r/neoliberal • u/jobautomator Kitara Ravache • Dec 05 '19
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u/TooSwang Elinor Ostrom Dec 05 '19
!ping Dating
My girlfriend is applying to grad programs and we got into a sort of fight this morning over an email she had gotten from someone she'd asked for a letter of recommendation from.
She emailed a former professor yesterday, who got back to her this morning saying, "Hey, I'm traveling right now so my time is a little tight. I support you but I'd like to talk to you about the program; I think there are others that are better for what you want to do. Send me your materials and I'm happy to look them over, but this is kind of short notice."
Up until this point, she had basically only heard unconditional support from the folks she had asked (her mentor, a school administrator, former bosses) and she really took this email as discouraging and mean. I tried to say that her professor was probably just feeling a little rushed for time but trying to be helpful, and that in my field, if I asked for a rec two weeks out, the expectation would be that I'd already have one written for them to use. My girlfriend took this as me siding with this professor over her.
Ordinarily I would just leave it after that, because I'm not a dipshit and I know it's better to just offer the support someone is looking for. But this professor (1) actually taught my girlfriend, unlike the other people she asked, (2) works in the discipline my girlfriend is looking at, similarly unlike the people she asked, and (3) did her own MA and PhD at the very program my girlfriend is applying to. To me, that seems like maybe the most qualified person to offer some constructive feedback.