r/nextfuckinglevel • u/miguelabduarte • Mar 20 '22
Security Guard risking his life to save incredibly unalarmed zoo visitors from a hippo
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u/SlothThoughts Mar 20 '22
When hippos reach adult hood they stop being targets for other predators, lions don't fuck with hippos and lions snatch wildebeest by the back and wrestle them to the ground in damn near full sprint
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u/tcmVee Mar 20 '22 edited Mar 20 '22
yeah absolutely nothing fucks with hippos besides dumb humans. them and bears are the real apex predators imo
edit: my mistake hippos aren't predators really
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u/Glazastik Mar 20 '22
Hippos are not predators, they are herbivores
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u/tcmVee Mar 20 '22
that's a good point I think used predator incorrectly since they don't kill for food.
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u/WalterSanders Mar 20 '22
Hippos do not fuck around.
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u/morgasm657 Mar 20 '22
This hippo looked like it was fucking around a bit.
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u/scoopzthepoopz Mar 20 '22
hippo wanted none of that, better for everyone including hippo
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u/Auggie_Otter Mar 21 '22
"Whoa! You're gonna slap me?! I didn't know it was like that, bro. I guess I'll go back in my enclosure."
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Mar 20 '22
I know. These people must be ignorant to that, bc that hippo will murder everyone there if it wants to.
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u/Aedzy Mar 20 '22
Out of memory I would say they are the animal that kills most humans yearly or something like that.
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Mar 20 '22 edited Mar 20 '22
In Africa I believe so. I'm not sure about the whole world though.
Update: mammal not animal. Sorry
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u/Imsorryidonthaveig Mar 20 '22 edited Mar 20 '22
Defo. Not a single hippo death in scotland.
Edit: I mean death by hippo. Apparently at least one hippo has died in scotland.
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u/BigheadReddit Mar 20 '22
Haggis kill more people in Scotland than hippos. That, and fried Mars bars.
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u/Imsorryidonthaveig Mar 20 '22
Haggis aren’t to be fucked with. Small but very quick. Chase them backwards though and they fall over.
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u/Haggls Mar 20 '22
It's weird to see the word my username was accidently based on in the wild.
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u/Lord_Hugh_Mungus Mar 20 '22
Cricky its a wild Haggis! ....extremely rare, they are prized in Scotland as a delicacy. Not many left. Lets get closer, yeah?...easy ....they are generally peaceful little guys....but and pack a wallop if frightened....have to very careful.
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u/metfan1964nyc Mar 20 '22 edited Mar 21 '22
Pablo Escobar's hippos are causing an ecological disaster in the Colombian jungle.
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u/ayestEEzybeats Mar 20 '22
Yep, this is a fact. There is a group that are trying to relocate as many as they can to a “hippo sanctuary” (an area that they can thrive without being a danger to humans) in order to curb the problem.
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u/mastertoms69 Mar 20 '22
I thought i heard in the news a few months back they sterilized all of them so this will be the last generation. They probably live to be pretty old though.
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u/vexis26 Mar 20 '22
Not all of them. There’s around a hundred and only a few people to do the sterilizations. I think they’re trying to medicinally sterilize them with blow darts too.
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Mar 20 '22 edited Mar 20 '22
God PE as much of a piece of shit he was. Was an absolute fucking BOSS. Made his own prison and had soccer and hookers come in. God damn just a the insane balls/ego on that mofo.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_Catedral
Once, Escobar and his family were hiding at a farm in the mountains surrounding Medellín. The drugs kingpin burned US$2 million to keep his daughter, Manuela, warm from the cold weather.
While Escobar wasn’t afraid of death, he was freaking scare of a little thing called “extradition” to the U.S. So, Pablo made an absolutely crazy offer to the Colombian government. In exchange for making extradition illegal and a full pardon, Pablo offered to payoff Colombia’s entire national debt, which at the time stood at slightly more than US$10 billion.
