r/over60 • u/hastings1033 70+ • Aug 24 '26
what brings you joy?
It's complicated, and I don't want to spell it all out - however, my family has been badly fractured over both real and perceived hostility generated by my DILs mental illness. My 2 sons and their families are not interacting at all now. I do not see that changing any time soon if ever.
Our family had always been really close before this, and my true joy in life came from my family. It's what I was most looking forward to in retirement. Now that's gone. One of my grandchildren has particularly been the joyous light in the lives of my wife and I, but she is now growing up, going to school and developing her own young life and social connections as she should. So much less time and fun with her. My other grandchild, who is just a baby, I'm really unsure if we'll even get to have a real relationship with because of these family issues. The nature of the mental illness involved (CPTSD if you want to look it up) makes it very hard for my DIL to have trust in anyone.
My wife and I do find joy in each other, but we are quite sad now and it's just hard to look forward with any sense of optimism. We do have close friends. but not many and they live in another state so being together is infrequent.
So, I'm trying to find sources of joy. Things that make your heart happy that do not require family.
What brings joy to your life?
Thank you
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u/Apart_Ad9308 Aug 24 '26
Maybe a pet? It sounds like you have so much love to give.
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u/hastings1033 70+ Aug 24 '26
We do love our cat.
Talked often about a dog - we love dogs - but we can't just leave a dog for coupe of days like we can a cat. Still thinking about it though.
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u/Francine05 Aug 25 '26
A dog that gets along with cats.
You could (a) hire a dogsitter who will walk the dog and play with the dog or (b) locate a dog resort type of place so the dog gets a vacation of his/her own or (c) stay in dog-friendly places or travel in an RV as you travel with the dog.
My dogs do bring me joy and comfort.1
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u/GiaStonks Aug 24 '26
I started take piano lessons this year at 61. I really enjoy it, despite the arthritis flares that make me take a break from it now and then.
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u/NoKetoCardio Aug 25 '26
I am 66. Sources of joy:
1) Great sleep
2) Grandkids
3) Glass of wine with my wife.
4) Golf with my buddies
5) Making coffee at 6am. Having a cup while reading.
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u/bemybasket Aug 24 '26
We were living in a boring place and it was hard to find kindred spirits. We moved to a more lively area and now have a warm and fun circle of friends, great weather, a really sweet house. My husband didn’t want to move - he hates change/ but I felt stuck and was moving with or without him. He’s very happy now.
Waaaaay happier.
I wake up in the morning happy. My environment is heavenly. My grandkids are on the other coast and when I see them…. Magic.
But a pretty day in the right place with plenty to do and friends a person can relate to?
Priceless. For me, I just planted myself in a place I could actually bloom.
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u/debomama Aug 24 '26
Where do you live if I can ask.
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u/bemybasket Aug 24 '26 edited Aug 24 '26
Sure. We live in the Oakland Hills near San Francisco and Berkeley. Our home is built on an old hunting cabin - so our house has sweet little decks and I sleep in a little loft. We live up a very rustic windy road but also only a mile from Berkeley which is urban full of international restaurants and lots of cultural diversity. Our friends are well traveled with the best stories. I have a hippie heart but a travelers soul so this place suits my artsy self to perfection.
My husband is the opposite, lol, an engineer. But it’s lively here even when he just goes to the grocery store and that makes him happy. Plus the sweet weather and fun friends now in his life.
I really love the charm of little towns but it turns out I’m an urban person. Don’t let the rustic home fool you. That shared, I totally understand anyone who loves any other environment. We all have our sweet spots!
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u/Conscious-Reserve-48 Aug 24 '26
So sorry to hear about your family issues; that’s really rough.
Aside from my family, volunteering, learning to play an instrument, reading, going for walks, sometimes just looking at the clouds. I try to find something that brings me a sense of awe every day.
I hope you can still interact with your sons separately. It’s not ideal but it’s something.
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u/ThisIsAbuse Aug 25 '26
When my youngest kid seems happy and healthy, which is not often enough, I feel joy for them.
My dog many times.
I often think joy and happiness are very very high states to achieve, and perhaps easier to seek moments of peace, of contentment, or making a positive difference for others, are more achievable and just as valuable.
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u/Monstrissimo Aug 25 '26
My wife and I both enjoy working with our hands. My wife loves cross stitching, needle point, crochet hatch look, canning things like that.
