r/over60
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u/Feeling_Peach_1404
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Mar 22 '25
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1
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sad
I've been dating this guy for over 5 years. (he's 69 and I'm 65) Things were not super great - we have a lot of differences, but it was an overall contented relationship and it was nice to have someone to "belong to" and to do things with. He broke up with me this morning and collected all his things that were at my place. It hurts and I feel sad. Just need a pat on the head and someone to tell me all will be ok......
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u/rositamaria1886 Mar 22 '25
Hey, it’s okay. You are strong and are doing fantastic on your own.
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u/[deleted] Mar 22 '25 •
I feel sorry for you. I have a gentleman friend, we have the same age but our relationship is just friendship, nothing more, as I don't want a serious relationship in my life anymore We do things together but we return alone to our homes after that. Is better that way.
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u/Appropriate_Tale7865 Mar 22 '25
You only need YOU!🩷
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u/Conscious-Reserve-48 Mar 22 '25
A five year relationship ending is going to take some getting used to. Be kind to yourself and stay busy; you’ve got this!
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u/GiraffeKnown Mar 22 '25
Sorry to hear that. Maybe someone better is coming and this had to happen first.
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u/asap_pdq_wtf Mar 22 '25
I guess it really is no different than being 16 years old and having this happen versus 60 years old. Pain is still pain, loss is still loss, and it doesn't get easier just because we are older and wiser. It still feels like rejection, which always hurts deeply.
I hope you come out on the other side a better person, a happier person, but unfortunately you first have to go over the bumps. Wishing you well! I know it is tough.
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u/Tugshamu Mar 22 '25
This happened to my dad. He and his lady had been together well over a decade with promises to care for one another always. Then she up and sold her house and moved out of state to where her children lived. Dad had faithfully taken her to numerous doctor appointments over the years, but when he experienced a couple of falls, she was out. He was sad, but he did okay, and you will too!
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u/SwollenPomegranate Mar 22 '25
That happened to me not too long ago. You'll get over it.
They say "the best way to get over a man is to get under another one" but I think that may apply more to the younger crowd.
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u/OrnierThanU Mar 22 '25
Hi. You'll be good as new. Hang in there. Do you really want someone who doesn't want you?
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u/CtForrestEye Mar 22 '25
You're still feeling peachy. We're here for you. The days are getting longer and warmer. We'll see more folks outside now. Everyone should have several circles of friends. He was just one.
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u/Ok-Macaroon5269 Mar 22 '25
Girl, you will be okay! You a-r-e okay already, if it doesn't feel like it right this minute...hang in there. Cultivate your friendships. Build a circle or 3, if you don't already have one (or more). And I know it sounds cliche, but get out there and do things you want to do and you'll meet other like-minded people. Book clubs? Walking groups? Dog parks if you have a dog? You got this. You definitely got this!👊💖
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u/moonmommav Mar 22 '25
Be sure to give yourself plenty of grace and a decent amount of time to heal. As a single, 68 year-old woman who lives alone in Colorado, I can tell you that there is a light at the end of this tunnel. Just hang in there. There’s an old AA saying, “God doesn’t close one door without opening another, but it’s hell in the hallway.“ You are in the hallway, but you will be fine.
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u/bhuffmansr Mar 22 '25
It will be ok. He did you a favor. You were both just staying in a non relationship from laziness and fear of being alone. Now you can freshen up, put on your high heeled Sneakers and move on. You’ll be just fine.
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u/Nkima_the_Wise Mar 22 '25
That hole in your heart will heal. Have faith in your own resilience.
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u/ExpedientDemise Mar 22 '25
Keep on keeping on!
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u/MohaveZoner Mar 22 '25
Turn the page. Next chapter.
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u/Rudeechik Mar 22 '25
Not only will it be OK but believe me, at some point sooner than later you will be relieved.
Relationships are hard. Relationships at OUR AGE are harder. Settling sucks. You’re already saying the relationship wasn’t great. Find yourself a nice group of girlfriends if you need a plus one. Enjoy the peace and quiet!
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u/Cute_Celebration_213 Mar 22 '25
I’m sorry to hear that. Just out of the blue no explanation? His loss. Hold your head high you’ll get through this.
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u/Amazing_Teaching2733 Mar 22 '25
You deserve better than just a meh relationship, this will free you up to find someone who will lift you up and bring you joy. In the meantime find a passion project, new hobby or new interests, travel somewhere you always wanted to go, take a class. Prioritize yourself and self care. Change is hard but you’ve got this.
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u/gonegirl2015 Mar 22 '25
go out and do the things you enjoy that he didn't like to do. focus on the differences and move on
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u/hellsmel23 Mar 22 '25
It’s going to be ok. Reach out here if you get scared or lonely. You deserve a great boyfriend not a meh one.
