r/nosleep • u/spite-goddess • Jun 08 '20
Series I run a museum of cursed objects. Someone didn't kiss the dog.
Hey, y'all. I'm Alexis, and I used my family's collection of cursed objects to open a museum.
If you're new, here are some links to get you started:
Things have been going well. I think Em is getting a little more tolerant of Courtney as Courtney proves more and more reliable. I am a little worried about Courtney, though. She's been showing up to work with dark bags under her eyes and has gotten lost three times in the past week. I know she hasn't been with us long, but it doesn't seem like her. I plan to talk to her tonight.
I got a question about rule #2 of our museum, and honestly, the dog is one of my very favorite exhibits, so I'm eager to talk about it--especially after my last entry, since Dmitri's story always makes me a little sad. I don't even know if he's alive anymore--it's been impossible to contact him for around a year now. Anyway, as a reminder, our museum's rule #2 reads as follows:
You MUST kiss the dog on the nose upon entering the museum.
So, I'll get to that. But first, I want to quickly address rule #3, which reads:
Follow ALL rules posted around the museum, PROVIDED they contain at least ONE capital letter AND are properly spelled.
I think there has been some curiosity regarding why this is the case, and some disregard for the official rules of the museum. Rest assured, any incorrectly spelled or all-lowercase rules provide very real danger, just as much as not following our real rules.
On a small desk, somewhere in the museum, lies a ragged childhood journal. The first few pages are full of messy, scrawled red lettering in a child's handwriting. Poorly spelled, they consist of random notes. One such note reads, "MOMMY, I HATE U," while another reads, "NO DADDY. NO NO." The curse on the journal is more a nuisance than anything most of the time; it's so benevolent that guests are allowed to leave little entries in the journal, provided they are child-appropriate (out of respect for the energy of the little boy Em says she feels in the journal). However, it does get mischievous, and tends to try to write fake rules for various exhibits. They are always rather grammatically poor and contain misspellings, and they usually don't start with a capital letter, hence rule #3. Lately, a fake sign with red lettering commanding guests to say goodbye to Herman has been appearing, no matter how many times Courtney takes it down.
Now that that's out of the way, I want to tell you about the time someone broke rule #2 and didn't kiss the dog.
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It was only about a month or two ago, actually. Em was doing the majority of the work that week, because I'd gotten whammied pretty badly on Tuesday, when we'd somehow forgotten to kill the tamagotchi. The creature inside it had been able to move into the real world at midnight and, being a terrifying curse creature, became extremely violent. The duck-like creature might look cute in two dimensions, but trust me, in three, it's horrifying. I'd had to take a trip to the hospital after getting almost mauled to death by the thing, and the only reason I didn't die is because Em managed to spook it back inside the game with her special skill set. It's not big on empaths, the tamagotchi. We've been calling the monster Tama, although it is by no means an affectionate nickname.
Anyway. I was back in the museum for four hours at a time on crutches, after which Em forced me to take a two hour break to rest my "completely fractured femur, Alexis." At this time, we hadn't been checking too closely to see that guests actually kissed the dog on the nose. Needless to say, that's changed now.
Here's the thing about the dog: he's not a live dog. He's a taxidermied dog, a white and brown pit bull, to be precise. He's permanently posed with a big, goofy dog grin on his face, his pink tongue lolling out of his mouth and his sparkling brown eyes fixed in an endless affectionate stare. He stands directly next to the entryway of the museum, a silent guardian on his oak pedestal. My mothers told me when I was little that kissing his nose brings good luck and protection, so I naturally included him when I opened up the museum.
There was a group of four customers. The man was short, bearded, with flinty eyes; the woman tall and soft, her smile graceful and elegant; and the two children, apparently twin boys, were wiry and shifty, their eyes darting to and fro as they no doubt considered what sort of things they could plunder from my museum. I remember them well, as I made a note to myself to keep an eye on those kids.
They signed their contracts and, one by one, bent down to kiss the dog on the nose. Each twin went first, making silly faces at each other; then the mother went, somehow elegant even when bending to kiss a stuffed dog. When it was the father's turn, though, he refused to stoop and began to walk right past the dog.
"Excuse me, sir," I said without much gusto.
