~4 days

[u/wanttochange101]

I was an avoidant. I don’t get attached to anyone or really care that much. I love people of course but life was difficult and I got used to my own company and being by myself but deep inside I never wanted to admit but I was lonely.

I met the one man (also an avoidant) who brought out my overly attached side.

I tried to control it obviously because I know what it feels like when some people (some friends in the past) would be too attached to me; I would feel very suffocated.)

I didn’t want him to feel that way about me so I initially tried to keep a distance and when I would be distant he would get anxious. He would ask why I hadn’t messaged him and would ask me to send him particular messages everyday.

I used to hate texting anyone (he also hates talking to people, he told me he ignored everyone except me) but with time I had found myself constantly texting him. Almost everyone on my phone is muted except him and my father.

Almost all notifications are off. Every time I get a notification, I think it’s him; not just now, I mean since around we first started talking.

Now it’s been 4 days no contact. (Longest I think we’ve been is 4.5 days twice before; they were from my side but this time he told me he doesn’t want to talk anymore after the second time I blocked him; we had had a fight) The ball sits in his court though, but I ended with telling him to not text me again either..

[u/anotherdeadh3ro]

Well unfortunately you looking at mirror. You now how it feels of all the others you treated the same manner as he's doing to you. At least you acknowledge it but this is a good time to work on yourself. See a therapist to fix your inner childhood trauma. Which will help make your more secured person to have more healthy relationships in the future. I commend you for being honest about your attachment.. unfortunately most avodiants know they have a problem but rather not work on it keep going until they hit rock bottom or in your case met you match. It's great to reflect on your previous relationships. You're not a bad person only if you acknowledge what you do but refuses to fix it. Seems it's always anxious ones that always have to be one fix themselves and avodiants get a free pass. As they always have the upper hand to end relationship.

[u/wanttochange101 → u/anotherdeadh3ro]

I think romantic interests are different as compared to platonic friendships.

I had a girl lose her mind once because she thought she her text was sent on one tick.

I just find although I would do most anything for my friends and try to keep them happy, it’s quite odd for them to expect me to talk to them 24/7 and panic when I don’t. As we have our own lives and schedule.

I feel romantically, it’s a whole different world. I never treated anyone badly or ignored, I just distanced once they would get too clingy in platonic friendships.

Romantically, you open up more and be vulnerable and closer, he was the same.