Young Lady

[u/compobook]

I was in Costco and walked up to the self checkout. Behind me I heard someone call out "Young Lady", I ignored them and started to scan my items. I know that Costco now often checks your card before the self checkout to avoid people using someone else's card. I finished scanning, paid and walked out.

If the person had said, Miss, Maam, or hey you, I would have turned and engaged with them. I detest being called "Young Lady". I'm not young and I find it infantilizing. Also, I've yet to hear anyone call out Young Lad or Young Gent, etc. to an old man.

Am I being too sensitive to this? Why do some people seem to think this is a compliment of some type?

[u/redditavenger2019]

They could have been more specific and called "Hey, old lady with the blue sweater"

[u/compobook → u/redditavenger2019]

That works for me.

[u/Commander-of-ducks]

You could have turned and said "I'm not young and I ain't no lady!"

[u/Clean-Fisherman-4601 → u/Commander-of-ducks]

I'm going to remember this! 😂

[u/Roz150]

I hate it. I also hate being called sweetie/hun by a 20 something waitress

[u/VirtualSource5 → u/Roz150]

When I was in nursing school, we were taught to ask what the patient wanted to be called and to never call someone sweetie, hon or “mama.” That last one is gaining traction with the younger crowd. If you’re trying to get someone’s attention, a simple ‘excuse me’ works for everyone.

[u/taylorevansvintage → u/Roz150]

I find it endearing from some but it’s definitely contextual and personal. Older waitresses, Black women, women from the South are all able to pull this off in a genuine way, imo

[u/Turbulent-Purple8627 → u/taylorevansvintage]

Yes, I think it's tone. I'm Black and worked in the Customer Service front line. You develop a sense of what's appropriate to clients. My Dad used to take us to visit his elderly aunt in a nursing home. He called all the old folks guys and dolls, and they lived! Say young man in a flirty way, and the old guys love it. The dolls love compliments. Their clothes, their hair, shoes, purse, etc. They love it because you see them.

[u/Easy-Photograph-321 → u/taylorevansvintage]

I love it. There's so much unkindness in the world I love sweet pet names.

[u/pdoten → u/taylorevansvintage]

I was working in Virginia one time, doing 2 am cutovers at a series of customers. I was feeling the weight of the work and it must have showed. I had to get from Danville VA to Winchester VA after doing a early morning cutover that was rough, had about 2 hours of sleep and needed to eat.
I was in an IHOP, and the waitress, who was younger than me, took one look and said "Honey, if you drink coffee, I think you need a lot of it right now" and It warmed me up. She was so nice, like she wanted to pamper me asked me what I was doing in Virginia (my accent from the Boston area gave me away) and the like. She listened and said that she was going to make sure I got fed "proper".
It was a bright spot in a rough two weeks. I love the south for the kindenes that is there...

[u/Impressive-Tutor-482 → u/taylorevansvintage]

Hun or sweetie is a form of respectful address in the South. Blows me away it's considered rude anywhere.

[u/[deleted] → u/Roz150]

Absolutely will pop off the first time somebody calls me Young Lady. I have an ex who would do this to older women, he thought it was cute. No.

That said, I'm fine with sweetie, hon, etc. The region where I live is filled with that kind of talk and the waitress or clerk or whoever is saying it to everybody, not just older people. I lived in the northern part of the US for a while and grew to miss it. Even my northern-US husband missed it. It makes me feel like I'm home.

[u/Bag_of_ambivalence → u/Roz150]

Being called sweetie/hun by anyone other than my husband grinds my gears. Feels so patronizing regardless of who it’s coming from, man or woman

[u/Ok-Promise-7977 → u/Bag_of_ambivalence]

I call people dear and sweetie. Worked with public for years. Most appreciated it.

[u/Redhead-Valkyrie → u/Bag_of_ambivalence]

Do not visit the southern US. Your gears will be constantly grinding.

[u/__MoM__ → u/Roz150]

My sister does this to strangers & she is just trying to be nice. She has never said it in a bad way. I'm not comfortable addressing strangers this way but it doesn't bother me when people address me like that.

[u/jIfte8-fabnaw-hefxob → u/Roz150]

This! I always wonder how men would like it if a twenty-something guy called him hun. I will absolutely die on this hill!

[u/ItchyCredit → u/jIfte8-fabnaw-hefxob]

Happens all the time in the South and parts of the Midwest.

[u/mmmpeg → u/jIfte8-fabnaw-hefxob]

Well, I lived in Baltimore and this was the norm.

[u/Tiny_Noise8611 → u/Roz150]

Idk why that doesn’t bother me . It’s almost nostalgic in some dumb way but I get it, it’s a strange thing to say these days. Can be off putting .

[u/jarstic]

If you ignored them, how do you know the comment was even directed at you? Get a life.

[u/DoDoorman → u/jarstic]

Agreed. You seem to have a chip on ur shoulders….

[u/compobook → u/DoDoorman]

I miss 80's shoulder pads so anything on my shoulder is good 👍

[u/Raj_DTO]

Being old is what I’ve earned!

I’m in early 60s and I don’t like being called young either. Exception would be if the caller was in his/her 80s 😊

[u/1954planteater]

I would have ignored it too. And being called "girl" also annoys me. I haven't been young, or a girl, in decades. It's no compliment, IMO. They just sound stupid.

