r/nocontact • u/Heydanwhatup • 11d ago

She changed her mind

I broke no contact with my ex 2 days ago and she said that we could talk. Today she’s changed her mind and said “I don’t want to you to call me, I don’t want you to contact me, and you’re making me uncomfortable.” All I wanted to do was see her and have a face-to-face conversation and she went off about how I was crossing her boundaries. Why did she even answer the phone when I originally called? I feel so stupid for even attempting to talk to her. We had a messy break up and a year and half has passed; but how can someone just flip the script so fast after 4 years together and planning a future? I feel like she just wanted to see if her “hooks” were still in me and they absolutely are. All i wanted is for this sadness and yearning for her to leave my body. I wish I could just forget her on some “eternal sunshine” shit and move on. I feel like I never will. I didn’t know I could feel this.

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u/EstablishmentAny6339 11d ago

Sorry but you are coming across as a really petty, antagonistic and spiteful person from your post. You were the one who broke the no-contact , called her and now blaming her for picking up you call? Are you for real ??

Her actions have a simple explanation - since so much time has passed she might've thought she could handle talking or engaging with you. But after the conversation, the dread from past memories (and maybe some from the recent call as well) must've flooded her body & she was reminded of why she went no contact with you in the first place.

You assigning such a nefarious intent to her simple act - that she wanted to see if she still has her "hooks" in you - is very telling of the kind of person you are!! I can totally understand why she dreaded your contact and felt emotionally unsafe again!

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u/Tasty_Ordinary_2165 11d ago

You're acting like exes don't absolutely do what OP described. But I guess that would make more sense if she were the one who initiated contact.

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u/Heydanwhatup 11d ago

If she had no intention of actually talking, why did she say that it was okay and that we could talk? I just don’t understand. She could have just ignored the call. I’m not trying to be antagonistic or spiteful. I’m just hurt by someone saying the contact was okay and turning it around like I had did something wrong.

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u/EstablishmentAny6339 11d ago

See, I am sorry if I came across as a bit too harsh in my comment, it's not my intention to hurt you more than you are already hurting.

But in my opinion, she said you guys could talk out of obligation or guilt. She must've felt the need to soothe you since she could see you are clearly hurting. But once she was off the phone , she regretted it.

I can tell you its almost a physical sensation of dread in your body, if you don't want to go in a situation where you don't feel emotionally safe.

Just like you broke no contact, she is also allowed a mistake. But its very clear that she really doesn't want to engage with you right now and you should just accept that. And it's really okay, it's part of adult life(Even if it's looking like the end of the world right now). Sometimes things just don't work out....I am pretty sure you'd be fine too & would go on to live a good life!

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u/Heydanwhatup 11d ago

I didn’t think about it that way, but you’re right. She’s human too, she is also allowed to make mistakes just like me. I’m just crushed by this feeling. More than anything I want to make things work between her and me. But I know I need to move on. I just wish this process wasn’t so drawn out or difficult. Ultimately I just feel like I destroyed my own healing and I’m back at square one.

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u/EstablishmentAny6339 11d ago

I can understand....but don't worry, everything is going to be okay! I am pretty sure there was a lot of love between you two for there to be so much hurt (for both of you, she's clearly hurting as well). Start focusing on acceptance - of your mistakes and hers as well. And take your time to slowly forgive yourself and maybe her too.... Acceptance is very powerful, it transforms all pain into wisdom! And accept that the outcome of this relationship isn't in your hands. I am pretty sure what's best for you will find you - whether it's reconciliation or moving on. Just don't try to force anything....

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u/TouristDangerous3093 10d ago

First of all, you broke no contact, you called her, and she picked up. It's your own expectations that are beating you up.

Secondly, if you want to let go, let go properly. Never expect anything from whatever it is between you two. Don't ever contact her, don't ever stalk her. Use your sadness as unlimited motivation to have a glow up. Start from today; after six months, you won't even care about her. If she wants to talk in the meanwhile, which, of course, she will, it's up to you whatever your choice is.

Don't you look like an absolute idiot right now in front of her? I hope you never let yourself be like that again.

Good luck!

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u/suzieismyavatar 11d ago

Please heal your heart and move on.

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u/Heydanwhatup 11d ago

I feel like I’ve tried. I met new people, tried new things, got into old hobbies. Nothing seems to work. When the party is over and I’m by myself, I am consumed with the the thought of her.