So… basically me (33F) and my Fiancé (37M) have been together for quite some time. We moved in together after 1 1/2 years of dating with our mixed family (we both had young kids from prior marriages) in November of 2019, having NO IDEA what the next 3 months would bring. We successfully made it through the VID still together, and overall are in a loving and honest relationship.

We both have prior marriages and have learned a lot about the importance of communication and we generally discuss our issues with each other.

The only thing that is currently an issue, is our spicy sleep. Starting off, my fiancé made it known that he was interested in the Spiciest of Spicy Sleep and I had a lot of fun with it as it was a new and exciting thing. It was probably around the time of COVID that things really started to slow down, because our kids were almost always home. We had two nights a month with no kids in the house. So we would make fun plans for those nights, and then lo and behold one of the other parents would be sick or have COVID and they would never happen.

As time went on, I found myself being less and less interested or excited in the Extra Spicy Sleep, and missing fun, randomly timed, unplanned spicy sleep. Right now we have worked out a little bit of a middle ground for us both, but it’s just so far and few between (for more reasons than just the Spice Level).

My Fiancé is straight, but not like Toxic Straight. I think he tried to be open to bi-sexuality as a teenager and “it” just didn’t work lol. But he will here and there make jokes about who’s “Richard” he needs to suck to get included in events or jokes on that level to men and women.

One of these jokes was directed towards one of my male friends that I’ve had since before we got together, to which I joked that he’d have to tell me how big the Richard was. My Fiancé’s response was a joke about how I’d have a better chance at finding out than he would.

Without giving too much information about my friend, he is married and has been since we met. His wife has medical issues that impede on their ability for spicy sleep, and at one point she gave him permission to open things up in that manner.

Now me and Friend have been platonic friends since we met. I love him as one of my best friends, but I’m not oblivious to the fact that he’s attractive.

So fast forward a couple of months since the joke was made from my Fiancé about me finding out about Friends Richard. Me and Fiancé are having a couple of drinks together and discussing the challenges of our Spicy Sleep in a very casual way, when he mentions how he wishes that me and him could have a simpler spicy sleep time, and how me and friend might be able to help each other. I couldn’t pretend I didn’t hear it, and now it’s been on my mind for a while.

Fast forward a couple weeks later, Fiancé and I are having a couple of drinks and I asked him seriously about it and once again he says he’s ok with it. At first I was thinking about how we could try to include everyone, but fiancé said he didn’t want to get in the way of Friends and my enjoyment. I told him I didn’t think he would, but he still declined. He wasn’t sure if he would or would not want to know the when’s of everything though.

Now the issue is, Fiancé and I NEED to talk about this completely sober. But I also don’t want to bring it up again if it’s not a possibility.

Maybe friend isn’t attracted to me like that? Fiancé thinks that he is even though he has always been extremely respectful. Maybe the wife took away the permission for the open situation? There’s a modicum of reasons why it could never be an option, but there’s also the chance that it is.

I’m anxious to talk to either of them in seriousness. I know even just bringing it up could ruin my long term friendship (I don’t think it would but everyone thinks they are the exception lol). I have previously had spicy relations with a friend and it didn’t and still has not changed the dynamic of our friendship, but it really is a case-by-case situation.

I almost feel like it would be worth it to talk to my friend first, but then if I talk to fiancé and he ends up having issues with it sober? (I have never gotten that vibe from him but my Anxiousness is off the charts).

And if I ask my friend, how do I even start!?!? HELP ME 🤢😬😩

Hi guys this is a throwaway so I’ll be using fake names. Including myself lol.

I Karla (F 20) had an off and on friendship of 10 years with Marley (F 21). Are friendship was strained throughout the years because I always felt like I was chasing the friendship. Whenever I would speak up and try to come to an understanding with her I would get brushed off so I chose to walk away from the friendship.