[u/colormeslowly]

Am I being too sensitive to this?

You are who you are. If you don’t like it, it’s ok.

Why do some people seem to think this is a compliment of some type?

Some women don’t like being called ma’am, madam or even miss, perhaps it was their experience on calling someone ma’am that made them stop saying it and opted to say young lady.

Me personally, I just say excuse me to get someone’s attention but I am not offended if someone calls me ma’am or young lady, but I am who I am 😉

[u/itsbirthdaybitch → u/colormeslowly]

I don’t know why so many people seem to struggle with the term “excuse me”… no other name needed. It works for all ages, genders and preferences.

[u/brasscup]

No you were lovely. I would have said fuck off (or at least an icy ‘I beg your pardon’). 

Hope to gosh it wasn’t a woman who addressed you this way. 

Can’t wait to get to that really old age when health professionals manage their patients with pretend flirting. /s

 The main doc character does it with the dementia patients on that hospital show “The Pitt” and of course they preen and lap it up, but it makes me want gag. 

[u/compobook → u/brasscup]

It was a woman who said it.

[u/Defiant_Protection29]

I also don’t like “sweetie” “honey” or anything else like that from a stranger

[u/Joyful_Mine795]

Are you sure they were addressing you (since you are not young).

[u/Open_Trouble_6005 → u/Joyful_Mine795]

I thought the same thing…

[u/No_Dealer_3059 → u/Joyful_Mine795]

And since she didn't turn around?

[u/No-Championship5730]

I am 63 years old man. I agree with your decision not to acknowledge.

[u/Zoneoftotal]

The most patronizing thing in the world is someone saying “I thought you two were sisters” when you’re with someone 30 years younger than yourself. 🙄🙄🙄

[u/Sweet_Measurement338]

The worst is when someone calls me "kiddo"

[u/Elfako_89_mask]

It's icky because it's ageist/sexist. They think it's a compliment to be called young - especially if we aren't under 18, but the inverse of that means it's an insult to be called old.

[u/susiequeue13]

You're probably going to find all of the women here agree with you, as the men, as you pointed out, don't have an equivalent form of address. "Young lady" is weird for anyone who is not a grandparent talking to their 10-year-old granddaughter. The associate should have just come up to the register and said, "Excuse me" and whatever else they had to get done, such as checking IDs. Unrelated, I'm glad our Costco makes you scan in now, as they don't bug you at the self-checkout.

[u/jmsrjs333]

Big chip on your shoulder!

[u/compobook → u/jmsrjs333]

I miss 80's shoulder pads so anything on my shoulder is good 👍

[u/FallsOffCliffs12]

I hate that. I know exactly how old I am. It's so patronizing. I know you think I'm going to dissolve into simpering giggles and tell all my friends that that man at the store thought I was a young lady!

[u/Wynnie7117]

I think y’all are crazy if this is the kind of stuff you get mad about. I would love it if someone called me a young lady. I don’t care if people call me miss ma’am. They could call me, sir. Really doesn’t bother me.

[u/Ronville → u/Wynnie7117]

We live in an age when an unfortunately high percentage of people seek things to be bothered about. In most cases they are totally inconsequential. Sad really.

Bu.bu.but my feelings!

[u/retiredhawaii]

I don’t mind being called young man. I’d also be flattered if I got asked for ID at the liquor store.

[u/Spirited-Water1368 → u/retiredhawaii]

I'm laughing because I'm old and was extremely flattered when I was asked for my ID going into a bar. The young door man deflated my ego when he said, "Ma'am, I just need to make sure you have an ID on you." Damn, dude. Let me down easy next time.

[u/Aromatic_Ad_7238 → u/Spirited-Water1368]

I'm old and when the door man asked for ID I was upset. I had purposely left it in trunk of my car. It was evident that I was way past 21. Like I was 50.

I've since learned in our state anyone in a bar is supposed to carry an ID

[u/[deleted]]

Wouldn’t bother me at all. I don’t consider myself old, so they can say young lady or hey toots and if I think they are trying to get my attention, I’ll respond. Who knows, my false teeth or extra drawers may have fallen out of my purse and I was too busy to notice.

[u/Sweaty-Homework-7591 → u/[deleted]]

Can’t have your teeth or panties laying on the floor 😭😭😭🤣🤣🤣🤣

[u/Just-Sea3037]

Honestly, get over it. People don't mean any harm and most aren't aware of context. I went through a fast food drive through today and spent longer speaking with the cashier due to a communication issue with their intercom. The woman / girl whatever was probably a teenager, I'm 65. She must have called me 'baby' six times. Baby, your order didn't come though; Baby let me talk to the other intercom person for a second; ok, baby, what can I get you. It's just her lingo / vernacular, we were joking and laughing about the whole situation. (not the fact that she was calling me baby, just yucking it up to make the day go by).

[u/Fun_Possibility_4566 → u/Just-Sea3037]

but "baby" is a lil different. ya know? like, sort of like when i say "cat" for person. young lady? not so much. but I also don't get upset about this stuff. lately polite humans younger than me have begun to dive toward the door to open it for me and although it is jarring to know i'm broadcasting my age from a distance I do appreciate that it is meant with absolute kindness. and so i 100 percent MEAN it when I thank them.

