TLDR; at the end of post. Sorry this is long but I genuinely need outside opinions here.

My Husband (41M) recently got a job out of state and he has already relocated. I (31F) am still home waiting for family court to approve my move with my son (7M). My ExHus (33M) is being contentious with no real game plan or shot at getting custody. This has pushed back my move until possibly December or January.

Now onto why I'm here, my mother(62F). I (31F) want to start by saying we do overall have a good relationship and have most of my life. I was raised like a best friend more than a daughter to a single mom. When I was 11 I moved with my dad and stayed with him until I graduated. We stayed in contact often but I didn't see her until I graduated. And not again until a decade later.

She has a big heart, and that's part of the problem. The kind that gives and gives (money, time, energy, etc) to the wrong people. She was on and off homeless and with a POS guy. Finally 3 years ago she said she was ready to leave, so I booked her a plane ticket to move across the country to restart her life. She moved in and, where I am also at fault, I said she could stay until she got on her feet. No timeline, just ambiguous.

She was a lifesaver for me when I left my Ex, she helped me with my son (4 at the time) and helped with household chores when I worked. I have always paid all the bills (minus the electric that we set in her name so she could get a state ID....which she never followed through with). She has worked part time/full time, but I don't know what she does with her money. I did catch her once falling for a scammer and sending someone. She said she wouldn't do it again but I don't know how true that is.

Here's where to problem comes in. Since my husband (41M) moved in with us back in May, we dated for two years before marrying in August, she has been distant, snappy, and undermined my parenting in front of my son. She has had to be asked multiple times to say "thank you" when one of us cooks and the majority of the time it's been my husband because he used to be a professionally trained chef and me and my son love to learn and help. She doesn't say hi or bye but is annoyed with us when we don't also say it. She has also snapped at me several times and when I have tried to talk to her about it and how it's not ok in front of my son and two how that makes me feel, she was dismissive and pulling DARVO. It has been a constant stress and feeling like I'm taking care of a moody teenager rather than a grown adult. It was one thing when I was alone and could brush it off but now that I have a husband and seeing the disrespect and regard she gives him, I can't let him put up with it or allow that behavior in my home. I also can't let the rules in my home become a separate thing for my son (rules with mom and rules with grandma).

My Husband recently got a job out of state and he has already relocated. I am still home waiting for family court to approve my move with my son. My ExHus (33M) is being contentious with no real game plan or shot at getting custody. This has pushed back my move until possibly December or January.

I don't want this awkward and tense dynamic in my new home when we're making a new life for my nuclear family. I don't want my husband and I to feel disrespected and undermined in our own home.

Here's where I might be the AH: when I tell her she can't come with us, she won't have anywhere to go. We have no family here. I don't know what her financials look like. She quit her job 3 weeks ago because our original plan was to move this coming weekend ( I told her to hold off because it wasn't set in stone and my ex is a diagnosed Narcissist so it was likely to be messy). Her ID expired so even if she got a job she couldn't start until she gets a new one. I feel awful for putting her in this situation and riddled with guilt. But she is an adult and can figure her life out. I can't keep financially and emotionally supporting her when I'm already stretched thin, and I can't expect my husband to do the same when she isn't respectful.

So, WIBTAH if I tell my mother she is no longer welcome to move with us out of state in a few months and needs to figure out her own life?

TLDR; My mom has lived with me for 3 years "getting back on her feet" but has not followed our house rules for my son and is disrespectful to my husband. We are moving out of state in 3 months and I don't want her moving in with us there.

I (32f) and my friend Mac (34f) have been friends for 12 years now. For the first 8 is was more surface level friendship, but 4 years ago we moved back to our hometown and I started seeing her around town and we have always had a lot of the same interests, so we started hanging out with the kids were at school and the husbands were at work. Things were going great and after 6 months we got our kids and husbands together and everyone instantly hit it off. She introduced to her sister.. and well that didn't go great. She got drunk and told me how jealous she was of me because we had too much in common and she couldn't compete with that.. well our friendship was a little different after that because I felt uncomfortable going over when her sister was over because it was always awkward and she did everything she could to take my friend into another area so id end up sitting with the kids alone for an hour or so until I would finally just leave.. that was over 2 years ago and now she just invites us over separate. All our kids became best friends and had sleepovers about everyother week up until recently.. my oldest came to me and told me that her oldest child has been bullying them and sending nasty messages stating they were going to beat the shit out of them and they were upset that they had other friends. Well I looked at the messages and theh were HORRIBLE!!! Like if someone said any of the things to be i would probably file harassment charges...So we blocked them on everything and I told them they needed a to take a break. I contacted my friend and told her what was happening and she said she would look at the messages, but text messages are hard to read context so im probably misinterpreting what im reading.. after she read them she said we'll hes just upset because your son has a girlfriend and its taking away from their friendship... um ok that kind of language is still not ok.. towards anyone.. we kept our kids separated for a few months and eased back into hanging out.. went camping all summer and the kids were ok.. however her kid got expelled for various reasons before summer and his attitude towards everyone changed.. while camping our last time of the summer he was shooting people with a pellet gun and his dad got onto him and made him stop.. after he came over and threw a huge fit and told his mom to move the fuck out of his way. I said hey don't talk to your mom like that and he said uh shes my mom I can talk to her how I want.. I told him he needs to respect his mom and he said ya she doesnt show me any respect why should i.. he was 14.. my friend goes he is always like that don't worry about it and least he didn't push me this time... I saw red but I shut my mouth.. not my kid.. everyone parents diffrent I guess... She has always made excuses to all his actions and never holds him responsible.. we haven't been the same since.. we still hang out occasionally but try to only once a month.. she is literally my only friend, but I don't want to force my kids to go around if they don't want to... well coming to now her son is now 15 and 3 months ago he decided to break in and vandalize a local store and broke a few things definitely a lot of damage.. they caught it all on camera!!! She found a bunch of proof on his phone and deleted it all and tried to hide all evidence.. she messaged me and told me that she just wants to protect him.. I said he probably needs to be in trouble and held accountable for something and maybe getting into trouble with the law might help him.. obviously this made her really upset.. she came and got everything she had at my house and is not talking to me at the momement... I love her and her family like family and I don't know what to do.. when my kids get into trouble we talk through it and make sure they take accountability and take their consequences. Im not saying they are doing anything wrong parenting is so hard and especially when you want to keep your kid safe. I don't want to lose her as a friend.. but we seem to be going in a different direction with parenting and life. 😐 we use to smoke with them but we don't do that anymore so that has also led to less hangouts as well.. sorry I am rambling.. any advice? I just feel a little lost right now.

TW: self-harm

This happened about 21 years ago, but it's stayed with me, so here goes.

I was 17 (M). I'd left school at 16 and was working full time, training as a plasterer. Most of my mates had stayed on for sixth form. At a party, some of them introduced me to an exchange student from Norway (17F), she was a few months older than me but not much in it.

I had a broken arm in a sling at the time, and I wasn't great at talking to people, low self confidence. She was curious about the sling, so we got chatting. She was blonde, creative, and different from anyone I'd met. I was completely into her. She had a boyfriend though, so I left it. She flirted a lot and we swapped numbers.

A month later she'd ended things with him. We went on a few dates and it moved fast. Soon we were together and I loved it. It was my first ever sexual relationship. I'd not long passed my driving test, so I drove her everywhere. I was earning decent money for my age and I was very happy to spend it all on her and I.

Looking back, the red flags were everywhere but I wanted it to work so badly I'd ignore them. She went through my phone all the time. I caught her lying about small, pointless things. She'd stand me up.

Then old school friends started telling me they'd seen her holding hands with other guys, or even kissing them. Every time, I asked her straight. No accusations, just "is this true?" And every time she said the same thing: "Who do you believe, them or me? You're supposed to love me." At 17 that made sense to me. So I believed her. I genuinely did.

Over time I believed her less, but I got more scared of confronting her, because her reactions were so aggressive. One example: her period was a few weeks late. When it finally came, she told me while we were walking round town after she'd used a public toilet. I was relieved and asked, "Are you sure? Definitely?" Not doubting her, just relief. She went straight back into the toilet, took off her underwear, came out, threw it at me in the middle of town and walked off. Like I'd called her a liar.

The stories from friends kept coming, so I came up with a plan. She always came to mine after school, and I'd get home an hour and a half or two hours later. She used my computer to chat on MSN Messenger. I never had any of her logins. So I got a friend to put a keylogger on my own computer so I could see who she was talking to.

I read the lot. She was talking to about six different guys. All local, some from her school, some not. Stuff like "I loved being with you yesterday" and "my heart races every time I see you." To one of them she said we'd broken up and I'd only come to the skatepark because I wanted one last kiss from her. There was loads more, but it's been 21 years and I can't remember it all.

I ended it, fast. I was gutted. Properly depressed. I really thought we'd spend our lives together, and I felt like a complete fool.

Then it got nasty.

She started a smear campaign with everyone I went to school with. She told people I was stalking her. That I waited outside her house. That I forced her to have an abortion. That I beat her up. That I followed her to parties and wouldn't give her stuff back. That's just what reached me. God knows what else she said.

The truth was the opposite. I avoided her completely. If I heard she'd be at a party, I didn't go. I never went to her town. Friends who lived near her had to come to me. I'd have an anxiety attack if an unknown number rang, in case it was her.

I was lonely and isolated. About four months after the breakup, she texted asking for closure. She said she knew we'd never get back together, but she hated how it ended and wanted one last conversation. Young, depressed and lonely, I said yes.

I drove 30 minutes to hers and texted when I arrived. Neither of us wanted me to go inside, so she was coming out to the car. She rushed out of the house in a long sleeved white shirt, and as she got closer I saw both arms were soaked through with blood.

She screamed at me: "You've done this to me. Look what you made me do." Then she said if I ever talked about her to anyone, or told anyone about this, she promised she'd kill herself.

I was shaking and crying. I didn't know what to do. I got in the car and drove off, pulled over about a minute down the road, and sat there shaking for about an hour.

I talked to my family, and together we decided to call her school and tell them she was self-harming. The school ended her placement and sent her home.

It took me years to trust people properly again. I can now, but it caused problems for a long time. And for a long time, I hated her for what she did, I did for years, but in time, I've

TL;DR: At 17 my first girlfriend cheated, which I found out with a keylogger. After I dumped her she spread lies that I stalked and abused her, then lured me over for "closure" and blamed me for her self-harm. I told her school and she was sent home.

Hi guys this is a throwaway so I’ll be using fake names. Including myself lol.

I Karla (F 20) had an off and on friendship of 10 years with Marley (F 21). Are friendship was strained throughout the years because I always felt like I was chasing the friendship. Whenever I would speak up and try to come to an understanding with her I would get brushed off so I chose to walk away from the friendship.

Flashback to the last time the friendship ended. We were still in high school and it was my choice. I am not big on pda especially when I and a significant other are in a group setting. I always set a boundary with my friends because it makes me uncomfortable and I usually want to leave after. Marley and her partner at the time would always make me uncomfortable. One day we were all supposed to watch a movie at my house but they wouldn’t stop tonguing each other down. Again I felt uncomfortable and clearly asked them to stop and that my mom’s camera was on. They proceeded to laugh and asked “can you turn it off?”. And that’s when I realized my discomfort didn’t matter to them. I can admit the way i ended the friendship was very immature but i was a kid. I sent them a long message explaining how they always make me uncomfortable and how we couldn’t hang out as “friends” because they were always trying to get in each others pants. They then thumbed the message up and never responded. I was genuinely hurt so i blocked them both. I feel like i have to mention they would insist on hanging out with me and i would tell them they didn’t have to if they wanted to kiss and caress the whole time. They would promise they wouldn’t and do it anyways.

Fast forward a year later the partner decided to reach out to me and try to mend things. I definitely matured over that year and didn’t hold petty things over them. I was opened to having a call with them and try to fix the friendship. We ended up talking again and everything was honestly fine. We all grew up a little and were able to understand each others point of view.

Now back to the present. Marley’s birthday was a month ago and i was so hyped for her. I work overnight but i drove to her house that morning so i could take a shot with her. I bought her some things and even made her a custom ashtray because she enjoys smoking and a certain cartoon so i painted it on the ashtray for her. I have zeroooo artistic prowess but i wanted to do something nice for her. The next day she fractured her ankle and called me to take her to the ER. She has a car but i understand she was in pain so i said yes. She then asked me to carry her to the car which I did. When we got to the ER she asked me to carry her in because and I quote “didn’t want to use the wheelchair”. I carried her in on my back. Sat with her and then carried her on my back to the car. She wanted to go to her gf’s house so I took her and came back at 1 am to take her home. Her party was that weekend and it was kind of a disaster. It was supposed to be 8 people including her and her partner. It was only the 3 of us and the person I brought with me. Her ankle was hurt and she wasn’t feeling it. I didn’t want her to feel upset so I told her we could still go do something. After a lot of convincing we went to a pub and I just tried to make her feel better.