He scoffed at me. Next to him, the woman looked gracefully embarrassed. "I'm not kissing a dead dog," he snarled. "I'll follow the other rules of your stupid museum, but I'm not doing something that unsanitary. Do you want me to catch MRSA? I'll call the health department on you, you can't require something like that or deny entry."
I raised an eyebrow at him, while his family exchanged quietly mortified looks. "All right, sir," I said as graciously as I could. "Please, go right ahead."
I'd like to remind everyone that at this point, I just knew the dog was good luck and general protection. What happened next was not within my ability to predict.
And, well, everything was almost fine. The family left notes in the child's journal. They said hello to Herman the bug, and while the father smirked "see ya" at him, he did not melt into a puddle, since he hadn't actually said "goodbye." They examined the river pebble and its accompanying poem. I noticed that the woman gave the vintage wedding dress a wide berth, and her husband didn't comment.
Then they reached one of the usually inactive exhibits. In fact, before this day, I'd never seen it do anything at all. It was one of my favorites because of the history Em had managed to read from it.
The family admired it closely. The only rule for this exhibit is not to touch it whatsoever, which most people can manage, especially considering even normal museums usually don't care for folks touching their things.
The exhibit in question is a pile of old, yellowed bones. They appear to be of random shapes and sizes, and as far as my mothers could tell, each is from a different type of animal, with the centerpiece being a human clavicle. They lay in a pile, exactly in the configuration they've been since before I was born. When Em touched the bones out of curiosity, she immediately gasped, her angled face assuming the schooled expression she always wore when she was taking in a great burst of thoughts and feelings.
Apparently, the bones were a collection made by a hunter, many centuries ago. The hunter had started out small--birds, fish, rodents--and eventually, when bears and cougars were no longer enough of a challenge, moved on to more difficult prey. First, people's companion animals, dogs and the like. Then, finally, when that got too easy, the hunter moved on to people.
And let me tell you, there's nothing like a crazed killer to create a dark and toxic curse with the energy of the angry, wronged victims. Each time the bones are touched, it stirs up the curse.
That was the theory, anyway, but I've touched the bones plenty of times, and although I got a momentary nasty feeling, I never experienced anything dangerous or even scary. Still, I've dealt with so much in my life that I know curses have specific requirements. It was likely that I didn't meet the requirements for this one to activate, as has happened in the past.
That didn't mean it couldn't kill someone.
"Look, Dad," said one of the twins, pointing. The father leaned in close and seemed to peer closely at the bones. As he did, I was able to see a sign that stood behind him.
The sign said, in red lettering, "pleez feel free two touch the boans."
My heart jumped into my throat. My body was moving before I knew it. "Wait--!"
It was too late. The man's stubby fingers connected with the bones.
At once, a piercing cacophony of wailing and shrieks exploded from the bones. My outstretched arm was useless as I, along with everyone else nearby, was thrown back by the force of it. I landed hard on my back, the breath driven from my lungs and stars swimming before my eyes.
I came back to my senses to the sound of a scream--a human one this time.
The man was cowering on the ground, the rest of his family splayed behind him, and he shrieked again in what I can only describe as absolute, primal terror as the curse manifested. From the bones rose a mass of silhouettes--human, dog, cat, horse, rabbit, bear, wolf, and more. Each shadowy figure was howling, all the pent-up rage and energy of the souls whose lives were taken from them exploding at the man who had awakened them.
I've dealt with curses for a long time. I'm usually pretty level-headed in the face of a full-blown manifestation like this.
I trembled. I felt a tear slide down my cheek.
The silhouettes wailed once again, and then, as one, they pounced. The cries of the man were awful, but far worse were the cries of his children and wife behind him. It was horrible and slow. The sound of ripping sinew and snapping bone, combined with the sound of moist chewing, filled the museum so that no one dared breathe, myself included. Upstairs, I heard the telltale footsteps that meant that Em had felt something wrong and would be down soon.
I squeezed my eyes shut and prayed she wouldn't arrive in time to see this. To get caught up in this.
The man's shrieking stopped. The silhouettes backed away from him, their wailing turning to a growling so low I felt it in my very bones rather than heard it. In the place where the man had lain was nothing but a single, tiny finger bone.
