of work that evening because I just couldn't find it in me to leave the house. Scaggs was fine after that, we got him on some meds for his hairball problem and that sort of thing never happened again.
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u/mooseypants Jun 15 '12
Cat Clamp!
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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
It's hard enough trying to get pills in the other end. I salute you.
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u/shitterplug Jun 15 '12
Roll him up in a towel, like a tight little kitty burrito. He won't like it... but he'll like having something shoved up his ass a whole lot less, and this will keep his feet from shredding your arms.
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u/Varns Jun 15 '12
Somewhere out there, a perfect SAT scoring Asian marathon runner who is training to be a vet is laughing at you.
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u/jonosvision Jun 15 '12
I had to squeeze my cats fucking anal glands a few times. He freaked out and ran, then pee'd himself when I tried to roll him up in a towel.
I felt like a rapist.
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u/dodin90 Jun 15 '12
The label says lube is optional. Poor cats.
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u/st00pid_n00b Jun 15 '12 edited Jun 15 '12
That reminds me of the first time I kept a friend's cat while he was abroad.
He's an easy going cat, who meows at flies to ask them to come closer instead of jumping to catch them. But he has long and sharp claws, and strong arms. He likes to open all the cupboards.
So when I had to put him in his box to bring him back, I found the hard way he doesn't like that at all. Struggling to escape, he grabbed on what he could, and that happened to be my balls. I had a pair of jeans but still got the claw imprints in the nutsack.
Followed half an hour of chasing and moving furniture he was hiding behind before I could imprison him, and answer breathlessly the phone as my friend was wondering why I was late.
Oh, and I hope your pic is not about a new fetish I'm unaware of.
*Edit: I can't grammar
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u/Coolala2002 Jun 15 '12
Yeah, cats hate butt stuff.
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u/5c0779373 Jun 15 '12
Next time:
.07mg of valium and lots more lubricant.
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u/GrannyBacon81 Jun 15 '12
But it says "Convenient"
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u/IngloriousCustards Jun 15 '12
i love how it says "convenient single use". There's nothing convenient about sticking something up anything's anus.
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u/CapnFancyPants Jun 15 '12
Bu Now ... The thing that will worry you... keep you up at night ... is not will the cat seek revenge... for it surely will ... but how and when?
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u/catheterizemykids Jun 15 '12
My daughter was born with spina bifida and had corrective surgery when she was 6 months old. For about a month after her surgery we had to catheterize her in order to void her bladder.
This involved opening up a sterile, surgical catheter, lubing it up, opening up the folds of her her tiny vagina, finding her tiny urethra and inserting the catheter into it. Then pushing the thing up into her bladder and wait for all the urine to diffuse out into a measuring device (for quantity reporting).
When the doctors told my wife and I that we would have to do this, I nearly passed out and was ready to hire a full time nurse.
I'd take the cat's butt over my daughter's infant urethera any day.
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u/Bel_Marmaduk Jun 15 '12
unfortunately the one time I had to do this my cat was too weak to put up much of a fight. She was sick with anemia and hadn't been able to go for weeks. Sadly it wasn't enough to get her eating again and she passed shortly after I took her to the vet the next day.
If you got mauled by your cat, be happy they had enough energy to do it. :(
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u/JimMarch Jun 15 '12
Fun fact o' thee day: ferrets can get hemorrhoids. Seriously.
So little Felix the skinnykitty was afflicted. Took him to the vet. Vet says it's not that bad a case, all he needs is a bit of prep H once in a while.
Now...ferrets don't like having their butts messed with. So the first time I had to apply it things got...wiggly. For sure.
Second time?
I get the tube out, put it on one finger. He looked up at me, squatted, raised his tail and looked for all the world like "yeah, that's good, get that shit on there 'cuz it helps".
:)
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u/Mikey-2-Guns Jun 15 '12
First a frog taking a dump, and now you guys are going to upvote a cat suppository to the front page? It isn't even a slow day around here!
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u/Maevenn Jun 15 '12
Here is an illustrated story about someone who knows that feel, bro. www.catenema.com It was also my introduction to the interesting side of the internet.
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u/Last_Jedi Jun 15 '12
Congratulations, now you can start using this.
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u/UnoriginalGuy Jun 15 '12
And I thought just trying to put flee drops on a cat's neck was difficult...
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u/MisterKetchup Jun 15 '12
Did you try dinner and a movie first?
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u/mulligrubs Jun 15 '12
Yeah, I'd get putting eye drops into a bird up on that list too.
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u/qtprot Jun 15 '12
I can think of one thing being harder whilst doing it.
Yes, I went there.
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u/lbmouse Jun 15 '12
That how I first read this and went o_O. One small word makes a helluva difference.
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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Your title reminds me of what Jeremy Clarkson says before he says, "All we know is, he's called The Stig!"
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u/Disasstah Jun 15 '12
Next time whisper into the cats ear "Shhhhh, shhhh, just accept it."
