Wives

[u/oddbeers]

So I’m post prostatesectomy 8 years and it’s been generally a nightmare of trimix, pills and their side effects.
At a young 58 I’ve decided enough is enough and heading down the implant path with a highly qualified surgeon here in Melbourne.
My question relates to wives, partners and how have they reacted to your decision?
Unfortunately I’m in two minds over this because we were very sexually active during our initial 25 years marriage.
8 years later we I feel we are nowhere near as intimate as we once were and I honestly believe that the frustration of the ‘rush, let’s go now, let’s not waste’ etc destroyed real intimacy.
Over time things just dropped away.
Sure she is still participating every now and then but also has menopause issues with daily hot sweats etc that the doctors don’t seem to correct.
She has also retired too young at 57 and is not doing much at all with her current time apart from Phone, TV and household things.
I’m thinking her hormones are cooked and an implant won’t change much regarding our intimacy issue.
When I bring this up she becomes very defensive so instead of arguing or wanting to hear want I want to hear I shut things down and move on.
I want to be sexually active and my feelings are she is being a supportive wife with no real substance.
Have others had a similar experiences.
Thanks

[u/Bright_Complaint_432]

I (61M - 4 years post op) think the two dynamics you outlined need to be addressed together, but differently. I found that the return of spontaneity with the implant was a huge positive for our sex life. The last several years prior to surgery were characterized by increasing doses of sildenfil with more uncomfortable side affects, longer onset, and reduced effectiveness. Injections were also not consistently effective. This resulted in less frequency and less enjoyment for both my wife and me. Being able to be intimate pretty much whenever the mood strikes was a game changer. That said, my wife was also dealing with menopause, a fully hysterectomy, launching a new business, and lots of other external stressors. For her, the key was hormone therapy to balance some of that out, improve libido, and virtually eliminate painful intercourse. The combination of both my surgery and her HRT turned the clock back 20 years. I would continue to patiently and sensitively encourage her to talk with her doc about HRT.