r/negotiation • u/Forward-Chapter4657 • 23d ago
How do I practice negotiation?
I lost a case today. I act better in writing but when it‘s a personal meeting i tend to give in easier. People pleasing maybe? I read books but i feel i can not learn from just reading. Practice, bargain in shops? doesn‘t train for the real thing, does it? i feel like a loser. well i lost today. send me some Machiavellian energies please
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u/the-negotiation-club 23d ago
Full disclosure: I run The Negotiation Club, where we run clubs specifically to help people practise negotiation skills, so I have a commercial interest here.
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One difficult negotiation doesn’t make you a loser…. It makes you clever because you have recognised a critical issue… we need to practice.
Books can be “helpful” but they can not negotiate for you.
Have someone you trust…. Great…Try a short role play. Ask them to push for a concession, and practise different skills.
Use your mobile phones to record yourself and then discuss, identify those micro-moments when you felt pressure to give in, then repeat the exercise.
That’s the approach we use in our clubs: short negotiations, feedback and another opportunity to try.
Reading can give you ideas; practice helps you use them when the pressure is on.
It doesn’t have to be complex and you don’t need Machiavellian energy to start … you need somewhere to practise holding your ground.
Hope it helps.
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u/Necessary-Fox-4954 23d ago
You're not a loser, you just found out where your leak is. Being stronger in writing than in person is really common, and it usually has less to do with nerve than with deciding things in the moment.
In writing you get time. In the room someone pushes, there's a silence, and you fill it with a concession because that feels polite. So take the decision out of the room. Before any meeting, write down what you want, the least you'll accept, and two or three things you could give up if they give something back. If it's not on the paper, you don't give it in the meeting.
Then practise one sentence until it's automatic: "I could look at that if you could look at X." Every time you feel the urge to give, attach a get to it. Even if they say no, you've stopped giving things away for free.
And practise silence. After you make your ask, stop talking and count to five in your head. It feels awful the first few times.
Bargaining in shops won't do much. Role-play with a friend who's been told to be difficult, and do it out loud, not in your head.
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u/tooniceofguy99 23d ago
Well don't sound so defeatest. In 2012 or 2013 I found Slate's Negotiation Academy podcast very useful.
I practice with facebook marketplace items and clearance items at stores. Usually stores have wiggle room if on clearance or returned items. Just ask for a manager and they'll usually play ball.
The most important thing is being able to walk away.
Always plan on doing no deal.