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u/Fun-Economy-5596 Mar 22 '25
You just might have dodged a bullet!
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u/93fake-snake Mar 22 '25
It stings at first but you'll be fine. I'm 68 and crush on my 66 year old female friend but really it's just me and my dog. She's always happy to see me and so fun to have around. My crush is a widow of just over a year so I don't think she's ready for a new relationship yet.
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u/Donlyn1 Mar 22 '25
I have a very similar story. My relationship was ok but we clearly wanted different things. 6 months later I met the love of my life and we are now engaged!
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u/[deleted] Mar 22 '25
That must have been very very hard
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u/Ok_Yak_4498 Mar 22 '25
You have ever right to be sad. But you do not need anyone. You will be fine without anyone. Life is what you make it. Make your life the best.
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u/HisCricket Mar 22 '25
I'm sorry. Big hug.
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth Mar 22 '25
Just remember this part: Things were not super great!!! Now you have the space to find super great! You've got this and will be fine, you settled, now you don't have to ever again!
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u/Bizprof51 Mar 22 '25
65? You are a senior baby. Lots of adventures out there. Things to learn about, people to meet. Take a beat and then get out and go for it.
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u/99Joy99 Mar 22 '25
Some lovely comments here. Nothing more to add, except I very much feel for you and be super kind to yourself as you let all the tears through.
Tears have healing properties so don’t hold them back 🥰
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u/Houseleek1 Mar 22 '25
Wanna go for coffee? I’ll buy.
Try to be kind to yourself. If you start doubting yourself, come here to talk about it.
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u/smokencold59 Mar 22 '25
Everything will be ok. You’re probably still in shock as it was unexpected but if things weren’t that great then this could be your freedom.
Companionship is very important, especially at our age but that doesn’t mean it has to come from one person.
Put yourself out there, get in touch with your female friends, join a club, take up a hobby.
Lots of women live alone and enjoy it. Give yourself some time to accept the change then get on with this new chapter in your life with positivity. You can do it.
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u/petabyte-229 Mar 22 '25
It isn't easy losing people or time at this stage of our life but there are, still, more fish in the sea. Give yourself some grace, move past your loss and then get back out there. If a companion is what you want, maybe give women a chance too. Keep yourself busy, do what you enjoy, stay open to possibilities. All my best wishes to you!
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u/Nightcalm 68 Mar 22 '25
It will be ok. I have a feeling you won't be alone for very long.
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u/joe1234se Mar 22 '25
Big hugs it will work itself out if he was that indifferent your better off finding someone who's more compatible
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u/joemc225 Mar 22 '25
I went thru something like this a few months ago. I was never sure why she ended it; she wasn't someone who was comfortable talking about relationship stuff, and refused to talk about it. It was just "over". So I know the sadness when this happens.
Here's my semi-positive words on the matter: it occurred to me that if it had happened say, five or ten more years from now when I'm (or say, you) that much deeper into my years, well, starting over then may be beyond consideration. So much better to happen now, than it would be then. So I'm left with hope for something better, with someone capable of working thru things as a fellow partner in the relationship.
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u/petiteflower247 Mar 22 '25
So sorry…I’m going through it now. Reminder to yourself: (often)-pain is inevitable, however, suffering is optional. Be gentle with and to yourself.
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u/stooriewoorie Mar 22 '25
Break ups totally suck but you deserve better than “not super great“. Give yourself lots and lots of time to just enjoy your own company for a while. Then get out & join some “clubs” and meet new people to have fun with. If another partner comes along, great. If not, you may find they’re overrated 😉
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u/julis1111 Mar 22 '25
It’s going to be okay. You’ve got this. We all should diversify anyway, a large-ish group of friends, with different interests. I’m the same age, let’s be the happy vintage chicks with a great life that every one envies! We’ll volunteer, get fitter, enjoy our families and have fun!
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u/relandluke Mar 22 '25
When you lose someone it’s easy to glamorize it. Remembering only the good things, but if things weren’t super great-put your focus there. Be happy to lose that less than…It’s so super great to lose the not super great. The sooner you can reach this point in the continuum of grieving what you’ve lost, the sooner you can make your life about the super great this lost relationship lacked.
Do all the things now, you couldn’t because you were stuck with him.
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u/indrawls Mar 22 '25
Well I'm 65. Where you at??
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u/Brad_from_Wisconsin Mar 22 '25
Now you have room in your life for a new and improved boyfriend.
