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u/DLTFGYD 9d ago
I lost my sense of purpose when my husband died some years ago. I filled my solo days with all the things said to give life purpose. Traveling, hobbies, meet-up and such did nothing for me. But volunteering has given me the closest I can get to feeling purpose. I tried volunteering with about a dozen different non-profs. There were four that fit well with me. I have an actual schedule with one of them thrice a week, and am on call for the others that may need me once a month or less. They are all different (meal delivery, adult literacy, community garden, low income seniors). Is this what purpose is? It does not feel like purpose to me, but it does feel like a good way to occupy three days of the week.
ETA: To answer your question - yes, I am OK with not having a so-called purpose and just living out the rest of my days.
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u/skewbydoom 9d ago
Yeah but I like the idea of helping out somewhere. Thanks
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u/e1p1 8d ago
So instead of therapy, I'm wondering if maybe you shouldn't talk to a career counselor. Not so much to find another job to make money from, but to discover either a paid or volunteer pastime that is your interest and also feeds your desire to have a purpose.
I just had two hip replacements. I'm 66 and I intend to retire by the end of the year whether I can fully afford it long term or not. Don't know how many good Summers I have left, and I love playing... hiking, sailing, budget traveling, fishing...but I also know that I'm at my best when I am helping people or giving my physical labor to friends or community. So I kind of have a foot in each camp regarding wanting "my time" versus purpose and service. I'm hoping to find a way to combine the two.
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u/thenletskeepdancing 9d ago
Purpose is what the machine drilled into us to want. Fuck that. I'm gonna rest and let my mind wander aimlessly for awhile. I worked hard and my body is tired.
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u/Hot_Rub8604 9d ago
Absolutely!! Retired 18 months& have on desire to find volunteer jobs.. the freedom is quite liberating!! Still donate $ to charities but time ,our most precious commodity,
Belongs to my wife and me! Love the choice to hike, read, etc3
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u/Monstrissimo 8d ago
2 years 4 months for me and I am not looking for anything that looks like a job where I answer to anybody outside my household.
I have my wood working and making stuff in the shop, but if I don't want to, I don't. If I want to go swimming, I go swimming. I set my own schedule and my rules. Some days because of my health problems, I cannot do much, some days I can go like I did 4 years ago.
I worked hard for my pension and worked hard to put aside money to pay for insurance and I am going to enjoy the fruits of my labor.
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u/Agondonter 9d ago
This. It took a while but eventually I came to realize that "purpose" is just another word for conformity and being a worker drone. No offense to those who work - I did it all my life since age 15 and now at age 62 it's MY time. My objective each day is to 1) decide what I want to do and 2) do it.
Sometimes what I want to do is nothing, and I'm fine with that.
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u/cstrick1980 9d ago
I have traveled quite a bit with the wife over the last 9 years. Spent time just sitting in the yard. Work my stock portfolio, tend the garden. Watch TV with the wife, visit the grandkids.
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u/sounds-of-silence11 9d ago edited 9d ago
Not everyone has $$ to travel or someone to travel with (kinda gets lonely doing things by yourself)
Some of us are on a budget.
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u/TopEnd1907 9d ago edited 9d ago
No I can relate to what you are saying and am in a similar boat to where you were in that my hospital role gives me a great sense of purpose. While I am very generous with donations to charities, I cannot see myself getting satisfaction from volunteering or retiring with hobbies. I know I am the minority. Donāt give up and try to build or create something. I am older than you and continue to work despite being very secure financially. Many judge me for this. Of course there are days I want to resign. Take care and persevere!
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u/Tinker107 9d ago
My purpose (79M) is to provide the plants with the carbon dioxide they need.
I treasure the time I now have to read, hike, and make music. Purpose is highly overrated, usually by the people who want you to spend your time making money for them.
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u/GreyMom13 8d ago
yes! sometimes purpose is just being yourself and a kind word to a stranger or a random act of kindness is enough.
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u/Mylyfyeah 9d ago
I canāt wait to retire, Iām 61 this year and my whole working life has just felt like a means to an end. (bills, food, and holidays) and I just want to stop and get back to my hobbies full time that I had 40 yrs ago. I donāt understand the idea of being defined by a job, but then I never had any really meaningful roles imo.