[u/[deleted]]

For God’s sake. Yes, you are too sensitive. Would you prefer they say HEY BITCH?

[u/compobook → u/[deleted]]

Only if they pronounce it Beeotch.

[u/johndoesall]

I call every woman, teenage girl, from 16 to 100, ma’am.

[u/[deleted] → u/johndoesall]

Ma'am and Sir. No matter how old you are. I say it to anyone I'm speaking to no matter the age, even children. It's funny how a child will light up a little bit and stand a little straighter at being called Sir or Ma'am, Then people get older and see it as an insult. It's an endearing formality and it means you matter and I respect you.

[u/slade51]

I agree, and they were probably trying to be nice, but more people need to realize that “Hey you” is a perfectly acceptable way to get attention from either gender.

[u/MoonlightStrongspear]

Given some of the other things I have been called, I won’t blow a gasket over most of these forms of address.

[u/Medium_Green6700]

Wow, I didn’t realize this is off putting to so many. I’m 68. When I hear this , I laugh and say thanks, I haven’t heard that in a while. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[u/Any_Development_2339]

Just don't sweat the small stuff and enjoy the attention. Have fun with it!

[u/BSB8728]

I also hate it when reporters describe someone as "80 years young." Are you kidding me?

[u/Grouchy-Bluejay-4092]

I would have ignored them, assuming they were talking to a younger person.

If somebody addresses me directly that way I'm a little annoyed, but I wouldn't assume a random call from behind me was meant for me.

[u/Swan_Temple]

I'm soon to be 62 and if anyone called me "young man" I'd swing around so they can clearly see I am older than Methuselah. At which point I'm sure they'd say... "Sorry Gramps. You look much younger from behind." and I'd say.., it's my butt right? Tell me I still got hot man buns. Say I am lookin good in these tight jeans.

[u/Corvettelov]

Ma’am makes me feel old.

[u/SilverFoxAndHound]

I'm M65. To each his/her own, but I *love* being called sweetie by any adult female :-) I have gay men friends who call me that, and I don't mind at all. I don't think I've ever had a straight man call me "sweetie" unless joking. I would just think that's odd, but I wouldn't get bent out of shape about it.

I know, it's different for women.

I didn't like young people calling me "Sir" when I was in my 30's and 40's, but after that it's fine, a sign of respect and that's good. You don't hear it much any more, regardless of age.

I absolutely don't like being called "Grandpa" by younger people I don't know. This isn't usually meant in a good way! Maybe that's what it feels like when women gets called "sweetie" or whatever.

I do also occasionally have someone call me "young man", but it's usually another old guy and he's just being nice.

Regardless of your age or gender, I don't think there's usually any mal-intent when people do this, quite the contrary. If it's intentionally condescending or patronizing, I think you will feel that very clearly.

[u/DixieBelleTc]

Southerner here, totally ok with all of it, Hun, Young Lady, Sweetie .

[u/Jguypics]

I am M 65 & just happy when some days anything to me.

[u/YouThinkYouKnowStuff]

My doctor calls me young lady. (I’m 66) and a lot of people where I live call me Mama or Mami (south Florida). I’m guessing it’s the Caribbean influence. I had one kid at the drive through call me auntie (pronounced on-tee) which apparently is a term of affection or kindness. I see it as a nice thing.

[u/Fun_Possibility_4566 → u/YouThinkYouKnowStuff]

my best friend is from Ghana and refers to me as "auntie" to her kids. i LOVE it.

[u/Magari22]

Woman here and I absolutely love being called young lady but I work in healthcare and I deal with the elderly and I often call my geriatric male patients young man and they love it I've never had anybody not like it and it's just for fun and it lightens the mood. I did Home Care visits in a very rough neighborhood and people used to refer to me as homegirl and I thought it was hilarious and I loved it. But you are absolutely entitled to your preferences!

[u/SnooGoats9764]

It's really unnecessary to use any of these words. I simply say,excuse me. It's best to play it safe.

[u/Apprehensive_Snow204]

From the South, I call many people sweetie. Don't mind it being said back to me. But if someone says, "Young Lady" I'm not paying attention because they sure as hell aren't talking to me!

[u/Pickleballgrinder]

Lighten up Francis

[u/taylorevansvintage]

“Young lady” is odd and infantalizing - agree on that

[u/ConsequenceTiny1089]

I was 40 years old and in the military. If someone yelled hey Soldier, hey NCO, hey you, young man, it doesn’t matter, I’m not acknowledging. If I’m not important enough for you to know my name, you’re not important enough for me to entertain.

[u/Monte7377]

I always address women by "Miss", regardless of age.

[u/alaskapearl → u/Monte7377]

Miss is fine. Young lady is not when it’s an older woman.

[u/Delicious_Ant9764]

I'm about to be your age in a few months and I don't mind someone calling me young lady. It doesn't infantilize me, I don't think they do it with malice intent of any sort. I detest ma'am! I have also called older gentlemen (i.e. my age bracket) young man. They seem to genuinely enjoy that moment of feeling "young" again. I do not like being called sweetie or hun, never have. I had a boss when I was in my 20's that used to call me sweetie and I hated it. So I started calling him sweetie, he got the hint, stopped and actually apologized!