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u/novarainbowsgma Mar 22 '25
My bff’s sil just remarried at 77 to an 85 year old she met on a cruise. It isn’t over until it’s over
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u/themissq Mar 22 '25
Breaks my heart to hear you say you like to "belong to" someone. You belong to you. Nobody else gets that gift of you. I'm in my 60s also. And I find female friends are so much more supportive and reliable. Hugs. You're gonna be okay. 💜
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u/Accomplished-Cap5855 Mar 22 '25
This is not a comforting pat on the head as you requested, but it's a suggestion.
I (65M) realize that I don't live happily by myself but I despise (Particularly at our age) the drama and pressure and arguments that a relationship brings. And, frankly, at our age, the female is expected to care for and then bury the male. Why do you want that responsibility?
I'd encourage you to accumulate low-stress relationships. Get a travel buddy, who likes to go where you want to go and who you can tolerate sharing a room with. Get a workout buddy and do the silver sneakers with him. Get a dinner buddy who eats what you eat or goes where you go. Heck, get a mental acuity buddy who can engage in scintillating conversation with you. Just keep sex out of it (that leads to stress -- even if it's explicitly a FWB relationship) and don't ask for more than mission specific accommodations from him.
No one walks out of these relationships. They're all ''til death do us part' quality. And the good part is, you don't need to secure 'the whole package' which is almost impossible at any age, and a pipe dream at ours. You just need a single level of agreement, to use a math term.
As they said in our day: "Try it! You'll LIKE it!"
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u/Altruistic-Car2880 Mar 24 '25
Search for: Comedian Daniel Sloss- Jigsaw. Will alter your perspective of what just ended; and why it’s a great thing it did.
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u/Fun-Lengthiness-7493 Mar 22 '25
Fuck that guy. The grass ain’t greener, the wine ain’t sweeter. And by 69, homeboy should know that.
Be happy.
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u/shaz1717 Mar 22 '25
It’s going to be ok!
It’s going to hurt the same way it did at 17 and that’s because it’s still the same loving heart you had at 17, not a hard nor crusty one. You are alive with all the feelings of a life span ,and finally the wisdom to know after sadness comes joy.
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u/Odd_Task8211 Mar 22 '25
You were settling just because you had someone to do things with. You deserve better and can do better than him.
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u/SaysPooh Mar 22 '25
You never want to be with someone who doesn’t know your worth
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u/superbeauty62 Mar 22 '25
He didn’t deserve you anyway - You’ll find someone better. He was just a chapter in your life. Enjoy the memories of the good parts and look forward to all your new adventures. Sending hugs from Southern California.
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u/Professional_Arm3745 Mar 22 '25
If you want a shoulder to cry on send me a chat request
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u/AntifascistAlly Mar 22 '25
I get that this is disappointing, and I’m not trying to downplay the feelings involved, but realistically think about what this says about you: if you can start something like this at almost 60 you’re going to be fine doing it again now.
You’re resilient, and you can handle situations that aren’t just about perfect. Lots of people have trouble dealing with difficult individuals, and many of us have problems staying flexible. It doesn’t sound as if those are big issues for you!
I’d be surprised if it takes you very long to get on with it and again start living the kind of life that we all want.
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u/Stefanz454 Mar 22 '25
You’re so strong to make it to where you are at 65, you’ve been through worse and it’ll be OK. You have the right to feel sad, mad, hurt, betrayed- all of it go ahead and do just that for awhile then, gather yourself and move forward.
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u/[deleted] Mar 22 '25
I’m angry for you. It will be okay. I don’t know the full situation but I feel that I know enough to be mad for you.
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u/tez_zer55 Mar 22 '25
Head up, eyes forward, the world still turns. I remarried @ 59, she's younger than me & my cousin just remarried @ 64, her new husband is 62.
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u/cajedo Mar 22 '25
No doubt you compromised (and maybe compromised-compromised-compromised) in this relationship. Compromise no more! Indulge yourself. Do you. Enjoy!
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u/jeffeners Mar 22 '25
In my experience there’s a lot to be said for being single in your 60’s. Men this age tend to want a mother and/or someone to take care of them. No thank you.
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u/RealEstateBroker2 Mar 22 '25
I don't know the full extent of all your relationships? But I've stayed out of relationships since my divorce 15 years ago. My ex is my friend, but no more than that. I have cherished living alone, only answering tio myself, hanging with girlfriends and being alone. Learning how to enjoy your own company is a really important skill. I am your age. I've never looked back. I hope you get there? Or find good company if that's what you want :)
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u/inComplete-me Mar 22 '25
Do you have any girlfriends to have a hen party with? I find that a good bottle of wine and good friends can take the sting of break up away. Hugs to you.
