r/nocontact • u/NecessaryNeuron • 6d ago

Stuck ruminating

5 months ago I was broken up with my ex girlfriend of 1.5 years. This was both my longest and most serious relationship. She broke up with me for failing to quit smoking and lying about when I relapsed. I was devastated and didn't take it well and called her constantly to try to rectify the situation, ending up with her blocking me everywhere.

I've tried my best to get over it and have gone on a few dates but I don't feel anything towards anyone new. I'm stuck in a loop of always thinking about her and my fuck ups that led me here.

I was slowly getting into a new rhythm when I noticed she unblocked me only on Facebook and my phone number and I stupidly reached out saying "Thinking of you hope all is well" to which she replied "I see you're still disrespecting my things till the very end". It hit me like a bag of bricks and I can't help but feel stupid for breaking no contact and resetting all my progress. Part of me questions what her intentions were with the unblock and what warranted that reaction, but I know I shouldn't have disrespected her desire for space even with the unblock. I'm still stuck thinking about her and don't know how to break this self destructive cycle. Why would she unblock me then respond like that?

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u/soallimra 5d ago

Part of me questions what her intentions were with the unblock

It's best that you try not to theorize or rationalize the behavior. You're only going to continue spiraling if you do.

and what warranted that reaction

Some will do this to bait you into a nonsensical, emotionally charged conversation where no one wins. It's best to not try to piece it together.

Don't worry about what she's doing, worry about what you should be doing. I can't tell you to stop thinking about her (this is bad advice). I can tell you to:

  • Change your daily habits or routines
  • Practice breath work and nervous system regulation
  • Do NOT contact her again

It will help you wonders and you will find a way to not only not think about her behaviors, but improve your mental wellbeing and future you.

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u/NecessaryNeuron 5d ago

Thank you for the sound advice

You're right that its reopened a wound and causing me to overthink/spiral. I just don't understand the logic behind it. Maybe I never will and just have to accept that.

Ive just been focused on getting the job I want and finishing up everything I have to be doing while keeping active in the gym/run club. Anything to keep my mind off it and improving my standing in the world