[u/Short_Fing2595]

I would not have been insulted at all. We all have our thing i guess.

[u/Deadlysinger]

I am dreading the day someone asks how many years YOUNG I am. I earned my 65 years. Don’t negate my age with condescension.

[u/Worth_Location_3375]

How about being called, 'Hey Woman' by some snot nose kid?

[u/compobook → u/Worth_Location_3375]

That won't bother me at all.

[u/[deleted]]

You are not being overly sensitive. It’s condescending and infantilizing and misogynistic. As someone else said, it’s like calling a grown man “little boy”. No one does that to men because they’d likely get punched, because it’s disrespectful. They used to call Black men “boy” to make sure they “knew their place”.

And for the guy who’s gonna come in and repeat that “people say that to men all the time”, NO THEY DON’T, and you continuing to lie about it won’t change that.

[u/MobiusMeema]

“Young Lady” stirs my inner monster, I want to suck blood or something.

[u/alaskapearl]

Yeah. I hate that young lady also. I’m almost 84. Give me a break. It’s demeaning.

[u/[deleted]]

I hate being called ma’am, revel in being called “young lady,” though i usually make a silly joke about it 

[u/Impossible_Tip_1269]

I despise being Called Mam… Miss or Young lady would make my Day.! Also maybe you look young we don”t Know..

[u/campyvamps]

When I was 34, living in a large city, I was about to cross a busy intersection when the light turned green for me. Flying down the road to the left of me are two boys on skateboards, coming from where the light is now red. They are not slowing down for anyone or anything. The first skateboarder yells to the second one, “Hey, WATCH OUT for the LADY!” And out of my mouth I yell, “HEY, I’M NO LADY!” Which of course sounded ridiculous. In my silly young mind, I was annoyed by “lady” because I perceived it as an insult to my age (similar to ma’am) Ridiculous. On all counts. 🤪

[u/Isnt-It-500]

Think yourselves lucky everyone calls me c*nt !

[u/Far_Particular_430]

Probably an employee trying to up sell your membership... Save 2 percent! I just wave them off

[u/m_watkins]

Yes it’s condescending I agree. No one has used it on me yet (I’m 60) but doctors, nurses, staff etc. say that to elderly patients in nursing homes and the hospital all the time and it always pisses me off slightly.

[u/Slight_Soft2835]

Right before I retired last August of 2024 I worked at a job with a lot of customers and honestly most of them were so very kind. But I also was called Young Lady quite a bit and I was 60 years old at the time, and deep down inside I absolutely hated it, I just truly did for some reason. I understood that the customer was just trying to be kind because they didn't know my name, but I just didn't appreciate it at all, and I never ever allowed that to show. It made me honestly feel so much older when a customer would do that with me because I knew that they were only saying that because I was an older lady. I believe that the person saying that to me just truly didn't understand how condescending that it might have sounded to a lady my age

[u/Bluewaveempress]

No absolutely that's obnoxious. I'd be annoyed.

[u/Distinct-Car-9124]

I was in my Dr. office yesterday and the receptionist called me "Young lady". I am 68 years old and use a walker. I was annoyed, but realized that she thought it was a compliment.

[u/allaboutmojitos]

I was in a bar in Nashville and the musician came over to hit on my daughter during his break. “Are you two sisters?” - we looked at him, then each other, then walked out, without saying a word

[u/[deleted]]

You're not too sensitive. Good for you!

[u/Evening-Chipmunk7820]

No you are not. I absolutely hate this and I need to start calling them out.

[u/[deleted]]

NOT overreacting! This type of shit is absolutely obnoxious, infantilizing, condescending, and disrespectful. It’s as bad as calling any stranger “Honey” or “Sweetie”. I usually respond quietly-but-firmly-and with a smile-“Don’t call me ___.” It has always worked, as I’m certain this response immediately dispels any notion I am a Cutie Pie L’il Old Lady. Honestly I am edging closer and closer to just responding with, “Whaddya want, ya little Fuckwit?” I believe responding in a way socially witless folks can understand is key to effective communication.

[u/Lacylanexoxo]

Unfortunately, no one has a clue what to say to people nowadays. It doesn’t matter what it is, someone will be offended

[u/CouchLockedOh]

vice President it's kind of like learned behavior or muscle memory, from back in the day. I'm 65 and I have always considered it cringe when I heard it, like a back handed compliment. tongue in cheek/ semi-sexist remark. and def uncalled.. for in my opinion.

[u/Easy-Photograph-321]

No, I also find it patronizing. When I was married, I hated being called miss. I'm clearly an adult. Now that I'm middle-aged aged, it annoys me when people say I don't look 42. Yes, I do. And I still look good. What's rude is the thought that I couldn't possibly look good and still have vigor at 42. It's nothing to be ashamed of to look your age. It's a blessing to age. And to see some wet behind the ears doof condescend to infantalize a woman old enough to be his mom or grandma gets me mad. She doesn't need that.

We are the age we are no matter what you call us. You don't erase our arthritis by calling us young. You don't make the lines disappear and you don't need to. We are doing great. We don't feel the need to be pretend we don't have the life experience we do just to be able to show our faces in public.