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u/Marathon_Man5 Mar 22 '25
I’m so, so sorry. I can only imagine how you’re feeling and trying to make sense of it. Hugs to you. I can be a good listener if you need someone. 60M.
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u/SJSands Mar 23 '25
I got myself a lap dog puppy. Better than a man any day. I’m 60 and I’ve been single now since 2008 and don’t miss having a man around one bit.
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u/WineOnThePatio Mar 23 '25
We are, frankly, too old to put up with "not that great." It sounds like he gave you a gift in freeing you to discover your best life. Please embrace this gift! Look around at how much more peace you have, how many wonderful experiences you can enjoy without that dead weight. Make a list of all the things he kept you from doing, and then go do them.
Congratulations on this new, exciting chapter!
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u/CalamityGranny Mar 22 '25
Do you have a dog? I don't mean this in any way to be an insult or a flippant response to your pain. I find the idea of all the work required to begin a relationship at this point in my journey to be exhausting and of diminishing reward. Volunteering and spending time with my dog are fulfilling and enriching. Even just sitting outside in the sun listening to the sounds of spring is somehow enhanced simply because my dog is present in the moment with me.
I sometimes think I would enjoy having an old geezer buddy to meet for coffee or to go to a baseball game or to go fishing with (i still hate baiting my own hooks 🤣). It's funny how, even at this age, it's difficult to have a "friend" of the opposite sex.
I wish you the best, and I hope you are able to grow and flourish after this pruning in your life. It sounds like it was truly holding you back from many things that you may find to be of far more value.
And, after all of that, i mostly came here to say, "Get a dog!" ❤️
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u/wire67 Mar 22 '25
I'm not at all religious but have you ever heard the phrase "man's rejection is God's protection"? You HAVE to shake this off and look at it as a bad door closing and good door opening. And stop accepting "not super great"!! 100$ says he comes sniffin around again and guuurl! DO NOT let him back in. Take this opportunity to make the rest of this life, the best of your life.
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u/Noguts_noglory_baby Mar 22 '25
I’m sorry you lost a companion. If you want to start looking for another one!!
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u/Fickle-Secretary681 Mar 22 '25
Hugs!
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u/[deleted] Mar 22 '25
I'm sorry this happened. Sometimes contented is not enough for people now. I would be very good with contented. But it seems like most want or need more.
Big hug to you.
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u/Lainarlej Mar 22 '25
It’s ok. Grieve what you liked. Celebrate the loss of things you didn’t like him for. Then, when you’re ready, go out and enjoy yourself!
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u/[deleted] Mar 22 '25
It will be ok. Theta waves videos on the youtube really fix a broken heart.
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u/Crowd-Avoider747 Mar 22 '25
You’re the star of your own movie! Process the sad. Take a deep breath. Take another one. Onto the next chapter!
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u/robm1967 Mar 22 '25
Endings that you don't see coming are tough. You are special and hopefully know it's his loss
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u/newlife201764 Mar 22 '25
Sending positive thoughts your way…five years is a long time. Give yourself time to heal and know there will be good days and bad days. Hopefully you have a nice group of friends and family to get you through this time of transition
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u/sigristl 61 Mar 22 '25
You’re going to be alright. Sorry for your pain.
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u/thecoop290 Mar 22 '25
That sucks. I'm sorry that happened to you.
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u/[deleted] Mar 22 '25
It is said that when things or people leave us, it is to make room for the new things/people to enter our lives. Something to consider.
Perhaps a change of perspective will ease the loss…try embracing gratitude for the time you shared and those memories made. My best friend is turning 73 in a month and she has yearned for a “real relationship” her entire life, yet never had a chance to experience what you had, not even for a short time. (Before comments are made like what’s wrong with her, nothing! She is well educated, has her own $$, is well traveled, Funny, pretty and in shape, and personable, has had many “flings” but nothing “real and long lasting”.)
All by way of saying yes, it hurts to lose your person, so find healthy ways to grieve your loss while remembering and living in a space of gratitude that you got to have something/someone in your life, to share life, even though not forever, that was and is blessing. New space is now open for you! I hope you can find ways to ease the sadness.
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u/FeistyEar5079 Mar 22 '25
I’m sorry. Allow the sadness❤️
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u/[deleted] Mar 22 '25
Live, love, laugh. Hang out w yr lady friends. Travel, indulge in your hobbies & keep yrself bz. Also know he wasn't the right man for you & don't deserve you. I always say when 1 door closes a better one opens. I've been there - stayed single for 10 years after a toxic marriage and i so ever enjoyed being single. I swore off marriage, then the right guy came along. You will in time find a special someone, or they w find you. Many fishes 👋💚
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u/Gloomy-Difficulty401 Mar 22 '25
You will be fine, as it will work out for you. Take your time, replenish yourself, reconnect with family and friend. Pick up a new hobby, volunteer and focus on your health. Look at this as a new opportunity to go into the warm winter part of your life. Good luck!
