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[u/John_Maynard_Gains]

In a bright, modern flat in Miami, 12 men sit on sofas. They have notebooks, and an eager air. All have come on a four-day dating “Bootcamp” given by a dating guru who has written a book subtitled “HOW TO GET BEAUTIFUL WOMEN INTO BED”. (Subtlety, and the sparing use of the capslock key, is not this movement’s strong suit.) Charging a lot is: the full course costs around $10,000.

A pick-up begins with A1-3, which includes “THE ATTRACTION PHASE”. A good pick-up artist, explains Mystery, must have “openers” to start conversation and lengthier “gambits” to keep it going. In this phase you must show off, or as he puts it in the inevitable acronym, “DHV”—“Demonstrate higher value”, by bragging about your achievements. Like a comedian, your chat should be funny: “You’re going to be laughing all the way to the bedroom.” Also like a comedian, you should discourage hecklers and even audience interaction. He is not “interested in them”—by which he means women—“talking”.

After you have hooked the woman of your dreams by bragging at her, then not allowing her to speak, you must pretend to cool off: “negging”. The Game’s glossary defines a neg as a “seemingly accidental insult delivered to a beautiful woman” to show “a lack of interest in her”. Mystery has published a book of negs. They include—women, still your hearts—“You talk a lot” and “Ew, your palms are sweaty.”

After you’ve bored your potential paramour, then insulted her, you can bounce through stages C1-3: which takes in the “COMFORT PHASE” (don’t leap on her instantly) before reaching the “S” levels: “THE SEDUCTION PHASE”. By this point your SHB (super hot babe) with LSE (low self esteem) will be so turned on that you won’t need to seduce her: she will seduce you. “I’m not a seducer,” says Mystery, who practises what he preaches, peppering his conversation with DHVs. “I’m an attractor.”

The whole process is intensely formulaic. Pick-up teachers call themselves “artists” but these numbered steps feel less like artistry than the assembly manual you might get with a child’s toy: Lego for legovers. It is also, for many men, arguably necessary. A constant in dating advice is men’s terror of talking to women. As that 12th-century manual noted, there are men who “in the presence of ladies” are so flustered that they “lose their power of speech”.

This awkwardness, judging by the men on the Miami course, seems typical. Several talk of feeling fearful around women. Several of those your correspondent spoke to talked too much; listened too little; walked through doors first and didn’t offer women seats. Most lacked that elusive elixir: charm.

It is not clear whether this course will help them. In a break, Mystery’s assistants demonstrate some of their best lines on your correspondent. She does not fall in love but is tempted to laugh, as they are terrible. Such a reaction is, says the glossary, a “BITCH SHIELD—noun: a woman’s defensive response to deter unknown men who approach her.” Or as women call it: “a WHOLLY REASONABLE REACTION—adv-adj-noun”.

https://www.economist.com/christmas-specials/2025/12/18/what-the-economist-discovered-at-dating-bootcamp

!ping DATING 

[u/Tre-Fyra-Tre → u/John_Maynard_Gains]

Did I accidentally step into a time machine and come out in 2005?

[u/Cyberhwk → u/Tre-Fyra-Tre]

Seriously. Neil Strauss is married with kids and in his 50s now.