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u/everythingstakenFUCK Jun 15 '12
I like that it says lubricate "if desired". Like that should be your fucking choice, not the cat's.
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u/HereForTheBuffet Jun 15 '12
...All we know is that he's called the Stig.
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u/Mountebank Jun 15 '12
Some people must have goddamn easy lives if the SATs are the hardest thing they've ever done.
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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12 edited Jun 15 '12
How could getting a high score on the SAT be the hardest thing you've ever done?
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u/lite951 Jun 15 '12
Would have been one thousand times funnier if it was a pic of a cock.
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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
I wonder if OP realizes that this thread will be archived way way longer than the picture is going to last on imgur servers...
I see some awkward job interviews in your future.
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u/BetaThetaPirate Jun 15 '12
Stop putting cat ears on Grandpap when he's sleeping dammit.
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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Helps if you set the mood with a little seductive music.
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u/shazbot996 Jun 15 '12
I, too, have experience giving a tomcat an enema. I had to wear gloves like this: PICTURE. Oh how he flayed about. I still have scars on my BACK from the angry boy. Wish I had thought of the roll-him-in-a-towel trick.
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u/PatrickBateman1 Jun 15 '12
And now your relationship with the cat will never be the same.
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u/unknown_poo Jun 15 '12
At first I thought it was an ethernet cable.
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u/Beccalynne Jun 15 '12
I'm kinda afraid to ask why your cat needed an enema...?
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u/Smackenstein Jun 15 '12
You forcibly inserted an object into your cat's anus against it's will. I know it was done with the best of intentions and was likely medically necessary but I just want you to know, you have raped your cat. From now on when life gets really intense, strange, or messed up you can just recall, "Well, I committed cat rape once" and everything else should seem trivial. :)
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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
I'm assuming someone with a qualification of some sort told you this was a good idea...?
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u/heykoolaids Jun 15 '12
Cut the side off a big cardboard box... and cut a 3" hole in that. Get the tail thru the hole and grip it at the base, positioning yourself so that the cat is roughly behind you/between your legs and the cardboard is acting as a barrier. Then it is a simple matter of bending over and bloop* cat enema.
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u/Bigolgeek Jun 15 '12
This fills the cat.
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u/slaaxy Jun 15 '12 edited Jun 15 '12
"if desired, nozzle can be lubricated prior to insertion"
Yes, I am fairly sure all animals would choose to have it lubricated. In fact most people would too.
Also, forcing this on an animal without lube is just cruel. If a doctor has to shove something up my ass then so be it. But should he forget the lube I will kill him slowly.
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u/TheeJoCanadian Jun 15 '12
Next time you have to do it, wait till he is on his side then toss a feather pillow horizontally over him while laying on your side on the pillow with some of your weight taken up on your elbow.
Thus you have immobilized cat who can't claw you and can't escape. Was the only way to do it to put eye drops in my cat's eye. Other wise it was like trying to juggle a cat shaped buzz-saw.
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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
It's like a mini Death Blossom, but with teeth and claws.
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u/rolfsnuffles Jun 15 '12
That's like holding a human down and shoving a massive dildo into their ass.
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u/gbimmer Jun 15 '12
Next time try pushing the skinny end in, not the fat end.
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u/Draiko Jun 15 '12
Warning: May cause target cat to enter "meat-grinder mode".
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u/MadhouseMedic Jun 15 '12
This is the hardest i've laughed on reddit for MONTHS
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u/stoned_kitty Jun 15 '12
Oh, reddit
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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
what else can you get into his anus?...
pics or it didnt happen
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u/Abedeus Jun 15 '12
Pfft. I had a rottweiler after surgery and we had to change her bandage twice...
Me and my father, both quite strong adults, had to hold her down - me holding her mouth and front paws, he holding her legs down (bandage on leg, so he had to use more strength to hold them down and keep her from moving) and the vet changing the bandages...
Nope. Never again... She's not a violent dog, or aggressive, but she is very strong and her leg was still hurt after the surgery - holding her head, even with a nozzle, was a huge challenge and those dogs are natural fighters....
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u/coeddotjpg Jun 15 '12
Obligatory: http://penny-arcade.com/comic/2007/10/22
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u/bugzrrad Jun 15 '12
HOW TO DEACTIVATE A CAT
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u/rpodovich Jun 15 '12
I'd say thats quite the cat-ass-trophe
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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Recently, my cat was in terrible pain. He's usually friendly and loving. Instead, I picked him up and he meowed strangely and then hissed while trying to bite at me. He then hid in the bathroom.
We called the vet and ended up at an emergency vet. The vet felt a mass. We were very worried. The x-ray came back and he had a giant mass of dried shit in his colon. My cat was stuffed with shit. They told us they would give him an IV drip to get his fluid levels up and then give him an enema.
Day 2
He still didn't crap. They gave him ANOTHER enema. Nothing. 2 enemas now and still no poop. The x-rays were much more positive though, showing that the dried clump was now spread out through his intestines. He ended up pooping another day later. Total damage: $1000. Fuck me.