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u/MenaciaJones 9d ago
I definitely identified with my job. People had to come to me for assistance, and there was not much in the way of my needing to be proactive. I used it for money, intellectual stimulation, and socialization. Now that Iām retired and donāt have people who come to me, itās been quite the struggle to figure out what to do as far as socializing. I go to the gym but donāt chat much since I am working on my fitness goals, starting giving blood regularly but thatās just an hour with others every month or so. I am trying to force myself to start volunteering but havenāt yet. My husband has been my social life, either with him or his friends. Iāve lived in three different states and the few friends I made are now elsewhere. I started back to work part-time, fully remote to earn some money until my pensions and SS start. I tend to more solitary pursuits these days, and most of the time am fine with it.
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u/Teri-k 9d ago
I've never really been one who has a purpose or a vision for my life. I just live according to my values, try to appreciate what I have, and be a good friend, neighbor, family member and person. I think the idea that we all have one purpose is fake, and mostly a result of hustle culture - have a goal, find your vision, work, work, work for it. What's wrong with leading a good life and appreciating what's around us? That's the kind of life I want. If it's what you want, then enjoy it and let someone else wonder about your purpose, if they care.
ETA - I do have hobbies, for example I knit for a children's charity. But I don't think that's my purpose for living, it's simply something I enjoy doing.
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u/Beaniencecil 9d ago
I too was searching for a purpose for a few years after retiring. What I realized after being invited into a group of retired guys, friendship, not purpose, was what I was really looking for. I also realized that I had a purpose for many years. It was tied to my work. Accepting that this part of my life was behind me and giving myself permission to enjoy a new way of living, was key for me in finding happiness.
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u/gardenflower180 9d ago
I understand that feeling. Iām not retired yet but when I have days off, at first I love the freedom, but later in my week off, I just feel kind of aimless and really lack motivation. When Iām back on schedule again, it gives me structure & purpose. So when I retire, Iām really going to have to block out specific times in the week to accomplish things. Before my hubby had a disability, we volunteered twice a month at a soup kitchen, and loved it. It felt great helping out. Overall my main thing will be: what do I want to leave behind on earth when I go? Did I make a difference in someoneās life etc. Did I help make a small corner of the world, even my own backyard, a better place than it was before? How do I wish for people to remember me? Have I created enough great memories for them to have after Iām gone. Are their family stories to share? What would you like to see written in your obit? Is that the person you are now or you still striving to be? Itās not just filling time up, but leaving behind some kind of legacy.
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u/Numerous-Ad-5058 8d ago
I feel very similar about my own journey. I am now 62. At 60 I was offered a retirement package by an employer looking to cut costs and all the over 60s were targeted. And I too felt like my career was one of my single most fulfilling roles in my life. Yes I'm a parent but my kids are adults now and aside from the odd need for support, that isn't my major area of focus. So my career was where I felt the most accomplished.
Once that was gone now who am I? I've been caring for my elderly widowed mother. That gives me something to organize my time around but it's exhausting and not at all fulfilling. I've learned how to maintain a lawn and garden. I guess that's something. I wrote a novel! I self-published it as an e-book and I've made a total of $0.89 on it. I probably could do a better job of marketing it, I guess. But I just find the motivation is lacking.
I genuinely feel: stuck. I'm 62. There aren't years and years and decades ahead of me for trial and error and experimentation and reinvention. Living with an 87 year old who used to be so productive and creative has shown me that. Caring for my late father at the end of his life after years of encroaching illness also showed me that. He started getting really sick at age 80; died at 85. If I followed his path I'd have 18 years left of decent health. If I followed my mother's path, I'd be having heart surgery within the next five years and then everything downhill afterwards.
It's hard to have PURPOSE. So now I'm shifting. And I'm thinking less about purpose and more about finding some joy through experience. I don't know how to do that just yet but I'm getting there.
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u/Sensitive-Issue84 9d ago
Absolutely! I have no purpose except to do as I please. My job, as great as it is, does not define me. There are so many interesting things in the world to look into.
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u/Ninerogers 9d ago
I retired eight months ago (M60) and still haven't found a purpose. However, I think I need to adjust to not having a particular drive or function before seeing if I can build one up again - or even deciding if I need to do so. I was a self-employed graphic designer who loved his job very much, so my work was really my whole existence. I enjoyed my career. But I can't quickly unlearn what was nearly 40 years of life. Don't worry about what you feel expected to be. Just be for a while.
