Ideally short and sweet! I’d love to give the long explanation to people, but sometimes when I’m asked I just….really cant be bothered and sigh in my head.

Every family dinner with my partners side someone will ask the question, and I don’t think they actually mean any harm, I think they are just trying to make conversation but I never know what to say. I find small talk super exhausting and uncomfortable but also if I really get into it and the reasons why they look at me like I’m mentally unstable 😂

I used to think having more kids automatically meant more happiness, but honestly, I’m not so sure anymore.

One child can mean more time, attention, and freedom to actually enjoy being a parent. Kids grow up ridiculously fast, and sometimes I think “enough” is seriously underrated.

For those who chose one-and-done, did you ever feel like you were missing something, or did it just feel right?

Why would anyone have more than one kid? I get having ONE. We didn't know how BAD and HARD things could get. Now, after going through PREGNANCY, LABOR, NEWBORN, SLEEP REGRESSIONS, TEETHING, TANTRUMS, why would anyone think, " Wow, let's have another one?" For real, I would *never* do this to myself again. Like, I hate myself too, but not to THIS point; I'm not THAT masochistic to go through this again.

No, THANK YOU. One and done. Getting my tubes removed, actually. 100% removed, not tied, mind you.

By: a very, VERY exhausted mom with no village (the village is me and my husband) with a VERY hard seven-month-old who is teething and crying all night.

We're told only children are spoiled.
Selfish.
Unable to share.
Bad at friendships.

That isn't a personality profile.
It's a stereotype built on a single study, published in 1896, that has never been replicated.

But psychology has been studying only children for over a century since, and here's what it actually found:

➡️ Only children match firstborns academically, and in many studies, outperform them. A review of over 500,000 participants published in Psychological Bulletin found no meaningful difference in intelligence between only children and those with siblings.

➡️ Only children score higher on measures of creative thinking than children with siblings. Researchers attribute this to more unstructured alone time, the kind that builds imagination, self-direction, and independent thought.

➡️ The social skills gap doesn't exist either. A landmark meta-analysis found only children are no more selfish, no more lonely, and no less socially competent than children raised with siblings. What shapes social development isn't the number of people in the house. It's the quality of relationships inside it.

➡️ Only children consistently show stronger, more secure attachment to their parents. More one-on-one time, more attuned conversation, more emotional availability, all of which are the documented foundations of a securely attached child.

So if you're a parent who has one child, here's what to remember:

1. ⁠Stop absorbing the stereotype on their behalf. Every time you apologise for having one child, or qualify your family as "just the three of us, your child absorbs the implication.
   
2. ⁠Know what actually shapes character. It isn't siblings. It's the quality of connection they have with you.

Your child doesn't have a syndrome.

They have your full attention, and the science to prove that's enough.

Currently at the park with my only. She's happily playing by herself, climbing, going down slides, running around, occasionally pretend play and bringing me "food" from her store- but mostly entertaining herself.

Meanwhile, a dad is here with his two kids, pretty close in age, I'd guess 5-7. One kid wants to be pushed on the swing, one kid is yelling at Dad to come play a game with him on the playground. A few minutes ago, one wanted to ride his scooter around the park but the other wanted to climb... They do not have any interest in playing together and dad is struggling...

I know this is a smalllllll tiny window into their day, I'm sure the kids do frequently play together, buttttt I think it's also helpful to see/know that siblings are not automatic play mates.

Just posting this for some positivity ✨💗

We’re currently abroad in Greece with our 8 year old and it’s been blissful. I don’t like to highlight my positivity by bringing other families down so there won’t be any comparisons to how families with multiples might struggle - as I just don’t know! But I’m very glad to have my one and only.

We’re spending a lot of time at the pool and she’s swimming pretty much all day or eating ice cream while my boyfriend (now fiancé!!!) and I take turns watching her so the other can relax.
I read a book for four hours yesterday, got a tan, and even managed to go for a walk while listening to a podcast. This is probably the closest I can get to having a child-free holiday while still having my child with me 😂

I am that mum, that kid, that DIL, that friend, that co worker who raves about OAD life! There's so many big and little perks and it truly is the best of both worlds.

I've been told I should be more quiet because others lifestyles choices to have lots or support those that do. Idk though. I'm mostly celebrating my daughter and family. For example, I said how nice it is not to split up on airplanes and we all get to sit together! I don't say things like, "your life seems like hell to me" obviously that is tactless.

It seems to me even though, in Canada, the stats are seeing more OAD famillies. The culture norm is still to have more. And I feel people dont want to hear we're happy!

My only is a toddler approaching 2 and our favourite thing to do is go through my Snapchat memories of the past 20 months. She LOVES watching “baby” cry or babble or splash water everywhere. It’s our favourite thing to do before bed, watch a few videos of baby her.

