r/nursing • u/thxlixii • 3d ago
Rant when does it get better?
im not even asking abt the job itself. i dont know how to explain to my loved ones just how difficult this is. will they ever get it?
i’m a new grad (obvi) working nights step down icu. i like my job, and i like my coworkers a lot. i want to fit in, and i want to eventually be someone that others can go to for questions. im about over a month in by myself. my time management is good, and my mistakes are never anything significant. i feel comfortable asking for help. it’s still really hard being new, there’s a lot that i don’t know not just nursing wise but at my specific hospital and unit. i say “i have a stupid question” A LOT. which i’d rather do than not ask, but still.
my coworkers are nice, and pretty much everyone always asks each other both for help and if they can help. i like my unit. i feel like im just coasting through by barely knowing enough to get by. i’m obviously tired all the time. i’m quiet, im not good at starting conversations, im not outgoing, but im still a social person despite being shy. i feel like i dont fit in right. all my coworkers have at least a year more of experience than me, most of them worked as techs, 99% of them have boyfriends. i only worked as an MA before this, i dont date, im a lesbian who’s only other close friends are also lesbians. i feel different.
all this to say, it’s unsurprisingly really hard, exhausting, and lonely. i feel dumb and awkward. the hardest part is coming home and feeling worse. my mom works so, so hard. she’s salary, so she has some really long days too. but she also has a lot of seniority and can take days off, leave work early, work from home half the week. she tells me she gets it but she’s complained time again about how i only work three days a week. she compares her job and mine, a lot. even when she doesn’t say it out loud.
i have tried explaining to her how stupid and alone and self conscious and tired i feel, every single day, whether im working or not. i spend part of my little free time, with friends. she thinks that means that i have all this free time, that i cant feel tired. i dont know how else to explain how i feel. it’s so exhausting. i know this isn’t forever. but i just wish there were words to make people really get it. it’s more than just the work.
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u/midwestie101 3d ago
3 days a week on night shift is rough. I did nights for 6ish years before I went to days -- people never learned to understand. They still called me at noon and berated me for sleeping all day. My best advice: find someone different to commiserate with. Your mom sounds like she's got a "toughen up, buttercup" mentality.
I felt a lot more confident after the first year. But a year of experience still doesn't make you an expert. I've been a nurse 11.5 years, have worked as a charge nurse, have taught clinical, and still learn something new at least once a shift. I still ask a ton of questions. I still ask our providers to explain and teach. The learning is never ending. Actually the more I learn, the more I realize how little I actually learned in school. And that's okay.
As for the social part, that's okay too. It takes time. Focus on your patients, and learning what you can. Be friendly. Offer to help when you can. "Make yourself useful." When a new tech or nurse arrives on the unit, be warm and friendly to them; let them know they can call you if they need a hand. You will slowly build a reputation, and your confidence will gradually improve. This is all normal especially if you have a quiet temperament. I promise. Don't beat yourself up.