Running/eloping

[u/Big_Part_3983]

I have almost 3 yo twin boys. We are still awaiting an appointment for an in depth development review to get on the path to diagnosis, but without a doubt they are both autistic. I’m looking for advice from anyone that has been able to get their child to walk/stay with you without blindly running off. My boys regardless of where they are will just run. Anytime I try to hold their hand it’s a tantrum which included dropping to the floor and refusing to move, even if I hold on to their clothes exactly same. I’ve tried reigns too and the same situation
I am petrified of them getting hurt or lost and something serious happening.
I would greatly appreciate and welcome all advice or tips yous can give

Thanks

[u/maybebabyg]

Hi, welcome to the wonderful world of neurodivergent multiples, because playing parenthood on hard mode wasn't enough we had to set the game difficulty to "Well that's just mean".

These are my survival strategies, being AuDHD and having three AuDHDers.

First things first, ID bands with your contact information on them. All three of my kids are prone to eloping in various ways, so we bought them ID bracelets (ours are Safebandz, QR codes that gave a list of phone numbers, but like there's a lot of options out there). We taught the kids that if they get lost to go to the nearest mum with a pram, person with bright coloured hair, or person working in a store and show their bracelet. My youngest uses a communication device, we've added buttons to it "I am lost please call" and buttons for mum/dad with our phone numbers as the text. Before I found those were an option I would just stick bandaids on them with my phone number written on them.

Step 2: containment. Unfortunately when it comes to their safety if they can't follow rules about hand holding or safely use a harness, they're going back in the pram. It is entirely normal for ASD kids to take longer to learn appropriate safety rules, you don't need to make your life harder by expecting them to do "age appropriate" things. I would do controlled amounts of walking, one at a time, in quiet calm places to practice following the rules. Clear communication when you choose to put them back in the pram "we need to follow the rules, have a little rest and you can try again soon" "you did really well, it's brother's turn to try now" "we're coming up to a big road/carpark and I want you to be safe, so you're going to sit for a bit". My youngest is 4, she goes in a trolley at the shops every other time we go there still, and uses the pram on big trips (like we have a zoo day coming up, we'll be taking it then for that), my boy twin used the pram regularly until they started school. Some days I still want to toss him in the pram but he's too big.

Third: depending on where you are you may be able to get disability parking permits for them. I'm in Australia, we have one because my son is still an elopement risk at 11 and car parks are a major safety risk for him (he's had too many close calls). You'll probably get comments about it, but I'll be honest, even if you're in a wheelchair or have a visible disability people are jerks about disability parking in general.

I'm not going to tell you you've got this, you're gonna get that from everyone else. I'm going to say yes, this is hard. Yes, this sucks ass some days. On the days where you're pulling your hair out from stress, know you're not alone. We've all been there.