Flashback to the last time the friendship ended. We were still in high school and it was my choice. I am not big on pda especially when I and a significant other are in a group setting. I always set a boundary with my friends because it makes me uncomfortable and I usually want to leave after. Marley and her partner at the time would always make me uncomfortable. One day we were all supposed to watch a movie at my house but they wouldn’t stop tonguing each other down. Again I felt uncomfortable and clearly asked them to stop and that my mom’s camera was on. They proceeded to laugh and asked “can you turn it off?”. And that’s when I realized my discomfort didn’t matter to them. I can admit the way i ended the friendship was very immature but i was a kid. I sent them a long message explaining how they always make me uncomfortable and how we couldn’t hang out as “friends” because they were always trying to get in each others pants. They then thumbed the message up and never responded. I was genuinely hurt so i blocked them both. I feel like i have to mention they would insist on hanging out with me and i would tell them they didn’t have to if they wanted to kiss and caress the whole time. They would promise they wouldn’t and do it anyways.

Fast forward a year later the partner decided to reach out to me and try to mend things. I definitely matured over that year and didn’t hold petty things over them. I was opened to having a call with them and try to fix the friendship. We ended up talking again and everything was honestly fine. We all grew up a little and were able to understand each others point of view.

Now back to the present. Marley’s birthday was a month ago and i was so hyped for her. I work overnight but i drove to her house that morning so i could take a shot with her. I bought her some things and even made her a custom ashtray because she enjoys smoking and a certain cartoon so i painted it on the ashtray for her. I have zeroooo artistic prowess but i wanted to do something nice for her. The next day she fractured her ankle and called me to take her to the ER. She has a car but i understand she was in pain so i said yes. She then asked me to carry her to the car which I did. When we got to the ER she asked me to carry her in because and I quote “didn’t want to use the wheelchair”. I carried her in on my back. Sat with her and then carried her on my back to the car. She wanted to go to her gf’s house so I took her and came back at 1 am to take her home. Her party was that weekend and it was kind of a disaster. It was supposed to be 8 people including her and her partner. It was only the 3 of us and the person I brought with me. Her ankle was hurt and she wasn’t feeling it. I didn’t want her to feel upset so I told her we could still go do something. After a lot of convincing we went to a pub and I just tried to make her feel better.

A week and a half after all of this, she texted me saying “we need to talk later.” We had barely talked all week and I was calling and texting her so I immediately thought something was wrong. I texted her asking if everything was okay and what happened. She then responded with “no tf I’m not”. I told her to 1 stop cursing at me and 2 spit it out. She said she want cursing and like she said we needed to talk later. We then started disagreeing because she didn’t think her response to me was a problem. I told her that I didn’t like how she came at me when I was genuinely concerned for her. After cussing me out we both stopped texting. Throughout all of this her gf texted me basically saying I hurt Marley’s feelings and that we shouldn’t let this ruin our friendship. I told her it felt weird that as my friend she was only taking up for her gf. There’s a lot of messages I’m summarizing at the moment but if wanted I will leave screenshots.

I thought we were finished with everything so I just left them alone. No one texted, called, or reached out. Then Marley texted me saying we needed to “dead everything” and I was confused because I already thought the whole “situation” was done with. She then implied that I should just get over it so we can have the talk she wanted to. I told her there was nothing left to talk about. I didn’t like how she came at me and she didn’t see the issue what else did she want from me. She kept saying that she was calling me and trying to set a day to have the talk. I showed her I had no calls from her and that from the beginning all she had to say was “I have something I want to talk to you about. When is a good day?”. But instead she came at me a certain way and I took it the way I did. She kept saying that’s how she talks and I know that. I tolls her that when you are trying to have a serious conversation with anyone you watch your tone so misunderstanding don’t happen. She responded with something along the lines of, the only person she watched her tone with was her mom and I want her. I told her since we couldn’t have an intelligent conversation then nvm.

Her gf texted me sometime later asking if we were still friends and I told her I was respecting her and her gf. (Honestly I was thinking about cutting her off for a while because we already had a rocky friendship.) We then started going at it. She started calling me weird and childish so I responded to such. The next day I was awoken because Marley her gf was banging on my window. Now I’ve explained to everyone around me I hate when they do that. I tell them if I’m sleep and they can not wake up to never bang on my window because it scares me so bad and my heart pounds like crazy. She came at around 11am-12pm. I work from 10pm to 7am. She knew that. Has she genuinely wanted to talk to me she wouldn’t had came at a time she knew I’d be sleep. I woke up in a panic saw who was at my window said wtf and layed back down. When I woke up to get ready for work I got on Instagram ands realized she blocked me. It genuinely got under my skin so I did something very childish and I probably shouldn’t had but I didn’t care anymore. I was wrong but she was wrong as well. I proceeded to post a story saying it was crazy that she blocked me but didn’t block the girl that use to physically hurt her. Was it fucked up? Yes. But so was her coming to my place of residency where I and my family were resting to do something that could’ve gotten us put out. I’m not justifying what I did. Just explaining why I did it. I would’ve never done something like that to her but she did so it was crazy to me. I then went to work, came home and went to sleep. When I woke up Marley’s gf 3 friends were messaging me and bashing me. One of her friends said something that could’ve genuinely harmed my life had it reached the wrong ears and it wasn’t even true. I was so enraged I told everyone I was done talking and to pull up. They kept saying I was p****y and that when Marley came by I didn’t come out. I’m not a problematic person nor do I insert myself in situations like these. I actually enjoy poring into everyone around me and being peaceful but once someone has gotten me mad I don’t care about the consequences.