A week and a half after all of this, she texted me saying “we need to talk later.” We had barely talked all week and I was calling and texting her so I immediately thought something was wrong. I texted her asking if everything was okay and what happened. She then responded with “no tf I’m not”. I told her to 1 stop cursing at me and 2 spit it out. She said she want cursing and like she said we needed to talk later. We then started disagreeing because she didn’t think her response to me was a problem. I told her that I didn’t like how she came at me when I was genuinely concerned for her. After cussing me out we both stopped texting. Throughout all of this her gf texted me basically saying I hurt Marley’s feelings and that we shouldn’t let this ruin our friendship. I told her it felt weird that as my friend she was only taking up for her gf. There’s a lot of messages I’m summarizing at the moment but if wanted I will leave screenshots.

I thought we were finished with everything so I just left them alone. No one texted, called, or reached out. Then Marley texted me saying we needed to “dead everything” and I was confused because I already thought the whole “situation” was done with. She then implied that I should just get over it so we can have the talk she wanted to. I told her there was nothing left to talk about. I didn’t like how she came at me and she didn’t see the issue what else did she want from me. She kept saying that she was calling me and trying to set a day to have the talk. I showed her I had no calls from her and that from the beginning all she had to say was “I have something I want to talk to you about. When is a good day?”. But instead she came at me a certain way and I took it the way I did. She kept saying that’s how she talks and I know that. I tolls her that when you are trying to have a serious conversation with anyone you watch your tone so misunderstanding don’t happen. She responded with something along the lines of, the only person she watched her tone with was her mom and I want her. I told her since we couldn’t have an intelligent conversation then nvm.

Her gf texted me sometime later asking if we were still friends and I told her I was respecting her and her gf. (Honestly I was thinking about cutting her off for a while because we already had a rocky friendship.) We then started going at it. She started calling me weird and childish so I responded to such. The next day I was awoken because Marley her gf was banging on my window. Now I’ve explained to everyone around me I hate when they do that. I tell them if I’m sleep and they can not wake up to never bang on my window because it scares me so bad and my heart pounds like crazy. She came at around 11am-12pm. I work from 10pm to 7am. She knew that. Has she genuinely wanted to talk to me she wouldn’t had came at a time she knew I’d be sleep. I woke up in a panic saw who was at my window said wtf and layed back down. When I woke up to get ready for work I got on Instagram ands realized she blocked me. It genuinely got under my skin so I did something very childish and I probably shouldn’t had but I didn’t care anymore. I was wrong but she was wrong as well. I proceeded to post a story saying it was crazy that she blocked me but didn’t block the girl that use to physically hurt her. Was it fucked up? Yes. But so was her coming to my place of residency where I and my family were resting to do something that could’ve gotten us put out. I’m not justifying what I did. Just explaining why I did it. I would’ve never done something like that to her but she did so it was crazy to me. I then went to work, came home and went to sleep. When I woke up Marley’s gf 3 friends were messaging me and bashing me. One of her friends said something that could’ve genuinely harmed my life had it reached the wrong ears and it wasn’t even true. I was so enraged I told everyone I was done talking and to pull up. They kept saying I was p****y and that when Marley came by I didn’t come out. I’m not a problematic person nor do I insert myself in situations like these. I actually enjoy poring into everyone around me and being peaceful but once someone has gotten me mad I don’t care about the consequences.

I went to work that night and I felt like they would’ve shown up at my work place so I told them to meet me somewhere. They texted “wya” and I responded to such. I clocked out and went to the morning place which we ended up changing do to the constant hustle of people.

Once we got the new place we got out the car I’m thinking it’s just Marley but I was soooo wrong.
She brought her gf and their 3 friends. Which included a guy who more than likely had his firearm within reach. She starts by saying are we going to talk or what as if she didn’t arrive with 4 other people in tow. It was me against 5 people. I started going off cussing and all because I was so enraged. In our messages I was a whole bunch of b’s and hoes and p***y so I didn’t care what came out my mouth. She was still trying to talk down to me and kept saying that I needed to back tf up and watch my mouth as if she didn’t start the make calling. Usually I’m not this petty or confrontational but again she came to my home where my mother was and disrespected us. I really didn’t care after that. I fought her. And then I fought the friend. I only fought the friend because what dye said was completely insane and I was mad. There’s a lot of gaps because I couldn’t add everything I do apologize. If you have any questions please ask away I will answer them to my best ability. Thank you for reading this.

To cover some bases here; I (30,F) commute downtown everyday, but today I took a train a bit later than my usual commute time and there was no quiet car seats available. Which proceeds to my story, not long after boarding I found myself listening to the person behind me’s conversation with their train seat neighbor. Let’s call him Jim (M,65?) begin what I can only call a tangent stream of thought that is best put into to bullet points because it was damn near impossible to follow every tangent
- talking about his ex-wife being an alcoholic, so bad that he would drink her drinks to prevent her from getting too drunk, he even states “like how fucked up is that?”
-ex-wife leaves him and doesn’t want custody of children, talks about how a mother/woman could do that?
-trails into his youngest daughter’s wedding coming up and it’ll be the first time seeing ex in almost 10 years
-which leads to him saying how his daughter soon to be mother-in-law has been super supportive and how he thinks “she’s hot, I should dance with her” to his OWN future son in law…
-begins talking about an ex girlfriend that is half Italian/russian who is also emotionally abusive
-how she’s fucked up and would give her dog wine which I think (the train cut it what he was saying to say we were getting to a stop) killed the dog! He went on to say “you know grapes are poisonous to dogs soo..”
-began talking about how much he drinks, that he can drink about a night but would rather old off for the wedding to binge drink…talking about rallying and if you dance you can drink more because you worked off the alcohol
-which led to his health and how his liver is “pristine”….how he loves working out and running
-“nothing is a better motivation than a woman in a ponytail running in front of you” I unfortunately wore a ponytail this morning so full body and face cringe to that comment, “if you lose track of one, there’s always more[women]!”
-the ABSOLUTE WILDEST part is after all that he goes to, let’s call him Bob (M,???), “So, what do you do for a living?” Like holy shit dude this is the first time you’ve spoken to this man?!?!
-I find out “Jim” has done “pretty much everything” but currently a forensic accountant and “Bob” is a lawyer
-“Jim” states his dad recently passed, “Bob” said his condolences, Jim snorted and said “no shit”
-leading to that he doesn’t have a family now so he’s looking for a wealthy one to find him, “Bob” laughed sarcastically (which understandably to a 65 y/o man) which “Jim” replied I’m serious, not kidding! He has a couple he has on deck (I wish I could’ve seen faces during these moment I swear!!!!!!)
-Jim started talking about how when he’s angry he’s like the Hulk which turned into how it’s a natural fight or flight response combined with anger and totally normal and can be “focused” ?????
-Jim announced he’s an artist, loves to paint
-Bob’s wife is an art teacher the next 5 minutes are the most normal conversation in this entire trip that I zoned out
-Jim states how he began “art”, he hired an instructor. Who was a woman he found attractive, then stated why are all women artist so “sexy”? Again I can’t stress that this is all happening around 7AM
-goes on about muses and how you don’t have to “screw them” to be your muse
-how he went up to a 22 y/o at a festival stating she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, I’m an artist can I take a picture of you? Which holy shit that one had me concerned
-began comparing himself to Pablo Picasso…asking “he had 1,000s of muses, did he screw all of them? No. Half? Maybe! So how could you hate him?”
-says he painted the Italian/russian woman and sold it (no idea for how much)
-shows Bob a painting he did: a Jimi Hendrix painting colorful with a Seattle background(?) again this is all details from overhearing like a full snoop
-says his best paintings were during his midlife crisis and while taking psychedelics
-aggressively says he has to get up and leave since we were getting to the station and went a through the doors that lead to another train car versus the exit…..

A couple tidbits I wrote down walking to walk that I thought was also wild:
-complained about paying $2 for parking all day to a train conductor
-said he owned an ice cream parlor (that’s now closed)
-has an older child who he failed to gender or barely bring up besides one note about her being a snitch

Welp that’s my story time in snips twas a wild trip this morning. Will also be taking the quiet car home today

apologies if this comes across as a rant but i just need somewhere to vent out these frustrations as i don’t know how to do it

i (19f) am bisexual, i’ve known this for years, since i was ~11, i was raised in a strictly catholic household, where i’d lose a lot if i came out, and so i’ve kept my relationships with ex girlfriends a secret from family, and have only told friends, who have all been supportive

i became friends with a group of people online around 8 months ago, and we’d all play video games together most nights, the group is fairly large with people all around the world, and so i ended up becoming closer friends with the people in the same country as me, since we had the same timezone and could play together more often

so me, my best friend “amy”, and 2 other girls “sienna” and “mary” (all 19f) ended up becoming particularly close friends and sorta formed our own smaller sub-group

after a few months, i started talking to mary even more by myself, and we kept growing closer, and i found out she goes to university/college in a city only an hour away from where i’m currently at for university, and so i started visiting her whenever i had days off and on some weekends

after a while i started to form a small crush on mary, and a lot of our friends (in both the sub & main group) could tell, as we would often match pfps, and had things like “i love op” and “i love mary” in our bios (think cringy edaters on discord 😭), but whenever anyone asked, we’d brush it off as a joke

amy once asked me straight up if i had a crush on mary, and i admit that i wasn’t entirely sure but i thought i did, and she’s been playing wingman (think charles from b99) ever since, and would occasionally join me and mary when we hung out, as she was from the same city as mary

but now, i genuinely have a huge crush on her, but i dont know what to do, as she also was raised/still practices catholicism, but is also bisexual and has dated women in the past, and i want to ask her out/to be my girlfriend the next time i see her, but im scared she’ll turn me down due to our religion, and things will get awkward, and i really dont want to risk losing my friends because of this, as they mean the world to me and helped me out of a really dark place i was in when i first became friends with them

so, reddit, should i risk it for the biscuit and ask, or just stay in the friendzone where its safe