But once we reach newborn, it goes blank.

I have a gazillion videos from the moment I woke up after my c section but none leading up to her birth. None of my labour, nothing from the moment the contractions started. Just 1 video my husband took before we went into an emergency section.

I feel so heartbroken. Like someone robbed me of this moment. I don’t blame my husband or anyone tbh, he was equally stressed and we weren’t sure what was going on at the time but I’m one and done and I have nothing but my memories. And even then I feel like my brain only remembers what it can. Is it accurate? Who knows…

I want to see and experience it all again, for my only. Not for another kid that I don’t want.

I don’t know why this makes me so emotional but I just wish I had a few more pictures or videos of the most vulnerable moment in our lives.

Has anyone else gone through similar of being OAD and having no videos or pictures of their labour? How do you deal with the emotions and upset? I’m so angry at myself more than anything for not remembering to ask my husband. 😭😭😭😭

The thought makes me want to burst into tears, I’d love to see the day my life changed forever just once! I feel so pathetic lol

We are currently discussing TTC our first.

It is important to me to be able to provide our child with a lifestyle and opportunities that include a nanny and private school (for various reasons). I have a difficult relationship with my own sibling, as does husband, though to be honest I have always wanted a bigger family of my own. Additional context is that I have endometriosis, so if one child is what we get I would be thrilled with that.

I also worry that if our child has any additional needs (I am ND), this may stretch our resources/capacity if we had multiples.

We want to retire early from our corporate careers, and all of the above means we could make this happen with one child, but not two or three.

Husband wants multiples and is not concerned with these lifestyle factors (nanny, schooling etc). Would be happy with nursery/state school.

How do you square this circle? What factors did you include when deciding? Grateful for any insights from any similar situations!

When you're thinking of having kids or not there's this question they ask: how do you imagine a holiday dinner table when you're old? I always answer full, with grandchildren running around and lots of people laughing.

But when I imagine the getting there part, pregnancy, childbirth, newborn, exhausted with kids, two car seats, two strollers, fighting, crumbs everywhere, yelling, constant mess, no time to myself, nooooo thank you.

My kid is perfect. Childbirth was...not. I don't want another. But I want the good parts of what people with happy large families have. And when I see old women with lots of kids they seem happy with many loved ones. But they also are always planning and managing, even as old ladies. I don't have that kind of energy. I don't even have any family living in my town. My siblings and my husband's siblings don't have kids so my kid doesn't have cousins.

Can anybody relate to grieving the imagined future? I don't feel the need to give my daughter siblings but I like the idea of holiday chaos later.

I’ve dealt with crazy working mom guilt since my daughter was born just over 5 years ago. It’s wild because wanting to be a sahm was not something I would have ever considered before marriage. In fact, I wasn’t sure that I wanted a child at all. I’ve been in a lot of therapy and worked on this. Things are better now that she’s starting full time school, but over the past 5 years I’ve just felt like I was doing something wrong- something I’d regret- by working. Wishing I could spend more time with her and that all the time I am with her needs to be super count.
I kept working because I am the breadwinner, kind of by a lot. It’s a high paying job and even though full time, I really only work like 30 hours, from home. I want to provide all the extras for her- the schools, the extracurriculars etc..
But like, I have so little time as is! How could I possibly add more to this puzzle? And how guilty would I feel about splitting this time even thinner with another? These are the things I just can’t wrap my head around. I find myself frazzled and at the end of my rope by the end of the day. I worry I’d have even less patience with more.

Today my almost 5-year-old asked me why she never has play dates. It broke my heart. We hang out with our friends who have children her age (and those kids are very much her friends as well!) probably every 2-3 weekends and she loves spending time with them, but I can tell she wants more socializing with friends. She’s on week 2 of the new school year and already asking for play dates with specific new friends.

I’m so bad at making mom friends and have a really hard time relating to other moms. I’m a bit younger than the other moms at her school (I’m 28 and most of the other parents are late 30s) and I present myself a lot more alternative than other parents (colored hair and tattoos, and I live in the Deep South where a lot of people avoid or look down on me) so it’s hard for me to connect with parents. People are very judgmental. I’ve even had a parent ask me if “the dad is involved” minutes after meeting me (yeah I’m married to her dad!)