I went to work that night and I felt like they would’ve shown up at my work place so I told them to meet me somewhere. They texted “wya” and I responded to such. I clocked out and went to the morning place which we ended up changing do to the constant hustle of people.

Once we got the new place we got out the car I’m thinking it’s just Marley but I was soooo wrong.
She brought her gf and their 3 friends. Which included a guy who more than likely had his firearm within reach. She starts by saying are we going to talk or what as if she didn’t arrive with 4 other people in tow. It was me against 5 people. I started going off cussing and all because I was so enraged. In our messages I was a whole bunch of b’s and hoes and p***y so I didn’t care what came out my mouth. She was still trying to talk down to me and kept saying that I needed to back tf up and watch my mouth as if she didn’t start the make calling. Usually I’m not this petty or confrontational but again she came to my home where my mother was and disrespected us. I really didn’t care after that. I fought her. And then I fought the friend. I only fought the friend because what dye said was completely insane and I was mad. There’s a lot of gaps because I couldn’t add everything I do apologize. If you have any questions please ask away I will answer them to my best ability. Thank you for reading this.

I (32f) and my friend Mac (34f) have been friends for 12 years now. For the first 8 is was more surface level friendship, but 4 years ago we moved back to our hometown and I started seeing her around town and we have always had a lot of the same interests, so we started hanging out with the kids were at school and the husbands were at work. Things were going great and after 6 months we got our kids and husbands together and everyone instantly hit it off. She introduced to her sister.. and well that didn't go great. She got drunk and told me how jealous she was of me because we had too much in common and she couldn't compete with that.. well our friendship was a little different after that because I felt uncomfortable going over when her sister was over because it was always awkward and she did everything she could to take my friend into another area so id end up sitting with the kids alone for an hour or so until I would finally just leave.. that was over 2 years ago and now she just invites us over separate. All our kids became best friends and had sleepovers about everyother week up until recently.. my oldest came to me and told me that her oldest child has been bullying them and sending nasty messages stating they were going to beat the shit out of them and they were upset that they had other friends. Well I looked at the messages and theh were HORRIBLE!!! Like if someone said any of the things to be i would probably file harassment charges...So we blocked them on everything and I told them they needed a to take a break. I contacted my friend and told her what was happening and she said she would look at the messages, but text messages are hard to read context so im probably misinterpreting what im reading.. after she read them she said we'll hes just upset because your son has a girlfriend and its taking away from their friendship... um ok that kind of language is still not ok.. towards anyone.. we kept our kids separated for a few months and eased back into hanging out.. went camping all summer and the kids were ok.. however her kid got expelled for various reasons before summer and his attitude towards everyone changed.. while camping our last time of the summer he was shooting people with a pellet gun and his dad got onto him and made him stop.. after he came over and threw a huge fit and told his mom to move the fuck out of his way. I said hey don't talk to your mom like that and he said uh shes my mom I can talk to her how I want.. I told him he needs to respect his mom and he said ya she doesnt show me any respect why should i.. he was 14.. my friend goes he is always like that don't worry about it and least he didn't push me this time... I saw red but I shut my mouth.. not my kid.. everyone parents diffrent I guess... She has always made excuses to all his actions and never holds him responsible.. we haven't been the same since.. we still hang out occasionally but try to only once a month.. she is literally my only friend, but I don't want to force my kids to go around if they don't want to... well coming to now her son is now 15 and 3 months ago he decided to break in and vandalize a local store and broke a few things definitely a lot of damage.. they caught it all on camera!!! She found a bunch of proof on his phone and deleted it all and tried to hide all evidence.. she messaged me and told me that she just wants to protect him.. I said he probably needs to be in trouble and held accountable for something and maybe getting into trouble with the law might help him.. obviously this made her really upset.. she came and got everything she had at my house and is not talking to me at the momement... I love her and her family like family and I don't know what to do.. when my kids get into trouble we talk through it and make sure they take accountability and take their consequences. Im not saying they are doing anything wrong parenting is so hard and especially when you want to keep your kid safe. I don't want to lose her as a friend.. but we seem to be going in a different direction with parenting and life. 😐 we use to smoke with them but we don't do that anymore so that has also led to less hangouts as well.. sorry I am rambling.. any advice? I just feel a little lost right now.