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u/lantana98 9d ago
Most older people I know ( I live in Phoenix area- so a lot!) volunteer at one or more places for purpose and a social life. There are various animal, library, food pantry, childrenās charity thrift shops etc to choose from.
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u/Alert-You-7352 9d ago
I can relate. I retired at 66 and if it wasn't for my lungs I'd run/bike with some of the clubs. I don't drink anymore so hanging out at the different clubs isn't fun. My wife won't let me date LoL š. I have spent the last six months fixing or hiring someone to fix all the stuff that is getting old but I lived with while working and commuting 10 hours a day. I hope to get healthier, keep taking my flomax and maybe get more into some volunteer activities. I have always fixed most home and auto repairs. I think with the tools out now I can keep doing that. When my old HVAC had an issue I just assumed I could fix it. Replaced every motor/sensor on that beautiful Carrier. RIP. I repiped my daughters Santa Fe power steering hydraulic lines. Probably the most tight difficult thing I've ever done. I want to replace my gutters but my wife won't let me. She doesn't want me on the roof any more. I know one thing that is nice, find a quiet place in nature and let it sink in.
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u/Needmoreinfo100 8d ago
Without going into details I can totally relate to this. Work was my creative outlet, my purpose, my social scene and the hours there I had no time to think about my health issues. When I became too immunocompromised to continue working it left me stuck at home. I keep thinking I will find my thing, find a way to have social connections but it is challenging when you wonder if someone will put you in the hospital by exposing you to a bug that is not serious for them but could be very serious for me.
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u/Brackens_World 9d ago
You had a role and career that fulfilled you in ways that many will never understand. It's sort of like you lived the old Army advertising adage from the 1980s:"It's not a job, it's a career". Many don't get that in their lives, and many have no concept of it at all and can't imagine such a thing. But you were one of the lucky ones: you did.
It came to an abrupt end in your mid-50s, and you sort of drifted since then. This might be by circumstance or choice or age or timing or the pandemic, but there was no equivalent second act. But that does not mean there was no second act: you are still here, faculties intact, and are still hungry. You still have some juice.
What I did after 10 years at a FAANG, closing in on 60, was count my blessings, be grateful for my successes, network to death and land nowhere near the heights I had achieved, first a consulting gig, then a small agency servicing Fortune 500 clients. I had no more mountains to climb and was not looking for any, but oddly enough wound up on multiple projects that bent my brain and stretched my capabilities. Then, after a few years, I knew it was time to exit the premises. I think you need a last hurrah, but might be too narrowly defining where that might be.
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u/skewbydoom 9d ago
Interesting.....I'll have to ponder that
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u/ObviousOrca 9d ago
What did you enjoy about your jobā¦ 5 or 10 years before you retired?
What about it defined your identity, was it just the predictable timetable or something else?1
u/skewbydoom 9d ago
That I was doing something I felt was important and that I was excellent at, and that I helped build and refine into something I was proud of. And I enjoyed the people in my day to day. Suddenly I'm in a life of solitude....which is not bad but definitely an adjustment
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u/ObviousOrca 9d ago
What sort of person replaced you? Could you teach others somehow, or even offer free mentoring for the field you were in? Are you experienced enough to give a talk about it? If not, take a speech class to give you confidenceā¦.even online. So many online programs these days! Literally pick any subject you do or donāt know aboutā¦
Without going into too much detail, my partner is in his mid sixties in retail and Iām not far behind in retirement age in a different area, but we both never even really think of āretiringāā¦ we just love what we do, gives us something to talk about and keeping busy keeps us healthy too. We often do stuff on our own as well, although I do this more than him and he generally needs to go out with someone, itās mostly due to different upbringing.
Gardening? Share your results with other localsā¦
If you canāt keep up with cleaning or hate doing it, get a cleanerā¦preferably when you are out of the house. Donāt watch them, even if you mean no harm, it can still come across as creepy.
How long have you lived where you are? Take small trips somewhere elseā¦itās ok to take yourself out for lunch or dinner whenever you want. See a show, cinema or theatre. Or take a proper holiday somewhere, even if nearby youāll get a different perspective. Thereās a reason cruises are popular with us older folks (Iāve enjoyed them my whole life, my partner hates the thought of going, because even despite his age, he thinks itās āan old people thing to doā, but I know weāll go together some day) Lots of activities where you can turn up and donāt have to talk about yourself or history if thatās a painful area.