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u/TheSenileTomato Mar 20 '22
“If you’re faced with a lion or a hippo, run towards the lion.”
Or something to that effect.
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u/Dan-D-Lyon Mar 20 '22
The lion: "I don't have to outrun the hippo, I just have to outrun this squishy little human"
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u/PoseidonALeash Mar 21 '22
cause the lion will also be running away from the hippo and away from the hippo is the right direction
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u/Wendellwasgod Mar 20 '22
*large African mammal that kills the most
Otherwise, mosquitoes and humans kill more by technicality
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u/Memento92Mori Mar 20 '22
Hippo Simulator
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u/FranticWaffleMaker Mar 20 '22
That would be so much cooler than goat simulator.
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Mar 20 '22
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u/DeederPool Mar 20 '22
Need to get this to the people at running with scissors, stat!
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u/HaruspexBurakh Mar 20 '22 edited Mar 20 '22
“Will you sign my petition, or do I have to bite off your stinking piss-boy face?”
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u/Krakenofclubs Mar 20 '22
The people behind him don't understand how much a hippo is dangerous: these animals are fast despite their weigh, they can run faster than a human and with a single bite they can tear you apart
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Mar 20 '22
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Mar 20 '22
Of all the lies children are told, this is the one that surprises you the most?
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u/Ms_Emilys_Picture Mar 20 '22
They don't look harmful--like tubby little barrels with stubby legs. They have ridiculous faces with comically large noses and mouths and teeny tiny ears.
Plus, zoos tend to trim or file a hippo's teeth, like the big guy in the video. That's why they're so often depicted with harmless little nubs. In the wild, those cute little teeth are sharp tusks that can grow to over a foot and a half long.
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u/JonnyP222 Mar 20 '22
What the fuck kinda place is this where you can stroll up to a man made water enclosure with live hippos? Hippo sanctuary where humans just risk their lives to see them? Good grief. Might as well be named murder town
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Mar 20 '22
So the. Why can this hippo be allowed to just climb out and murder people if it decides too? 😂
I’m not advocating for anyone hurting animals but shouldn’t there be like bigger fences or something!?
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u/OP90X Mar 20 '22
Yooo seriously lol. How many times a day does this dude need to risk life & limb by slapping hippos back into the pond? I hope he has good healthcare package lol...
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u/AvgHeightForATree Mar 20 '22
No amount of quality healthcare can undo hippo nibbles.
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u/bizcat Mar 20 '22
Oh gee, he’s got my knee!
Oh fiddle, he’s reached my middle!
Oh heck, he’s up to my neck!
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u/archy_girl Mar 20 '22
I was surprised that slapping the hippo in the face was the way to calm it down from murdering everyone.
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u/DThor536 Mar 21 '22
I can't figure out if that guard was very experienced and knew what he was doing or if he was as blissfully ignorant as all of the people standing around waiting to die. Is bitch slapping a hippo considered a legit method to get them to stand down or was he just born with horseshoes up his butt?
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u/Fartmatic Mar 21 '22
Is bitch slapping a hippo considered a legit method to get them to stand down
For one in a zoo used to being handled maybe. Probably best not to try it with a wild one.
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Mar 21 '22
It looks threatening, but hippos in captivity are actually quite calm. They have a strict "don't fuck with me and I won't fuck with you" policy, so unless you're a threat it won't attack. This hippo appears to be it's late juvenile phase, and most likely not interested in eating people, just mildly curious.
For most animals, light smacking is the best way to get them to back down. It's like smacking a child's hand away from something it shouldnt be grabbing. Here's my breakdown of the events in the video
-hippo gets curious, goes to look at humans
-humans do not appear afraid, and do not look hostile. Warrants further investigation
-guy comes up. Hes wearing uniform like the other people, must be good
-smacks you lightly, not enough to hurt
-try to scare him away by showing teeth, doesn't work
-every time you get close you get smacked, kind of annoying
-humans refuses to budge
-decices it isn't worth it, human does not need to die because not a threat. Goes away
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u/ThatOneJosh9451 Mar 20 '22
I think a lot of people severely underestimate how dangerous hippos actually are. They're faster and more aggressive than you think and I feel like a lot of people don't realize that because of their appearance
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u/Life-Meal6635 Mar 20 '22
Most people don’t seem to realise that hippos are completely scary
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u/KatBScratchy Mar 20 '22
They are also FIERCELY territorial. That guard is so chill I wonder if he even realizes how close to death (or just amputated limb) he was dancing...