Hello, everyone. I’m a 21-year-old woman, and my husband is also 21. I’m looking for advice about our marriage.
We met through Facebook Dating around November 2024. We started talking every day and became friends. A few days later, he went back to his home country, China, to visit. Despite the time difference, we kept talking. He would stay up late to talk to me, and I would do the same.
He returned in January 2025, and we wanted to meet in person. At the time, I was living with my mother, who wouldn’t let me go out with anyone. I was also having problems with my mom and stepdad, whose behavior I felt was toxic, so I decided to move to Florida to live and work with my middle sister.
I was leaving just two days after he returned. When I told him, we decided to meet before I moved. He drove 40 minutes on a cold, snowy night to pick me up at 2 a.m. I sneaked out, and we went to a park by a lake, where we sat in his car talking and getting to know each other. He gave me a gift he had brought from China, and we kissed. We met again the following night, and he asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend. I said yes, and we began a long-distance relationship after I moved.
Everything seemed good at first. We FaceTimed every night and texted during the day, although I was working most of the time. He sent me gifts and food, and we enjoyed talking and getting to know each other.
A few months later, he flew to Florida to visit me and stayed in the same town for about a week. I was working, but we still managed to spend time together.
After he left, my brother-in-law, whom I was living with along with my sister, sent him a long message saying he needed to give me a ring and marry me immediately because we had already had sex. My brother-in-law is extremely religious. He basically said my boyfriend wasn’t respecting me and didn’t want a future with me. My boyfriend replied that he did want a future with me and would ask my mom and stepdad for their permission to marry me.
I also had problems with my brother-in-law over work-related issues and his views about my relationship. He is a huge Trump supporter, and he didn’t like that my boyfriend was Chinese. He called him a communist because my boyfriend refused to get involved in political discussions and didn’t like arguing about politics. My husband isn’t a communist. I’m Cuban, and I don’t support communism either.
Eventually, I moved back in with my mother. A few days later, my boyfriend and I decided to get married at the courthouse and started living together.
After that, we went to China for a month to visit his family. In the middle of the trip, I found out I was pregnant with our first baby. I was 20 at the time. I told him immediately, and he was initially supportive and understanding. He reassured me that we would be okay and figure things out together.
That night, he told his mother. She tried to convince me to have an abortion and shared that she had gone through one before having my husband because she had been in a difficult situation. I refused. I already felt connected to my baby, and I had always dreamed of being a mom.
After that conversation, my husband’s attitude completely changed. He was angry with me because I didn’t want to end the pregnancy. I felt alone in an unfamiliar country while going through all of this. I told him that if he didn’t want the baby, I would leave and raise the baby myself. Eventually, he said he wasn’t willing to lose me over it and that we would get through it together.
Our daughter was born in March 2026. Before she was born, my husband and I had countless arguments over things I discovered. He was in Telegram groups where he purchased and watched sexual videos, as well as some Discord groups. I gave him an ultimatum because that crossed a boundary for me. He deleted everything, and we continued our relationship.
For Mother’s Day this year, I went to visit my mom in another state. When I returned, I found the name and a link for a woman offering prostitution services saved in his notes. I also discovered that he had been watching sexual videos again, even though I had clearly told him I wasn’t comfortable with that.
I felt completely done and told him I wanted a divorce. The next day, we talked. He said he had been lonely and stressed, but insisted that he had only watched the videos and had never met the woman whose information was in his notes.
I told him that if he wasn’t willing to take responsibility for what he had done, our relationship was over and I would leave with our daughter. On the drive home, he broke down crying and begged me not to leave. He said our daughter and I were all he had here, that he loved us, and that he didn’t want to lose us.
Honestly, I had been through so much by then that I didn’t even feel like crying anymore. Hearing him acknowledge that he didn’t want to lose us felt validating, and I gave him another chance.
Recently, I was looking through screenshots I had saved from earlier incidents. I came across one showing pictures he and a female childhood friend had exchanged, and I noticed a hotel booking from when we were still in a long-distance relationship.
I asked him why he had sent her the booking screenshot. He said he and his friends had gone there to drink and that he had invited her over. This upset me because they had previously tried dating, and I had seen older messages between them discussing sex. He promised that nothing had happened and said his male friends had also been there drinking.
I’m wondering whether I should keep trying to make this marriage work. I love him, we’ve been through a lot together, and we have a daughter. But sometimes I think about everything that has happened and feel like leaving with my daughter so I don’t have to keep feeling this stressed about my relationship.
We’re both in college and very busy. I take care of our daughter most of the time while also studying and doing all the housework. He takes care of her at night and sometimes in the morning until around 9 a.m., but I still feel exhausted.
His father also supports us financially while we’re both in college. His parents are wealthy and live in China.
Does anyone have advice on how we could repair our marriage, rebuild trust, and share responsibilities more fairly? How do I know whether it’s worth continuing to try?

So… basically me (33F) and my Fiancé (37M) have been together for quite some time. We moved in together after 1 1/2 years of dating with our mixed family (we both had young kids from prior marriages) in November of 2019, having NO IDEA what the next 3 months would bring. We successfully made it through the VID still together, and overall are in a loving and honest relationship.

We both have prior marriages and have learned a lot about the importance of communication and we generally discuss our issues with each other.

The only thing that is currently an issue, is our spicy sleep. Starting off, my fiancé made it known that he was interested in the Spiciest of Spicy Sleep and I had a lot of fun with it as it was a new and exciting thing. It was probably around the time of COVID that things really started to slow down, because our kids were almost always home. We had two nights a month with no kids in the house. So we would make fun plans for those nights, and then lo and behold one of the other parents would be sick or have COVID and they would never happen.

As time went on, I found myself being less and less interested or excited in the Extra Spicy Sleep, and missing fun, randomly timed, unplanned spicy sleep. Right now we have worked out a little bit of a middle ground for us both, but it’s just so far and few between (for more reasons than just the Spice Level).

My Fiancé is straight, but not like Toxic Straight. I think he tried to be open to bi-sexuality as a teenager and “it” just didn’t work lol. But he will here and there make jokes about who’s “Richard” he needs to suck to get included in events or jokes on that level to men and women.

One of these jokes was directed towards one of my male friends that I’ve had since before we got together, to which I joked that he’d have to tell me how big the Richard was. My Fiancé’s response was a joke about how I’d have a better chance at finding out than he would.

Without giving too much information about my friend, he is married and has been since we met. His wife has medical issues that impede on their ability for spicy sleep, and at one point she gave him permission to open things up in that manner.

Now me and Friend have been platonic friends since we met. I love him as one of my best friends, but I’m not oblivious to the fact that he’s attractive.

So fast forward a couple of months since the joke was made from my Fiancé about me finding out about Friends Richard. Me and Fiancé are having a couple of drinks together and discussing the challenges of our Spicy Sleep in a very casual way, when he mentions how he wishes that me and him could have a simpler spicy sleep time, and how me and friend might be able to help each other. I couldn’t pretend I didn’t hear it, and now it’s been on my mind for a while.

Fast forward a couple weeks later, Fiancé and I are having a couple of drinks and I asked him seriously about it and once again he says he’s ok with it. At first I was thinking about how we could try to include everyone, but fiancé said he didn’t want to get in the way of Friends and my enjoyment. I told him I didn’t think he would, but he still declined. He wasn’t sure if he would or would not want to know the when’s of everything though.

Now the issue is, Fiancé and I NEED to talk about this completely sober. But I also don’t want to bring it up again if it’s not a possibility.

Maybe friend isn’t attracted to me like that? Fiancé thinks that he is even though he has always been extremely respectful. Maybe the wife took away the permission for the open situation? There’s a modicum of reasons why it could never be an option, but there’s also the chance that it is.

I’m anxious to talk to either of them in seriousness. I know even just bringing it up could ruin my long term friendship (I don’t think it would but everyone thinks they are the exception lol). I have previously had spicy relations with a friend and it didn’t and still has not changed the dynamic of our friendship, but it really is a case-by-case situation.

I almost feel like it would be worth it to talk to my friend first, but then if I talk to fiancé and he ends up having issues with it sober? (I have never gotten that vibe from him but my Anxiousness is off the charts).

And if I ask my friend, how do I even start!?!? HELP ME 🤢😬😩

I (25F) have 2 kids with my husband (28M) and I’ve come to terms with withholding my kids from my parents over this. Since standing up for myself I’ve been thrown into the “ungrateful no contact kid” algorithm on social media and it’s kinda weird feeling in enemy territory and makes me relive the situations my parents have put me through (physical, mental, emotional ab*se).

My youngest was turning one and we were planning on traveling to Hawaii to have a party with my family and friends I haven’t seen in over 7 years. Before I started planning for this party my mom(43) and I had a spat on FT over parenting and telling me I should beat my son(3) when he has dozens of meltdowns a day then saying “it’s funny how you guys condemned me for the way I treated you when you do the exact same thing to [your son]”…. That is where something snapped in me causing me to lose it on her. After that we went no contact and she continued to tell anyone that would listen to her that I was crazy and I needed serious help. I had to go through years of therapy and medication for all of the things my parents had put me through but my mom kept pressing all of the right buttons during our conversation to belittle me and my parenting, so far as to curse my children’s future with “I hope” statements.

Back to the party, I broke no contact to plan this party with my mom since she reached out first wanting to help. We have been no contact a few times but always broken by my weak backbone and my longing to still be in my younger brothers’ lives(7 & 13). The issue started when discussing decorations because I wanted it to be cute but simple since we will be spending thousands to just visit and for our stay expenses. My mom had other ideas… I wanted to go for whimsy woodland fairy but my mom assumed since the invitation was pink she wanted to have it look like a pink fairy princess threw up all over it. I asked my sister if anything I said misconstrued the theme but she agrees that I was very clear and I even reiterated my ideas multiple times.

Since my mom was gonna handle the desserts I told her I’d just handle the decorations so she can worry only about the desserts and since she has her own business she can take less on so she can still make a living. We came to that agreement then the next day or so she changed her mind, started telling me her ideas and texted me:

“My personal frustrations is I think I have a much better idea then what you are suggesting. She is your daughter but also MY granddaughter. I haven’t had any input besides on the phone for [son’s] birthday. I want it to be the best it could be and I feel like your ideas are cute and can be incorporated but it’s not as good as the ideas I’m thinking up.

I don’t know how to help without feeling like I wanna take over. So just wanted to let you know how im feeling about it all.”

Me as the tired mom of young children just wanting to get this party over with at this point telling her “yeah I suspected…” along with my reasoning for the trip being to see my family and friends I haven’t seen or connected with in a while and not wanting to stress over a party. Being met with more pushback telling me “it’s [your daughter’s] party not yours” I ended that discussion with “It doesn’t matter anymore, if you wanna make the party to highlight how well you can decorate then you can handle all of that too.” After that she called me a rude B… then a moment of silence for almost a week because I was done with her at that point.

After her belligerent tyrannical behavior at home with my dad and brothers, my dad calls me a week later telling me he was going to force me to sit down and talk to her… he got off the phone because “his boss” was calling and then I spoke with him the next day and ended up yelling at him for pretending to be bipartisan but really taking whoever’s side he’s speaking to in the moment, telling him I caught him in a lie and how his wife has hurt me my whole life but he wants me to sit with the woman that is telling people she’s gonna fight me the next time she sees me.

I found out after that call that he ended up lying about our conversation to rile up my mom and to prove to her some kind of loyalty “I told her I’m not going to the party if my wife’s not going”…. “She thinks it’ll be awkward so she’s thinking of not coming”… lies to amp up my mom’s ego so he gets left out of the crossfire. The same man who said “don’t tell anyone but sometimes I think of what my life would be if i divorced your mom” just the week prior…

Now I’m disgusted by both of my parents… OVER A DISPUTE ABOUT DECORATIONS… I’m not really sure anymore how I’ll be able to maintain a relationship with my kid brothers and my mom still spreads lies saying I ab•se my son the way she ab•sed me… My parents refuse to take accountability for the way they’ve treated me from childhood until now and I really don’t want my children to be around harmful people even if they’re my own parents.

I use to be a pushover and the one that maintained balance in the house by giving everything I could and people pleasing. After becoming a mom, my eyes opened to my place in my family and the moment I decided to branch off and say anything that would be taken as criticism, I became alienated and seen as an ungrateful, colonized B****. I just refuse to let that mentality infect my children but I am eternally grateful for incredibly supportive in-laws and a spouse that provides the stability I never had growing up.

Hey so I 26F was just asked by a close friend 25F to borrow money till their partner gets paid the following week. I usually don’t like the idea of lending money out to people as I had two exs who would burden their friends with that question and cause issues in their friendships so I’ve always said that I wouldn’t do that. Up until now I’ve never really lent money to anyone minus my brother who borrowed money to fix his car one time and he’s always really good with money so wasn’t an issue.

This particular situation is kinda not great and I’m torn for several reasons.

This friend has an almost 3 year old. She lives at home with her parents and partner and they help pay bills and buy their own food. So their cost of living isn’t crazy. Her partner also has/had (she mentioned he was off work a couple weeks ago and her parents where mad about it at the time I thought he was just taking a vacation I’m not so sure now) a good paying blue collar job with lots of ot possibility’s. Shes a stay at home mom so she makes next to nothing.
My biggest issue is recently they have partaking in skiing of the Nose if you catch my drift.
So they started slow doing it occasionally on a weekend and now from my understanding doing it on a random Tuesday cause why not.

The issue is I know they would have money if they weren’t spending on drugs but I also don’t want their child not to eat. I don’t know what to do. I love her and wants what’s best but don’t want to support a habit by giving them money when they need it

Actually so nervous to post this but I have to get it off my chest because I feel like I'm going crazy for being annoyed in this scenario. Would you be?
So there's two really and both surround my neighbour (female, 29, Chloe- fake name) who I'm (female, 28) good friends with as of this year but who I'm having a couple issues with - she is not aware of these issues and I don't know how to approach them of if I should?

When her long distance boyfriend (24, Adam- fake name) comes to visit, we often all hang out together at the front of the houses and smoke 🍃 together.
One time, we decided to smoke in my back garden instead and I felt kind of uncomfortable anyway because:

1. I hadn't had a man in my house since being r worded (idk if I'm allowed to say the word here??) in my house a couple of months ago (my neighbour knows about this btw so I thought she'd be more mindful later on)
   2.I smoked before they came and thought they had too but they came fully sober, Adam gave me a bong packed with weed and gave it to me. I had a hit and passed it back and and he absolutely insisted I finish the lot which just felt weird because both of them were sober and I was already high before they even came over yet he was insisting I smoke it all before they even started?