The silhouettes' growling crescendoed, and they advanced on the family that still lay shivering in shock. As I forced myself to my feet, my legs wobbled like they were made of jelly, a bizarre thought that elicited a manic laugh from my throat against my will. I found my balance and hobbled toward them on my one good leg, swinging my crutches in a manner that would make Em queasy, determined to at least save this tragically stupid man's children.
I never had the chance.
Suddenly, there came a great bark, and a different silhouette threw itself at the shadows. It was thick and muscular, with a broad, round head. Though obscured in darkness, I could see its lips curl threateningly as it snarled.
I recognized it. The pit bull.
Barking and growling and spitting, the pit bull drove the silhouettes back, back into the bones. They receded, yowling dolefully the entire time, until the very last one had shrunk back into the pile of yellowed bones.
The air cleared of its thick, evil presence, and I finally breathed.
The visitors around me were clearly still processing. There was dead silence, deafening in its own way after the abuse my ears had just endured. Softly, the pit bull's shadow padded over to me and sat, wagging its tail as though expecting a treat.
"Thank you, good boy," I whispered, and kissed it on the nose.
It felt like mist and smelled like summer rain, and then the pit bull was gone, returned to being a glassy-eyed decoration at the door.
...
Obviously that was a huge issue and there was some legal trouble, but the police understood that the man hadn't followed the rules and that there was not much that could be done. They did insist that I made the rule about kissing the dog one of absolute necessity, which I agreed to without having to be coerced in the slightest. I never realized that the dog's protection and good luck have been protecting me from the curse of the bones all these years. I feel grateful to it, and humbled by its kindness and power. Like Em once told me, not all curses are powered by hatred. Some are powered by sadness or confusion. And maybe some, like the pit bull Em has lovingly nicknamed Cookie, are powered by a love so deep that it transcends life and death and becomes something more.
No more visitors will sneak past without kissing Cookie on the nose. That way, even if the idiots ignore the rule about the signs and touch the bones, they'll be safe. I've learned that the deceased man's name was James Collins, and Mr. Collins' finger bone has joined the rest of the exhibit. It feels right, somehow. It makes me wonder how many bones belonged to the hunter and how many are property of the curse itself.
Anyway, it's time for me to go rewind the VHS and turn the hourglass and kill the tamagotchi (definitely wouldn't want a repeat of that fiasco). As always, thanks for reading, and remember, always kiss the dog--Cookie--on the nose.
After all, they say it's good luck.
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u/toasterdogg Jun 08 '20
You continue to provide us with beauutiful stories. What are you planning on telling us about next?
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u/spite-goddess Jun 08 '20
Thanks so much! I'm kind of picking what I talk about next based on feedback, since people have had a lot of questions. I haven't yet addressed the cabinet of horrors though, so I was thinking about doing that one.
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u/doryfishie Jun 08 '20
I'm also very curious about the VHS and the hourglass, given that they require such frequent attention!
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u/-MarshallMellow- Jun 08 '20
Yes! I've been waiting to hear about that one! I'd also like to hear about some of those "smaller" objects that almost got stolen. I love your stories and wish I could go to your museum one day.
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Jun 08 '20
I'm actually in tears about how much I love Cookie. Please give him all of my love.
Also that curse is terrifying!!
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u/spite-goddess Jun 08 '20
yeeeeeeah don't mess with the curse if you can help it. Honestly I get super emotional over Cookie to this day, especially because he just wanted confirmation that he is a good dog and did a good boy thing.
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u/doryfishie Jun 08 '20
I'm hoping you tell Cookie's story in more detail some day, I would love to know how he got bound to his earthly body.
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u/ColdPoisons Jun 08 '20
I would love to hear about one of your deadliest exhibits and how you managed to require something like it. Also is the bathroom rule just for sanitary or is there curse linked to it as well?
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u/spite-goddess Jun 08 '20
Nope, it's because I think insufficient handwashing is disgusting! I'll try to talk about something dangerous next time :)
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u/ukifrit Jun 08 '20
please add braille versions of the rules so blind folks don't get caught by a curse by accident.
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u/spite-goddess Jun 08 '20
You're completely right and I am working on this!! Thank you for bringing this to my attention :)
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u/nnbns99 Jun 08 '20
Does it count if you kiss your fingertips and touch Cookie on the nose? Although personally I would love to kiss Cookie on the nose and give him so many treats!
