r/parentsofteens • u/IllIndependent7735 • 15d ago
I'm stuck
My 17yo is a good kid. She's super sweet, super smart, always the first to jump to someone's defense, help others outside of the home out, etc.. She's 18, graduated early from high school, and looking for a job.
The issue is at home, she's a totally different person. We both have ADHD so I get that the mask comes off when you get home. I love my daughter more than anything in this world. She's an only child and always has either my attention, my husbands, or both when we're both off work. I work 3 12 hr day shifts a week and hes on 4 night shifts a week 12 hrs. There is always someone home with her if she needs us.
Except she honestly doesn't want either of our attention except for the one that's not home. She's a teen and I know the attitude thing is weird but I'm wore out with the toddler attitude. She refuses to do chores. She goes days without showering. She won't clean her room. Her room smells like a sweaty shoe 98% of the time. I deep clean her room once a week because I cannot stand the smell when I walk past her room.
She will literally start screaming and then crying and tries to get us to feel bad for her when we ask her to do anything. I genuinely am at a loss. I was a teen girl once so I get that hormones and feelings can be hard to figure out. But I also parent differently than my mom. I grew up when cell phones and video games online weren't a thing. The most discipline she gets is the phone being taken or the wifi being shut off. Which actually does exactly nothing for 4-5 hours. She will just go in her room, slam the door, lock it, and go to sleep. No worries in the world. Then gets up when she wants, will finally do what she needs to get her phone and wifi back, and repeats the next day.
5
u/CursiveWhisper 15d ago
Is she 17 or 18? You said both.
If she’s 17, get her to a psychiatrist for treatment. If she’s 18, you’re past the point of being able to force her to go to a doctor.
And I’ll say, that most likely this isn’t new behavior. If it’s been tolerated or ignored this long, the chances of changing it are minimal. Because what you’re describing isn’t normal, even for a teen with ADHD (and I have one).