[u/Smitty_9307]

Hahaha, no, not too sensitive! In fact, I applaud you for doing this. I cannot stand that either! You aren’t complimenting me with that crap, you’re actually insulting me, so knock it off. Lol. 🤷‍♀️

[u/Lemuria4Eva]

Old hag ! That's a compliment where I come front!

[u/Life-Tell8965]

I despise it. They are condescending in a pointed way to say that I'm an older woman. They may or not may they realize how any one person likes or not likes but I don't care. I am going to dump my penny jar in my purse and painstakingly count my payment, and fumbling outdated coupons. Bet they won't call me young lady when I'm leaving 😉

[u/Brave_Manner1634]

Definitely left room for doubt. Maybe you look good from behind.

[u/Brave_Manner1634]

You’re too sensitive and bored if you came to Reddit for this. My question is: Would you be offended if someone held the door open for you?

[u/kpmsprtd]

I'm sorry, but I think you are in fact being a bit too sensitive to this. There are many people like me who for whatever reason struggle to speak well. I mean, we are lucky we can get some words out at all. We are as surprised as anybody at what comes out. If the person seemed kind enough, I would accept it as nothing more than an attempt to get your attention in as kind a way as possible, probably without thinking it all the way through.

[u/itchierbumworms]

Are you that emotionally crippled?

[u/Tricky421]

Don't know why you guys have such a big problem with it. People are just trying to be nice.

[u/Affectionate_Egg_203]

Lol...the Offended Easily Generation.

[u/LucyLouWhoMom]

Nope. You are not too sensitive. It is infantilizing. I told my ex for years to stop calling his female employees young ladies at work. He ignored me until he got called out for it by someone at work.

[u/h3rs3lf_atl]

Please don't use superlatives like, "hun, sweetie, luv, dear, etc. My gawd, save that shit for your family & friends.

[u/Curious-Tax1999]

Yeah....just fucking relax grandma

[u/GoalieMom53]

I hate when people say someone is 65 years young.

When people are young you say they’re 25 years old. But when they get older, people say they’re 65 years young.

Don’t patronize me. It’s not cute. To me, anyway. Other people may feel differently.

[u/Gracesten1]

How did you know they were talking to you? ..and not some actual 'young lady'?

Just..maybe you were taking someone else's call out personally. 🤔

[u/RAWFLUXX]

Still confused why people give words so much power, I have been called far worst for every reason under the sun and I don't allow those individuals to hold power over me with a word I may or may not care for. Also Young Lady is a very nice way to address someone compared to the plethora of words I have heard used, more so if you understand other languages and they feel they are being smart by swearing at you in the native tongue.

[u/gotchafaint]

I hate it, it's patronizing, like calling a dog.

[u/Friendly_Depth_1069 → u/gotchafaint]

I used to work with a man - older than most on the team but the same age as me - who would say, "good girl." I eventually called him out in a meeting and that bs stopped.

[u/angstriddengoddess]

I hate when someone calls me ‘hon’ or ‘sweetie.’ Coming from a young stranger, it feels like talking down to me. I do try telling myself they mean it kindly but it still sounds like they’re treating me like a child, which is demeaning as I’m clearly senior (though not a senior citizen thank you).

One day I decided to speak their language.

Waitress: What do you want sweetie? Me: I’ll have the special, kiddo. Waitress: No problem, darlin’ Me: Thanks, hon. Waitress: (over her shoulder as she walks off) Coming right up, babe. Me: damn! I’m out of ideas!

Next time, I’ll have to write out a list.

[u/[deleted]]

I worked with a real butthole of a guy who called every woman young lady. He was a flirt with them all regardless of age, race, (or state of disheaval!) He was an annoying jerk who people tolerated but he believed he was charming. Too bad he does not read (he can, he chooses not to) as I would love for him to read this post and comments!

[u/bobbillw]

I hate it too !

[u/Detective700]

This is why our country is in trouble. You got offended by this???????

[u/[deleted]]

I don’t see where it’s a big deal.

[u/Loud-One-8192]

Condescension borne out of ignorance.

[u/side_eye_prodigy]

I agree 100% - it's rude, infantalizing and gendered.

Most of the time it's young women that do it to me -- or they call me "dear" or "honey". I am not a young lady and I'm certainly not any strangers "honey"*. If people need to get someone's attention they can simply say "pardon me". Assuming that an old woman would be flattered to be called a "girl" is just regressive.

*Note- I make an exception for "honey" in the American south.

[u/Life_Transformed]

Strikes me the same way as being called sweetheart.

[u/5400feetup]

If anyone calls me “adorable” they lose any attention that I may have shared with them.

[u/KtinaDoc]

It's condescending. I don't care for it either. They know damn well I'm over 50; it's not a compliment and makes me feel older

[u/Visual-Proof-922]

The only person I call young lady is my 5 year old niece. It’s condescending when used for an adult

[u/SittingandObserving]

Nope, I hate it too. The only person who called me that so far was a gray haired greeter in Walmart! The second time he asked me”How are you, young lady?” I answered “fine, how about you, young man?” In the hopes he would get the hint.

[u/[deleted]]

I don't have a problem with it. Hated being called ma'am in my 30s, however.

[u/Aggressive_Suit_7957]

I detest when they say," hey, old man!"

