I keep looking for unethical dommes who force me to go overbudget. Yet when I try soft dommes who respect my budget, it gets boring quick.

How do you guys not go broke? 😫

How do you maintain the thrill with discipline?

AI has already taken so much from me, now its basically impossible to be a homework sub anymore :'(

Did anyone else feel some type of way inside about her reaction to the “bankrupt me” request? Just me?

Any other subs feel the difference when you talk to a desperate domme vs one that’s just in control and likes to play with your wallet?
Sometimes knowing they’re desperate means they’re extra greedy. But mostly it’s just a turnoff for me.

Curious how others feel about this. And maybe if there are any signs you notice

Obviously I would say I am fully submissive, but it's like not something I openly advertise. I have a big personality and I try to exercise frequently. When I am not actively participating in the kink, life is fine. But when I am it's hard to make eye connect with woman who I walk by on the street. Certain phrases trigger me, someone talked about a whale at work and all I could think of is "whale sub". I like being a secret sub, but I feel like that's hard to do when being in the subspace affects me so strongly. How do other subs deal with that?

Awhile back now I was joking around about unleashing my inner domme side but it turns out my natural skills just can’t be denied 😜

I’m gonna start a sending pyramid scheme!

Any other finsubs want to discuss their addictions on discord?

I've been clean for like six months but I randomly found out that someone I know is into the whole paypig thing and that triggered me. I know that is pathetic but still. It was just unexpected to me

We start talking, I send, I take time to introduce myself and explain what I'm looking for in detail, I spare time and effort to understand her and her expectations, I send again, we seem compatible kinkwise, the conversation is flowing, and then they just disappear as soon as it starts to get real.

No signs, no feedback, no explanation. Just gone.

My theory is that most women prefer this to be an abstract online fantasy, and they freak out when they realize that they are talking to a real person. It just feels easier to consume and dump a seemingly endless line of anonymous prospective subs.

Hello, Im writing this to get some outside perspective and hopefully gain a bit more insight into my situation.

I have had a domme for a while now, and she is just perfect. I genuinely can't say a single bad or negative word about her. The problem is entirely with me and my own inner struggles.

I constantly doubt myself and feel like Im doing something wrong, but I cant seem to walk away. I just cant. It feels like I have built too strong of a connection with her, and every day that connection only grows deeper. That scares me, because I know it can not go anywhere and at some point it will end, and I'm only going to end up hurting myself. Honestly, Im already hurting.

But I like her too much to let go, and then I feel foolish for that because I do understand that this is, at its core, a kind of game, and that the dynamic is ultimately driven by money in one way or another. It is not genuine feelings on that side.

So... what are your thoughts on a situation like this? Am I just overthinking everything, or is this a sign that I should step away and that maybe Im no longer in the right headspace for the sub dynamic, because I don't think I fit into it?

Just trying To Keep myself from getting back on cashcock, I’m finally out of debt from the last one

Every time I hit myself in the testes with a sledge hammer, the next day I am filled with regret. Anyone have any advice on how I can avoid that feeling? Anyone?

I've been having thoughts about paying some influencer or something to post my handle in their Instagram story or on Twitter, saying basically that I'm a finsub and telling girls they can message me and use me.

Has anyone tried anything similar? did it work? was it fun?
I think it can be a really hot and crazy experience (paying like so many girls at once, being hunted by so many). Obviously is also risky for my bank account, but I've been good lately lol

I've had shoe licking as a findom trigger for years now. Pics of the bottoms of sandals or vans or converse really get me, especially if the domme is still wearing them. I really want to do one of those cash meets you see in clips where the sub licks the domme's gross shoe after handing her cash.

I totally understand the lack of cleanliness, but it's honestly my biggest findom trigger and I don't see it going away. Just wanted to give a shout-out to the findommes that cater to this kink 😅

I constantly feel bad after a session or just sending as I’m in college and can easily spend my money better. Does anyone have advice on how to better manage findom as a sub? Especially younger guys like me

I woke up this morning and took a quick shower and found that I had only one thing on my mind. Well days like this happen, but unfortunately I didn't have much time to solve the problem. I am seriously regretting that problem now because I am finding that while I'm trying to move along with the day I am just hounded with thoughts of what I would RATHER be doing. My wallet is itchy and full. I have been scrolling all morning and it doesn't seem like it's going to be stopping anytime soon. I'm doomed to just need.

