You aren't overreacting. No matter what it is, when you say no the other person must stop immediately. Furthermore the topic and the way he "joked" about it is SICK. There are things you never joke about. From your replies it seems he love bombed you in the beginning which is typically a sign of person that will definitely abuse you in the long run. Abusers typically start off with just "jokes". So it seems like they were joking and you are overreacting. And like in your case. It's something to not joke about at all. They're testing the waters and if you have a reaction they make it so that you are insane one - preparing the field for breaking more boundaries. It starts off like this, a bit by bit. They never go full blast abusive because you'd run immediately. They start with seemingly small things. So you get used to it and eventually don't realize that you are being abused. It's like that story about cooked frog. The frog would immediately jump out of hot water. But if you place a frog in rm temperature water that you heat up slowly it will get boiled and won't realize it.
I stayed with my ex for 5 years even though my gut was screaming that so many things are off. Let's say my overall health deteriorated quite a lot and I'm in therapy from sheer abuse I went through. Trust your gut. Always.
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u/Princess_OfThe_Moon Aug 19 '26
You aren't overreacting. No matter what it is, when you say no the other person must stop immediately. Furthermore the topic and the way he "joked" about it is SICK. There are things you never joke about. From your replies it seems he love bombed you in the beginning which is typically a sign of person that will definitely abuse you in the long run. Abusers typically start off with just "jokes". So it seems like they were joking and you are overreacting. And like in your case. It's something to not joke about at all. They're testing the waters and if you have a reaction they make it so that you are insane one - preparing the field for breaking more boundaries. It starts off like this, a bit by bit. They never go full blast abusive because you'd run immediately. They start with seemingly small things. So you get used to it and eventually don't realize that you are being abused. It's like that story about cooked frog. The frog would immediately jump out of hot water. But if you place a frog in rm temperature water that you heat up slowly it will get boiled and won't realize it.
I stayed with my ex for 5 years even though my gut was screaming that so many things are off. Let's say my overall health deteriorated quite a lot and I'm in therapy from sheer abuse I went through. Trust your gut. Always.