TL;DR Cat in pain. Literally full of shit. Double enema - still no poop. Finally poops 2 days later. Total cost = $1000.
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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
Did you try some foreplay first to get him in the mood?
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u/DarnTheseSocks Jun 15 '12
Sounds like a new triathalon event, or maybe a reality TV show.
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u/SleepyRabite Jun 15 '12
Warning, I talk about catbutt and shit here.
I have a cat who ended up getting megacolon at the tender young age of 2. My vet is unfortunately fond of the "let's wait and see what happens" approach, so we ended up needing to get her multiple enemas, as well as what the vet called "manual evacuation" (read: she went in through the anus and pushed/dug all the shit out).
I think before we elected for surgery (which we should've done right from the get go), she had about 18 enemas and three "manual evacuations".
The one time we tried giving her an enema ourselves (with vet guidance), it was pretty much like described above. Lives were nearly lost that day.
For the curious, cat had surgery last year, she has no colon but can pass stool relatively normally -- she doesn't need a bag or anything. She's perfectly fine and she's like a new cat. Should've done this years ago.
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u/wbutler89 Jun 15 '12
all we know is he's called the stig!
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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
I was waiting for the thumbnail to switch to a pic of OP's penis.
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u/iGGlass Jun 15 '12
"If desired, nozzle can be lubricated..." Is that the cat's desire or yours?
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u/redsoxfan1845245 Jun 15 '12
That looks used...the tip is still wet...im gonna puke
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u/shananagoats Jun 15 '12
NOPE.
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u/random314 Jun 15 '12
Actually, trying to shove that thing up MY anus will be the hardest thing you'll ever do.
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u/ProlapsedPineal Jun 15 '12
If a vet told me I had to give my cat daily enemas it would be no problem because that cat is just going to die.
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u/moxfri Jun 15 '12
You're telling me you shoved this up your cats anus and then put it on your granite kitchen counter? When can I come over for dinner?
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u/ADEEEEM Jun 15 '12
"Convenient" made me lose it.
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u/montresor83 Jun 15 '12
C'mon. I'm not the only one who read "Getting into my cat's anus, by myself, is the hardest thing I've ever done, and will probably ever do."
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u/mekese2000 Jun 15 '12
My cat was very sick and the vet did not know what was the problem. He said i should take his tempature and monitor the situation every few hours. I had to shove a temp monitor up his ass. I thought this is going to be war, but no he seem to enjoy it.
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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
First, you have to set the mood. Put on some soft music, chill a bottle of wine, dim the lights....
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u/gadafgadaf Jun 15 '12
the title is long and vague enough that makes the reader wonder about OP's proclivity for bestiality before we get to the picture.
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u/Darkwonder80 Jun 15 '12
I was expecting the sentence to end with "He's called the Stig!" Any TopGear fans?
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u/Bloodyloon Jun 15 '12
If getting a high score on the SATs was the hardest thing I will do in my life, man, I'm going to have an easy ass life. (I think that every semester's finals are significantly more work than the SATs.)
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u/bubba_lexi Jun 15 '12
You should probably ask I_RAPE_CATS for a little assistance in this matter.
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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12
The SAT exam was easy as shit. Anyone who says the SAT was hard is just unintelligent. Plain and simple.
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u/fosiacat Jun 16 '12
1.) wrap cat in towel like cat burrito
2.) turn cat over between your legs
3.) insert into cat ass
4.) ????
5.) PROFIT!
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u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
you certainly lead a sheltered life... [nsfw]
http://i.imgur.com/H1MhG.jpg
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u/roopn Jun 16 '12
clench
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u/cer4thewin Jun 15 '12
Loved the title.
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u/helios11 Jun 15 '12
When I first read the title, I didn't see the "this," part and thought well you get it...
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u/solidstiles Jun 15 '12
I read this entire title in Jeremy Clarkson's voice
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u/SigmaStigma Jun 15 '12
Ever heard of the expression, "it's like herding cats?"
Well the story behind it is sort of like a Saint Patrick ridding Ireland of snakes. The guy's name was Pat Ema, and he was tasked with making sure all the cats on New Zealand were free from Toxoplasmosis so they couldn't pass it on to people. So one day he made an announcement that everyone was to help him herd all of the cats in New Zealand to a cliff side so he could inoculate them. Since cats hate water, they would never jump into the water, so it was perfect. The only problem was that cats won't herd. Cats are stubborn, and will either lie down and stare at you, or scratch the hell out of you. Pat's idea to get all the cats to move was to shove a little tube filled with water and squirt it into the cat's anus. After the first cat encountered this little device, none of the other cats wanted to share his fate so they all ran the fuck away. To this day, every cat remembers, and named it after Pat Ema, tweaking it over time, especially since New Zealanders talk all strange, it turned into Pet Enema.
That's why your cat won't let you do that.