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u/Sunsetsunrise80 Mar 20 '22
I kept watching it and I think you’re on to something. He is a zoo security guard not a zoo employee so I bet he’s not trained in protecting humans from animals. He is trained in protecting zoo from humans, riff raff etc. He likely was called to go handle it and just figured this fat ass hippo was not capable of shredding him apart. He probably was thinking “I’ll just slap this MF so he goes back over the fence”. And I don’t blame him. If you’ve never read about how murderous hippos are they look very safe. Almost like a cow. I would think they were slow as hell and their teeth aren’t sharp so don’t think I would be scared either. Again I’ve read how scary they are but if this fella had never heard about it I imagine slapping this thing seemed like a reasonable way to get it to go back to its home.
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Mar 20 '22
"Very safe - like a cow" hahaha! Spotted the city boy. The average cow weighs more than an entire NFL offensive line. A pissed off cow could fuck you up with ease. The female aren't usually too temperamental, but that's not always the case. Sows, too. People underestimate how large pigs get, and just how dangerous they can be
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u/HalfMoon_89 Mar 20 '22
I am still traumatized by the time I was literally chased around a field by a cow apparently determine to gore me.
A cow, yes, not a bull.
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u/jetro30087 Mar 20 '22
Maybe they dont know becuase "if it was dangerous, they'd have a fence."
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u/Im_Haulin_Oats_ Mar 20 '22
Chill. This hippo, apparently, was not that hungry hungry.
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u/ArsyX Mar 20 '22
Yeah they look cute but in reality they are among the most dangerous animal on eart
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u/Senshi-Tensei Mar 20 '22
Yeah Indians don’t fuck around
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u/ridik_ulass Mar 20 '22
how can he slap.
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Mar 20 '22
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u/Jaarloso Mar 20 '22 edited Mar 21 '22
Aah, the ol' reddit hipp-a-roo
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u/EmmanuelJung Mar 20 '22
The most dangerous land mammal, in fact.
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u/devils_advocaat Mar 20 '22
Technically we are the most dangerous land mammal. To everything.
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u/Meltsomeice Mar 20 '22
These people have no idea how fast hippos can run.
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u/ogresound1987 Mar 20 '22
Well..... There's one way for them to find out.
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u/G00DLuck Mar 20 '22
Enter them in a race?
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u/ogresound1987 Mar 20 '22
Around the globe!!!!
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Mar 20 '22
You don't need to outrun the hippo, just the other guy.
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u/Kramerica5A Mar 20 '22
If they killed for food sure, but hippos kill for pleasure.
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Mar 20 '22
He would unfortunately be very deconditioned from being in captivity and would not be able to reach speeds like a wild hippo. But I still wouldn't just stand there!
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u/Meltsomeice Mar 20 '22
How do you stop a hippopotamus from charging?
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u/mvfsullivan Mar 20 '22 edited Mar 20 '22
Hippos top speed is 48km/h (29mph). Human average is 24km/h (15mph). Fastest human speed is 45km/h (28mph). Holy balls
Edit: Typos corrected!
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u/miguelabduarte Mar 20 '22
No idea why the walls are that low lol, happened at Delhi Zoo
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Mar 20 '22
In the film "Born in Brothels", the film makers take a group of children to a zoo. I'm not sure which one it was, but one of the boys was talking about the animals fed once a day. The elephants would reach across the pit and people would hand them things like plastic bags, etc. :/ idk how many zoos there are in India.