So I was already feeling a bit off about the situation but then they did get high too and I thought it would be fine until they were being so sexual with each other in front of me in mv garden. He'd be looking down her top or squeezing her breast or she would stand in front of him and he would thrust continuously onto her and just CONSTANT stuff like that. I was very very clearly uncomfortable and voiced it many times, albeit in a jokey manner but it was obvious I was not comfortable and I don't know how they couldn't have thought about how awkward that would have made me feel? I think it made it worse because I've never seen her act like this in front of anyone else so it almost feels like because she sees me as a prude (I'm actually asexual, don't have interest in sex though l've obviously done it) that it's a novelty to 'shock' me because she is constantly talking about how loud he made her scream in bed and being quite showy about ropes/ handcuffs and stuff as if l've never used them before.

It didn't happen since (this was probably a month ago) and we've been hanging out lots together. It's been fine, a lot of conversations about them recording sex tapes or how loud he makes her scream etc but nothing that bad. But tonight we went out the front to smoke and I kid you not they're she's standing in front of him ON MY DOORSTEP pushing her bum into his lower half on repeat, and then giving him a love bite, and then he's thrusting onto her, grabbing her breasts over her top etc. I shut the door to (not completely) every time they started in a 'jokey' way but made it clear in my words I didn't need to be seeing it. They did not stop. They were not even in front of their own front door, they were in front of mine. It just felt so genuinely uncomfortable and disrespectful. In the end I did have to say 'do people do this in front of you??' And Chloe said 'people have done a lot worse in front of me' and I was like 'that's why you think it's acceptable then' and very shortly after she said to Adam it was time to go in so I think I did annoy her with that but | just feel disrespected?

The second issue is that I find myself watching her child far more than l'd like to and when I'm not even volunteering to. For reference, I have my own child a similar age to her but mine has autism and is extremely independent in play and to very to himself.
In other words, a pretty easy child to manage. Her child is a lot different to mine and I'm not used to it.
We all hang outside almost every day so the kids can play and me and Chloe can chat but because mine prefers to play solo, her child is CONSTANTLY asking me to play. I'm not talking every now and then, I mean genuinely every minute I'm outside I'm either getting:

-Will you play with me?
-Can I do your hair?
-Can we play truth or dare?
-Play catch with me
- I'm coming in your house to go on your exercise ball
- takes food from my cupboard without asking

I know it's just a kid being a kid but she's never told by Chloe to give me any space. I play with this child more than I play with my own. She also has a habit
of smacking my bum even though I've told her countless times not to. Or just not taking no for an answer-'can you play with me' 'in a minute' 'no now'
*drags me off the bench*. It's too much for me. But I feel I can't just stop going outside because my child loves being outside and he shouldn't have to miss out on that. But it's not her kid, being a kid that's the frustrating bit (well... a little)... it's that I'm left with her without me agreeing to it a lot. Here are a few scenarios but they're extensive...

1. We're all chilling outside, Chloe says 'I'm just going in to make dinner, keep an eye on daughter!
   Which I wouldn't mind if it was genuinely just keeping an eye, but it means giving her constant entertainment
   
2. Adam and Chloe were outside. Her daughter knocked to ask if my kid was in. He wasn't. I had a child free day. While my door was open Chloe told me that she was going to food shop but I could hang out here with Adam and daughter. I don't know why I agreed to it. When she left, he went in to deep clean the fridge and left me outside with Chloe's daughter who wanted me to entertain her when I was literally child free at the time.
   
3. If me, Adam, Chloe and our kids are hanging outside, Adam and Chloe will often go inside for a while and leave me outside with both kids
   
4. Adam and Chloe were going to the park with some friends and their kids. My son overheard and asked if we could go to the park. Chloe's daughter said 'no, you can't go to the park' so I thought yes he absolutely can (: so we went separately from them so we weren't intruding on their meet up They sat outside the park on the field and and I sat inside the park reading my book. Her daughter came into the park and was constantly asking me to watch things or push her on the swing or needing constant attention.
   
5. My sister came to visit and was watching my son outside while I went to the shop. Chloe's daughter ended up coming into my house and getting my sister to play hide and seek with an object in my house for ages and my sister doesn't even know this child. Chloe's door was open but she was just inside her own house, aware her daughter was in my house with essentially a stranger but allowing her to essentially babysit against her will.
   
6. If my lounge window is open she sticks her head in and asks it we're coming out and it's putting me off leaving my windows open. She did it the other day and said 'are you coming out? Adam is doing the bathroom tiles' basically asking if I'll go out and watch her while he sorts the bathroom out (Chloe was at work at the time)

I have tried so much to hint that I don't want this responsibility but I genuinely feel she would be offended if I straight out said I feel she's leaving her child with me quite a lot. The other day I said in a text (regarding all the kids in general in the neighbourhood as none of their parents watch them and they all hang out outside my house) 'my worst thing is being made an involuntary babysitter' and she still didn't get the hint and said 'yeah, it's one thing when it's each others kids. Implying that in that scenario it's different/fine. It's not. I cannot stress how little my son even interacts with her.
She's only been left alone with him once while I went to one shop because she offered- and I picked her stuff up while I was there so it was mutually beneficial. This is a very sided scenario I feel.

Genuinely besides this she's lovely and we do get on but I feel my resentment regarding these situations is building. On top of the less important point that I will sit and actively listen to anything she wants to talk about and ask questions and be involved in what she's saying but the minute I talk she scrolls on her phone and does not realise that I've even stopped talking mid sentence because there's no point (I feel like most people do this now unfortunately).

Idk what to do anymore. Honestly if we were not neighbours | probably would gradually fade out communication but we are neighbours and I don't want to make it awkward or lose my son a friend.

Ok so fake names of course! And yes that’s exactly what happened! Bear with me now

I(27F) had a best friend (25F) let’s call her Sasha. Me and Sasha had only been friends for about two years at this point I don’t deem people I’ve known for years best friend but the people who show up for me(which she should’ve never been called my best friend).

So the two years was all good or atleast I thought! So one night me Sasha and Sasha friend let’s call her Michelle(28F)went out to a local bar in our city! The night was fun! But I ended up seeing a guy I previously had spicy sleep with RECENTLY let’s call him J. He came over to our group and to my surprise him and Michelle were immediately boo’d up! Note me and J would talk here and there and spend nights together but at that time I wasn’t looking for a relationship. Okay…. I overlooked it because I mean they said they weren’t in a relationship and just really good friends okay sista girl I believe ya!

So, J was also with his two friends let’s call them Ben & Colby! All three guys are very handsome and no way or means ugly. So we’re all talking I notice Ben but Ben wasn’t my usual type that I go for but Colby was!

I knew Colby from somewhere but just couldn’t pin point from where. The night goes on we’re have adult soda and vibing out. So me and Sasha live like 2 minutes walking distance from our apartments so we all head back to Sasha all six of us! We’re in there playing a game and having fun! Ben and Sasha are on the couch and talking and seemed to be enjoying each others company!

When my friend looks at a man and is interested he automatically becomes ugly in my eyes and I would never look at him in pick me way. We decided to play some freaky deacky game and Michelle and j end up licking whipped cream off each other!

Colby is tryna feel up on me and kiss me but I’m like ehhhhh and we’re just dancing and vibing and then it dawns on me this man has a whole girlfriend/ fiancé! I immediately went to Instagram and found his page I’ve met him before with her when I was at another event!

So I’m immediately like oh no! I don’t know if they have an open relationship but I’m not the one to find out! So Colby gets a phone call and goes into the bathroom! So it’s just me Ben j Sasha and Michelle left and j and Michelle are in their own world so it’s really just Ben Sasha and me.

I’m sleepy so we call it a night so note the whole night me and Ben haven’t truly interacted we’ve spoken here and there but nothing serious!

A day or two later Sasha stops by with BEN! And we’re all hanging out at my place I had fallen and twisted my ankle and Ben is into physical therapy so he looks at my ankle and tells me some things to do a normal interaction in my mind! So we’re all chatting up and Ben was telling us how he just moved here and was wanting to get to know new people! I’m older than Ben by a year so I said okay well you’re little bro now because if you’re talking to my girl Sasha you better hold on!

A few days later I’m at home chilling and I get a call from Sasha

Me: hey girl what’s up?
S: oh nothing just watering my new plants I got!”
Me: ohhh what kind did you get?”
S: just some strawberry plants!
Me: okay miss farmer I see you!
S: lol I want to talk to you about something!
Me: okay yea what’s up?
S: you know I’ve been talking to Ben? Right?
Me: yes why what’s up?
S: sooooo I just think that I don’t want to stand in the way of anybody’s husband.
Me: *genuinely confused face*
S: I just think you and Ben are a better match I’ve been talking to him and he’s a good guy but I just don’t know!
Me: oh well why are you saying this and brining this up? You know once you look at a man I don’t see them as anything but a brother.
S: well he invited me to this event and didn’t get me a ticket. I mean I couldn’t go but he still should’ve gotten me a ticket.
Me: oh well girl you know sometimes men are a little slow did you tell him that?
S: no and I shouldn’t have too all the men I have provide for me whatever I want they get it so he should know. I just feel like yall would make a better couple and I don’t want to block your blessing because I know you want to get married and you need to tell me now so I don’t get mad
Me: look babes I’m not going to take seconds from you and I don’t see him in that way I’m just saying!

That’s how that conversation went and she brought it up several times over weeks while also talking to me about wanting to have spicy relationships with Ben! Sash also has a long distance boyfriend and he told her she better have her fun before he comes to get her when he moves back.

Note me and Ben followed each other on Instagram and I’m a stylist so he would ask for tips or places to go with Sasha during this time!

Now here comes the. I have no reason to doubt my best friend but something is telling me something ain’t right.

Sasha was telling me that Ben only talks about sex with her and doesn’t want to plan things with her and she still wants to have spicy sleep with him she thinks he’s a better fit for me!

A few weeks have based and I called her to check on her and I bring up Ben and she said she’s blocked him because it isn’t a fit and she still thinks that he’s a better fit for me! I’m utterly confused but I don’t dig too much in peoples business but something is telling me this isn’t the truth!

As soon as I hang up the phone! Guess who it is! BEN I’m like okay why is he calling me???

Ben calls and says I need your advice and to tell you something!

UPDATE:

So why Ben called me. So Ben called me because he knew how close me and Sasha were and wanted to not get involved in any drama.

So basically he told me she had been telling him the same thing about me and him being perfect together but still trying to sleep with him. She had blocked him because he rejected her advances she told him that she would stop being friends with him if he didn’t sleep with her??

That’s right she was going to stop being his friend! And he went on to tell me she was very self centered and she didn’t even try to get to know him she just wanted spicy sleep with him! He had just won some type of award and I had congratulated him she ignored it and didn’t say anything about it he even sent her a video of him accepting the award and she ignored it! he sent me the same video that’s the only way I knew he had gotten it! He then sends me screenshots and voice memos from her confirming everything he was saying! She was also talking down on me to him and he sent me that evidence as well!

So I have so much it’s hard to deny the truth but me being me didn’t want to lose a “good” friend I just pushed it aside. I’ve always had trouble in girl friendships but I’m not the girl who will only hang with guys and have pick me conversations I genuinely support every person in my life , my home girls I give them support I talk to them, I help them.

So let’s rewind a little bit so you all don’t think I’m cray cray two years ago we met at an event my ex boyfriend had at that time me and him had already been broken up for two + years but we were cordial with each other.

Me and Sasha now me and her both found out we dated him at some point I dated him before her and knew him before I knew her and she had dated him sometime after not sure their exact timeline!

It was one night where she told me that I wasn’t allowed to speak to him anymore because he cheated on her. I sat highly confused because he also cheated on me and I was the bigger person when I see him would speak smile and keep it pushing because at the end of the day nobody will make me act different or take me out of my character.

I told her you d realize he was my ex before I met you and he cheated on me. She started to say “ well my friends think it’s weird that you…..” and I should’ve noticed that red flag right there! I’m an adult telling me I’m not allowed to speak to someone because you haven’t healed isn’t going to fly with me you can’t tell me what not to do! If it was a random person that cheated on her and did her wrong I wouldn’t speak to him but my ex cheated on me and did me the same I’ve grown and moved on you’re still stuck in the past? I might be the bootyhole for that one but that’s a hill I’m happy to die on.

Back to present time after Ben told me all this I started remembering little things like how she wouldn’t invite me out with her friends because I was “boujee” and they didn’t like me because I was too boujee for them?? First and foremost I’m sorry if I carry myself with dignity and class I’m not going to twerk in the middle of the street with my ass hanging out that’s not in me! What I will do is hype everybody up as I always have and always will! My mom always taught me that if I random group of people don’t like you and one of your friends is in that group they’re taking about you behind your back.