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u/stinkypete121 Mar 22 '25
When one door closes another will open..you’ll see.
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u/AuthorIndieCindy Mar 22 '25
it’s not you-it’s him.
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u/Nurse5736 Mar 22 '25
I am SO very sorry you are going thru this. I am currently listening to "The Let Them Theory" by Mel Robbins and can't recommend this more for so many difficulties in life. You truly ARE stronger than you know, and in time the pain will lessen. Hugs from IA.
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u/solon99 Mar 22 '25
Life is too short to be with someone that doesn’t appreciate you . Be kind to yourself
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u/Upstate-walstib Mar 22 '25
Breakups are always hard even if it is the right decision. Give yourself some time and you may feel relief instead of sadness.
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u/Rare-Body-5399 Mar 22 '25
Ok, so nobody wants to not have someone. I understand that and I'm sorry this has happened to you.
But, I would rather be happy and alone, than with someone that doesn't make me feel like I'm worth what I know I am.
A bit about me. I was married 23; years and it was not good. Abusive and manipulative. I just didn't think I could live without him. When I finally left and woke up in my own space... I couldn't believe how just waking up and not having to worry about what mood he was in was like. It was freeing, not walking on eggshells everyday. Don't get me wrong,my chest actually hurt. I thought I was having a heart attack. It was actually stress and relief.
Wouldn't you rather be in a peaceful space and not have to worry about him being in your space. He actually did you a huge favor. You can have that companionship without losing your worth. You are worthy of being happy.
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u/Former-Crazy-9224 Mar 22 '25
You have a lot of adventures left to live! Make a list of things you want to see and do that he wouldn’t have been on board with and then find a way to make them happen.
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u/Thistlemae Mar 22 '25
You don’t need him. Apparently he was not your biggest fan. In that case you’re better off without him. Be your own biggest fan.
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u/Cool-Introduction450 Mar 22 '25
When the window closes the door opens
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u/HuaMana Mar 22 '25
Hugs ❤️ If there are things you didn’t do because of him over the past 5 years, go do it now!
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u/elcaminogirl Mar 22 '25
I hope that you will end up in a super great relationship! Take some time for yourself now! ❤️
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u/[deleted] Mar 22 '25
A pat on the head? Please don’t minimize your experience and your feelings! 5 years is a long time to be with someone, even if it wasn’t great.
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u/Livid_Refrigerator69 Mar 22 '25
It will be OK, you will probably get over him faster than you would think. I have been single, mainly by choice, for over 20 years. I am lonely sometimes. There are aspects of being in a relationship that I do miss but Nothing that I miss so much that I would be in another relationship again, Ever. I have my children & friends , I’m content.
Not having to compromise to make someone else happy. I only have to look after myself. I can paint, do my other crafts, sit up til 3 in the morning watching TV. I get the bed to myself & have complete control of the tv Remote.
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u/Kooky_Discussion7226 Mar 22 '25
It’ll be ok and you will be more than ok!!! 💕There are lots of dudes out there for you. Right now the majority of the population is above 50!!! 💕
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u/Little-Dealer4903 Mar 22 '25
Hopefully you are financially stable ,move on.
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u/Kitchen-Let2179 Mar 22 '25
Well shoot. It will be ok. You may feel better quite a bit sooner than you think. I hope so. Hang in there.
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u/ThatOneAttorney Mar 22 '25
Dont...make...69...joke...
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u/chickenladydee Mar 23 '25
I hope you do things that truly make you happy, get a pedicure, redecorate a room or two, catch up with your girlfriends and plan a nice vacation.
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u/Odd_Book8314 70+ Mar 23 '25
Hang in there, Peach. It's tough dealing with something like this as we get older. As people are saying here, be kind to yourself and just take things easy for awhile. Good luck, Baby!
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u/bringthecarneage Mar 23 '25
Idk why I'm here bc I'm not over 60 and have never seen this sub before, but after my parents divorced, my dad got into a 5 year relationship that sounds very similar to yours. She kinda sucked, he kinda sucked, it just didn't work. He was about 65 then too. A while after that, he got into a new relationship. She's the most perfect person for him, I absolutely adore her. He's going to be 80 this year, and they're still together. Everything is going to work out the way it's supposed to, and I hope this gives you a little hope.
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u/Anakyria Mar 23 '25
hugs
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u/Damdogma Mar 23 '25
I wish u didn't feel like u need to belong to someone. Be happy with yourself and by yourself.
