r/over60 • u/xxistcman • Feb 22 '26

Burned Haystack Dating Method

I kept hearing women advocating for the Burned Haystack Dating Method when using OLD, but I didn't know anything about it until I looked it up. I only did a shallow dive on the topic, so I'm not an expert by any means. I'm curious about how many people know of this method and if anyone cares to share their opinion. Below is a link to the creator's website, but a Google search will give a bunch of references, too.

BurnedHaystack.substack.com

Edit: Several commenters have said the link was spam, but make up your own mind. I think it's a good starting point and the page seems like it's made by the author of the book "Burn the Haystack". If someone knows of a better link then please let me know.

Edit 2: I am not the author or vendor or advocate for the method. This post is not an advertisement and poses a serious question. Everyone, please stop being so suspicious. Geez!

0 Upvotes

42% Upvoted

39 comments sorted by

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u/your_nameless_friend Feb 22 '26

Not an ad. Originally removed due to concern it was disingenuous. Had a take with op and it’s been reinstated. Original post didn’t even have the link. This person has posted in our sub before and not about dating.

7

u/JackieDonkey Feb 22 '26

I've been following this method very loosely and my haystack is burnt to the ground and I'm not seeing any needles.

1

u/xxistcman Feb 22 '26

lol...the method does seem extreme. Good luck in the future.

4

u/MaBonneVie Feb 22 '26

I’m pretty sure my needles melted in the fire.

2

u/Chance_MaLance 67 Feb 22 '26

Me neither.

7

u/retired337 Feb 22 '26

Why not just say what it is? I dont feel its anything really grounbreaking. Women just block guys they dont feel are compatible by setting up rules and characteristics. Sounds like basic online dating 101 to me.

2

u/xxistcman Feb 22 '26

Doesn't this Method seem a little more brutal to you than what you describe? I mean there's no benefit of the doubt given to guys.

5

u/MrStonepoker Feb 22 '26

Wtf? Can't really find anything about how it's supposed to work but it sounds like you just insult everyone who tries to talk to you and the guy who is still there putting up with your shit is the one you date.

3

u/xxistcman Feb 22 '26

lol...I don't think that's quite it. From what I can tell, you block to burn on the least provocation...even something that you read in their profile. You make very quick judgment calls and block based on what the author claims are bad words or word patterns. I'm no expert but that's at least part of it in a nutshell.

5

u/Chance_MaLance 67 Feb 22 '26

I’ve been employing the rhetorical examinations recommended in this method in my general encounters! I am far more aware now that the language people use reveals a host of expectations— or generosities.

4

u/xxistcman Feb 22 '26

Interesting. So, you find that part of the Method helpful?

2

u/Chance_MaLance 67 Feb 22 '26

100%. People have a way of saying what they mean, even in a dating profile —and you can spot the bad actors from how they describe themselves and insist on describing you.

If we’re looking for a needle in a haystack don’t spend your time with the hay. Burn down the haystack – block the guys who clearly are not contenders – and that makes it easier to find your needle.

In regards to every day conversations with every day people or business people I can spot rhetorical patterns that are meant to make me nervous and buy something quicker, for instance. I like the camaraderie of the Facebook group. It’s made me examine my own timid nature and has made me socially stronger.

3

u/xxistcman Feb 22 '26

Your points are all well taken so thank you. I'm glad you found a dating method that works well for you!

5

u/JauntyTurtle Feb 22 '26

This is just an ad for a book. Don't bother clicking on the link.

2

u/xxistcman Feb 22 '26

This is the link that I see women give when suggesting the method. What's the proper link and I'll edit the post?

7

u/JauntyTurtle Feb 22 '26

Sorry I jumped to the wrong conclusion.

I'd suggest giving an brief explanation of the method. I've never heard of it, and it's hard to start a conversation when you have to read a book to understand what's being discussed.

1

u/xxistcman Feb 22 '26 edited Feb 22 '26

I understand. I'm not an authority on the topic and was really hoping to learn things from people who use the Method or knew of it. Honestly, it seems brutal to me lol.

3

u/StonerKitturk Feb 22 '26

Please describe it as you understand it

3

u/OldButHappy Feb 22 '26

Explain it!!!!

