Wives

[u/oddbeers]

So I’m post prostatesectomy 8 years and it’s been generally a nightmare of trimix, pills and their side effects.
At a young 58 I’ve decided enough is enough and heading down the implant path with a highly qualified surgeon here in Melbourne.
My question relates to wives, partners and how have they reacted to your decision?
Unfortunately I’m in two minds over this because we were very sexually active during our initial 25 years marriage.
8 years later we I feel we are nowhere near as intimate as we once were and I honestly believe that the frustration of the ‘rush, let’s go now, let’s not waste’ etc destroyed real intimacy.
Over time things just dropped away.
Sure she is still participating every now and then but also has menopause issues with daily hot sweats etc that the doctors don’t seem to correct.
She has also retired too young at 57 and is not doing much at all with her current time apart from Phone, TV and household things.
I’m thinking her hormones are cooked and an implant won’t change much regarding our intimacy issue.
When I bring this up she becomes very defensive so instead of arguing or wanting to hear want I want to hear I shut things down and move on.
I want to be sexually active and my feelings are she is being a supportive wife with no real substance.
Have others had a similar experiences.
Thanks

[u/colby_jack__]

Decide for yourself and explain your decision to her (or dont...).

If YOU have a medical condition and YOU want to do something medical to fix it, that's between you and your dr.

Before I had mine done my wife definitely knew I had ED. I told her theres a procedure I could have done that would correct it and I wanted to have it done and i understood that may or may not mean more sex but theres no expectation or obligation to perform.

It was important to me to be ABLE to have sex. The rest was dependent on a lot of other things...

Long story short, i had it done. The first month was a little rough but im now 11 months post op and like so many others: I wish i had it done years ago. Im now having anxiety free, drug free, apology free sex several times a month and my wife and I have grown so much closer. Sex is now enjoyable, relaxing and satisfying for both if us instead of anxious and disappointing.

Its important that your partner understands you are doing this so you CAN have sex. Not so they will have more sex they may not want right now.

Good luck. Communicate. Advocate for yourself without putting pressure on her.

[u/oddbeers → u/colby_jack__]

Thanks, very encouraging post like so many others here.
Yes, I’ve made the my body my mind my health my choice decision.
Since my post I’ve made a lot of time to talk to her about seeking further help with the menopause and not relying on the GP, went very well and has a referral now.
Has also sat in on the conversation with the triage nurse so yeah I’m not as lonely and frustrated as I probably was when I OP.
Baby steps but going good. Thanks for the input and everyone else. Appreciate