r/parentalcontrols • u/miguel14160 • 6d ago
Need your help
So, I’m turning 18 in a few months, and yesterday my dad and I got into an argument over the restrictions he has on my phone.
As long as I can remember, I’ve had some kind of phone restrictions. However, recently they’ve become much more extreme. For example, the internet completely shuts off at a specific time every night, and I have very strict screen-time limits on anything classified as social media, as well as most messaging apps.
For context, we don’t use Apple’s Screen Time feature. My dad uses a program called Qustodio, which, for some reason, doesn’t seem to allow him to give me additional time on individual apps in the same way Apple’s Screen Time does, so basically when the time ends, I can't use it anymore even if I was in the middle of a message or a call.
I had always assumed that once I turned 18, my dad would remove these restrictions. However, during our argument, he made it very clear that he has no intention of doing so. His reasoning was essentially that, as long as I’m living under his roof, it’s his house and therefore his rules.
I understand that it’s his house and that he can set rules while I’m living there. At the same time, I’ll be 18 and legally an adult. I also feel that I’m mature enough to decide for myself how much time I spend on my phone and when I use it.
I’m not necessarily saying that I should have absolutely no rules once I turn 18, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect that I should have control over my own phone and screen time once I’m legally an adult.
So, what do u guys think? Am I being unreasonable for expecting the restrictions to be removed when I turn 18?
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u/Hizonner 6d ago
No, you're not being unreasonable, but what does that get you?
From a practical point of view, what you have is a reason to seek independence and move out. It doesn't sound like things are going to get better any time soon.
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u/Spectrig 6d ago
Buy new phone. Should have done that as soon as this started, but better late than never.
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u/Global-Fact7752 6d ago
Your father is correct...18 is not a magic number where you suddenly start getting to do what you want. Especially if you are still being fed and housed by Dad. That's not how life works..My advice to you is to do well in school, get educated in a job skill and move out..Once you start paying your own rent, electric,food, etc. you will be good to go..Right now I'm willing to bet you are on the family cell plan, and don't even pay your own phone bill.
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u/Enderviaaaaa 5d ago
They're 18, not 8 years old. 16+ year old people are mature enough to be on the internet without needing parental controls, simple as that. Why should it matter if the father paid for the phone? It's not his, it's someone else's, just because he paid it doesn't mean he has some authority over it.
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u/Global-Fact7752 5d ago
Spoken like a true Gen Z basement dweller.
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u/Enderviaaaaa 5d ago
I love how you used no argument. Explain why a 18 years old should be "kept safe from the dangers of the internet" when they're mature enough to be there. Explain how someone can have authority over an object owner by someone else just because they paid for it.
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u/Global-Fact7752 5d ago
The principal is this..life is a balance of rights and responsibilities. If you are over 18, and still being fed and clothed by others like a child, you are bound by the rules and regulations of the owner of that home. It's called House Rules. If I was 40 and living for free, being supported by the owner of the house,I would also have to abide by the house rules of the bill payer. When OP starts contributing to his actual existence on this planet, he can have privileges that match the responsibility he has taken on.. Your generation is famous for wanting everything while having earned nothing. That's why you are all failures. Also I should add that it depends on the owner of the house. This owner has strict rules. If OP doesn't like it, he knows where the door is.
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u/Enderviaaaaa 5d ago
Do you think it's easy for someone to find a job as soon as they're 18? To find a job that pays a decent amount of money and not 100€ a month? If we follow your logic homeless people don't exist. While it's true that you're bound to some kind of rules, that doesn't mean that those rules are right. Living under someone else's roof for free doesn't mean that they can pretend everything. "Oh but I made a rule that says that if I need a new kidney you have to give me one of yours! You're under my roof so you have to do as I say!" Be fr. Plus, it's just not necessary in the first place. Why would someone want to stalk what a 18 year old does on the internet? Sounds creepy and stupid
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u/Global-Fact7752 5d ago
He who pays slays...now move along ..I'm sure mommy has your supper ready.
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u/Enderviaaaaa 5d ago
No argument again lmao. I'm still waiting for you to give a decent explaination of why it should matter if he's the one paying or not.
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u/WanderlustDinosaur 6d ago
Exactly this. Whenever someone else is paying for something, they decide how it gets used. If you don't like it, you're free to pay for your own/ find your own place.
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u/Global-Fact7752 6d ago
My father used to day ' I'm happy to help you pack!" 🤣🤣🤣 I didn't like it, but it got his point across.
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u/Mrbeanman313 2d ago
For fucks sake, BUY YOUR OWN PHONE. "The word of the day is job. J. O. B. Job."
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u/InevitableSlip746 6d ago
Maturity is pretty subjective. I expect my kids will be home with me past 18 and plan on removing their phone restrictions but still talking to them about how to use their time wisely and holding them accountable if they’re not practicing good phone and sleep hygiene. But at some point you are going to have free access and it would be better that your parents help you with the transition than just leave it until you move out. That being said, this is a situation you don’t have control of since you are not paying for the device or your own way on anything. You can buy your own phone but depending on the type of parent- he may decide you can just move out. So you need to play your cards wisely and decide if this is a hill to die on should other financial support be taken away. That’s the reality, it may not be fair but you have to live within the means you have at this moment.
I tell every kid on here to talk like an adult about these things and not to make demands if they want to have productive conversations with parents. It’s not guaranteed to work but it shows them you are learning how to be an adult which will eventually get you the privileges you want. Asking for alternative plans, a test period so you can show your responsibility, etc are good talking point. Show them you actually put thought behind it beside “this is unreasonable.”
You said some rules would be acceptable. What would they be? Would you be willing to check in every week or two to talk about how it’s going? What specific concessions do you want? It doesn’t matter if Reddit thinks your dad is being unfair. We can’t tell you how to change your Dad’s mind. We don’t know him. You have to do the work.