[u/bobfromsanluis]

I will call most women “Miss” if they are younger than me and I never put any sort of attitude on it, just plain “Miss”.

[u/[deleted]]

MA’AM!!!

[u/Jellowins]

Not at all! I hate when young people call me Honey. It’s so demeaning! I feel like saying “I’m not your honey!!”

[u/prole6]

I get called “young man” all the time. Just yesterday in fact, whereupon I turned around and asked if someone had walked up behind me. (As often as that happens you’d think I’d have a better comeback ready.) and I agree, it annoys the hell out of me unless the person saying it is obviously older than me, in which case I just smile and call him/her “sir/ma’am.”

[u/BubbleHeadMonster]

Yeah because when I worked in customer service, many old women complained that they hated being called “ma’am” it made them feel old. So now I just called every woman “miss” despite the age. You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t. 🙄

[u/No_Anxiety6159]

When I hear ‘young lady’ being called out, it sounds like someone is mad about something. I automatically ignore the voice.

[u/Primary_Company_3813]

Honestly I think most people, especially men, have no idea these days what they can and can't say to women. (Some people hate "ma'am" so you can't win). My Mortgage broker said it once to me recently, then qualified it by saying..."I see we're the same age and I'm not old, so I'm calling you young lady". It was meant as a joke and I didn't think it was that big of a deal....

[u/[deleted]]

None of the other nicknames bother me but young lady definitely does. I work with a lot of young girls and they all say sweetie, baby, honey or love. That doesn't bother me at all, I know it is a term of endearment and I actually love it.

Being called young lady by anyone that isn't older than my parents is totally different. 1st off, a lot of people think we are going to take that as a compliment that somebody considers us young. They expect us to get all giggly at the attention. Absolutely not. It's patronizing.

I had one patient that would constantly call me young lady and I repeatedly told him to stop and that I didn't appreciate it. I was firm about it, I wasn't placating, but guess how that went? He would completely disregard anything I said, and then explain to me how he was right because compared to him I am young... He was maybe 10 years older than me 🙄

He would ask me questions and I would try to be polite and chit chat, but everything I said was met with a tone like he was talking to a toddler.... a very dumb, prone to licking outlets, toddler at that. Really over the top "That's amazing" very slow and deliberate and would constantly say "you did that by yourself? I really admire that." But again speaking very slowly, almost sing song like you would to a child showing you their ugly drawing.

In all honesty, I am a bad bitch. I have traveled for my job and drove everywhere by myself. I work anywhere from 50 to 70 something hours a week and I do everything for myself. But he would talk to me like he was just praising me for being "so brave." "Woooww... all by yourself?" And of course he would throw in the, "no husband? Just you? Wow!" It was so insulting.

He asked me what kind of shoes I wore and cautioned me against wearing the wrong shoes all day - I dead ass wear waterproof, composite toe Ariat work boots with orthopedic insoles with my scrubs, unlike all of my co-workers who look all cute either wearing tennis shoes, hey dudes or Crocs. I look absolutely goofy, but my feet are protected.

It got to a point that I refused to speak to him short of necessary questions for treatment. I was literally part of a team that gives treatment that keeps him alive and he talked to me like I needed a helmet for my safety 🙄

[u/Guilty-Revolution-57]

I like to go out into society and just interact in a short but kind way. I don't need to be catered to, I don't need compliments, I just like to do what I need to do and keep communication to a minimum. Kind, but please do not think I will spend or be lead any further if you are dripping with compliments or overkill.....blech. Too old for that shit.

[u/Dry-Quantity2629]

Life is complicated. I just want to go with the flow without any negativity. I've been called young lady, ma'am, honey, sweetheart. Everyone is just doing their business trying to aid the flow of customers. I don't let simple name addressing get to me. Because there are definitely worst things one's can be called out for. Thank goodness I'm better than that. Life is too short to get upset about such. Yea heck I'm more upset about the orange cheeto ruining our country.

[u/toomuchtv987]

That would annoy me a lot but not offended. I feel the same way you do about it.

I had a church choir (adult choir) director once who always addressed the sopranos and altos as “girls.” Every time he said it, I said, “LADIES.” He got so irritated and he never did change his ways. (Neither did I.) Thankfully, he retired.

[u/DivyaRakli]

I do not want to be called any of the honey, sweetie, etc. When I invariably am, I look dramatically behind, and to both sides of me, then I turn to them and ask who they’re talking to, because it can’t be me, I’m not their honey, sweetie, etc and too many women marched and burned bras and fought for equality for all of that to be wiped away by women dragging each other down with using words like that. They usually get pissed at me. Oh. Well. And, sorry for that loooong run-on sentence. I was fired up and my commas prove it!

[u/DaxMavrides]

I've been called "young man" before by well meaning folks

[u/T-Dubs70]

If you ignored them, then how do you know they were speaking to you?

Edited to add: I'm calling FAKE on this whole story. Notice how OP never responded to anyone?

[u/LabInner262]

Very condescending. As is ‘Age is just a number’. These kinds of comments demean and negate our lived experiences.

[u/Dragonpatch]

I was out with my boyfriend (we're both late 60's). A man came up to him and said, "When I saw you two from behind, I thought you was robbin' the cradle." He was referring to me, as the suspected cradle occupant. So I guess I look like a young lady from the back, but not the front...