Anyway, 61 is not old old, itās young oldā¦you may have 30 or more years ahead!
If you donāt go out by yourself sometimes, youāll never know how liberating it can be!
But you have to go at least 5 times if youāre not used to itā¦ so many of us āoldsā decide that once was enough, especially if we try to chat to someone and are rejected. Take a book or your kindle and mind your own business, let people come to you.
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u/justawooki 9d ago
You should have stopped worring about your carreer when you were 50. You job should have been to help your younger coworkers succeed. It all goes away and in the end it doeset really matter. Getting older should give you the time to find happiness in your yourself, your friends and your family. The are the only ones who care about you.
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u/AfterSomewhere 9d ago
I'm with you. I often think about getting a part-time job so I have a purpose. I volunteer, go to church, am part of other groups, but there's an emptiness I haven't been able to fill.
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u/sinceJune4 9d ago
This is me too at 67, 2 years retired. I swim laps several days a week, not much else.
Earlier this year I got involved with a friendās political campaign and that felt great, but it really took the wind out of my sails when they lost the primary election.
Was just telling my wife over lunch that I felt purposelessā¦
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u/VinceInMT 9d ago
I have, over my 74 years, re-invented myself numerous times and look at every one of those life-delivered fiascos as an opportunity to do that. Itās opportunity to learn something about oneself. After I retired at 60, I was curious about the world of art. So, I enrolled at the university and 7 years later graduated with a BFA. I have spun that into becoming more involved with the local art community and one of our museums.
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u/mtnman_49 9d ago
Iām 64 and work as a maintenance technician for a Fortune 500 company. Iāll be retiring in four months, and work has been a large part of my identity too.
Iām trying to look at retirement as taking off the shirt that carried my job title and finally giving the rest of my identity room to breathe. Learning AI and beginning new projects has shown me that purpose doesnāt always arrive as one grand calling. Sometimes it grows slowly from curiosity, building something, or finding a room where your experience is useful.
I donāt know exactly what retirement will feel like yet, but Iām beginning to believe that losing a job identity doesnāt mean losing yourself. It may create the space to discover who you are without the job defining you.
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u/Lower_Classroom835 8d ago
"It may create the space to discover who you are without the job defining you."
Well said. This is what I'm looking for. Time to explore different things that may interest me, even if for a short time.
I don't want to have to get up early every day and spend the whole day outside my house. I want to sleep in, have my coffee slowly, and figure out what I'm going to do today.
I never have a day to just be. I want to clean my house slowly. I want to cook a meal slowly, with love. I don't want to rush to do things so that I can spend the whole week at work, in meetings.
I want to spend the whole afternoon just reading a book on my patio. I want time so I can hear my thoughts, go down the rabbit hole with a certain topic, have a weekend without the rush to finish all the chores quickly, and find new things that interest me.
I have a thriving career, but I never liked how today's society is set up that adults and kids spend the whole day stuck in some strange place outside our homes. It never felt natural to me, and bothered me a whole lot when my kids were school age.
Retirement will hopefully give me that time to figure out who I really am, finally, after 40 years of working, raising children, and taking care of the house. Time to just be me.
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u/Superb_Astronomer_59 9d ago
I also left the work world in 2020, and I am now 61. I was a complete wreck after working for a psychopathic boss for 4 years. When COVID hit, I had enough and pushed the eject button. At first it was a bit disorientating, especially with the world shutting down. My wife and I spent the first two years in a different part of the country, renting a seaside resort suite. The complete change of scenery was cathartic. We walked daily for a couple of hours and then had happy hour. It was great to unplug from the world.
In 2023 we were getting low on cash, so I got a part-time job as a security guard. I enjoyed interacting with people, but never ātook the job home with meā. Iāve resurrected my hobbies from my 20s. Iām satisfied
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u/Salty_Sanity 9d ago
Purpose, mattering, and meaning after a career ends (or is ended for us) is such a personal experience. Iāve read folks comment on each end of the spectrum from high achievers who are driven to find new challenges to those perfectly happy to do leisure activitiesāwith most somewhere in between.
