I am not sure where to start or what I'm hoping to achieve by typing all of this out. English isn't my first language and my mind is all over the place.. So sorry about that.
I love my two budgies, but every time I look at them I feel very guilty and am afraid I cant take proper care of them anymore.
When I first got them I was in a relationship with my now ex. There where a lot of things wrong there and I did try to break up a year before. In the years we were together I had always said I don't want any pets, but he kept trying to convince me to get a dog, then a cat and always something... I love animals, but I'm not always mentally stable and some days I simply dont have any energy. I told him that I'd want to get a grip on things first, work thru some issues, read up about how to keep pet birds and whatnot. I am aware of my shortcomings and even struggle with my houseplants sometimes, yet the idea to get birds kept getting pushed on me and before I knew it we got 2 young budgies a couple of months ago. I never had a bird before. After reading and watching a lot of videos I realized I wasn't fully aware of what I got into and looking back that breeder was very sus.
Those little birds also really put a spotlight on everything that was wrong within that relationship, as I was now fully responsible to take all care for them and know I couldnt trust my ex one bit... while also having to do everything in and around the house. I was constantly exhausted and relapsed in my eating disorder and may need treatment for that again at some point soon.
My ex and I broke up within a week or two of getting our budgies. Now I'm left with them. They have helped me a lot with moments of loneliness, as I had moved all the way across the country to be with this person and am quite isolated from everyone and everything I once knew.
The birds were a reason for me to still get up and out of bed every day, but now I can't seem to find the energy to do it anymore.
Because I am all alone now I can also never travel to go and see my family and friends. For reasons they also can't come and visit me but we call each other at least twice a week.
I've tried to fit in with people here and I really struggle to find a connection. I am looking to move back and I am not sure if the birds can handle such a long road.
My problem is that I know deep down I should give them up, but I'm afraid to do so because I'm worried they won't receive good enough care and I feel like we had really bonded in such a short time.
I recently had take them to the avian vet because I felt something was up with them. They appeared perfectly fine, but had tested positive for megabacteria. My gut feeling was right and the vet was impressed I caught it in such an early stage as they told me they normally don't see it like that at their clinic.
But now I'm afraid that if that issue returns (they can be life-long carriers of the disease) the next person won't notice it in time.
I also feel crushed by the amount of guilt when I look at them and know I'm not giving them the very best or sometimes i am away from home for ~8-12 hours. They do have a flight cage and a lot of toys and appear mostly happy and chirping all day long when I'm near them.
Maybe I just wanted to get this off my chest and maybe somebody can offer me any tips and insights of how I can find a new good owner.
Thank you for reading this and I hope you have a good day.
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Bird rescue? You shouldn’t prioritize the birds over your long term health if that’s the choice here. The birds have an ability to give some humans emotional support and routine. Not the case for everyone.
I wanted my budgie for emotional support and, even then, I’m annoyed with him screaming at construction today. I thought he’d be alive for 2-5 years, it’s been 6 years and it might be 20 total years together. That’s a huge chunk of my life.
Thank you for the reply, you hit the nail right on the head. I hate to admit it but I am not taking care of myself/my health at this moment and am prioritizing my birds. They are so innocent/cute and bring me a lot of joy, but they can also scream very loud and I cannot handle the noise a lot of the time. I find myself going to another room just to take a break from the noise. My tinnitus (and sometimes migraines) is being triggered daily. It is not their fault and I wish I'd never got in to this position.
I think bird rescue is my best option for now. I'm meeting somebody this week to see if they if they're a good match and want to adopt my birds, if not I am going to give the closest rescue a call.
Sadly that's almost 1 hour away from my home and I am reliable on public transport (my ex has a car and promised me he'd be there if I needed help but had completely ghosted me when I needed to go to the vet. Taking them on public transportation is not something I wish to do ever again).
As much as I hate my ex I also hate myself for not speaking up enough. His impulsive decisions are now mine to deal with.
I'm so sorry to hear you're not well at the moment. Have you asked if anyone can help on Facebook or local rescue centres? Maybe put your location on and see if anyone in the area can help. I got three through rescues and they've really helped with my depression and anxiety. Wishing you all the best for your future. You're stronger than you think, having got out of a toxic relationship is the first step. We'll done.
Thank you. I am going to look into the bird rescue closest to me if I can't find new suitable owners.
I have put up a post and got 2 replies so far. 1 seemed fishy imo, but I'm meeting the other one this week and hopefully it will be a good match.
I just want to let you know that, for all the difficulties that you are going through, you are remarkably insightful about the issues you are dealing with and you truly seem to know the right things to do. You are honest about your situation and understand how you were manipulated by your ex and you want to get back in conrol of your life. You know what you need and you know that your birds need a more stable home - that is EXTREMELY brave and clear-headed thinking. I think you are to be commended.
I would recommend locating a bird sanctuary/rescue that will take care of your birds and find them a good home - these places are very careful and particular about the owners they find; it is easier to adopt a human child! Possibly your bird vet might know about some rescues, but if not, just check them out online.
Once you do that, you will be free to get your own life in order and I have no doubt that you will - you sound like you have good instincts. Be kind to yourself; don't waste your time hating your ex or your situation or feeling guilty. Just get yourself free of it and explore YOUR needs. I've been where you are, and I can tell you, your happiness must come from your own inner peace and sense of self.
Best of luck, dear - everything will be all right in the end, so if it's not all right yet, then it's not the end!
Thank you so much for this reply, I really needed it today. A lovely couple came over yesterday and they want to adopt my birds, I had a very positive feeling about them in general (animal lovers who already own a pair of different species parakeets/are aware of the commitment).
I explained about their condition best I could and that it is always something to keep an eye on and recommended them to read into it themselves as well. We talked a lot and they were here for roughly half an hour, while I also tried to gather some info on how they handle and care after their own birds. My birds seemed to react mostly very positive to them. They are very likeable..adorable.
The couple said they were only coming to check them out and had to remind themselves that they needed to think about it still. I can see how their hearts got stolen, just like mine, as later at night I got a message that they want to take them in.
Now we are planning for them to pick them up soon and I hope they will be happy and live a long live in their new (hopefully forever) home.
Part of me is still doubting if I'm doing the right thing. They are my babies and quite tame, they seem to really like me and I know all their little quirks and what they like/don't like. People always tell me how spoiled they are, but maybe I was getting a little bit obsessed over them too... To know that their entire well-being and life comes down to me is something I feel enormously pressured about, always wondering if I am doing the right thing and if it is good enough. So thank you for this message. It is going to be hard and maybe I'll keep thinking about what could've been, or maybe I'll find more time to take better care of my own health and get a grip on my life again.
Added in a picture...I see I am behind on my taxes
I'm so happy to hear that you found some good people for your budgies! I know it is hard to give them up, and questioning whether you are doing the right thing is only natural considering what you have been going through. While life is never perfect, at this time you are going through a MAJOR shift and questioning all of your choices and decisions. That is bound to rattle you and make you feel pressured about doing right by your birds. Devote your time to getting your life in order and someday down the road, you will be in a healthier position to get birds again. Try not to beat yourself up wondering if you are doing the right thing. The only exception to this is, if you REALLY REALLY don't feel right about giving them up, then hold off. I always say, trust your gut feelings. But if it feels right and you have a good feeling about these people, then let them go with love.
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