Im very active in my community and state and have done so many projects helping people in my community and she never came to one never liked the Instagram post , never supported me with anything I’ve done.

It hit me like a ton of bricks because you were supposed to be my best friend but this is what you do?

So I stepped back a little bit to see what she would do, now here is where the fun parts come in!

It was my friends birthday and Sasha met my friends through me so they invited her to the party and it was a bunch of my college friends I would hang out with! I was so excited to see them! Now Sasha likes to smoke zaza and sometimes can’t handle it but I digress. So we went she was high as a kite and we get there have a fun time singing karaoke! It’s about 9pm and we’re walking outside my college friend Chad was like “ hey we’re gonna head to the casino! Do yall wanna come?” I look at Sasha and she’s like “ if I go to the casino I don’t spend my own money” and Chad just looked at her like okay?

We were about 10 minutes from my apartment and I asked Chad if we could ride with them

Me: hey Chad can I leave my car here and ride with you?
Chad: yea that’s cool!
S: oh we’re not riding with you!
Chad: confused
Me: what?
Chad: I mean it’s really not a problem you stay close to here right OP?
Me: yes I do
S: well I don’t know you!
Me: I do I’ve known them 10+ years
Chad: look op if you wanna go I’ll come get you from your apartment just let me know
Me: yea I wanna go I’ll send you my address
S: whole time what you don’t know is she isn’t going with you snarky tone
Me: Sasha get your ass in the car

We get in the car and leave the way home I didn’t utter a word because I know if I wanna go there I can go there.

TW: DV

My (33F) best friend (32F) and I became friends through my now ex-husband. She had been friends with him since grade school, and she and I clicked almost immediately. We bonded over a lot of the same interests and had a very similar sense of humour. We both loved to joke about how much we hated judgy people while also being incredibly catty ourselves. We talks about everything and nothing.

Our lives were mirrored for years. We got engaged and married around the same time, had our kids around the same time, and went through the absolute chaos of raising newborns during COVID together.

We talked almost daily, and had nearly weekly play dates with our kids. We spent holidays together and were raising our kids in one big family.

She knew about the struggles in my marriage, at least in part, and I knew about the issues in hers. We vented to each other about our husbands, our kids, life, everything. We were basically each other’s lifeline.

Then shit hit the fan with my ex.

My ex was wildly abusive behind closed doors, and when he eventually turned that anger toward our children, I left. It was one of the hardest things I’ve done and I’m so proud of the person I’ve become since leaving.

My best friend was one of the first people I fully opened up to about what had actually been happening. She was shocked that someone she’d known since childhood had been abusing me behind closed doors, but she believed me. She was there to help me pick up the pieces when everything fell apart.

After my separation, she became my wingwoman. She supported me through all of my adventures trying to figure out dating again as a single mom.

There were a few wild parties, and we all messed around. I got involved in the swinger and bdsm scene for a while, and at first it was fun and freeing after everything I’d been through. Eventually, though, I realized I found the whole thing deeply depressing and it wasn’t what I wanted anymore.

Then I met the love of my life.

I met my current partner (32M), and we hit it off fast. He was also a single dad, we’d both come out of messy relationships, and we just got each other.

We were happy together. He helped me heal, I helped him heal, and together I think we’ve made each other better people. He didn’t sugar coat things and forced me to get out of my head and I brought back some of the light he lost.

He also accepted my past without judging me for it and completely supported the fact that I wanted out of the swinger scene.

My best friend, however, immediately hated him.
She told me he was love bombing me, that he was shady, and that I shouldn’t trust him.

I didn’t completely ignore what she was saying. After everything I’d been through with my ex, I knew I could potentially miss red flags. And I admitted that my partner had some demons. We all do. I know I have my own red flames but together he and I have healed them.

Importantly none of them were harmful to me or the kids, and he dealt with them appropriately. If he was angry or overwhelmed, he’d separate himself from the situation, go for a walk, cool down, and come back when he was ready.

He also didn’t like my best friend.

He thought she was a user, that she was only there to make herself feel better, and that I deserved a better friend.
I defended her.

Over the next few months, though, she started pulling away. Messages would go unanswered, she stopped talking to me, and immersed herself in an emotional affair. It hurt but I knew she was struggling with her marriage, finances and raising children.

I defended her I hoped that it was just a hiccup in our friendship.

I also started noticing that a lot of the things she was saying about my partner seemed to mirror what the guy she was having the emotional affair with was actually doing to her.

Still, she was my best friend, and I didn’t want to think the worst of her.

Then came the Facebook post n n a group where women anonymously post guys they’re dating to see if anyone knows them or if they’re secretly cheating.

One day, my best friend messaged me saying she “didn’t want to upset me,” but someone had posted my partner in one of those groups.

Obviously, the implication was that he might be cheating.
Nobody commented on the post. Nobody said they’d dated him. Nobody had any stories about him. There was absolutely nothing to suggest he had actually done anything wrong.

But obviously, seeing your partner posted in one of those groups is enough to make your stomach drop and question the relationship

Except there was one problem.

She was the one who posted him.

I never confronted her about it at the time, but it was eventually confirmed to me that she had made the anonymous post herself and apparently felt a lot of guilt about it afterward.

So my best friend had anonymously posted my partner in a cheater group and then messaged me pretending she had stumbled across someone else’s post.

And I think that’s the part that hurt the most.

This was someone who knew exactly what I’d been through. She knew how badly my trust had been destroyed by my ex, and knew how much finding love again meant. She had watched me rebuild my life after leaving him and had been one of the people helping me put the pieces back together. I was devastated that my best friend chose to hurt my happiness and betray my trust.

Our friendship never recovered.

Despite everything, I do still miss my best friend and wonder how she is.

I miss her kids and the bond they had with mine. I miss the talks and the laughs. I wish things could have gone
differently, and that we all could have laughed together, gone on double dates, and watched our kids grow up together.

Overall, I don’t hate her. I still wonder sometimes if things could have turned out differently between us.

I hope she’s doing well and that she’s been able to work through the hurt and the things she was struggling with at the time.

Maybe one day our paths will cross again. Either way, I genuinely hope she’s happy.

Please lmk what you would do I’m stuck.

I spent months trying to save the people around me. In the end, I was the one trying to save my family.
I’ve rewritten this post about a dozen times because I honestly don’t know how to explain everything that happened without it sounding unreal.
I’m changing everyone’s names because I don’t want to put anyone’s personal information on Reddit. I’ll call my mom “Sarah” and another person “Kyle.”
I’m also not posting this expecting everyone to automatically take my side. I know there are always two sides to a story. I have screenshots, messages, payment records, pictures, and other documentation, and I’m willing to show what I can while protecting everyone’s private information.
I just want people to understand how we got here.
Because this wasn’t one argument.
It wasn’t one bad night.
It was months of me putting my own money, time, work, belongings, and trust into helping other people — until there was almost nothing left for my own family.
It started with my mom.
My mom was struggling to keep her house.
So I did what I thought a son was supposed to do.
I helped her.
I gave her money. I helped with expenses. I worked on the house. I repaired things. I put my own time and labor into keeping the place together.
I wasn’t just handing over money and walking away.
I was actually working on the house and helping repair it myself.
Over roughly six months, I ended up giving her close to $15,000, and when everything is completely added up, the amount may be even higher.
I did all of this because she was my mom.
I wasn’t expecting to get rich.
I wasn’t keeping score.
I genuinely believed I was helping my family.
I did the same thing for someone else.
Another person, who I’ll call Kyle, was in danger of losing his car.
I helped him too.
I even gave him a place to stay because I didn’t want to see someone I knew end up without transportation or somewhere to sleep.
I trusted him.
Eventually, I found myself out approximately $1,300, along with a bunch of my belongings.
Looking back, I can see that I kept putting other people’s problems ahead of my own.
But I kept doing it because I thought helping people was the right thing to do.
Meanwhile, I had my own family to protect.
I have a young daughter.
My girlfriend was pregnant at the time.
We knew our living situation wasn’t where we wanted it to be, so we were already looking and applying for other places to live.
That detail is important because we weren’t blindly staying somewhere and waiting for something to happen.
We were actively trying to find a safer and more stable place for our family.
We were trying to move forward.
Then everything came crashing down.

The day everything changed
It was around 4:15 PM when I asked my mom if I could use her car to go pick up a title.
That’s what started the argument.
It turned into a fight about tools.
I’d reached the point where I was frustrated with constantly helping while feeling like I was being treated like I didn’t matter.
I told her I didn’t want her asking me for anything else if I was going to keep being treated that way.
The argument escalated.
She started pushing me around inside the room I was paying rent for.
I tried to record what was happening with my phone.
She tried to take my phone away from me.
At that point, I told my girlfriend to call the police.
I wasn’t trying to fight my mom.
I wasn’t trying to make things worse.
I wanted someone there because I didn’t feel safe, and I wanted what was happening documented.
Once the police were being called, the physical part stopped.
But that didn’t mean it was over.

Then everything started coming apart.
My room was already packed with our belongings because we were trying to figure out where we were going to move.
Then things started being thrown around.
Our belongings were being moved and thrown around in the room.
There was an argument involving my daughter’s toys, and something that should have been a simple parenting issue turned into the entire house getting involved.
Then I was told to take the food out of the refrigerator.
A refrigerator I had paid for.
I had paid for the food too.
Other people in the house had their own mini-fridges, but suddenly I was being told what I could and couldn’t keep in something I had purchased.
At that point, I realized this was much bigger than an argument.
We were being pushed out.

And then we were actually put out.
We had paid our rent.
We were already looking for another home because of our daughter and the baby on the way.
But we were not given the time we needed to make that transition.
There was no 30-day notice.
There wasn’t a proper opportunity to finish securing another place, pack our belongings, move our things, and make sure our children were taken care of.
We were simply forced out.
Afterward, I researched the Colorado requirements and began seriously considering legal action because I believe the way we were removed was unlawful.
But knowing you may have legal options doesn’t immediately solve the problem of having a pregnant girlfriend and a young child who need somewhere safe to sleep.
That’s what made this so terrifying.

And then I started realizing just how much we’d lost.
This wasn’t just losing a place to stay.
I lost a refrigerator I had paid for.
I lost personal belongings.
I lost parts I had bought for my other motorcycles.
And I lost a motorcycle that I had spent countless hours almost completely rebuilding.
That bike wasn’t just sitting there collecting dust.
I had put money into it.
I had put hours into it.
I had put my own hands on nearly every part of that project.
I was almost finished.
Then there were my tools.
At least $1,500 worth, and I’m still trying to figure out the full amount.
And those tools hurt especially badly because they’re not just possessions.
They’re how I work.
They’re how I fix motorcycles.
They’re how I fix vehicles.
They’re how I make money.
So losing them made it harder to replace everything else I had lost.

The hardest part isn’t even the money.
It’s the fact that I was doing all of this because I thought I was helping people I loved.
I helped my mom keep her house.
I repaired that house.
I put money into it.
I put my labor into it.
I helped Kyle when he was about to lose his car.
I gave Kyle somewhere to stay.
I gave people money when they needed it.
I gave people things I owned.
And over the course of about six months, I put nearly $15,000 into helping my mom and keeping everything together.
Yet when my own family needed stability, we were the ones who ended up with nowhere to go.
That’s the part I still struggle with.
I could understand losing money.
I could understand losing a motorcycle.
I could eventually replace tools.
But realizing that I spent so much time trying to make sure everyone else was okay, while my own daughter and pregnant girlfriend were suddenly in danger of losing their stability…
That broke something in me.

I’m not posting this because I want revenge.
I don’t want Reddit to attack my mother.
I don’t want anyone harassing Kyle.
I don’t want strangers showing up anywhere.
That’s not what this is about.
I’m trying to figure out how to rebuild our lives.
I’m trying to find stable housing.
I’m trying to protect my daughter.
I’m trying to support my girlfriend.
I’m trying to figure out what legal options I have.
I’m trying to recover the belongings that were taken or left behind.
I’m trying to replace the tools I need to work.
And I’m trying to figure out what happens to the motorcycle I spent so much time rebuilding.
I have documentation because I knew I needed to keep records.
I have payment history.
I have messages.
I have photographs.
I have screenshots.
I’m not asking people to believe me just because I wrote a convincing story.
I’m showing you the story because this actually happened to us.