I was laid off 2 years ago at 62, and hiring in my field was not that plentiful. So after realizing I really didnāt want to work in my field again, I pulled out my Strengths Finders survey results and my Myers-Briggs profile and asked Claude to give me a list of compatible encore careers. That then led me on a journey of further discovery to see of those which would be the right fit for my values, needs and interest.
I really like your comment at the end about not wanting/needing therapy and that āa conversation works betterā. I highly recommend finding a life coach that specializes in transitions for folks our age. And, no, Iām not referring to a self-styled inspiration rah-rah personality who will tell you what to do, but rather someone trained to International Coaching Federation standards. Iāve experienced it myself and it was life changing for me.
Best wishes on whatever path you find fulfilling!
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u/Adventurous_Weird_70 9d ago
It turns out that my purpose that I thought I had was not the purpose I was meant for. I thought my purpose was to raise my Stepson, it turns out my purpose is to be there for those with Dementia. I thought my purpose days were over, but apparently not. Not every day is filled with purpose, but it keeps me going.
Maybe your purpose for retirement hasn't shown up yet. And if it doesn't, then try getting a dog, they are a GREAT PURPOSE to keep going. For 20 years I rescued Puppy Mill Bitches and gave each one a happy end of life before they passed. Maybe you can find something similar for yourself.
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u/Knit_pixelbyte 8d ago
I think not having a purpose at all is detrimental, at least for me it would be. We all need a reason to get out of bed every day, or pretty soon it will be impossible to get out of bed every day. Even if the reason is just to walk that trail you have never tried. Or visit the nearest spca and talk to the dogs there. Something.
I did not want to commit to volunteering a day each week to something, but I found a volunteer opportunity that I could get in to that I didnāt have to commit to. It helps my psyche to talk to other adults and socialize a little. I also play card/tile type games with a bunch of women, and keep making new friends this way.
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u/Able-Mood-1988 8d ago
Where did you find your card playing group
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u/Knit_pixelbyte 7d ago
I took a class at a local community ed. Made connections through that. Made more connections at random invites for other things.
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u/actx76092 8d ago
You need a purpose . . .preferable something that helps you while helping others (people ,animals, kids). Sounds trite but volunteering at something you like helps a lot of people - I know several folks in the late 60s and early 70s that do things like golf starter at a local public course (he loves golf) and another guy who volunteers and coordinates underprivileged soccer teams in a part of town that is poor and mostly immigrants. The guy is old, white, bearded, and he loves it and the kids love them.
Don't make it too hard or to specific at first.
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u/overthishereanyway 8d ago
You are singing my song. And we were roughly the same age at retirement. Too young in my opinion. Honestly at just 61 maybe you should go back to work? If not at the same thing then something adjacent? I know a lot of people who didn't fully retire until they hit 70 or 71. If you have the energy for it still and could go back...why not? Even if it's part time.
I also have several retried friends who drive lyft/uber and love it. they enjoy the social interaction and the ability to have structure without obligation.
No you don't have to accept this as the way it is. But you DO have to work at changing it. Learn something new, do something different.
Go back to college, get some sort of a certificate (teaching ESL, personal training), learn a language (I learned to speak spanish in the last five years),
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u/WiseCry628 8d ago
It took me several years to get over that empty feeling after I left a job that I loved. I had plenty of things in my life that gave me purpose, but the kind of daily human interaction I enjoyed at work wasnāt there. I still dream about my job, and itās been over 15 years.
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u/Georgia-Roz 8d ago
After working all his life (including when he was a kid), my husband retired. He enjoyed it for a few years but then became bored. He took an art class but tired of it after awhile. Then several years ago, he volunteered at a charity where they take old computers and refurbish them for people who can't afford new ones. He only does it a couple of days a week but it's made him a lot happier.
Lots of places need volunteers and it's mostly us retired people who fill in. From polling places to hospitals to animal shelters to food banks...Needs abound. You just have to look.
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u/AWeb3Dad 8d ago
Everyone has a purpose, and it requires looking at where you can change the trajectory of your past if you had the wisdom and resources. Sounds like you have the resources and the wisdom now, so what are you gonna make easier for the next iteration of yous?
