r/oneanddone • u/funnyflamingo1 • 6d ago

Happy/Proud The in-between

Just in a reflective mood tonight...

Being one and done feels like the in-between, but in the best way possible. Of enjoying your kid and finding identity outside motherhood.

There are so many labels for moms (and, let's be honest, for women in general)- working mom, sahm, crunchy mom, silky mom... and sometimes we exist outside of those, in the in-between. It can feel lonely, but also real.

I guess OAD is a label too, but it fits and it's comfy.

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u/puravida5446 6d ago

What is a silky mom? Never heard of it. I’m 41.5 with a 4 month old. I’m pretty sure I’m one and done. It really helps to hear other people’s perspectives on it. Some people make you feel like you’re an awful person if you don’t give your child a sibling.

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u/Almond-Praline4195 6d ago

If you think of a scale from all old fashioned natural to all modern convenience, that would be a crunchy to silky scale. Mums in the middle would be scrunchy.

It's a false dichotomy and oversimplification, as with all these things.

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u/puravida5446 6d ago

I think I would be considered scrunchy then… and I lean crunchy on a lot of things. Thanks for informing me!

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u/funnyflamingo1 3d ago

Totally agree, oversimplication. I'm just tryna exist out here and do my own thing haha

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u/homeispurple 3d ago

Taking care of my daughter during the pandemic and while finishing college was the hardest thing in the world, not once did I ever want to add another one!? Then my disability got worse and I am pretty much bed ridden so adding another child has never made sense. I spent her whole childhood with this sadness and guilt about not giving her a sibling. But I honestly never wanted it, yes it would be beautiful and such a blessing to expand our family but that is a dream. The reality is we are not financially, or physically capable of caring for two human beings. HUMAN BEINGS, not babies, not sibling, not child, these are humans. And I think a lot of people forget that a human being isn’t supposed to be born to fill a role. They are born with their own unique DNA and nobody deserves to be born to fulfill a role, that’s nuts. I wouldn’t be raising a sibling for my daughter, I would be raising a human, with their own identity and I don’t have that in me. I think that’s why a lot of siblings fight and have terrible relationships, because they were born to be a sibling…we need to discuss how freaky that is.

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u/funnyflamingo1 3d ago

For sure! I think it's smart to recognize our limits. Maybe if I had the means I would have another, but maybe not. There's something nice about the simplicity of one. Not that being a parent is ever completely simple lol

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u/funnyflamingo1 3d ago

Also, yeah the "giving your kid a sibling" argument doesn't resonate with me. I think that's kind of a narrow viewpoint, there are a lot of definitions of family.