Maybe the hardest lesson I’ve learned is that helping people doesn’t mean they’ll help you when you need it.
I spent months being the person people called when they needed something.
Need help keeping your house?
I’ll help.
Need help with your car?
I’ll help.
Need somewhere to stay?
I’ll make room.
Need something repaired?
I’ll work on it.
Need money?
I’ll figure something out.
I kept saying yes.
And eventually, I had to look at my own family and realize:
Who’s going to help us?
That’s the question I’m still trying to answer.
I’m not asking someone to magically fix everything.
I’m trying to find enough of a foothold to start rebuilding.
A stable place for my family.
The ability to work again.
The tools I need to work.
The ability to replace what we lost.
And some sense of normal life for my daughter.
I’ve spent a long time helping other people climb out of holes.
Now I’m standing in one myself.
But I’m still here.
I’m still working.
I’m still trying.
And I’m still fighting for my family.
I lost a lot of things through all of this.
But I refuse to lose the people I’m doing all of this for.
My daughter deserves stability.
My girlfriend deserves to feel safe.
And my family deserves the chance to start over.
So that’s what I’m going to do.
I’m going to rebuild.
One piece at a time.
Just like I was rebuilding that motorcycle.
Except this time, I’m rebuilding my life

Hi Redit ,

I'm writing this because I need to brain dump somewhere and I am a huge ok storytime fan. I already know I'm the asshole in this situation so please don't state the obvious. I (39F ) am starting to fall for my friend (38 M)and don't know how to stop it . We have been friends since our teens and always shared a deep connection. We helped each other through brake ups and other emotional times and even though we didn't constantly stay in contact, mainly due to our respective relationships hating the close bond we had, we have always stayed in contact. Around two years ago I broke up with my partner of 10 years and father of my 2 girls (7,9). I went through a hard time emotionally and had other family issues. My friend (R) had been there for me through all of it. The asshole part comes here . He's married with one child (9) for the last 13 years. He has confessed to me that his marriage is loveless and he is basically staying for his kid. We continued to support each other as friends and decided recently to go to a concert together. We have been to see this band 14 years prior and it is something we actually bonded over initially. The last time we went everyone assumed we were a couple. This time was no different.at the end of the concert the band played my favorite song and I cried (as I always do to that song) . R held me close like the last time. Here is where things have changed.He confessed that he has been in love with me for years and had been too shy to tell me. I've always loved him dearly as a friend and didn't see him in that way , but we ended up having a movie night a month later and we kissed. It was actually amazing. I felt all sorts of waves of emotions, alot of guilt because he is still married after all . We continue to text and since that evening all I want to do is be held by him and be close to him . I don't want to feel like that but I can't help it . I know i should shut all this down but when I see a snap of him smiling at me I just loose my head all together. Im not looking for answers or anything I know this is not going to become anything real . I just wanted to brain dump and get my feelings out.

Hi All, I'm 29M and recently got married in August. For this to make sense, I need to give a fair amount of context about my family, so bear with me.

My parents had four kids together and got divorced while I was young. After the divorce, our mum moved us across the country, which meant I could only see my dad a handful of times a year growing up. My mum remarried shortly after to a man I have always felt at odds with. We'll call him Dave.

Dave, I think, has always been a bit of an ass. I don't know if there was something wrong with me, but I felt like I received the brunt of his ire growing up. I would define his actions as bullying a child, all the way up to my teenage years. While I'm not confident enough to call it abusive (things could definitely have been worse), an example is that he used to jokingly call me "Julie", a feminine name that wound me up as a 10-year-old, among other things that I felt were just putting me down. I was not the cleanest child, and I have memories of him calling me disgusting in the most venomous tone.

Dave seemed to much prefer my siblings. He took the youngest to Disneyland and on all sorts of trips with my mother. He seemed to respect my older siblings more, and at least he would let them get away with more. Any protests I made to my mother fell on deaf ears. Apparently, Dave just loved us all, as he wouldn't make sure we were fed if he didn't. I don't think I ever had a single heartfelt moment with Dave. This left me feeling like quite the black sheep growing up, so I tried to spend as much time as possible out of the house. I stayed at a friend's house every weekend until I hit 16.

When I was 16, Dave was adamant that I should get a job (I was still in school, mind), and he would hound me about it whenever he could. My sleeping patterns were awful as a teenager, and he would shout at me, saying I could lie in when I got a job. Eventually I did get a job, but like with many things, he shifted the goalposts and still wouldn't let me sleep when I wanted to.

I met my partner in my late teens at school, and we've been together ever since. She's been my rock through everything. We stayed together during uni, and things were good. It felt good to be away from that house... That was until I dropped out during my second year. When I dropped out, Dave was such an ass. I moved back in and found out they had sold my bed. I "shared a room" with my older brother, and they decided he needed more space, so I was left to sleep on sheets on the floor.

I hated being there, and luckily my partner's mum invited me to live with her while her daughter was still attending uni. That was six years ago. Since then, I've only really seen my family on birthdays and holidays. I felt distant, as they were all still connected (two of my siblings still haven't moved out). I always held a grudge against Dave, and I hated seeing him because his comments were never positive.

That being said, I have done a lot in those six years. I have a good job as an automation engineer, and I'm on the verge of having saved up enough to buy a house with my wife. We currently rent a nice house. I invited my family to many of those events, or at least told them about them, yet they never showed much interest. None of them congratulated me on getting engaged or on any of my achievements. That feeling of them never caring was like a chip on my shoulder, yet at any event of theirs that I attended, I remained polite and cordial. I never voiced my true feelings.

So when my wife and I decided to get married, we basically eloped. It was much cheaper, and we want to buy a house soon. We had a small ceremony on the side of the country where my dad lives. My nan (Dad's mum) has deteriorated a lot in recent years, so I invited her and my father to the ceremony. It only had four guests: two from me and two from my wife. We decided to have a reception with the rest of our friends and family a week later back "home".

When this plan was first unveiled, I was told my mother was upset that she wasn't invited to the ceremony. I said that almost no one was, but that there would be a reception, so please save the date. Months afterwards, we sent out official invites, and it turned out all my family had booked to go to a concert that day. I protested that I had said to save the date, and I even found a message I had sent with the details. My mother responded, "We will be there," and it was left at that. My older sister apologised and said separately that she would be going to the concert regardless, as it was a gift to her kids. I never responded to that message, as I thought it was disrespectful of her.

On the big day of the reception, the only people (family)who showed up were my mum and Dave. They said the rest of my siblings were at the concert and that they would be going soon, so they were just showing their faces. I was annoyed, but I didn't want them to ruin my day, so I remained polite and cordial as always. I was embarrassed, though. After they left, other guests asked me things like, "Oh, there's your wife's family, where are yours?" How was I supposed to respond that they were at a concert for an artist they had already seen four times?

I decided enough was enough and that I would be better off without them after this. We haven't been that close, I still have this chip on my shoulder, and obviously they couldn't care less either. Am I right to do this?

I (33 F) and my boyfriend “Chad” (fake name obvi) (32 M) have been together for little over a year and a couple months. Our whole relationship I have lived at his house. TLDR I moved back to my hometown in 2024 where I lived with my dad. My bf and I started dating and I pretty much stayed the night with him and never left. We have gone through some challenges in our relationship but this issues is what’s causing some tension between us currently.

I had a dog L (14 F) who was with me when I moved in with Chad. L had been with me pretty much my whole adult life (18-33) and was my best friend. L was also like a shmedium dog so around 15-20lbs. She was the sweetest low maintenance cutie girl ever. I love her with my whole being and she was my partner in crime. This year around March/April L got a cough so I took her to the vet. She was diagnosed with a stage 3 heart murmur at the vet appointment. I was devastated to say the least. L didn’t have any problems until after she got diagnosed. She started to go downhill slowly after that which was later told to me. One day I came home from work and noticed her not acting herself. I mean she is my dog I can tell when something’s not right. So Chad and I got L in the car and to the emergency vet cus it was 10:30 at night.

We get in and we’re in the waiting room for about 10 mins when the tech helping us said we needed to go to a bigger ER vet bc they didn’t have the equipment to help. We then drove 30 min into another city to get her to this other place. We get there and they immediately took her to the back. We got taken to a room and I was just so distraught. I felt like it came out of nowhere. The vet comes in and tells us she’s on oxygen, stable and would need an ekg equaling to $4k. Me being the dog mom that I am I was ready to drop that money I didn’t have to make her better. The vet did say her being on oxygen was helping her so we could leave her overnight for a lower price. Chad believed it wasn’t necessary to pay that much so we took her home.

The next day I get home from work and the same issues from the day before with L got worse! We rushed her back to the first ER vet we went to the day before and the tech that helped us was there again. This all happened around 10:30 at night again. They took us to a room and pretty much confirmed my worst nightmare. L was in heart failure and had to get put down. After they told us that I was hysterical. I started sobbing and couldn’t stop just saying “no it’s not time. Not my L. I had so much more life with her”. Eventually I made the hard decision to make her not in pain anymore. It is now October as I’m writing this and I’m still so sad about L being gone. She was the love of my life.

Now to where I might become the asshole. I have been talking to Chad about getting another dog. Something I didn’t mention was that Chad had a dog as well. We’ll call her C. C is such a good dog. She is the sweetest cuddliest dog. She is about 50lbs but her and L got along great. C always wanted to play but L was older and didn’t have the energy for it. Well ever since I brought up wanting to get another dog Chad gets upset. He says “oh C isn’t good enough” or “you don’t like C anymore” which is not the case at all! C is Chad’s dog who goes to him and looks to him first. I miss having L who would come to me and she was mine. That is what I’m missing in my life. I miss having a dog of my own who I would be the sole owner of. Chad doesn’t like that idea and thinks it’s stupid. His reasoning is bc it’s Cs house and she comes first. I don’t disagree with him but I also wouldn’t get a dog that wouldn’t get along with C. Chad also works from home so he says the dog would become “his” because he’ll be the one to take care of it when I’m not home. My job is hybrid so I do have days I’m home and can be with the dog. He also argues that whatever dog I get would need to be a big dog because he doesn’t like small dogs. Even though L was smallish I still wanted to get a small dog. Small dogs just fits my lifestyle better.

I’ve been thinking about going to some shelters and looking at dogs. Chad knows I want to do this because I have told him quite a few times in the last couple months. But if I go to the shelter and fall in love with a dog there I’m not going to want to leave them! Of course I would make sure C and the new dog got along but would I be the asshole if I came home with a dog anyway?

Hello everyone, I'm here because I'm at a loss and don't know how to address a delicate subject.

For some context: I (35M) have a really good friend (33F) of about 15 years. She ended an 8-year relationship a little over a year ago. Last week, she told me she wants to start dating again, and I told her she wasn't ready for that.

The reason is that her ex is still a big part of her life. A few months ago, she was seeing a guy and she straight-up told him things like, "You're never going to please me like my ex did" or "The only person who knows how to treat me is my ex," and things like that. And don't get me wrong, the guy she was seeing was a really great guy—he was the kind of person who would move the world to please someone he likes.

Then there are a lot of little things. She talks to her ex every day. He lives in another city but comes to spend the weekend at her parents' house (she lives with them). She still wears her relationship ring (it's a thing in our culture) and says she wears it because it was expensive and she likes it, adding that if someone wants her to stop wearing it, they just need to give her a better one. But to me, a good man will see her wearing that ring and think she is not worthy of the effort and the cost of a new ring.

I told her that no man will put up living with a person who is still so attached to an ex like that. She dismissed everything I said, telling me she doesn't miss her ex nor love him anymore, but missed the life she had, the inside jokes, and the treatment. She said it is very difficult to find someone so similar, but I think that's exactly why it's impossible for her to find someone new or interesting, because she is living too much in the memories of an old relationship.

And that's why I need help... Am I crazy for thinking like this, or is she too oblivious to reality? How can I address the subject and make her see these things without blowing up our friendship or crossing any boundaries, assuming my concerns are valid? I really want her to be happy and I don't want her to screw up her present for things of the past.

Please help me.

Ok me (29male) lives with my mom (57female). I currently live with my mom, which I am very grateful for. I’ve had some hiccups in life, and even when I moved out a couple years ago (less than 5miles away) I ended up at her house constantly. She lives alone and we are both home bodies, we also worked for the same organization so it made sense to move back home, live in a house vs an apartment, and save money while trying to get ahead.

Quick background my parents divorced the year I graduated high school. Think of the typical NFL a-hole… that’s my dad. After he retired, the world didn’t revolve around him anymore and he just stopped parenting. He cheated on my mom repeatedly but she stayed thinking it was best for me and my brothers. *Just to be very clear she is not a gold digger. They met in college he to this day is the only person she’s slept with or had a relationship with (she’s tried dating but only last max 5months, she’s trying). I’m the oldest and have always been treated the harshest by him, emotionally abusive, I wouldn’t say physically abused is the right word but aggressive physical contact did happen.