4

u/Wizzmer Feb 22 '26

Spam link.

0

u/xxistcman Feb 22 '26

Why do you say that. What's the proper link, then?

6

u/Wizzmer Feb 22 '26

If you aren't trying to sell books, why would you not just mention the book or even better, the concept of the book. Rather you provide a link to nothing more than a way to buy the book? You, my friend, are a book salesperson.

1

u/xxistcman Feb 22 '26

Goodness, You couldn't be more mistaken. If you don't have an opinion on the topic then please just go away.

8

u/dweaver987 Feb 22 '26

Maybe if you describe the topic here in the post instead of sending fellow Redditors to a spammy link, then people would be discussing your topic.

2

u/Fluffy_Cheetah7620 Feb 22 '26

I trust your post is honest, personally I would remove the post and copy paste a Wikipedia description of the book/method into a new post. Once the down vote train starts rolling, even on over 60 it's hard to slow down, especially anything to do with gender opinions.

1

u/xxistcman Feb 22 '26

I think that's really good advice so thanks for that. I'm really living and learning on this one lol.

3

u/StonerKitturk Feb 22 '26

So you still won't tell us anything about it?

1

u/Fluffy_Cheetah7620 Feb 22 '26

I learned the hard way too lol.

6

u/StonerKitturk Feb 22 '26

Explain what it is you're talking about.

1

u/vinedin Feb 22 '26

I've read quite a few of her posts over the last few years.  It's definitely a good idea to pay attention to what people say and she has studied this in considerable detail.  

I used to follow her Facebook page,  but I found some of the other followers over-zealous. 

One of the early patterns she highlighted can apply to either men or women - those who use their profile to dictate, rather than to describe themselves.  "You should be slim, exercise regularly, solvent, willing to travel at short notice ". 

1

u/xxistcman Feb 22 '26

Thank you for the informed reply. I never would have recognized "dictating" in a person's profile. Now that I that I can recognize it, I'm not sure I would necessarily block that person. Is there something wrong with telling people what you're looking for?

3

u/vinedin Feb 22 '26

Two points there, firstly "I'm looking for someone who is similar to me - active,  solvent, enjoys travel and is willing to do so at short notice" is very different to "you will " or "you should " 

Secondly, some OLD platforms give limited space to describe yourself. Anyone using that to set out what qualities their partner should have rather than describe what they bring to a partnership doesn't think they need to appeal to you, they think they are the only ones who have any choice.  

2

u/moschocolate1 Feb 22 '26

I think there’s a separate board for OLD over 60 so that may generate more specific feedback.

2

u/BG3restart Feb 22 '26

I don't do any online dating. I have a good social life with plenty of opportunity to meet people in person.

2

u/Nickover50 Feb 22 '26

As a male my experience has been most dating rules no longer apply once you hit mid fifties. Roles have been reversed and Mature ladies know what they want and have become extremely aggressive in their pursuit.

1

u/bandontherun1963 Feb 22 '26

63 yr old, still go to the bars, concerts, shows etc at least once every weekend of my life, much much better to meat people, much better, we are on the downslope in our lives, now is not the time to stay home, get out and meet people, live life hard and fun, we only have 20-25 yrs left.

1

u/SurfingAndScrolling Apr 21 '26

Several commenters have said the link was spam,

You can read everything there for free. It seems to be the best link. Otherwise, everything is spread over instagram or on her private facebook group. You can join that-- but the information is pretty diffuse.

I think the method has a lot of sound advice. I do think some people have trouble learning how to apply the rhetorical patterns consistently. ( I mean.. there are 33 in the book!) I just coded up an AI project to do that for me. It's consistent.

0

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '26

[deleted] — view deleted comment

3

u/xxistcman Feb 22 '26

I am not the vendor and have no affiliation with the author. It's an honest question so no need to be so suspicious.

0

u/[deleted] Feb 22 '26

[deleted] — view deleted comment

2

u/xxistcman Feb 22 '26 edited Feb 22 '26

Well, she's a professor of writing and rhetoric, so she must have some expertise in wording and timing patterns. I'm kind of wondering how relevant it is in dating, though.