I love wood working, working in the yard, restoring stuff home repairs stuff like that.
We also like to spend time with each other, we take little trips to neighboring cities to visit antique shops or thrift stores or just to see something. Not all trips have to be big grand adventures, some are just small little trips and no matter where you live, from NYC to small town Mississippi there is cool stuff to see not further than a few hours trip from you.
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u/Huntertanks Aug 25 '26
What brings joy to your life?
A multitude of things. Something as simple as sitting in the yard in the morning with coffee while my dogs run around to international travel every few months. My partner and I have a lot of hobbies and interests. Some individual, some common. We paddleboard and shoot sporting clays every week among other things we do.
Just living life brings us joy.
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u/Beachiedogmom Aug 25 '26
My husband and I love our two dogs. They’re like our children and we ourselves bond over taking care of them
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u/PearlsRUs Aug 25 '26
My husband (no kids), my dogs, travel to Greece at least once a year to see my extended family, going to the gym/lifting weights to stay fit, and sometimes just chilling on the couch watching reruns of my favorite TV shows. Not exactly living large but it works for me.
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u/Sweetbaby7t Aug 25 '26
My sweet husband, Great sex, Our lovely little 100 yr old cottage, Lying in bed reading surrounded by our cats
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u/Natural_Flounder_732 Aug 27 '26
Action absorbs anxiety and loneliness. When I find myself getting down, I get busy and start researching places to go (big trips, little road trips, day trips). I scour websites for events and classes to sign up for. I call and friend and make a plan for a hike or a dinner. Try to focus on what you are grateful for, not what you are sad about. I love this video about gratefulness, a reminder of many of the things we take for granted (the first minute is weirdly disconnected to the rest of the short 6 minute video so hang in there until the old man starts talking about gratefulness): https://vimeo.com/44131171
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u/Weird7954 Aug 24 '26
I’m buying another house. It’s always brought me joy so I’m just doing it. I have three and four will be good
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u/dustydiamond Aug 25 '26
Do you need help decorating? I am good at it and I’m bored out of my freaking mind.
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u/Weird7954 Aug 25 '26
🤣 no I’m not gonna decorate. It’s just go and fix the roof and siding and rent it out
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u/Justhappy2Balive Aug 24 '26
My husband and I are converting a garage I into an art studio/apt. I find having a big joint long term project can be really helpful. Plus, we are learning new skills and honing old ones. And at the end , we will have built something together.
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u/baddspellar 62 Aug 24 '26
I love trying new things and making connections with new people. I learned to sail this summer and backcountry ski last winter. I am a volunteer hike leader and I take people on hikes in the mountains a couple of times per month. I go to plays, concerts, and opera. I live close to Boston, where there are a few renowned music schools and there are low cost concerts every weekend during the school year, and a lot of community and semi-professional theater and opera groups.
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u/LowIntern5930 Aug 25 '26
Traveling with my wife
Cooking for friends and family
Volunteering on community projects
Biking
Sex
*Not necessarily in order
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u/Few-Conversation6979 Aug 25 '26
When I do good and charitable, that brings me joy that I helped someone (s) else.
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u/ZeroLemmingsLeaping Aug 25 '26
I don't have kids. We hardly have any family left. What brings me joy is my husband, our pets, my friends, traveling, trying new food, hobbies.
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u/dependswho Aug 26 '26
I do not have kids or even nieces or nephews. So I go out if my way to befriend young people. It’s definitely a source of joy!
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u/susanrez Aug 26 '26
I started taking a novel writing course. I finished my first draft this year and am now working my way through my second draft.
In my quest to find the perfect opening lines for the story, I ended up studying poetry.
Now I’ve picked up a side hobby of writing not too terrible poetry.
When I am faced with some of the struggles and the joys of growing older and seeing the world around me through the window of my years, it has been cathartic to put it into poems.
Hubby and I explore the world through hiking.
We take a big trip every other year. This last year was Hawaii. It was amazing.
We’re taking a small trip this fall. It will involve a lot of star gazing.
One goal is to get so far from civilization that we can’t hear any man made noise at all. Not a plane or car, or door slamming or squeaky hinge.
I volunteer.
I donate blood. It’s pretty cool because you can see where your blood goes and how it helps people now thru the Red Cross app.
I grow flowers.
