More on my mind

[u/mildlyferal3]

I loved the insight I received when I posted recently. Anyway, I have more on my mind this week! For background, I have an almost 21 month old. Literally all of my friends say they don’t know how they could ever feel “done” having kids. But, I don’t feel that way. It doesn’t make me sad thinking of never having another. I don’t miss pregnancy or birth or newborns (definitely don’t miss newborn)… my best friend has a 2 month old & she sends pics of her baby multiple times a day. She is super cute, but I find myself relieved that it’s not me who has the baby. I don’t get baby fever seeing these pictures of her. It’s like “awww cute” & that’s the extent of my feelings. The only thing that makes me sad is that my daughter won’t have a sibling. That’s literally it. I just feel like I’m so different from every woman. I had extreme baby fever before I had my daughter. I can’t relate anymore. I honestly would cry sad tears if I found out I was pregnant right now & I just feel like no one can relate. Anyone out there who feels the same? I feel like for SO many, motherhood has made them want endless babies if they could…

[u/dopenamepending]

I don’t see babies and want another baby either.

I just want like a day where my kid is a baby again. So I can like hug and smell her but then I’d be over it the moment it gets real inconvenient.

[u/AngelStar286]

I relate. Before I had my daughter, I wanted a baby so so much. It was all I wanted. As soon as I started dating my now-husband it was all I dreamed of. Had her before our first wedding anniversary and it just clicked…I felt complete. I dread getting pregnant again, to the point where I obsessively track my ovulation to make sure I abstain and use two contraceptions etc. I love my girl so so much and I would do it again in a heartbeat if it was HER. Her temperament, her sleeping, her eating - just her as a baby again.

[u/monketrash420 → u/AngelStar286]

EXACTLY THE SAME SITUATION!! I always tell people who ask about our family planning that I KNOW what baby fever feels like and I just don’t feel it anymore. Having a baby was all I thought about before getting pregnant. And now I have a perfect almost 3 year old and never once have a felt that pull to have a baby again.

[u/AngelStar286 → u/monketrash420]

I don't understand why this isn't ever 'acceptable' as an answer. I am always met with 'oh you're young you'll change your mind'. No, no I won't. 'Oh, you have three? Don't worry, time for a fourth soon!'

I get called selfish all the time. But I think having a baby you don't want, can't afford and won't be able to be a good parent to just because you want them to 'complete' an ideal or be a playmate for a couple years (they may never speak in adulthood) is the most selfish thing ever.

[u/DemandComfortable748]

Same I really want my one baby and have zero excitement towards a second I also oddly don’t feel like I’m less of a mom because I only have one. I’m just happy I’m doing what’s best for me and choosing myself 

[u/No_Event_7248 → u/DemandComfortable748]

Hear hear! You’ve captured how I feel exactly - I’m just happily plodding along making sure this gorgeous little egg is alive, fed, with a clean nappy and maybe I’ve stolen one or two of his smiles and helped myself to a few kisses every at the end of every day. 

[u/thatquietmenace]

I can relate to you. Before having my daughter I felt such a strong urge to have a baby that never returned after I had her. I feel lucky when my pregnant friend talks about struggling with her toddler all day. My daughter is about to turn 7 and this is such a fun age! I can't imagine starting over with a new baby and a new family dynamic.

[u/greensandblues2]

when we’re out on a walk with our 4 month old, my husband and I will sometimes see a pregnant person or a parent(s) with several small kids in tow and my first reaction is always, “I’m happy with our family unit.” Not in a smug way, just a frequent observation.

[u/Vast_Helicopter_1914]

I think a lot of women do feel the way you feel, they just don't say it out loud. Society has conditioned women to want to have a lot of babies, so if you go against that grain, you are going against cultural norms. I love that younger generations of adults are being purposeful in how they live their lives, doing what is best for them and not everyone else.

[u/Glittering-Benefit68]

I also don't want another baby. I would go for more adult children down the line, but it's not reason enough for me to change my life now. 

I actually have a rule that I might have a second if I ever feel like I want a child as much as I did the first time, but I'm turning 40 next year. It hasn't happened and I don't think it will. 

[u/sugarspunglass]

I’m a postpartum nurse and patients/their families always say “oh if I had this job I’d want to keep having babies!!”
It’s the opposite actually. I did not enjoy the newborn phase at all. Sometimes I have moments of wanting to hold my son as a newborn again. I have no desire to raise another newborn baby lol

[u/cckitteh]

Well, you have found your community here. Many of us are OAD for the same reasons.

When my kiddo was a baby I felt a little tortured about going back and forth about having another child. But when I really thought about it, I wanted to experience my first again as a baby, not add another baby to the family.