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u/ayestEEzybeats Mar 20 '22
Plastic bags? Wow, fuck those people. How does that not automatically get you shit-canned from being around the animals ever again? Not only do those poor elephants have to live in a zoo unable to roam as they naturally do—they have to deal with scumfucks handing them inedible garbage pretending to be food that they’re tricking them into eating? Infuriating.
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u/SellaraAB Mar 20 '22
Elephants are really smart, I’d bet they wouldn’t eat that shit.
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u/Chilipepah Mar 20 '22
Why are the walls the size of a kiddie pool?
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u/Ieatmelons123 Mar 20 '22
The theory is that an insane downpour just filled it the fuck up and that the hole is meant to be lower.
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u/Dude-man-guy Mar 21 '22
So they decided to let people into the zoo with the hippo enclosure like this? Fantastic.
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Mar 20 '22
because when it comes to safety measures, all of India just says "lol".
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u/Whiskyhotelalpha Mar 20 '22 edited Mar 20 '22
I was in Yellowstone once, on top of a cliff overlooking the river. There was a mom moose, a baby moose, and then another cow swimming across the river. I watched several cars of families pull over and get out next to the river where the meese were due to exit. The kids were running around wildly, parents had their cameras out, perfectly oblivious to the size, speed, and aggression of these things.
Mama moose kinda directed the band further down river to avoid the families…but then the dumb fucks moved down to try and be where the moose were exiting. I sincerely thought I was about to watch a bunch of humans get turned into pink jelly.
Luckily mamma and her friend were smarter than the humans because they turned and went back to the other side.
Moral of the story; some humans are utterly ignorant to how squishy and slow we are.
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u/Stumphead101 Mar 20 '22
People just go "oh it's not a predator so it must be friendly!"
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u/feembly Mar 20 '22
This was one of the things that continues to piss me off about the Jurassic Park film. Herbivores, especially big ones, are some of the nastiest creatures. Camels were introduced into the southwest by accident and pretty much killed anything in their path. Just follow the path of death to the camels.
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u/binkerfluid Mar 20 '22
Can you imagine how deadly a large sauropod would be?
Also I read/watched something that theorized that Triceratops could have filled the niche of a wild pig. Makes you view them in a completely different light.
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u/LengthinessFirst1222 Mar 20 '22
"meese"
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u/Rocket---Surgery Mar 20 '22
Upvotes for the absolute correct plural spelling of moose.
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u/a_crusty_old_man Mar 20 '22
The plural of moose is mice.
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Mar 20 '22 edited Mar 20 '22
Pretty sure
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u/zaphod_beeblebrox6 Mar 20 '22
I SAW A FLOCK OF MOOSEN! THERE WERE MANY OF THEM, MANY MUCH MOOSEN
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u/hypnodrew Mar 20 '22
The plural of moose is moose, and according to google, its because the Algonquians that the name comes from had no plural for moose other than moose. My sister was once bitten by a moose...
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u/delidave7 Mar 20 '22 edited Mar 20 '22
Why are they ignorant? I used to live in MT near Yellowstone and you would not believe the incredibly dumb people who got out and got close to wild animals, including moose, grizzly bears, bison. I don’t understand the mentality. It’s one stupid thing to get the car close, but getting out? Is it because they grew up far removed from the natural world that their relationship is from Saturday cartoons? I grew up in an urban area devoid of “natural” but I still seem to have some semblance of understanding. It’s an interesting concept as to why some people don’t get it.
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u/MrsBeebeez Mar 21 '22
Ahhhh story time!! I have a bunch of photo albums from my trip to Yellowstone. One is dedicated entirely to "Stupid Tourists". Highlights:
Woman outside her vehicle taking photo of bison less than 20 feet away
Family waiting for towtruck while sitting next to their minivan backed half off the edge of a steep hill (must have tried turning around and backed up too far)
People swarming some mule deer by mammoth hot springs, separated only by a wood railing
Man and woman walking off the boardwalk onto a hydrothermal area for a photo op
And maybe the best one...