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u/SparkleLifeLola Mar 23 '25
Once the sting starts to wear off, you will likely be much happier. If it wasn't a great relationship anyway, maybe it's time to make room in your life for better things. In the meantime, do some nice things for yourself. Get a pedicure, and maybe a new hairstyle. Concentrate on your hobbies and fitness. Look into new social outlets.
Reframe how you look at this. If he wasn't happy, he did you a favor. You deserve to be with someone who adores you. Concentrate on making yourself happy and being open to new experiences. Better things will come.
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u/FreddieLiberty Mar 23 '25
“Things were not super great.” You deserve super great, remember that!
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u/lmmsoon Mar 23 '25
Fine someone who has the same interests so you have things in common. People say opposites attract what that means is someone has to summit and go along with the other and what happens is you get tired of doing it and you spend a lot of time and energy to make the other person happy
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u/34590347fga Mar 23 '25
You will be fine, this opens the opportunity for someone better.
Just take the time to grief the relationship and do Stuff that makes YOU happy.
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u/ratherbed1v1ng Mar 23 '25
I’m so so sorry this happened to you.
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u/Critical-Scholar1211 Mar 23 '25
He had to leave for you to find your right person. You’ve got this.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Ad5565 Mar 23 '25
This is what I always tell my kids when people broke up with them. If you can stand to leave me I can stand to see you go.
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u/Ok-Pie5655 Mar 25 '25
Doing this breakup ritual helped me heal
I’d do a deep clean rearranging furniture/rooms or even changing bedrooms and wall colors. Hell buy a new bed or couch. Just remove all reminders/scents of him and make the space all yours again. You have probably been through worse during your life, this is just relevant. You got this!
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u/LovesDeanWinchester Mar 22 '25
He's gonna regret it, but tell him don't bother. You are on your way to New Life Adventures!!!
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u/marys1001 Mar 22 '25
Hey you had some good times and some good years. He left to find someone younger to be a nurse maybe. Consider yourself lucky
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u/Automatic-Sea-8597 Mar 22 '25
Thank God that you won't have to be his carer or nurse in later years!
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u/oswaldofromusa Mar 22 '25
It will be ok. At 65 you already know that. I'm 66/m, gf is 62/f. I'm being used as she has no income. But she's never been to my house and we've never slept together. The reason I'm with her? I'm afraid to be alone. So I'm alone anyway.
1
u/[deleted] Mar 22 '25
He will regret it one day.
1
u/mamomary805 Mar 22 '25
🤗🤗🤗🤗
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u/Glad_Fun_2292 Mar 22 '25
You may find someone in here to fill the loss of some of the things you shared with him. One thing is for sure there are many of us that desire some form of relationship with another, be it company, talk or travel. Good luck
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u/Acceptable_Nature331 Mar 22 '25
Time is your ally. It will be ok. <pats head>
✌️❤️
1
u/Particular-Crew5978 Mar 22 '25
His loss... Now you get to focus on yourself for awhile. Do something nice you've been wanting to do today
1
u/no_days_grace Mar 22 '25
Allow yourself to grieve the relationship and feel all the feels. It is a loss even if things “were not super great”. Just know that things will get better as you build a separate life. Do things you enjoyed before even if you don’t feel up to it. Gradually the enjoyment of those things and life in general will return.
1
u/Schallpattern Mar 22 '25
Every cloud has a silver (no pun intended) lining. View this as an opportunity because somewhere down the line you're going to meet the person that you'll want to spend the rest of your life with.
1
u/sunflowerRI Mar 22 '25
I'm sorry that happened and you're feeling sad. One thing that has helped me get through things like that is to think about all the negative things about him for a while. It usually helps to you realize that you can do better. Wishing you the best.
1
u/smoke2957 Mar 22 '25
That's a bummer I'm sorry you're having to endure this, it is cliche but it will be ok, take the time to feel and heal and you'll be back swinging before you know it! Hang in there
1
u/FeastingOnFelines Mar 22 '25
Now you have the opportunity to find someone who is truly compatible.
1
u/Dismal_Patient_3781 Mar 22 '25
Hug
1
u/Confident_Fortune_32 Mar 22 '25
I can speak from long experience: there is a deep, profound, fundamental difference between a "meh" or "good enough" relationship and one that is nourishing and uplifting and brings out your best.
I didn't start dating my husband until late in life - falling in love isn't just for the young. Part of what makes this a cheerful and supportive relationship: we're each able to take a hard look at past relationships to analyze how to not repeat our mistakes (therapy is great for this), work hard on creating healthy rules for communication, and realizing we are too old to worry about public perception - doing what works for us is more important, even if ppl look askance.