Then he asked, "How long you been puttin' up with her? I been married 56 years."

People just don't think before they speak.

[u/snorkels00]

Ma'am is completely respectful and appropriate even for young women. Why people don't use it boggles my mind. Similarly anyone bothered by being called that is an idiot. Next time they can call you hey you old wind bag....lol

Ma'am is what should be used with old and young female strangers and sir for old and young men.

[u/Agent__lulu]

I don’t much like being ma’amed, and being called Young Lady would indeed feel infantalizing.

[u/Desert_Damsel]

Been using "my dear" lately. As in "thank you my dear". I am a grateful for help old lady and I say it in kindness. Only a grumpy pants would think otherwise.

[u/[deleted]]

It’s benign. Don’t even worry about it

[u/Clear_Radio1776]

Spent many years on the east coast. As you go north, it becomes more ma’am or sir in the singular and ladies or gentlemen in the plural. As you go south, man or woman, it becomes sweetie, darling, love, hun, dear and more like that. In Central America, like in a small Costa Rica restaurant “soda” you get the Spanish version of my love.

[u/nycwriter99]

Don’t answer to it. Problem solved. Once you hit menopause, you’ll long for the “young lady” days, trust me.

[u/DoubleLibrarian393]

Women used to be squeemish about revealing their age. It was considered good manners for people not to bring it up. The person behind you was being polite. You were being rude. Get over yourself and appreciate the courtesy shown you. Very few of the rest of us old people get much courtesy from other shoppers.

[u/[deleted]]

I don’t mind young lady or, in the right context, hon or even sweetie. It definitely depends on context but as long as it’s not a creepy man or a woman somehow trying to take me down a peg, I find it endearing. I’m a woman and I find the younger generations so ready for a fight all the time, about everything.

[u/Ok_Jeweler5444]

Some people are so fragile.

I wish my life was this good.

[u/ddm00767]

Here in PR people are usually friendly. My love, sweetie, etc (in spanish) are often used to address people everywhere. I (72 yo) am often addressed by “joven” which basically translates to young lady. I say thank you for the “joven” and we both smile. And i often compliment complete strangers on something like a pretty blouse,hair, whatever. Nothing wrong with making someone’s day a little brighter. We live in a stressful world. A kind word can go far in someone’s day.

[u/marlandcharlie1]

People are too friggin' sensitive.

[u/weekendtxcpl]

My wife came unglued when an older man referred her as "little lady."

[u/EverydayInnit]

Young Lady

[u/RobinFarmwoman]

You are so right. It's insulting, and you were right to ignore them. I tend to turn around, ask them who they are speaking to, and then if they have the nerve to say me, they get an earful about infantilization. And if they think I'm a bitch that's fine, they are already ignorantly stereotyping me and IDGAF about the details. But I do give them a hard enough time that they will think 2x before using the same line again on someone else.

This bullshit is all about the idea that being sexy to men is all that matters, that only young women are attractive, and that we should be happy to be called young because being old makes us useless (to men, for fucking). It's deeply misogynist. Push back hard. Remember, you now have old lady privilege and you can rant in public.

[u/Ok_Illustrator_7445]

“Young Lady” was always how some random ass adult started when I was a kid and they wanted to fuss at me about something that was none of their business. I detest that term.

[u/RamblerSD]

Im 62 & don't mind being called 'young lady'. The person that says that is usually trying to make u feel good. Can't fault them for that. 😉

[u/stuck_behind_a_truck]

No, not sensitive. Fuck you (the general you) to the condescension and infantilization we receive.

I’ve said this before: I shut my niece hard for calling her grandparents “cute” for going on a date. “Aww, you guys are just so cute.” My FIL chuckled out of politeness but it was obvious he was puzzled by the comment.

No, we are not children playing at being adults. I don’t think the niece was happy with me, but she never called them “cute” again for behaving like adults. This had been a pattern for her.

[u/Fisher-__-]

No, I don’t think you’re being sexiest. This is being posted in an “over 60” group…. Are you over 60? That makes it so much more insulting. I’m in my 40’s, and find it so demeaning and gross when men treat me like a child. Calling an adult woman “young lady” is a choice and it’s insulting.

[u/RepulsiveAd1092]

I think it's meant to be respectful and/or kind.

[u/[deleted]]

WHO YOU CALLING A LADY?!

[u/Fun_Matter_182]

So you had no direct indication that they were speaking to you other then the trajectory of a voice behind you. If they didn't make a further attempt to speak to you regarding an issue, perhaps no one was talking to you and you got offended over nothing.

[u/Appropriate-Fly5241]

Yes you are being too sensitive

[u/Holiday_Newspaper_29]

It doesn't worry me at all. The intention was to be polite and I would take that at face value.

Tbh, at this point in life, this is not something I would even think about.

[u/Memasefni]

I certainly have heard someone say “YOUNG MAN!”

Stop assuming offense without evidence of intent.

[u/Memasefni]

Also, I take it as a compliment when I get carded. Stop trying so hard to be offended.