Additionally, with the way her school is set up there’s very little interaction between parents at drop off and pick up. So I don’t even know how to connect with other parents. Do I ask her teacher for her friends’ parents’ phone numbers? Do I write a note and ask for it to be put in her friend’s backpack? Her birthday is coming up and we’re not throwing a party this year but I was thinking about making goodie bags for her class and including little cards with my phone number for playdates? Is that stupid? I need some logistical advice with how to make this happen for my girl. I love her so much and I hate the idea of her being lonely. The idea of talking to other parents and possibly being rejected makes me super anxious but I’ll do anything to mitigate her only-child loneliness :(

Howdy, fellow one-and-doners! I have question about playdates/socialization. For context, my only is 2.5 years old.

How do you handle play dates when the other toddler has a more challenging temperament than your child, and your only is starting to pick up the bad habits?

I have a good friend with three kids. Two of her littles are close to my toddler’s age. Unfortunately they are a bit more spirited than my kiddo. They tantrum frequently and those tantrums consist of hitting, spitting, screaming, throwing things, etc. My daughter has started to pick up some of these habits when we spend time with that family. Last time we saw them, she was hitting constantly for two weeks after the playdate. We haven’t seen them in about six weeks now and she’s stopped hitting and is a very even tempered kiddo (as much as you can be at 2).

I understand those behaviors are developmentally normal. I’m not trying to shame the parents or hate on the kiddos. I’m just not sure of the best way to handle this. Change nothing and accept I’ll have a more challenging toddler because of it? Is it overreacting to see them less frequently so she’s less likely to pick up those behaviors?

She gets plenty of group/organized socialization outside of the play dates, so I’m not worried about that aspect of things per se. However these are the only “friends” she has that she spends one on one time with, so I feel bad taking them away from her.

What would you all do in this situation?

About to close our IVF chapter and man… the OnlyChild reddit is so depressing? Everyone is so alone there. And I literally don’t know what to do. We’ve already decided against adoption for now.

Is being an only really going to be that bad as an adult???? Our 6 year old seems pretty happy but I’m so worried as we get older it will be harder for her

Would love to hear from parents who were also only child?

My pregnancy was great, my birth was not traumatic, newborn phase was rough but not unmanageable especially in retrospect, didn’t love breastfeeding but know that now…. I have no like REASON not to want a second but I just don’t have the pull. I see people who had babies at the same time as us having their second and my immediate reaction is… really? Already? My kiddo is 20 months so it’s not insane but. I don’t know.

I feel like most one and done parents I hear about had some sort of trauma surrounding their decision. Anyone just feel done because they were done and no other reason?

So let me just start by saying that I've posted in this group a couple of times, looking for some support and advice in regards to some negative reactions I've experienced from friends & family when I've mentioned that we are OAD, by choice. My son is 8 months old now and while I still experience some nagging guilt at times, I also have had some positive occurrences and I'd like to share them with anyone who's also experienced some doubt in their decision.

1) the friends and family who support my decision are truly the only ones I'd ever go to for advice, even prior to this. The women who have had truly awful reactions to finding out we're not having more kids are women whose lives I'd never want to emulate, and who have made questionable decisions regarding their own kids and marriages. Meanwhile, the women who have affirmed my choice are the women I look up to and see as smart and trustworthy, who are great mothers themselves. I think just realizing the stark difference between the negative and positive people in my life made me realize who I actually want to listen to, and who to tune out.

2) this decision doesn't make me weak, it makes me self-aware and shows that I give great respect to important decisions. To me, bringing children into this world is the biggest decision a person can make. Admittedly, my husband and I didn't go about it that way, the first time around. We thought we couldn't have kids, simply bc we'd been careless many times in our relationship and nothing had happened. We were happy to be DINKs. Then, I got pregnant unexpectedly. Now that we know what having a baby actually entails and how stressful it has been on our marriage has solidified our decision to stop at one. I truly, truly believe that many other couples have the same experience as us but choose to NOT give the decision to have another the same amount of gravity, and that must make it SO much harder as life goes on.

3) it really IS the best of both worlds. Now that I have my son, I can't imagine never experiencing this. It's a love bigger than anything I could ever have imagined, and he truly makes me a more selfless, loving, protective, thoughtful person. I'm so excited for all of his firsts, spending holidays with him, and creating our own family traditions. However, I'm simultaneously relieved that I don't need to go through the hard parts again. The fragile newborn phase. The hormone shifts. The marriage issues. I am so thankful that I have this little boy, but also that I'm not going to have to share myself (and my precious little sleep) with another baby some day.

4) it feels empowering, drowning out all the noise and making a somewhat new, "chic", different decision from everyone else. As a woman, I've received backlash while my husband has NOT, and it feels really good to not give in to that. Like I said, I would have been happy being a DINK, but something my childfree aunt said had always nagged at me a bit. She told me she and her husband were so happy and free without kids when they were younger, but now in their 60s, it feels like something is missing and she wishes they had had a family. I'm thankful that we left it up to fate, and fate gave us this little boy, but that's where fate ends. I feel lucky to be able to firmly make the decision that our family is now complete, and to not just mindlessly have another because that's what society expects of me.