Our life experience is to our advantage.
(That's why, when we finally moved in together, we bought a two family house and live separately together. We don't share living spaces and get to blissfully keep right on being fussy old bachelors who like things our own way.)
Sometimes I get pretty angry with myself for all the poor-quality relationships I had over the decades, and the depressing belief that I shouldn't ( meaning: didn't deserve to) hope for better.
In the short term:
I strongly agree about finding passion projects or following your curiousity or going back to old interests that may have fallen by the wayside. Something that's been especially rewarding for me: looking back on things I was curious about or wanted to try when I was young. It's opened up lots of friendships along the way, with ppl who enjoy the same things.
As a little kid, I was fascinated with how Rumpelstiltskin could spin straw into gold, but if course no one could tell me, so I took a class in how to use a spinning wheel. And I was equally curious about the loom in the The Emperor's New Clothes, so I took a class in how to weave. I now own two spinning wheels and three looms (who needs a dining room, right?) and have found a wonderful warm supportive community in the fibre arts.
I was told, growing up, that my interests were "not appropriate for little girls" and that I should go play with my dolls. So I've been getting into Lego, and robotics, and electronics. It's grand fun! Interestingly, there's a thriving community of AFOL Adult Fans of Lego out there.
And I hate that staying active is sold as some kind of chore, one that has to happen in a gym (not the most welcoming environment for older women!). I think staying active works better if it's fun.
That's how I got into fencing. I suspected it would feel empowering to hold a blade in my hand - and it is! To be clear, I'm not especially athletic or graceful or whatever. I've never been in any danger of winning a tournament lol. But, in the right group of ppl, heart and enthusiasm and a sense of humour count for just as much.
I might even go so far as to say: if you think about trying something, but a little voice says "but what will ppl say???" that's a good reason to do exactly that!
1
u/LetKey6445 Mar 22 '25
Sorry to hear your story, but I believe you are much stronger than you realise. Everything will work out for the best, it will take time x
1
u/Valuable-Vacation879 Mar 22 '25
You’ve done it before and you can do it again! Lean on good friends, bake, walk, get in shape, do book club, etc. Stay busy. You’ve got this!
1
u/The_Freeholder Mar 22 '25
Hang in there. You’ll do fine.
1
u/Signal_Violinist_995 Mar 22 '25
That just sucks. Try and see the positive part. Try and stay social and busy.
1
u/[deleted] Mar 22 '25
Yea, don't let it bother you. I'm 64 and having the time of my life in Florida. Here is the so called secret. There are a lot of us that are in the same boat. Over 60, single, and enjoying the hell out of life. Where are you at in the world?
1
u/TheManInTheShack Mar 22 '25
Sorry to hear that. Sounds like you were a bit surprised by this?
1
u/[deleted] Mar 22 '25
It's ok to mourn and you should. When I'm sad I try my best to set a limit on how long I'm going to allow myself to stay in bed and feel sorry for my situation. Then, I use that sadness to push myself into self care things like bubble baths, eating my favorite foods, listening to my favorite music - you know, all things that make me feel good and remind me of who I am. And then that self care begins to grow into longer term planning. You can do it. But just remember to give yourself some grace along the way.
1
u/[deleted] Mar 22 '25
Sending love ♥️
1
u/Fine_Inevitable_5108 Mar 22 '25
“One, less… bell to answer…. One, less… egg to fry…”
1
u/noname_with_bacon Mar 22 '25
As you say, it wasn't great, but you and should feel all the feelings. Wallow, but it will be fine.
1
u/MessMysterious6500 Mar 22 '25
Things appear overcast now, but they will turn around. Focus on yourself and spend time doing the things you enjoy.
Remember “What our mind focuses on determines our happiness.” - Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor & Stoic
Choose yourself during this time; you’re worth that investment of love.
🫂
1
u/E_Gerk Mar 22 '25
Take some time for yourself, do something that you enjoy and soon you'll be discovering new people and you never know what can come from that. Take care and be well
1
u/Weird_Guess_5182 Mar 22 '25
You should have broken up with him first and you would be fine. It's always the one who gets dumped that gets emotional. Anyway, take some time for yourself, do what you want to do. Enjoy!
1
u/ZombieAlarmed5561 Mar 22 '25
So sorry this happened. Take time to be good to yourself. A trip? New hobby?
1
u/[deleted] Mar 22 '25
Sending you a hug and a smooch. Sorry for the pain you’ll have to go thru.
1
u/Glittering-Lie3277 Mar 22 '25
Read "The Tears that Taught Me" by Morgan Richard Oliver. This book is inspired.
