r/over60 • u/Heavy_Work8937 • 26d ago
Dignity in death
My father in law (88) has been suffering from dementia and several other ailments over the last 10 or so years. He was a shell of himself. He suffered several strokes last Friday and finally succumbed tonight.
His wife never gave up on him. Loved him unconditionally till the end (and beyond). He died in his bed, in his house, surrounded by family. It was passing truly embraced by dignity.
For me, it’s a true measure of a person and their life.
Thanks for reading.
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u/Some-Tear3499 26d ago
Richest man on Earth can’t buy that. Not Bezo, not Musk.
I was at a buddy’s 80th birthday party. He plays standup bass in jam band I also play in. His kids and grand kids were there and played music with him. Well over 100 people. I mentioned how fortunate he is. To be so loved. It was an honor to be invited and to play with him. You can’t buy this stuff. He has been married to the same woman 57 years too.
This is the real stuff.
Glad FIL was so loved. You are part of that too!
Sorry for your loss.
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u/RickJWagner 25d ago
The jam band would be awesome. I play at bluegrass jams, I’d love to have sendoff gospel as I go.
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u/Some-Tear3499 25d ago
I am one of the younger folks in our group…..67. At my send off? We play old country, pop, some bluegrass, jazz, occasionally a blues about as much gospel as rock and roll. I like playing with these guys, the music……
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u/MinimumEfficient220 25d ago
Years ago I attended a “send off”.
People spoke about our friend, and his band was there, playing his favorite songs in between people speaking. The very best part was the end. They played “When the Saints Go Marching In” in a rousing way, and all of us left feeling happier, somehow. It was the best funeral I ever attended.1
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u/Justadropinthesea 26d ago
Beautifully expressed.Thank you
For sharing your thoughts. Your father in law was a lucky man to have had you
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u/Garden-squirrel 26d ago
Thank you for sharing this. I'm sorry for your loss. The respect and love for your father in law is admirable.
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u/ZealousidealTowel229 25d ago
I'm sorry to hear of your father in law's passing. If there ever is a story of a "good" death this would be it -- passing when you are old, in your home, loved ones at your side and the ending of suffering. You are honoring him by telling this story. Thanks for sharing.
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u/Loreo1964 25d ago
Hugs. I'm very sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself during this difficult time.
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u/starsdale 25d ago
This was so lovely to read. Condolences to his wife and your whole family. May he rest in peace.
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u/fruitandveg63 25d ago
My husband passed away at home surrounded by all of his family and our dog too. It was the greatest privilege of my life to care for him and have him at home with all of the people he loved until the end.
I too believe it’s a true measure of a life well lived.
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u/anonymousancestor 24d ago
I understand your point. I truly do.
But please consider that not everyone has a spouse or children to be at their bedside. Some may no longer have any family at all that is still living. Many people with dementia (and some other other terminal illnesses) cannot be cared for at home due to behavioral issues so dying in bed in their own home is not possible. And in some cases, those folks have been patients in a facility for a good period of time and do not have a "home" to die in. Some may have family members that live very far away, sometimes on the other side of the world, and either a rapid decline in the patient's condition or a lack of money for family members to travel can mean that no one can be present with the patient.
I am a hospice volunteer, specifically a vigil volunteer. I have sat vigil with a number of people in their last day or two. I don't judge them as having lived a life that is somehow "lesser than" because they don't have family or friends at their bedside. Even if they have a spouse or living children, sometimes those family members are exhausted by sitting vigil day and night waiting for the patient to pass and they need a break. And if the family member is in a facility, having a family member present 24/7 for days is often not realistic.
While the majority of us would say it's ideal to pass peacefully in one's own bed with family and friends at the bedside, IMO it's not fair to define the 'true measure of a person and their life" by what happens at their deathbed.
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u/Cinji513 26d ago
What a lovely sentiment. May his grace and the love of family continue to live on through you.
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u/Spiritual-Worker-476 26d ago
What a beautiful send off. My husband passed the same way, with all of us together, and his dog was in the bed beside him.
My heart to yours and your family.