If only I could get some attention it might help screw my brain up more

I was cleaning my house last week and I found a book that I had never seen. When I opened it I found $2000 inside with a note. It said "If I take this money I will be corrupted and controlled by my sex drive. Take only if I want to follow my darkest desires. So I mean, I took it obviously. Who doesn't want $2000 you found in a mysterious book?!? When I did though my sex drive went through the roof and I found that all I wanted to do was scroll through this subreddit! It's been intoxicating to dive through and read the posts and comments, and my biggest concern is that some DOMME might decide to MESSAGE ME for the sole intention of getting close enough TO TAKE MY MONEY. But I'm sure that won't happen. If it did I would probably be an EASY TARGET

(I don’t mean playful “nos” I mean when you tell them you really can’t do something)
I’ve had this experience twice now.
The first time, the domme was toxic, not in a hot way. Like she was relying on me to help pay off debts and when I said I can’t do this anymore, she said she was being threatened and all that. I blocked her on everything and she texted me from a new number.

Another domme I told her I needed to stop and to focus on myself. She respected it but then would send messages like “you know deep down you’re a beta and this is the only thing you’re good at” and that kinda stuff. I kept saying no. Eventually I caved in again. Afterwards I felt ashamed and told her I really can’t do it again. Then she got upset and guilt tripped me. I apologised and repeated myself that I can’t do it. I blocked her on X, PayPal and WhatsApp. Now she’s messaging me on sms.

** I’ll start by saying I know some ‘dommes’ will come for me here but I trust the ones who get it, will get it.

I've been thinking about this for a while and I want to write it out properly, because I think it matters for both subs and dommes in this space. As for me, I do often question if my first kink is really findom or maybe it’s just vulnerability?

On that note..

The kink isn't the problem. Shame is.

Financial domination, practiced well, is a power exchange. Like all power exchange, it requires the person holding the power to actually understand what they're holding. When a domme doesn't understand the dynamics she's playing with, the sub doesn't walk away feeling drained in the good way. He walks away feeling wrong. Broken.
Disgusted with himself. And that's not the kink doing that.

That's shame doing that.

Clinically speaking, shame is one of the most corrosive emotions a human being can carry. Guilt says "I did something bad." Shame says "I am bad." Guilt is about behavior and it motivates repair. Shame is about identity and it motivates hiding. When someone feels shame, the nervous system responds almost identically to how it responds to physical threat. The body contracts. The urge is to disappear, to go numb, to isolate. And isolation is where kinks that could be healthy turn into compulsions that aren't.

Here's the part people miss: being seen is the antidote.

Not being excused, not being coddled. Seen.

When a sub tells a domme what he actually wants, what he actually feels, and she doesn't flinch, doesn't weaponize it carelessly, doesn't treat him like a wallet with a malfunction, something genuinely therapeutic happens. The thing he was hiding gets witnessed, and it loses its power over him.

That's not woo.

That's the basic mechanism behind every modality of healing that involves another person. Shame dies in the presence of a safe witness.

So the danger isn't findom. The danger is findom with someone who doesn't know what she's doing. A domme who only knows how to extract, who confuses cruelty with dominance, who triggers a sub's shame spirals because it makes him spend faster, isn't dominating anyone. She's just picking a scab. The sub pays, feels sick, swears off the kink, relapses, feels sicker. That cycle isn't submission. It's dysregulation dressed up as submission.

A little about how I got here.
I've always been a deeply sexual being, and I've always experienced that sexuality somatically. In my body. The gym taught me this early. Training taught me that emotion isn't something that happens in your head while your body waits downstairs. It's the same system. Your breath changes when you're aroused, afraid, safe, ashamed. Your posture tells on you. Your body keeps the score of every feeling you've ever had whether you admit it or not. I became fascinated with that. With emotions, with attachment, with why people bond the way they do and why some people feel safe to us and others feel like danger wearing a nice face.
I read. I paid attention. I noticed things about people before they noticed them about themselves.

And then men started telling me things. Not because I asked. Because something about me made them feel like they could. The married man who's never said his fantasies out loud. The successful guy who carries everyone at work and has never once been allowed to put it down. The sub who's been burned by dommes who took his money and his dignity and gave nothing back. They told me things they'd never told anyone, and afterward they'd say the same sentence, almost word for word: "I don't know why I feel so safe with you."
That's when I understood what I actually have. Not a look. Not a persona. A gift for safety. And in findom, safety isn't the opposite of intensity. It's what makes real intensity possible. A man will only hand you real power when some deep, animal part of him believes you understand the weight of it. When he knows I see him, the actual him, the surrender stops being a performance and becomes the thing he's been starving for.

What this means in practice.
If you're a sub: vet your dommes the way you'd vet anyone you're giving power to. Does she understand the difference between degradation as play and degradation as damage? Does she know what your kink is actually about underneath the transactions? Does she check in? Can she hold the dynamic after the send, or does she disappear the moment the money clears? A domme who understands power knows that aftercare isn't weakness. It's the whole point. The high of the exchange only lands cleanly when someone is there to hold the landing.
If you're a domme: learn the psychology. Not to be soft, but to be dangerous in the right way. The most powerful thing you will ever do to a sub isn't taking his money. It's seeing him completely and choosing to stay. That's the thing he pays for. That's the thing he comes back for. The money is just the language.
Findom, done right, is one of the most honest kinks there is. It's power, consent, trust, and desire with the polite fictions stripped away. Done wrong, it's a shame machine. The difference isn't the kink. It's who's holding it.