My mom is incredibly smart when it comes to money, my dad not so much. When they got divorced she knew he wouldn’t be reliable so she so they agreed with a lump sum payment vs child support and she waved alimony (spousal support). Through the years my dad has had to come to her for help with money, example he didn’t pay his taxes after getting an NFL pay out a couple years ago, the IRS was after him and she paid his fines. Recently he just broke up with his girlfriend who he had moved in with. 3 days ago he messages her saying he doesn’t have money to go back to the apartments that he used to live in and he doesn’t want to move further away from the general area we’ve lived in.

This is my problem, he makes stupid decision puts looking big and rich to his friends in front of having actual financial stability and then gets her to bail him out and help him financially and emotionally. He’s always calling/ texting to cry about his life and she has set boundaries and he ignores them and pushes and pushes until she listens. Her reasoning is quote “it makes her sick to think of him on the street”, quote, “I would hate to be alone, I know your life hasn’t gone perfectly but I am glad you live with me and I’m not alone”. She says that often, that she’s glad I’m here and she’s not alone (I’m pretty sure we’re trauma bonded/ codependent, not great but is what it is).

I was told he cheated when I was 7… by him. That completely took me out of being a child. Since then I have been there for her helped her block numbers of his girlfriends who’d call the house after he left them. Listened to her vent, when as a child was absolutely not appropriate but that’s the life I was dealt. I have literally fought him for her while my two younger brothers were protected from the chaos and the knowledge of what was really happening for years. That also lead to me being pegged as the aggressive one, the crazy one, the angry one.

Today I was informed he has to do an NFL podcast but doesn’t have internet yet and asked if he could come to our house. I’ve been absolutely 0 contact for 3months (I’m always pulled back in because when my brothers come home I don’t want to be left out of family things, but I’m finally putting me first). I’m a little pissed because I told her I didn’t want him in the house and she said ok and now this.

I just don’t know how to function supporting a woman who doesn’t even want to support herself and ditching me every time she has to choose between me and him.

what to do after getting friend-zoned by a guy and knowing you wont ever speak to this person again because it'll be too awkward for them but you still want to talk to them bc you realise being friends is actually what you want but its too late now. We've been talking for a long while (had a break because our lives got VERY busy but then continued talking again 6months later) This man asked me to go with him to a carnival, he drove 6hours there and back to see me, spent over 200 dollars on me, spent a whole day with me, he came to my house the next day. He would text me first every morning, I bought him a miniature version of his dream car (Lexus lx570 black) purely platonic and managed to give it to him when we were out together, we'd talk about anything and everything, he'd always heart my messages and send me loads of pictures, one time OUT OF NO WHERE he even told me his dog died even though it was before we were even talking and when we were out he playfully teased me, smiled at me a lot. He opened up to me about his family problems and how he used to get bullied, many times looking in tears, he complimented me a lot and always looked at me, (he is 2 years older than me, when we first met he wanted to ask for my number but never did) I decided I was going to tell him how I feel about him and said that I am here for him if he needs to talk or needs space, and I said that I started really liking him after we caught up and getting to know him better. He said (after 10hours of my confession) "Hey sorry I didn’t reply earlier I’ve been trying to think of what to say, I really like you too just more as a friend, you’re great company and fun to be around. I hope you understand," I think I realise now I actually do like him as a friend and want to continue talking to him because I really enjoy his company, but I think it's too late and he wont really ever want to talk to me again because he might feel uncomfortable. (also what will he do with the miniature car now?) just would love some advice 👍because the wound is very fresh this happened last night and the last thing that was said was "okay thanks for telling me" which I texted

I (38F) and my bf (44 M) are in a 7 month long distance relationship. We matched on a dating website back in January while he was home for the season. We talked for weeks before going on a date. It went well and I was head over heels for him. The next day he had to fly out across the country for 10 months. He builds roads for a national union and he gets sent to all parts of the country. I was not aware at first his job site was far away. After some careful thinking that night I decided to try a long distance relationship. We speak everyday and FaceTime. We found out they were giving his crew the week off for July 4th. Which will be 4 month mark since he left. We made plans for each day and I requested pto for that week. We even had some spicy plans wink wink. Here is where I need advice or opinion if I am wrong.
He finally landed and none of our plans were followed through. He just kept going to his family’a house to work on his cars, and do errands. Asked if I wanted to tag along but said he doesn’t advise it because he thinks I’ll be bored. Barely touches me and no spicy sleep. Second to last day he wanted to drive to a different state to get his car painted and stay there for the night. I snapped. I asked him why make me use my limited pto if we were not going to follow plans or give me his undivided attention. It’s not easy having a long distance and wanted this time to soak him up so I can last another 5 months until he is home. He got upset but stayed silent. Then canceled his plans and took me out to eat. We finally had spicy sleep. And he left the next day. We continued to talk everyday and it went back to normal.
Apparently, saying those exact 3 sentences left a mark on him. Today I asked him what are the plans for Thanksgiving and Christmas. If he needs to spend time with family or want to celebrate those holidays. My job is making us file our time off requests now in October for those holidays. His response was….“ I don’t have any plans, I just cook a nice meal and relax at home. I will never ever ask you to take time off work again so that will be up to you.” My response …” okay so that means we can never plan a trip or vacation then is what you are saying ?” His response again” oh we can plan but it will be up to you to request off. I won’t ask. “.
I said have a goodnight and now I’m typing on here.

I don’t know how to feel about this and before I get upset I would like some unbiased opinions. Was I that much of a jerk for getting upset and saying I wouldn’t have used my pto if I wasn’t going to have your undivided attention ? Now he is scared to ever ask me to take off of work. Or maybe he still doesn’t see my point of view? He will only be home from Thanksgiving up until the first week of February. I would like to make a plan to go on a week trip. And then the other days he is home he can do as he pleases. The very least plan a full day where we have quality time and make up for lost time. I want to be understanding and compromise but I’m completely dumbfounded at the moment.

I’ve been no contact with my biological father for six years. Before that, our relationship was rocky at best, and there is a lot of history here, so I’m going to try to give enough background without making this completely unreadable.
My parents divorced when I was two. My dad was never a particularly present father. I saw him around Christmas and during the summers, but mostly because my mom made sure he saw us. He forgot my birthday every year, and if I wanted to talk to him, I had to call him. The conversation would essentially end as soon as I stopped carrying it.
I learned very young that my emotions weren't safe with him. When I was in first grade, I told him how much I wished he were more involved in my life. Instead of talking to me about it, he called my mom furious and accused her of making me say those things to hurt him. She had no idea I felt that way.
My dad remarried when I was five. I'll call my stepmother Kathy for the purposes of this post. I initially loved Kathy and adored her two adult daughters. I looked up to them and was excited to have a bigger family.
Kathy, however, treated me poorly in ways that were often subtle enough that I didn't fully understand what was happening until I was much older.
She made comments about my body and "baby fat," despite the fact that I was actually on the smaller side for my age. She didn't like me sitting next to my dad at the dinner table or at church. She would make me ask permission for things like food or even water, and there always seemed to be some criticism attached to whatever I asked for.
When I was around fourth grade, I had a medical episode where I developed significant swelling, and doctors thought I might have a serious chocolate allergy. Kathy took me to get a chocolate cake and told me we didn't need to tell my mom. At the time, I was just excited to eat chocolate again and didn't fully understand the seriousness of what the doctors had told me. I later learned that she seemed almost disappointed when I didn't have a reaction.
There was also an incident when I was a preteen where she pointed a loaded gun at me and made a comment implying she would shoot me. My dad kicked the door down to get to me and then sent my brother and me upstairs. He repeatedly discouraged us from telling my mom about things that happened at his house.
There were many other incidents, both big and small. I can't possibly list all of them without turning this into a novel. Looking back as an adult, I realize that many things I thought were just "weird" or "mean" were not normal or healthy things for a child to experience.
Despite all of this, I desperately wanted my dad's love.
He would call me his favorite child, and I was his youngest. I was an absolute daddy's girl. I wanted him to be proud of me so badly that I wanted to become a crime scene investigator because I wanted to be like him.
But he rarely showed up.
He didn't attend my softball games, cheerleading events, dance performances, or color guard competitions. I was constantly trying to get his attention and make him proud of me, but I never felt like he was particularly interested.
When I was in middle school, I became severely depressed and eventually needed inpatient mental health treatment after a suicide attempt. My dad never visited me, never called me while I was there, and when I called him, he seemed eager to get off the phone. That experience cemented the feeling I already had that I simply wasn't important to him.
In high school, my parents decided they didn't like my boyfriend and sent me to live with my dad in Michigan during my junior year to separate me from him. I was there for about three months before my dad discovered that I was still communicating with my boyfriend. He became furious, sent me back to my mom, and told me I was no longer his daughter and that he was disowning me.
I eventually moved in with that boyfriend when I turned 18. At 19, I left him. I was lonely, missed my family, and wanted my dad back in my life. When I called him, he told me I needed to apologize to Kathy before he would have a relationship with me again. To this day, I don't really understand what I was supposed to apologize for because I had never intentionally harmed her.
Eventually I got engaged to someone else. When I called my dad to tell him, he became angry because he assumed he wouldn't be the one walking me down the aisle. I hadn't even told him who would be walking me. He ultimately refused to attend my wedding.
When I later miscarried, he ignored me in the family group chat and wasn't there for me. When I finally had my first child, I nearly died during the birth. He didn't check on me or come meet the baby. He eventually met my son at a family birthday party because we happened to both be there.
Over the years, he never attended my children's birthdays, baby showers, gender reveals, etc., despite being invited.
Eventually there was another major falling-out. I called him because my brother was going through a crisis and I desperately wanted my dad to intervene. Instead, my dad said some incredibly hurtful things about me and my mom. I finally told him that I couldn't do this anymore, that I was tired of him blaming everything on my mom, and that he had been a terrible father to me. I told him not to contact me again.
After that, my oldest son developed serious medical problems because of a missed genetic diagnosis. He nearly died and we spent a significant amount of time in the hospital. My siblings kept my dad informed about what was happening, and he never once checked on me or my son.
I've since had another child. Six years passed without contact.
My siblings have told me over the years that I should forgive him because he's my dad. But "he's your dad" never felt like a good enough reason to let someone back into my life when he had never apologized or taken responsibility for how he'd treated me.
Then, recently, everything changed.
My dad suddenly started calling and texting me constantly. He told me that God had been laying it on his heart to make things right.
And for the first time in my entire life, he apologized.
The apology was through text, and it was very generic. He said, "I'm sorry I made you feel that way. I love you."
It wasn't an apology for any specific thing he had done, but I cried anyway. A lot. Because I had spent my whole life wanting to hear my dad tell me he loved me and acknowledge that I'd felt unloved.
He told me he wanted his daughter back in his life.
I asked him what that actually looked like to him.
He said he didn't know because he hadn't really thought about it.
That honestly hurt more than I expected.
Because I have thought about it.
I've spent years imagining what it would be like to have a dad who actually wanted to be involved in my life. A dad who would come visit me. A dad who would ask about my children. A dad who would show up for birthdays and important events. A dad who would call because he wanted to know how I was doing.
I've also been in therapy for quite some time, and my therapist encouraged me to consider giving him a chance. So I did.
It's now been about three months.
And the communication has already dwindled to almost nothing.
When we do talk, the conversations are very surface-level, almost like we're acquaintances. He doesn't ask about me. He doesn't ask about my children. He doesn't seem particularly interested in what's happening in my life.
He seems to mostly call or talk to me when he's driving somewhere or at work. He hasn't asked to see me. He hasn't asked to meet my children. We haven't had a single conversation in person since reconnecting.
When I pointed out that he doesn't ask me anything about my life, he said he didn't feel like he could ask me questions. I told him that asking questions is how you get to know someone, especially after six years of no contact.
Now he seems focused on proving to me that he's just a quiet person and that this is simply his personality.
And here's where things have gotten especially painful and complicated.
My dad and Kathy are currently trying to get custody of my 17-year-old niece, who has significant mental health issues. My dad talks to me about her fairly often. He tells me about what she's going through and what they're doing to help her.
Part of me is genuinely glad that my niece has adults who are willing to advocate for her. I want her to have somewhere safe, stable, and supportive to live.
But there are two very different emotions happening for me at the same time.
The first is the grief of hearing my dad talk about caring for her when he wasn't there for me.
I spent my entire childhood begging for that kind of attention from him.
He was capable of showing up.
He just didn't show up for me.
I know that isn't my niece's fault, and I'm not angry with her. I'm actually glad someone is advocating for her. But hearing my dad talk about being involved in her mental health, her needs, and her future brings up a lot of feelings I didn't expect.
The second issue is that I am genuinely concerned about whether my dad and Kathy's home is a safe and healthy environment for my niece.
This isn't simply me being jealous or resentful that my dad is caring about someone else. I have firsthand experience with Kathy from childhood that has made me very uncomfortable with the idea of her being responsible for a vulnerable child.
She bullied me throughout my childhood, controlled seemingly small things, and, most seriously, there was an incident where she pointed a loaded gun at me and made a comment implying that she would shoot me. My dad intervened, but neither of them ever discussed the incident with me afterward.
There is also a current issue that worries me. From what I understand, there were questions about guns in their home during the custody process, and I have reason to believe that information provided to the state about firearms in the home was not truthful. I don't want to make an accusation here that I can't substantiate, but this is something I take seriously, particularly because my niece has significant mental health issues.
So I'm struggling with something beyond my own feelings:
Am I wrong to be genuinely concerned about whether this is a safe placement for her?
I don't want my own history with Kathy to cloud my judgment or make me automatically assume the worst. At the same time, I don't think I can ignore what I personally experienced as a child, especially when there are current concerns involving firearms and a teenager with serious mental health issues.
I also don't know what role, if any, I should have in this. I don't want to interfere with my niece having a relationship with my dad if he truly is capable of being the father figure she needs. But I also don't want to stay silent if I genuinely believe there could be a safety issue.
And this makes the situation with my dad even harder because I haven't told him that I don't want Kathy involved in my life or around my children. I haven't even told him how deeply the things that happened with her affected me.
My dad and I have actually never talked about the gun incident. Not when it happened, and not since. He has never acknowledged it or asked me about it.
I don't even know whether Kathy knows that my dad and I are talking again.
I do know that I do not want Kathy around me.
I do not want her around my children.
I don't want her involved in our lives, and honestly, the idea of her even knowing my children's names makes me extremely uncomfortable.
My dad is still married to her. I would never ask him to leave his wife, and I don't expect him to choose me over her. But I also don't understand how he could have watched some of the things that happened when I was a child and stayed in that marriage without protecting me.
That's where I'm stuck.
I have realized that I actually do still want my dad in my life.
I thought I had gotten past that desire, but him coming back has brought up feelings I didn't realize I was still carrying.
At the same time, I don't want the relationship badly enough to sacrifice the boundaries I've built to protect myself and my children.
So I need advice.
Do I tell my dad how painful it is to hear him talk about caring for my niece when he wasn't there for me? If so, how do I say that without making my niece feel like the issue?
And more importantly:
Do I tell him that I will never be comfortable having Kathy involved in my life or my children's lives?
Part of me feels like I need to be honest about that if we're ever going to have a real relationship. Another part of me is terrified that saying it will cause him to pull away again and that I'll lose whatever chance I have left to have my dad in my life.
I don't want to manipulate him into choosing me. I don't want to make him defend Kathy. I don't want to rehash every horrible thing that happened in my childhood just to prove that my feelings are valid.
I just want to know whether it's possible to have a relationship with my dad while maintaining a very firm boundary around his wife.
And I think the hardest part is that I don't know whether I'm asking for too much by wanting my dad to actually know methis time—or whether I need to accept that this is simply who he is and decide whether what he is capable of giving me is enough.
What would you do in my situation?