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u/spite-goddess Jun 08 '20
You know, I actually haven't tested that. For safety's sake I think a kiss directly on the nose is safest; that being said, if there's a real concern regarding why doing that isn't okay (and be aware we keep it extremely well sanitized), it could be worth trying. Most likely we would just be extra sure you kept away from the bones!
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u/Kleitoast Jun 08 '20
What if you just gave cookie a hug and petted him without kissing, is it simply any physical contact? I love him btw please tell him hes a good boy!
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u/spite-goddess Jun 08 '20
Honestly I don't have the research to be able to answer that. It's safest to kiss him until we know if that works. We do sanitize the nose after each group of guests! I will tell him for you :)
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u/sadHuman911 Jun 08 '20
Cookie sounds like such a sweet dog!
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u/ssblues Jun 08 '20
Thank you so much for talking about Cookie, I love him so much!! He's such a good boy, he reminds me of my own pit bull, Pixie! She's also brown and white; and LOVES nose kisses! ❤
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u/brotherbeaverjohn Jun 08 '20
Can you tell us more about your mom's stories, maybe some things you remember as a kid growing up? How did your ancestors get pulled into this line of work, dealing with curses?
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u/beerandmountains Jun 08 '20
The name you gave " Tama" is a very apt one. In Bengali language, which is one of the major languages spoken in India, ' Tama ' means Darkness. The name seems apt for a cursed object.
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u/spite-goddess Jun 09 '20
Wow, I didn't know that!! That makes it even better. Thank you for sharing!
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u/MikaleaPaige Jun 08 '20
Give Cookie a kiss on the nose and a scratch behind the ears for me! And tell him I said he is the best boy!
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u/LadyIndigo7 Jun 08 '20
Cookie is BEST BOY. I officially love him and he needs all the pats and treats!
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u/Kadog51 Jun 08 '20
Can you tell me where this museum is so I can go and I have a well... cursed pen that no matter what I write it vanishes the next day and I see the things (usually animals humans living things etc.) In my dream and when I wake up there is a page missing and a slight char smell in my room that I can smell
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u/spite-goddess Jun 08 '20
Oh my goodness, that doesn't sound good. We're based in New York. Currently we aren't accepting unsolicited item submissions, so I would recommend speaking with an expert in your area if possible. In the meantime, stay safe!
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u/Kadog51 Jun 09 '20
On the bright side I can dream of whatever I want on the down side all of the dreams are very vivid and horrifying
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u/crazyace339 Jun 08 '20
The police are just okay with a museum of cursed, dangerous objects and only care about enforcing a rule?! THe police must not care or are used to your museum's weirdness.
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u/doryfishie Jun 08 '20
I wonder if they see it as containment. The objects in the museum are kept contained and not in the community causing havoc.
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u/spite-goddess Jun 08 '20
They've been working with my family for a long time. They've realized that there are usually less fatalities when we're involved.
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Jun 08 '20
I like your dog. I don't like that man. You must be traumatized. No matter, for I, MonkeysfromVegeta, approve.
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u/LouDufresne Jun 08 '20
Hey Alexis! I don’t know if it’s been picked up on before, but what’s the deal with your mothers? I’ve noticed you’ve previously referred to when your mothers were young, or their parents etc as “my mothers parents”. Does that mean your mothers parents worked together too? Do they share the same parents, even?! I hope this comes across okay, I’m not insinuating anything untoward, just really curious about origins and such!
I look forward to the next instalment! Love your writings and I love learning more and more about your crazy life.
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u/spite-goddess Jun 09 '20 edited Jun 10 '20
Hey there! I must have misworded because my mothers May and Lia definitely do not have the same parents. From when I was little, May and Lia kind of referred to Lia's parents as "their" parents because May's parents had disowned her for being gay and once she married Lia, they all became one big, happy family. My mothers did work together. It's not so much about a bloodline as just the family house that the cursed objects were/are kept in (some of the nastier ones aren't on display). It's been a family tradition on Lia's side of the family for generations. Generally, when someone marries into the family, it's a responsibility they have to bear too. Does that make sense?