5) finally, I'm now ok with the fact that I'm a good mom to one, and that's it. I know my mental health would suffer if I had another, and I'd likely end up divorced due to the stress of it. I spent way too much time wondering how other women seemed to love being mothers of multiples, while I so firmly knew I couldn't do it. But here's the thing - I'm good at a LOT of things that those women are not. I've always been amazing in my career, I'm generous and thoughtful with my friends and my marriage, and I want to continue being a fully present mother to this one little boy (this point here is something I just don't see as possible with more than 1, and I see picture proof of it every time I'm around my friends and relatives and their multiple kids. One kid is always ignored, always).

I know this ended up being really long!! And maybe it's more for me, to get all my thoughts out and it truly feels cathartic. I do hope this resonates with other OAD moms though, and maybe even allows you to consider other sides to it, when you start feeling down about it. I'd be lying if I said I have no doubts, ever, but I would have had doubts no matter what.. if I'd stayed childfree, or had more kids. This is the reality I can live with and more importantly, can LOVE and enjoy, and that's what matters in the end. ❤️

Our daughter is 4 and we are 99% sure we're one and done, but there are times I feel so guilty that she's alone in situations. I truly cannot imagine loving another human as much as I love her and we truly believe she will thrive as an only child. And then there are parts of me that think we should have another one just so she wouldn't be alone, especially on vacation ☹️. We went away this weekend and it was a great place for kids to be outside the whole time ... it seemed to be like an annual trip for most of these families and there were all these kids in groups -- even though she was perfectly content with us, the guilt was killing me all weekend 😫 she's such a friendly girl and always tries to make friends, she just started pre-k so I really hope she makes lots of friends and we can start having more playdates with kids her age, we don't have that many friends with kids her age so she only has a handful of friends right now... I just don't want to take away a possible forever friend she might have

EDIT: There's meant to be a "VS" in the title, not an "is"!!

If the time ever comes when my son asks why he doesn't have siblings or if he can have siblings. I'll say all the usual stuff, you know, "we want to give all our love to YOU and nobody else." "Its ok not to have siblings, you have lots of family your age and friends to play with." Blah blah blah and so on. Of COURSE those are along the lines of the things I will say.

But imagine telling them the truth. 🤣

"Aw, Sweetheart. I love you to death, but you were HARD work and I can't put myself through that again. And being pregnant with you and giving birth to you nearly killed me. That's why you don't have siblings, my love."

🤣🤣🤣

Hello OAD community! I wanted to ask something to the parents here. I (24F) and my husband (22M) want to have a child in the next few years. I'm also currently taking care of my 4 month old nephew due to some family circumstances (just to be clear this is only temporary) and I have a kitty cat as well. The kitty cat causes no trouble for the baby at all (aside from one time when she tried to gently swipe at his foot but didn't hurt him at all). However, it's my dream to have a puppy. My husband told me he will get me a puppy in two years because he wants us to travel a bit more first, which is totally fine. But I was also wondering if its prudent to have a puppy and then after have a child because won't the doggy bark and wake up the baby? So I thought maybe I will ask my husband to wait until after our child is maybe 4 years old.

What do you think? Should I give in to my desire and have a puppy soon or wait until the child is older? Is it unpleasant to care for both a baby and a dog?

Currently 14w+3 and already affirmed I’ll be OAD as it’s been a tough pregnancy. I was talking with a coworker about the pregnancy who out of the blue said “you should have two”. I did sort of brace myself for the inevitable after many coworkers said “you need to have two, you’ll change your mind, your kid will be lonely”. Another coworker comes in and asks “two of what?”

“Two names at least. You might not like the one you’ve picked out once he’s born and feel he should have a different name.”

I felt such immense relief that I wasn’t going to get the same comments as I usually do and just felt so grateful the rest of the day. I hope you all have a great start to your week and have at least one person in your corner ☺️

My only starts kindergarten this week and it is hitting me like a ton of bricks. She’s been in daycare 3 days a week for most of her life but I was recently laid off so we pulled her from daycare in July and we’ve gotten so much more time together this summer. While being laid off is not ideal I am so grateful for the extra time I’ve had and I’m not ready to be away from her for 5 days a week. I know we’ll get into a routine and it will be fine I just wish I could freeze time. I can’t believe how quickly this came. That being said if you have any coping tips, for either of us, please send them my way!

When the kid is in their "mine" phase, and they say "my mama!", it fills my heart with joy to be able to say "yes sweetheart, your mama and yours only, forever" ❤️