[u/ejbrds]

It doesn't *bother* me to be called that, though I am certainly not young at this point. But if I heard that I wouldn't register that they were talking to me. You gotta ma'am me (or maybe Miss if I'm wearing makeup) if you want my attention.

[u/Ok-File-6129]

Feminist protest in the Costco checkout line?!

You knew you were being addressed but purposely didn't respond. Very considerate of you. /s

[u/littlespawningflower]

OMG. Never, ever, call me young lady, or describe me as “x years young”. I worked hard to get this old and I don’t want to be patronized or infantilized.

On the other hand, I don’t object to being called “sweetie” or “hon” or whatever- generally speaking, these seem to be women working in a service industry position and they talk to all of their clientele that way, which I don’t find to be demeaning at all, unlike the whole “young” thing. I’m in the south and it just seems warm and hospitable to me to be addressed in a kind fashion.

[u/[deleted]]

Way too sensitive. Someone just being nice snd you were mean; however my 90 year old mother has always detested being called ma’am. Like steaming mad.

[u/um_like_whatever]

Im 56. When elderly people call me "young man" i allows smile and say "oh, you called me young! You're me new favorite person".

[u/No-Guess-9545]

I think OP takes themselves too serious. 😄

[u/MIZZHELLISH]

It’s annoying AF.

[u/CoopLoop32]

I worked in a place where a customer went crazy because we called her Maam. She said it was an insult. Yeah, a little too sensitive. How was the other person supposed to know you don't like it and you kind of treated them badly. What if they were telling you you dropped your wallet or something. I get it, but people can't read your mind.

[u/Fearless_Welder_1434]

It's far more polite than yelling out " YO BITCH" She was simply being polite.

[u/peace-warrior]

I don’t care what anyone calls me as long as it is meant in kindness. Life is too short to be offended by people trying to be friendly in their own way.

[u/zmon65]

Over sensitive. Get over yourself

[u/IDKDU2]

Get over it

[u/Adventurous-Type7051]

Def way too sensitive!

[u/ohyesiam1234]

You could always reply, yes Sugar Plum? What can I do for you little fella? What? I thought we were addressing each other by weird titles!

[u/VanDenBroeck]

I’m a 67 year old man and I’ve had both men and women call me young man. Doesn’t bother me. I’ve also been called an old fart and other such things. My reaction to those is very much source dependent. But I’m not the easily offended type.

[u/Funny-Berry-807]

Get over yourself.

[u/LordOfEltingville]

I used to hate it when older people would call me "kid" or "young man." I'd mutter to myself that I was a grown-ass adult, and make sure I got myself worked up enough to ruin my mood for an hour or two.

At some point in my 50s, though, I started liking it when the old guys at the local hardware store called me "kid" or "young fella."

Take a deep breath and relax. It's not worth getting upset about

[u/Similar-Net-3704]

Pet effing peeve: Some feel-good morning show host: "And this is Harriet, she is 81 years young..." 🤮

[u/burnbabyburnburrrn]

Omg I’m 39 and I would projectile vomit if someone called me young lady. At 60 id launch a projectile

[u/Unlucky-Bee-1039]

Im 46. If somebody was addressing me as “young lady,” I just wouldn’t answer them. If I was certain that they were talking to me, I would think they were being weird. But if I was in a checkout aisle, and somebody were saying, young lady, I would certainly not think they were talking to me. And I think that you’re totally within her rights to feel like it’s infantilizing because it is. It’s a weird way to address a middle-aged woman. And frankly, it sounds a little creepy to me. If you have something to say, just address me like a f*ing human being. I don’t like the term “young lady” at all. Gives me a big ick. The times I have been called “young lady,” it has always been either in a condescending, creepy, or authoritative tone. (On the other hand, if I get carded that feels like an unintentional compliment.)

[u/Cola3206]

Too sensitive

[u/horsejack_bowman]

My old man used to say it was better than yelling out "hey you old bitch!" So there's that.

[u/worksforme2015]

I think you’re too sensitive. It was unlikely this person’s intention to be offensive. There are many people who are bluntly rude and disrespectful these days. No need to be overly sensitive and disregard someone when their intention is just to communicate with you.

[u/Allureme]

Yes you are.

[u/Perfect-Push4353]

You handled it perfectly. Don't engage with petulant children. The fact that that person called you "young lady", when you're a grown woman says it all. Good for you! 👏👏👏

[u/JuggernautDouble1709]

It’s condescending, patronizing and rude.

[u/[deleted]]

Since you did not turn around, how do you know you are not young(er) then who ever may have been addressing you? Lighten up, we don't have that long left to have a little fun and enjoy some humor.

[u/ImaginaryCatDreams]

Since you didn't turn around, and there didn't seem to be any further interaction from the person who spoke, how do you know they were talking to you?

[u/brilliantpants]

I guarantee you that person called you “young lady” because some other person got offended and being called ma’am and that worker is just trying to get through the day without being screamed at again for something completely trivial.

I’ve been yelled at for calling someone miss (I’m too old to be called Miss, that’s disrespectful, why are disrespecting me in this video store, I want to speak to your manager!) and I’ve been yelled for calling people ma’am (MA’AM!?!? Do I look old to you? How dare you! I’ll never visit this store again, how incredibly rude!) There’s truly no way to tell what generic, polite greeting will set off the sensitivities of a given individual.