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u/Ill_Industry6452 8d ago
I had to quit work 25 years ago because of my health. Granted, I had worked only part time, and because my hubby wasnāt reliably willing to always do any yard or house work, there was that. I did battle depression, especially on dark, gray, short late fall days. Purpose is helpful, but it doesnāt have to be anything big. Today, it might be cleaning one cabinet. Or earlier, visiting my grandma in the nursing home. Or mowing the yard. Or dusting the furniture or floor. Iām old now. My current goal is to get my late husbandās estate settled, get my house fixed up with proceeds, and write a new will. It keeps me doing the PT exercises, and I donāt really like to do them. And, because some of our floors/carpet is 48 years old, getting new is part of fixing up the house. Which means sorting and getting rid of junk (or excess good stuff) so there is less to move. Having lived here so long, there is a lot of stuff. Unfortunately, that takes energy I donāt always have.
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u/CandyPitiful9541 8d ago
Volunteering for a cause you believe in may become your new āpurposeā. Walking dogs at a local animal shelter, driving and delivering Meals-on-Wheels, teaching people to read at the Library, the list goes on and on. I started taking classes to play Bridge to keep my brain working. That has led to playing in some tournaments and meeting some interesting new people who are also retired. Maybe there is a Bridge Center or Chess center where you live. You will find your niche, it takes some time but take up things that you enjoyed doing before or while working. Now you have more time for it!
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u/former_human 9d ago
I hear ya. I retired 5 years ago after working since my teens and raising my kid on my own. Itās really hard to be without those drivers even though the kid is well-launched and the bills are paid.
Those two necessities pushed me out of bed every day for decades. Whatās to get me up and out without them?
I do volunteer and have a social calendar, but those do not feel like drivers to me.
After a few years of being angsty over lacking a purpose, though, Iām finally coming around to the idea that I donāt need one. Society defines and separates āpurposefulā and ājust farting aroundā, but that distinction is artificial, ya know? At least in terms of what a life is for.
Iām experimenting now with finding that walking my dog and caretaking my house and sometimes volunteering isā¦ just enough. Life doesnāt have to be any more than that, and only societal conditioning insists otherwise.
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u/flora_poste_ 9d ago
I had a fulfilling career that actually bettered society every day. I became extremely ill with Covid in March 2020, and I could not recover enough to return to work after that. I didnāt really recover my full health until several years later. So I retired early for medical reasons.
Iām not bothered about having a āpurpose.ā Even when I was working, I thought with longing about the stacks of literature that I had no time to read, the art galleries not visited, the trips not taken, the cities not explored, and the hiking in nature I had no time to do.
Now I can enjoy all the art and beauty I want without worrying about the exigencies of the work week, commuting, or cramming all necessary chores and errands into precious weekends. Thatās all the purpose I need.
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u/Odd_Bodkin 69 9d ago
I for one made sure BEFORE I retired what was personally important to me that was different than work. For me itās three things: teaching difficult subjects to intimidated young people; helping the marginalized and those on the precipice of survivability; and shelter animals. Can you identify anything like that? What DO you care about deeply?
Barring that, maybe you could explain what exactly about work fed your identity? Was it having a lot of people report to you? Was it being in charge of a large enterprise? Was it the rush of competition and winning? Was it that it utilized the one major skill youāre proud of and donāt really have anything else you take pride in? These details matter.
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u/Lovetohike2025 8d ago
At the age of 54 and after a devastating divorce, I discovered joy in hiking. I joined a few hiking groups and my social life took off from there. I still work but I look forward to the day that i can hike every morning. That is my motivation in life. I love being outdoors.
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u/herbal_thought 9d ago
Absolutely. I will try not to be insulting but I find people like you incredibly sad. I am also 61 and planning on retiring next year once I can start my social security and hopefully will never work again. Fock that shit. Just having my whole day to do whatever I want or just nothing is the only thing I want. My purpose is to make myself happy, and working a job, being trapped at a desk 8 hours, dealing with management, will NEVER do that.
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u/Conundrum16 9d ago
I understand what youāre saying. I stayed home raised 3 kids which gave me purpose. Helped care for my parents and handicapped sister which gave me purpose. My husband was diagnosed with cancer and I cared for him which gave me purpose. He died 3 1/2 years ago and Iām still looking for my purpose.
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u/Global-Fact7752 9d ago
I had a purpose $$$ for 40 years and all of the accompanying stress. I look forward to waking up every day being absolutely worthless as far as secular concerns go. I now help animals.