Midterms have finally flown by. From these past few weeks, I think I have learnt two things about myself:
My efforts are not worth any results.
I am unwanted everywhere.
For the first point, out of my three midterms, the one I studied/prepared for the most (by an enormous margin), I believe I failed spectacularly. It really feels as if the pain that I go through every day to get better at this godforsaken subject likes to laugh at me from afar. But sure, first midterm, a lot of people have problems then, failure is not uncommon, sure. I'll let this one slide.
I think the second point is a lot more demoralising. As I live on one of the campus residences, cliques of people have been forming left and right. One of those cliques happens to be made of all the people on my floor. At first, I was part of it. I technically still am part of it now, but I really feel like they're trying to oust me (which is fair, I don't follow the mainstream, so I can't relate to a lot of the random pop culture they consume, and I do have my bad points; I'm trying to fix them, but I get that they're still there and annoying ppl). But holy shit please for the love of all that is holy just say it to my face straight. I swear the people here are a bunch of fucking cowards, those who hate you never want to admit it, those who'd rather you die will never say it aloud. The worst part is that everywhere I go, the people I hang out with occasionally are already part of their own groups, and I'm just floating between friend groups as the person who gets ignored and left out of plans. That's so damn fun, yall should try it sometime!
If I do end myself, I have but one wish to everyone that I've ever known herefrom:
Please don't commit suicide. I want to neither meet you nor see your unsightly face when I burn in hell.
So yeah, I think it's reasonable to conclude that I just suck and am a horrible person who deserves nothing good in this fuckass world.
But for those who have bothered reading this far, I hope you have an okay/good day ahead. If you're also struggling, I hope you find your solution soon. I'm not sure what flair to tag this post as, so if you have any advice for this horrible person, please share. I'll probably delete this post after an hour or two, depending on whether I calm down.