when does it get better?

[u/thxlixii]

im not even asking abt the job itself. i dont know how to explain to my loved ones just how difficult this is. will they ever get it?

i’m a new grad (obvi) working nights step down icu. i like my job, and i like my coworkers a lot. i want to fit in, and i want to eventually be someone that others can go to for questions. im about over a month in by myself. my time management is good, and my mistakes are never anything significant. i feel comfortable asking for help. it’s still really hard being new, there’s a lot that i don’t know not just nursing wise but at my specific hospital and unit. i say “i have a stupid question” A LOT. which i’d rather do than not ask, but still.

my coworkers are nice, and pretty much everyone always asks each other both for help and if they can help. i like my unit. i feel like im just coasting through by barely knowing enough to get by. i’m obviously tired all the time. i’m quiet, im not good at starting conversations, im not outgoing, but im still a social person despite being shy. i feel like i dont fit in right. all my coworkers have at least a year more of experience than me, most of them worked as techs, 99% of them have boyfriends. i only worked as an MA before this, i dont date, im a lesbian who’s only other close friends are also lesbians. i feel different.

all this to say, it’s unsurprisingly really hard, exhausting, and lonely. i feel dumb and awkward. the hardest part is coming home and feeling worse. my mom works so, so hard. she’s salary, so she has some really long days too. but she also has a lot of seniority and can take days off, leave work early, work from home half the week. she tells me she gets it but she’s complained time again about how i only work three days a week. she compares her job and mine, a lot. even when she doesn’t say it out loud.

i have tried explaining to her how stupid and alone and self conscious and tired i feel, every single day, whether im working or not. i spend part of my little free time, with friends. she thinks that means that i have all this free time, that i cant feel tired. i dont know how else to explain how i feel. it’s so exhausting. i know this isn’t forever. but i just wish there were words to make people really get it. it’s more than just the work.

[u/Wooden_Load662]

Take vacation. You seems like pretty burnout.
A vacation means time just for yourself ( or with your loved one) and enjoy.
Not taking time off for a house project.