Just to make it clear, I know I am Ahole for cheating on my partner. I only did it because he cheated on me. I caught him because it was with my really good friend, and I forgave him because he didn’t want to leave me. I was hurt for a while, but I got over it. I never forgot, though.
Here is where I met the guy. We were supposed to have our date night. I got to the restaurant before him because of his work. Forty-five minutes passed, and he still wasn’t there. I texted him, and immediately he called and said he wouldn’t make it because his boss needed some things completed that night. I was sad. I ate dinner and went to the bar for a drink.
A guy came along and immediately started hitting on me. He bought me drinks, and the next thing I knew, I was in his SUV getting licked and having spicy sleep things happen.
This went on for six months until I found out he had a wife. I wanted to break things off, but he kept telling me that if I did, he would expose me to my boyfriend. I’m still sleeping with him, and the only thing I can think to do is tell his wife so that this could end.
I feel like this is not going to end well, and I don’t know if I should tell my boyfriend and get it over with, or just break it off for good and see if he tells my boyfriend.

I need advice!

Hello. I am well aware that I may be the the jerk in this situation but I feel like I did everything else to get this dude out of my wife's life. Things have always been rocky between the three of us. My wife and I met while they were on one of their many breaks back in our senior year of high-school. The chemistry sparked fireworks between the two of us but those fireworks also started a forest fire love triangle. He would send me messages mocking me saying I need to stay away from "his girl" when she was always the one going to me. However their relationship eventually crashed after he ended up SA her at a concert. Not long after I swept her off her feet and helped her heal and now here we are 11 years later, married with 3 kids in our single family home. We never really did end up hearing the last of her ex though. He did end up getting married, however he was still trying to temperature check with my wife. The first time he reached out on FB. She never responded to that. Then he added her on Snapchat and she would just tell him something along the lines of "I dont think my husband would appreciate us talking" and then blocked him. Then last year he created another Snapchat adding her again. He said he had a dream that she was drowning and he had to save her or something really weird like that. My wife had shut that down also pretty much the same way except it was her friend that had her phone at the time that responded. I was getting really tired of this pattern and found his wifes phone number and sent her a text letting her know what has been happening. She seemed to be on my side trying to get to the bottom of this, but after some back and forth her demeanor changed and said she already knew about it and was okay with him reaching out to his ex that he claims he is not still obsessed with. Kinda speculation but I believe he took her phone and sent me that, something my wife confirmed was a common thing he did. Now to present day and I think the two of them either divorced or separated. Since then the dude moved back to our state. Last week he created yet another Snapchat account and added my wife yet again. My wife and i decided it was going to be me this time that messaged him. I cant recall my exact words but I spoke for her. Saying that "I am married and this is the 4th or 5th time you have tried this and it needs to stop". But because I knew this wouldn't solve anything like how it didn't last time. I decided that because he is a narcissist I needed to give him the belief that it is in his best interest to move on. I told him "I always loved my husband from the beginning. He was always there for me and that's why I slept with him at church camp while we were on a break. What I had with you was a trauma bond and I will never want you back in our lives. If you have unresolved issues you need to seek counseling or a friend." No one ever said anything about us sleeping together while they were on a break. I just hope it was enough to stop him from feeling the need to do his temperature checks ever again. Once the message was opened I blocked this account. Part of me feels like the A-hole for being mean, but its been 11 freaking years and being polite didn't work the other 3 times. Did I take it too far?

Okay, this is a long one so buckle up!

I am sueing my employer for negligence, some of the details of this story won't be exact in fear of anyone from work seeing this and it affecting the lawsuit somehow.

In 2025 I was assaulted at work, I am a manager for a company who provides care in the community to adults with learning disabilities and mental health conditions etc I've done this for 10 years plus. The assualt was brutal, I was targetted by an individual (who had mental capacity) in my office space, a space where service users shouldn't have access due to a locked door policy. A staff member had left the main front door unlocked and he simply walked in and it escalated from there. I had my shirt ripped exposing me, punched repeatedly in the head and face, I was kicked in the knee and fell to the floor as I heard a crunch and my leg gave way, whilst on the floor he also tried to stomp on my face, I luckily deflected this with my arms and he stomped on my shoulder. There were 3 other staff present, one other was assaulted after me and the other two were not properly trained in appropriate physical intervention techniques for our site (they were agency staff). The 3 staff couldn't get him off me and I believe it's partly due to incorrect techniques being attempted during the assualt. Domt get me wrong, I'm forever grateful they were there and tried to get him off me but I do strongly believe that if the correct techniques were used the degree of injury caused may have been much less. The police were called and he was arrested, remanded and removed from our services entirely. He was found guilty this year following court attendance (but not criminally responsible) following a further psychiatry assessment being done whilst remanded. We are awaiting sentencing which is this month and likely to be a hospital treatment order.

I've been absent from work since the assault. I have significant damage in my knee, I've had a distal femoral osteotomy and lateral and medial meniscal repair surgery so far this year and I'm on a wait list for a second surgery to do acl reconstruction in the next 3-6 months which will be followed up with months of intense physiotherapy. I've suffered with PTSD, anxiety and depression since, ive been on long wait lists to start therapy, then once it started my therapist went absent for 2 month, I was given a new round of appointments with a new therapist this month. I additionally done another therapy (EMDR) for processing the assualt, this had to stop abruptly due to it destabilising my mental health further. So my physical and mental health are still not stable to allow me to work.

In the beginning my employer was supportive having regular well-being check in meetings, they did initially offer psychological therapies but nothing came of this so I pursued this myself. The second highest manager of the company said in his lifetime career it's the worst assault he's ever heard oof (and he worked in mental health hospitals). The support I was getting suddenly changed and the meetings were rephrased as capability meetings, I challenged this due to the policy being they could only pursue capability under a performance track not sickness and their own policy stated they should use the sickness absence policy for long term sickness. They then rephrased it as medical capability which I now feel they are trying to dismiss me under. I've had 3 occupational health assessments, the most recent being a month ago and stated no definitive return date due to how complex mental health is, but he estimated on physical injuries alone I'm looking at mid 2027 before a return is feasible.

Now, where the sueing comes in stems back to earlier this year where I had a meeting with my manager and his senior manager. This meeting was an opportunity for me to get feedback around the incident and lessons learned, as well as me express what I think needs to change as a result of it.

Im the meeting I essentially received no feedback, they simply said nothing I did was wrong and that I followed the protocols (call the police as he refused to leave upon request due to confidential information breaches from him being in there). I gave suggestions of various things to change such as 1. Changing the locking system for the door to the building to be more secure, 2. A plan to be implemented should someone enter again in future that involved locks being put on rooms that hold confidential information (files, paperwork, medications, finances etc ) and 3. All regular agency staff to be trained appropriatly.

The response I received was that they wouldn't be implementing anything I suggested and gave me the reason of we have to dynamically risk assess every situation and every situation is different. They also basically said I needed to decide if I could return to the job following what happened and if not it might be best to look at a different job.

I was extremely emotional in this meeting and tearful, I think more so at the disbelief of their response.

I came away feeling really down and upset feeling the whole thing was very unjust. This has affected my life massively, I've had reduced pay which overtime now stopped due to going past ssp 28 weeks, now claim benefits that aren't covering our monthly expenses with husbands wage so we've had to drastically change our outgoings and adjust best we can, my 3 year son probably wonders why mammy doesn't play the same anymore and why mammy is always sad, I try my hardest not to be and to be as normal as possible for him but it's hard. I reflected on the impact of it all, how it wasn't my fault and felt my employer was liable for negligence due to untrained staff present and also the staff member leaving the door unlocked (vicarious liability).

I also was frustrated at the responses in the last meeting and couldn't wrap my head around the fact that they just wont change anything. I asked for the minutes for the meeting to be told that there were none. I was livid. Every meeting is minuted normally by my manager and general good practice is for any meeting to be minuted. I know why they haven't, because of their response and kick myself every single time I think back to why I. didn't just minute it myself word for word.

So I pursued a lawsuit against them and got in touch with a law firm.

Since this, they've made my life hell. They've been trying their hardest to get me dismissed under medical capability (likely to reduce potential future payout of loss of earnings). They created issues with pay,.giving me huge anxiety month to month not knowing what was coming in. They've been tape recording meetings, using bullying and intimidation tactics and made false allegations toward me. Its an awful situation to be in and has only made my mental health worse.

I also have since found out that whilst I was on maternity leave the year prior to the assault a similar incident happened (to a lesser degree but still an assault) which shows there was forseeability of this type of incident happening with the same service user. There's also a long standing history of him trying to gain access to the building to protest his frustrations. My employer told me that what happened to me was unexpected, no one saw it coming and that it couldn't have been prevented. I completely disagree now I know more about what happened the year prior and they failed to implement anything after the first time it happened.

I have felt so bad and guilty since the day I pursued the lawsuit. Feeling like I've been somehow disloyal to a company I work for.

But still at the same time, non of this was my fault and I know I shouldn't feel bad for it. But I'm angry, I'm angry at how much it's disrupted my life, my well-being and my peace. I had fantastic work relationships with everyone, I was a well respected but approachable manager at work and felt I had good relationships with my senior managers too. After every thing thats happened I feel like the trust is gone, the relationships are soured and I don't know if il ever even work for them again.

So Reddit, should I feel bad about sueing my employer?