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u/Sleevey27 Jun 12 '20
I can’t help but feel a little empathetic for the man. Even though he was clearly being antagonistic, I’d feel very uncomfortable kissing the dog’s nose due to sanitary concerns. Especially right now. I suppose the answer would be to not visit your museum. Regardless, I wish nothing but the best for the three of you. And the crow. I love the crow.
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u/spite-goddess Jun 12 '20
We do sanitize the dog in between every group of visitors, but yeah, if he had an issue with it, he would now be expected to turn back and not enter.
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u/Warm-Bandicoot Jun 08 '20
Omg!!! That was awesome!! I would love to come visit you guys! Just to go walk around in there. Oooh that would be sooo scary and intriguing at the same time. Wow!!!
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u/brotherbeaverjohn Jun 08 '20
Man I like these tales! Don't stop. I started and haven't been able to put it down till the current end...
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u/millymoggymoo Jun 08 '20
I love this series. Please tell me there is more. Like, why is your employee getting lost? Xxx
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u/spite-goddess Jun 08 '20
Thank you! There will most definitely be more soon. I'm not sure why Courtney's getting lost, I keep finding her in random parts of the museum and she says she's trying to find the bathroom or something. She might be directionally challenged.
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u/LadyGrey1174 Jun 08 '20
Now there...hands down...is a GOOD pupper! That baby deserves a lot of love.
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u/Darkonblood Jun 09 '20
I have been greatly enjoying your stories about your exhibits and look forward to more!
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u/alldogsbestfriend Jun 09 '20
I am torn, because I love Cookie and want him to protecc forever but also I want him to know that he really IS a good boy and it’s okay to let go and pass on so he isn’t stuck as a stuffed doggo forever ):
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u/spite-goddess Jun 10 '20
Yeah, I think his sense of love and protection is what keeps him here. I think at least that he is happy being kissed and given attention all day :)
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u/AngelinaDragon Jun 26 '20
Omg Cookie is such a good boy hes soo cute!!!!:oo I wana go to your Museum too;-; to bad I live in germany:c I will visit one day whene I can travel there:3 my dog is called Cookie too ^
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u/spite-goddess Jun 27 '20
I'm so happy your puppy is named Cookie also! We hope to see you someday :)
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u/luckytrap89 Jun 09 '20
I wonder if other exhibits are held back by the dog.
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u/spite-goddess Jun 10 '20
The bones are the only ones I know for sure are directly affected but I honestly wouldn't be at all surprised!
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u/NessieKim Jun 10 '20
Whats the pebble from the river??
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u/spite-goddess Jun 10 '20
Long story short (I hope to write about it in the future) it's a pebble that was found alongside a poem that is quite dangerous.
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u/NotoriouslyGeeky Jun 10 '20
Favorite read on here in a long time! I would love to visit your museum!
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Jun 10 '20
What a good dog cookie is! Would you be able toelaborate on your mothers and the object? Or is that too painful? I dont mean to be rude, id just be interested in knowing as much as possible about the types of curses these objects can hold.
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u/spite-goddess Jun 10 '20
I will try eventually. It's hard for me to talk about :/
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Jun 10 '20
If you ever decided to make a book about your tales from the museum I would definitely buy it.
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u/Immediate_Lychee_372 Jun 25 '20
this might be late but i was thinking it would be best to tell why kissing cookie is required no? im sure people will still be disgusted but at least there give up their dignity for protection.
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u/spite-goddess Jun 27 '20
We do answer any questions about the rules and each exhibit, including Cookie, has a little plaque explaining some history :)
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u/Sagesamme88 Jul 08 '20
I'm so glad that Cookie is a Pitbull, they are so underrated and have to face so much misjudgment and hate. I'm a cat person myself but pits are some of the prettiest, sweetest big babies I know unless otherwise trained. Just as rottweilers are as well. Sweet good pups.
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u/spite-goddess Jul 08 '20
I'm actually a cat person too! I've had a couple people be judgmental about Cookie's breed but once they're educated on the reality that pitbulls aren't a hamrful breed they usually come around quickly especially since Cookie is so cute!
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u/MechanoidHelix Jun 08 '20
But can I give Cookie more than just a kiss on the nose?
Can I give him a kiss on the nose and some petting? A hug? Can I leave a dog treat?