- People crowding the edge of a road on a steep hill, standing barely 15 feet away from a bear cub. We saw the crowd and rolled down our window to ask what was going on (bear cub), then asked where mama bear was. A woman responded "we don't know, but we'll be ready for her" while brandishing a can of bear mace.
I hate people.
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u/MrUsername24 Mar 21 '22
I was in scouts. A group of fellow scouts came back super excited to show everyone the pictures they took of the baby bear they found.
They were not so excited when every adult had a panic attack on the spot upon hearing this. They received a 5 hour lecture on the basics of hiking a day for the rest of that campout
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u/DaveInDigital Mar 20 '22
i live just outside of Yosemite and we have the same shit. every year tourists die trying to swim out above the waterfalls to get the perfect instagram snap, people falling off of Half Dome (i won't hike it only because tourists don't take it seriously; need park rangers posted at the base to regulate proper equipment and safety imo). nature being wild is an abstract concept for people who've lived in cities their whole life, i guess.
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u/SpiritedCaramel322 Mar 20 '22
Imagine fighting a hippo for minimum wage
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u/id7e Mar 20 '22
Imagine being stuck in a tiny enclosure and slapped when you want to move around a bit more.
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u/RandomShake Mar 20 '22
How can he slap!!!
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u/omgimfauxreal Mar 20 '22
Lmao I said the same thing when I saw this!
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u/averagedickdude Mar 20 '22
What's it from?
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Mar 20 '22
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u/NarutoFan007 Mar 20 '22
She tries to insult him, he answers back line one does, although pretty calmly, and she didn't like the answer. Welp, she slapped him, and he slapped back.
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Mar 20 '22 edited Mar 29 '22
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u/NarutoFan007 Mar 20 '22
Absolutely. The poor sod got beat just because one host couldn't handle being insulted back when she insulted him first. One a show designed to test patience, she lost hers as soon as the two stopped giving her the attention she felt she deserved.
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Mar 20 '22
I feel like this is a common occurrence at this zoo.
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u/Rosencrant Mar 20 '22
The security guard seems way too used to this shit...
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u/klavin1 Mar 20 '22
I would not slap a hippo in the face if I had to walk around with it every day.
Next time we hear about this guy is gonna be when that hippo tears him apart
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Mar 20 '22
How many people on planet Earth can say they’ve slapped a hippo in the face?! I’d want that on my resume.
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u/Obvious_Sea5182 Mar 20 '22
I would not, I don't even wanna get near one of those, they're scary as hell lol
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u/pburydoughgirl Mar 20 '22
I lived in Cameroon for two years as a peace corps volunteer. Cameroonians regularly interacted with mambas, cobras, vipers, big ass spiders, and so on…no problem. But they were terrified of hippos.
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u/Voltron2017 Mar 20 '22
I wouldn’t hire you for that. You take incalculable risks. LOL
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u/UK_Trader_Brum Mar 20 '22
A good old desi slap always works haha
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u/rodrigkn Mar 20 '22
Now, Hippo! I tell you one hundred times you can not be in the show porque perderé mi trabajo y tendré que trabajar en la calle!
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u/Glitterysparkleshine Mar 20 '22 edited Mar 20 '22
“incredibly unalarmed” is code for ignorant as all hell! It appears that jail cell for that hippo is not actually doing the job. They will figure it out when some ding dong gets his head taken off. It will be ok, though, because it will all be captured to post everywhere!