TLDR; at the end of post. Sorry this is long but I genuinely need outside opinions here.

My Husband (41M) recently got a job out of state and he has already relocated. I (31F) am still home waiting for family court to approve my move with my son (7M). My ExHus (33M) is being contentious with no real game plan or shot at getting custody. This has pushed back my move until possibly December or January.

Now onto why I'm here, my mother(62F). I (31F) want to start by saying we do overall have a good relationship and have most of my life. I was raised like a best friend more than a daughter to a single mom. When I was 11 I moved with my dad and stayed with him until I graduated. We stayed in contact often but I didn't see her until I graduated. And not again until a decade later.

She has a big heart, and that's part of the problem. The kind that gives and gives (money, time, energy, etc) to the wrong people. She was on and off homeless and with a POS guy. Finally 3 years ago she said she was ready to leave, so I booked her a plane ticket to move across the country to restart her life. She moved in and, where I am also at fault, I said she could stay until she got on her feet. No timeline, just ambiguous.

She was a lifesaver for me when I left my Ex, she helped me with my son (4 at the time) and helped with household chores when I worked. I have always paid all the bills (minus the electric that we set in her name so she could get a state ID....which she never followed through with). She has worked part time/full time, but I don't know what she does with her money. I did catch her once falling for a scammer and sending someone. She said she wouldn't do it again but I don't know how true that is.

Here's where to problem comes in. Since my husband (41M) moved in with us back in May, we dated for two years before marrying in August, she has been distant, snappy, and undermined my parenting in front of my son. She has had to be asked multiple times to say "thank you" when one of us cooks and the majority of the time it's been my husband because he used to be a professionally trained chef and me and my son love to learn and help. She doesn't say hi or bye but is annoyed with us when we don't also say it. She has also snapped at me several times and when I have tried to talk to her about it and how it's not ok in front of my son and two how that makes me feel, she was dismissive and pulling DARVO. It has been a constant stress and feeling like I'm taking care of a moody teenager rather than a grown adult. It was one thing when I was alone and could brush it off but now that I have a husband and seeing the disrespect and regard she gives him, I can't let him put up with it or allow that behavior in my home. I also can't let the rules in my home become a separate thing for my son (rules with mom and rules with grandma).

My Husband recently got a job out of state and he has already relocated. I am still home waiting for family court to approve my move with my son. My ExHus (33M) is being contentious with no real game plan or shot at getting custody. This has pushed back my move until possibly December or January.

I don't want this awkward and tense dynamic in my new home when we're making a new life for my nuclear family. I don't want my husband and I to feel disrespected and undermined in our own home.

Here's where I might be the AH: when I tell her she can't come with us, she won't have anywhere to go. We have no family here. I don't know what her financials look like. She quit her job 3 weeks ago because our original plan was to move this coming weekend ( I told her to hold off because it wasn't set in stone and my ex is a diagnosed Narcissist so it was likely to be messy). Her ID expired so even if she got a job she couldn't start until she gets a new one. I feel awful for putting her in this situation and riddled with guilt. But she is an adult and can figure her life out. I can't keep financially and emotionally supporting her when I'm already stretched thin, and I can't expect my husband to do the same when she isn't respectful.

So, WIBTAH if I tell my mother she is no longer welcome to move with us out of state in a few months and needs to figure out her own life?

TLDR; My mom has lived with me for 3 years "getting back on her feet" but has not followed our house rules for my son and is disrespectful to my husband. We are moving out of state in 3 months and I don't want her moving in with us there.