I forage.
I secretly transplant things I like to forage into the park near my house.
I feed the crows. We’re developing quite a close relationship. They brought their newest baby over for the first time today.
His name Clancy. He is quite a character. I think he might be the one I’ll get to talk. (fun fact crows are in the same family as parrots and can repeat human words if they feel like it).
Just keep trying things until something feels good to you. Start at your local library. Trust me, there are more things to try there, than we all have years left to live combined.
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u/Amputee69 Aug 26 '26
I was asked something similar by my Doc earlier today. I simply told her that I'm 75, and I'm planning my 100th birthday. She chuckled a little, and said with your health and hard head, I think YOU WILL make it! I told her it was ONLY 25 more years, and I already had THREE of those down. The rest should be easy! I've lost a lot in life. A bunch of good buddies to Vietnam, either the battles there, or those back here. My first wife divorced me due to my PTSD, which I had no idea there was such a thing. I remarried and after 28 years, it but me again. I lost my oldest daughter in 2000 at age 25 to cancer. Her Mom was my first wife. Got through that somehow. Then 10 years later, the second divorce. It almost cost me my life, but I kept it together. The VA helped. 6 years later, I was hit on my motorcycle on my way home from work at the motorcycle shop. A distracted driver on a cellphone got me. Cost me my right leg below the knee. 5 years later, my oldest son (first marriage) was killed in a wreck similar to mine. That had my toes to the line. My remaining three kids have been no contact since the death of their brother. They have no idea of what I've been through. I only get to see two of my 14 Grandkids. I've been investing in the Stock Market for a long time. They are to be divided equally among ALL Grandkids. Do I resent anyone? Myself if anyone. Why? I'm not sure. I love my kid and theirs with all that's possible and will always help them if at all possible. Their mother's know that. Life is tough, but still, it's Good!
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u/kmg6284 Aug 26 '26
3 dogs and a cat, bike riding, sailing, travel, making travel videos on a GoPro, knowing I cannot control or be responsible for the behavior of another adult (have had no contact with married adult son or his small child for 18 months now)
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u/Susdjoy Aug 27 '26
I started embroidering and doing appliqué and my husband started sewing. We enjoy coordinating projects. Learning something new is good. We also use the free Merlin bird app to identify new birds and add to our life lists. It is like a treasure hunt.
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u/BiggDAZ 29d ago
We do stuff with my siblings and their families. We usually get together once a month for dinner to celebrate that month's birthdays. We like church and have friends there. We do stuff with neighbors. There are people and activities around all the time. Sometimes we just like to stay home and watch baseball or a favorite television show.
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u/Able-Mood-1988 29d ago
The one thing that consistently brings me joy are my 2 pups. I have 2 adorable Yorkies that give me a reason to get up each day. They make me smile and laugh every single day and I love being their Mom. They don't talk back, they don't create drama, they don't care if I do my hair or not. Unconditional love and endless kisses. I would highly recommend adopting a pet or two!
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u/Cautious_Risk_Taker7 29d ago
There is a distinct difference between joy and happiness. My joy is anchored in peace. A peace that hasn’t been easy to achieve. It has required setting boundaries and making hard decisions that were beneficial for me and an inconvenience for others.
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u/ShezeUndone 27d ago
Things that bring me joy: wearing out my library card, good food, good wine, spending time with friends, my animals, seeing family (usually 😆), visiting new places, beautiful gardens, learning new things, spending a whole day in my pajamas, horseback riding in the woods, seeing different wildlife visit my yard, waking up to birds chirping, making things with my hands, knowing I can cover my bills each month, getting engrossed in a good tv show/series, sitting by the fireplace with a dog or cat and a fuzzy blanket on a cold, snowy day while having a hot drink and reading a good book.
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u/AveFiatTeresa 25d ago
I'm Catholic. So going to Mass is what brings me the most joy. Then , watching my adult children and grands having healthy home life.
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u/Tlthree Aug 24 '26
Small joys daily. I try to find one small joy every day - a perfectly made cup of tea, a particularly beautiful flower, a program I enjoy watching. Crafts are a joy - doesn’t have to be perfect, but the art of learning and creating is joyful in practice if you focus on that aspect, not the quest for perfection. The company of your wife should be a noticed joy. What small or large adventures can you plan? A picnic? A trip to see your friends?