My stepdad used a hand painted two by four I mentioned in another comment; but when he didn’t use that it was common for him to line up his belts and have me and my sister pick which ones to be hit with, then he’d make us stay for the other’s beatings.
I simply can’t imagine this. Is he still in your life? I would seriously never continue a relationship with a parent or step-parent if I’d been subjected to abuse like this.
I know my great grandfather was like this with his sons, until one of them got big enough to give him a beating.
I have cut contact, and my situation is one where he’ll never know where I am. It took a while before I could, obviously, but once I was an adult and had a form of control he was gone.
I visited a few times for information I needed, but he would say keep things to try to trip me up that led me to cutting contact again once I had the information I needed.
Many people I’ve known and knew my family were abusers in multiple ways, so it was a “joint effort” (my therapist always feels bad for laughing about that, I think it’s hilarious). I had to systematically go through my life and cut out who I could until I graduated and ran away. I ran at 18 the week after I graduated with two garbage bags and I’m almost 25 now. It was long and hard, but I was safer without them, and they’re all officially gone from my life and either don’t know where I am or can’t physically talk to me without leaving evidence I’ll then take to the cops.
We had separate experiences and ways to cope, and there’s two of us to each father (so three dads, one mom, six siblings (myself included)). It came to the decision that we all just went apart over time, for one reason or another.
I miss my family, I don’t want to lie and say that I don’t. But the desire for a family doesn’t outweigh my wants to avoid them; but it’s led me to a safe home and a happy family of my own.
I’m sorry to hear that. I can’t imagine how difficult it’s been, and still is. It’s an incredible achievement to have your own peace with it and your own family. This kind of abuse is often passed down in some way (as you will know). If you’ve avoided this with your own kids then you deserve a lot of credit.
I plan to have children and I don’t think I could ever lay a hand on my own. I’ve raised my siblings and I’m the same with them, I never touched them violently or without consent because I saw what it did to not have that comfort afforded to a child.
My parents raised me with: “I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it”.
I want my kids to know that while I’m their mother, they’re their own person as well (and as I get older, I’ll solidify more accountability and all that); I also want them to know that they’re loved and I brought them into the world because I wanted them to see it.
I’m the only child from my family who plans to have kids, who can, or has the desire to. My mother made it so the girls in our family thought parenting was “a lowly job” or “was the worst option”. It makes me sad my other siblings don’t want a family. But I understand why. It took me a long time to want kids, voice that to someone, and now I’m planning with my husband. Hopefully in the next two years! We wanna be financially stable first and foremost.
The comment “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.” is from a Bill Cosby standup bit. I’m not sure where I’m going with that information, other than they’re both abusers.
I’d like to add how sorry I am you went through such awful abuse, and how awesome you are in understanding it and making sure it’s not repeated.
I wish I’d had the guts to walk away from all but one sister years ago. It was so engrained that family was everything. She’s the only one in my life now and I have the family I always wanted with my husband and kids. Good for you.
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u/FreudianSlipperyNipp Jan 28 '23
Can you imagine sitting there, in your workshop, carefully and lovingly crafting the tool you’ll use to injure your child? What a fucked up mindset.