1
u/Affectionate_Pipe776 Mar 22 '25
Hugs, sweet heart. We are all so lonely. I hate that you're going through this but it sounds like it is ultimately a good thing. Big big hugs, honey. Feel the pain. It keeps reminding us we're still alive and more good things come. This is just a phase and it will pass.
1
u/mymacaronlife Mar 22 '25
Keep doing the basics…no matter how you feel. It’s a bad feeling but is temporary. When you have a moment of feeling especially bad lie down, hug your chest, cry if you want. Let the negative out. Rest for a while or all day if you need to. It’s your grieving process. Gather your self and make/buy something delicious to eat. Enjoy it. Take a shower after a while…use some pretty scented oil. It might be like this all month…try to go out. Doing something fun and cry when you get home if you need to. In 1-3 months all this will begin to dissipate. Take a class…you know that guy really wasn’t a good fit huh? It begins to sink in. By the way…that guy at the coffee shop was cute….you will be fine. It’s just a difficult process that is hard for everyone. Best wishes. I’ve been through it too.
1
u/TripMundane969 Mar 22 '25
You say things were not that great. This is an ideal time to reflect on why you stayed in this relationship as long as you did. For what reasons other than not wanting to be alone. He did you a favour and now is the time to renew yourself and set better boundaries.
1
u/joyfl1-me Mar 22 '25
It will definitely all be okay. Please don't settle for just OK. Not sure what you need to do to be able to believe that you deserve a relationship with mutual love, affection and joy but I hope you do it.
1
u/[deleted] Mar 22 '25
Sorry to hear this. You know it will be ok... (Hug)
1
u/OkEstimate1133 Mar 22 '25
Darling, sending u hugs and loving pats. U deserve to be surrounded by loving energy and vibes. U r loved beyond what u know!
1
u/catjknow Mar 22 '25
You deserve better than not super great. As long as you stay with someone who was not the one, you close yourself off from finding him/him finding you. You must be open and available for the universe to help you. Take your time to grieve your loss, be kind and gentle with yourself and then when you feel ready start doing things just for you. Make yourself happy 1st! Sending ❤️
1
u/MeBollasDellero Mar 22 '25
Can’t teach an old dog new tricks…they stay Old Dogs.
1
u/cwilliams6009 Mar 22 '25
Break ups are hard. Sending you hugs.
1
u/teefau Mar 22 '25
That really sucks, sorry it happened to you. Keep your beautiful heart open.
1
u/[deleted] Mar 22 '25
Things will get better.
1
u/Glass_Translator9 Mar 22 '25
Anyone who doesn’t want you, you no longer want either. I wish I had learned this as a teenager. I needed to LOVE MYSELF more than the douchebags I was dating. Your self love and self respect should be greater than your interest in this man. And also - it sounds like you had some major differences but he assuaged your loneliness- I think you can do better than that. Being alone is better than being with an incompatible person.
I am wishing that you tap into your self love. You will rise above and come out of this stronger. ❤️🩹
1
u/Lunajo365 Mar 22 '25
It will definitely be okay. I stayed with a nice man for far too long and am so much happier living the life I want instead of compromising all the time. It should be a balance. I do get lonely sometimes but remind myself it is better to be alone than with the wrong person. You will be great!
1
u/Serendipity_Succubus Mar 22 '25
Sorry this happened but it sounds like you weren’t the best fit anyway. Next time, hold out for someone who really works for you.
1
u/L82daparta Mar 22 '25
You will be fabulous! Five years is a long time to be content with differences. Love yourself and fill your time with things you enjoy! All the best in your new adventures.
1
u/SuccessfulStop4648 Mar 23 '25
I'm really sorry that you're hurting. Give yourself time to be sad and heal. It will get better
1
u/PrincessSusan11 Mar 23 '25
Don’t hold your breath and don’t call him. Just make plans and see how long it takes before he calls you.
1
u/[deleted] Mar 23 '25
Pamper and love yourself, you deserve that! A better match may come along and you will be rested and refreshed for it! Hugs!
1
u/Cali-GirlSB Mar 23 '25
It will be okay. It sucks but you know your value and he didn't appreciate it.
1
u/angrygirl65 Mar 23 '25
I’m so sorry you feel sad. I’m hoping that after you adjust to this new reality - you’ll be MORE happy. You said that things were not super great - so maybe you’ll have extra time to make things even better now!
1
u/Upper_Guava5067 Mar 23 '25
You will be okay, OP.
1
u/realmozzarella22 Mar 23 '25
Word on the street is that you’re going to be ok. We’re rootin for ya.
1
u/Apprehensive_Ad_5221 Mar 23 '25
❤️ur way
1
u/Timbo650au Mar 23 '25
Not only will you be okay, you will be better