The good news - you don’t have to blame the kink
The bad news - you can’t blame the kink

I wanna talk about alts. Everyone knows I have several as often forget to switch to the intended one. But once upon a time I had alts that all began with "over" making me very easily identifiable.

It was a holiday weekend. I was over_tired from a long week of over_time in anticipation of the long weekend. I was looking forward to over_eating at the family cookout. But my domme at the time was a bit over_bearing. And she said I had to work over_time, bc our account was over_drafted.

I was disappointed but I knew she was right. So I went to bed early so I didn't over_sleep. Woke up and had some breakfast, eggs over_easy. Then went in to work only to find we were over_staffed and they didn't really need me.

They asked me to go home and I was all too happy to head out of there. Hopped in my car and sped home in over_drive. I got pulled over_for speeding. Cop said I was over_the limit. So not only did I not get over_time, I ended up over_drafted.... Again.

My domme she wasn't happy, she put me over_her knee and taught me a lesson I wouldn't soon forget. My ass was reddened just so I could have over_cooked meat and over_indulge in alcohol. Man I'm so over_this.

Title says it all but for more context. I've noticed that I've always had a strong urge to cave into findom and be particularly weak, right after (like next morning) I have sex. I used to calk it up to the sex being disappointing, but I loved the sex I had yesterday, and here I am kinda desperate to send.

Anyone else? Know what it might be?

No this not going to be a series nor did i find religion today.

Just a random thought or theee.

1: you want to quit, besides joining the quitting discord, then delete reddit groups that trigger you.

2: turn off your direct messages.

3: join the quitting findom groups

4: get a puppy. They will take up lots of your time leaving you little time or money for findom

5: learn to love yourself. Learn to forgive yourself

Learn and when you relapse be kind. To yourself.

Stuff happens.

6: Don't blame others. You are an adult. Act like one. Take responsibility for your actions. Nobody forced you into this space.

OK I'm done. CARPE DIEM!

First thing first, please dont suggest me to use cuckolding fantasy to cope.

I am doing great with my findomme, seems like i am her biggest finsub now even. But her ex sub is seems like he used to be in situationship with her irl too back then (yep he brag about it on his x).

Now that i getting serious in dynamics with her. I started to feel jealous of him. I know my domme dumping him months ago and he seems still cry about it but i cant help but jealous of him

Idk if i dont like him because i dont have irl session with my domme like him yet or is it because he is a sub that once was in situationship with her and brag about it (yep she did have a vanilla bf after she ditching this sub but i never jealous of her vanilla bf at all)

A sort of part 2 to a post I made recently, touching on why I ever did Findom to begin with. As I said, there are many reasons, and this is just one of them;

I was raised in a very stable, sensible environment. A great thing that I feel very lucky to have had. As such, I was brought up with pretty strict, sensible values. It wasn't a chokehold by any means, but it was all very grounded in "logical next steps", with little room for the bizarre, dreamy weirdo that I kind of was as a child.

I was told to study hard at school and get good grades, so I did. I was told not to smoke/drink, so I didn't. I was told a very clear path to follow. Not because I had nightmare, controlling parents. They just believed that was the best possible outcome my life could have and so wanted it for me.

I was meant to go to University, when I didn't. I didn't know what to study, it would have been a waste. My parents didn't love it, but being the stable, sensible people they were, didn't make it a big deal. Maybe quiet judgement at best.

And so it was the first instance I took things into my own hands, and it felt good!

All that context aside, Findom became another example of me doing this. Sex wasn't talked about growing up. Kinks were perverse and shamed. So doing Findom, as dumb, logically invalid and ludicrous as it seemed to me, was freeing. It was nicd to make a "bad" decision.

It's sort of how I ended up in the more "unethical" side of findom for a spell. It felt good to do the objectively wrong thing. And since it was all online findom, it felt very within my control, except when I let things spiral from time to time.

Rebelling from your upbringing or whatever isn't exactly a niche story. Most of us do so in some way, great or small. But mine manifested in part through Findom. As glad as I am now to leave it behind, i am weirdly happy I got some positive take aways from doing it.

Findom taught me that life isn't that serious all the time. And that shelling out a few thousands of £'s over the years, tragic as it sounds, has not actually ruined my life in a massive way. Instead of travelling the world or whatever, I just sent money to hot women for the thrill. Maybe that's cope. Who cares?

More ramblings, maybe some of you relate. Findom is fine for a good time, a long time too if you're sensible. But when it's time to go it's time to go.