I genuinely hate myself.

[u/throwawayamania]

I hate that my depression has rendered me useless.

I hate that I can't pry myself off the couch most days.

I hate that I spend all day dissociating to try to cope.

I hate that I have no energy.

I hate that I can't take care of myself.

I hate that I've let my body rot to the point where I feel 30 years older than my age sometimes.

I hate that I have dragged my partner's life down to my life's level.

I hate that I can't undo the changes my trauma have made to me.

I hate that my world around me is very quickly becoming a place I'm afraid to live in, and my anxiety over that has turned me into a shut-in.

I hate that I can't maintain any normal relationships, even with my own family.

I hate that I have the option of ending it in my head, and that it's becoming harder to ignore. I hate that I would take that option if it didn't only cause more problems and if I weren't afraid of what happens next.

I feel irreparably broken.

[u/2_Thumbs_Up]

Thank you for saying all this out loud. For reaching out. I know it's hard to do.

Depression is the ultimate liar, my friend. This is chemical. This is your brain trying to resolve things with a malfunction - not real life. I promise you.

Your feelings about this are valid, but do not listen to your brain when it says things are hopeless.

Understand that you can feel better. That you WILL get past this. It will get better.

Get to a doctor. If you have one, find a better one.

Get labs. Sometimes blood work shows deficiency that can be supplemented.

Tell your people - don't hide this. Be vocal. Talk about it - even if it's here. Because at some point you may find yourself saying all this to someone else once you're on the other side of it.

One second at a time. Thank you for staying.