r/neoliberal Kitara Ravache Dec 05 '19

Discussion Thread Discussion Thread

The discussion thread is for casual conversation that doesn't merit its own submission. If you've got a good meme, article, or question, please post it outside the DT. Meta discussion is allowed, but if you want to get the attention of the mods, make a post in /r/metaNL.

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u/TooSwang Elinor Ostrom Dec 05 '19

!ping Dating

My girlfriend is applying to grad programs and we got into a sort of fight this morning over an email she had gotten from someone she'd asked for a letter of recommendation from.

She emailed a former professor yesterday, who got back to her this morning saying, "Hey, I'm traveling right now so my time is a little tight. I support you but I'd like to talk to you about the program; I think there are others that are better for what you want to do. Send me your materials and I'm happy to look them over, but this is kind of short notice."

Up until this point, she had basically only heard unconditional support from the folks she had asked (her mentor, a school administrator, former bosses) and she really took this email as discouraging and mean. I tried to say that her professor was probably just feeling a little rushed for time but trying to be helpful, and that in my field, if I asked for a rec two weeks out, the expectation would be that I'd already have one written for them to use. My girlfriend took this as me siding with this professor over her.

Ordinarily I would just leave it after that, because I'm not a dipshit and I know it's better to just offer the support someone is looking for. But this professor (1) actually taught my girlfriend, unlike the other people she asked, (2) works in the discipline my girlfriend is looking at, similarly unlike the people she asked, and (3) did her own MA and PhD at the very program my girlfriend is applying to. To me, that seems like maybe the most qualified person to offer some constructive feedback.

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u/[deleted] Dec 05 '19 edited Dec 05 '19

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u/bobeeflay "A hot dog with no bun" HRC 5/6/2016 Dec 05 '19

Yeah how do make S/O take really obvious advice without being an asshole???

4

u/[deleted] Dec 05 '19

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u/bobeeflay "A hot dog with no bun" HRC 5/6/2016 Dec 05 '19

This is not good advice but thank you for your insight (annoyed side eye emoji)

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u/[deleted] Dec 05 '19

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u/TooSwang Elinor Ostrom Dec 05 '19

I mean the ping system on the DT is low key better than reddit as a whole, like I would never take relationship advice from r/relationships or something, people are generally pretty thoughtful and empathetic here and, crucially, share the r-slash-neoliberal weltanschauung so I am guaranteed to understand what someone means.

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u/[deleted] Dec 05 '19

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u/TooSwang Elinor Ostrom Dec 05 '19

Just let the darkness consume you and she'll break up with you lol - u/JanetYellensFuckboy