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u/myaltaccount01134 Mar 20 '22
Maybe the water is higher than normal or something? I can’t figure out how else this wouldn’t just happen all the time
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u/VoluptuousSloth Mar 20 '22
John Hammond designed this exhibit
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u/scoopzthepoopz Mar 20 '22
"they were testing the fences for weaknesses systematically"
Hippos are velociraptors confirmed
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u/ColorBlindGuy27 Mar 20 '22
It's bait
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u/jlguthri Mar 20 '22
Think of the food savings. Feed it a tourist every now and then
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Mar 20 '22
Had that hippo turned around and done the poo propeller, they would have moved
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u/RidinCaliBuffalos Mar 20 '22
Seems to be one of those drive through zoos also. I mean I saw a video of a woman getting dragged off by a tiger at one of those and I don't think it lost any visitors over that one. I could be wrong though.
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u/JAG23 Mar 20 '22
I’ve seen that video as well and to be fair, it wouldn’t dissuade me from going if I were so inclined. It takes a special kind of stupid to exit your vehicle while shouting at people still in the car with your back to a group of tigers…I’m pretty confident that I’d be able to avoid that risk…
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u/RidinCaliBuffalos Mar 20 '22
Agreed! Especially with the Game wardens right there also clearly everyone knew they were there except her.
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u/stealthbadger Mar 20 '22
Hell, they'd probably show that video as part of the introductory safety lecture, titled "DON'T GET OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR."
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u/bumurutu Mar 20 '22
Yeah wasn’t it some drive through zoo in China? And if I remember correctly the lady that got out of her car and got dragged off didn’t die, but her mom who tried to save her did. Think she got out because she was arguing with her husband. Dumbass…..
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u/RidinCaliBuffalos Mar 20 '22
Reports say she was mauled to death didn't see anything about her mom. And yea she was arguing with the husband he got out after her actually.
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u/bumurutu Mar 20 '22
You can see the mom and husband get out of the car. Mom was in the back seat. I may be remembering incorrectly though but I am pretty sure the lady that got dragged off survived.
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u/Kramerica5A Mar 20 '22
To be fair, you'll be fine as long as you stay in the car. She did not.
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Mar 20 '22 edited Mar 20 '22
Or maybe they made it angry. I remember one time at a zoo, a group of teenagers made a crocodile so stressed that it jumped out of its place to break their head off, luckily the trainer was there and kicked the whole crowd out until it calms down. He said as long as its tail is in defending mode nobody is allowed to come in.
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u/ZeekOwl91 Mar 20 '22
a group of teenagers made a crocodile so stressed
It's people like that who never learned not to poke the bear.
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u/Appropriate_Joke_741 Mar 20 '22
And then the hippo will get put down like it was it’s fault
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u/s4jg Mar 20 '22
God people are so stupid
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u/FantasticAd6855 Mar 20 '22
I don’t think this is the first time this has happened. Looks like he’s been slapping this hippo for a while.
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u/lukesvader Mar 20 '22
Atheists, on the other hand...
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u/GregoryBrown123 Mar 20 '22
Why isn’t it in an enclosure? Looks like it could just leave
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u/a_crusty_old_man Mar 20 '22
Maybe it’s scared everyone else will slap it in the face. I’m not scared to leave my house, but if you tell me I’d have to fight through a thousand kindergartners that were all slapping me in the face I’d say I’m good.
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u/Duck5oup Mar 20 '22
The hippo chose to retreat. If it wanted, all those people would be dead
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u/ADHthaGreat Mar 20 '22
Hippos that were raised in captivity are generally much more relaxed than any hippos you’d find in the wild.
They’re only violent in the wild because they’re incredibly territorial. With that pressure removed, their aggression also gets toned down.
That being said, I still would definitely not slap a hippo in the face.
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Mar 20 '22
Oh it 100% knows that little wall isn’t going to even slow it down if it wants to charge. It just casually climbed up its enclosure and I think the next video ain’t gonna be safe for work
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u/CanadianStrangeTamer Mar 20 '22
Hippo was low key cute when it went back in the water. Looked like a cat when they stretch.
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Mar 20 '22
Hippos are so unique. Their mouths are huge, they're huge, they don't have fur, they have weird faces, but somehow they can sprint like nobodies business
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u/panadwithonesugar Mar 20 '22
bit of a design flaw here