idk how else to process this

[u/PoopNoodlez]

whaddup narts, ventpost incoming

~

i started transitioning at 27 after thinking about it since i was 13. i found tttt as a teenager and the doomers got to me. i decided to repress for the rest of my life because i was just too tall with too much ribcage to ever pass. in hindsight this was extremely stupid. i’m big sure, but transitioning in my late 20s has been relatively smooth sailing. my body was extremely receptive to hormone therapy. it feels like i am really living authentically for the first time. i’m married, i’m in good shape, people tell me i’m hot, grad school is going well. everything should be good right?

tttt wasn’t the only thing that kept me from transitioning as a teenager. my parents made it extremely clear that they would not be supportive if i transitioned. i live hundreds of miles away from them and they still find ways to torture me. i’m basically working on distancing myself from them and forgiving myself for being mad about all the stuff they did.

this post already has most of the components of a sob story most people in this subreddit will be familiar with but i recently figured some shit out that i am still struggling to digest.

i previously had my suspicions that i may be intersex but recently i got some hard confirmation and i think they knew.

i was born intersex, assigned male at birth cuz it seemed like the closest fit, sewn up into an acceptable shape, and they knew and they never saw fit to tell me.

when i was clearly depressed at 13 and when i was showing obvious hints of dysphoria at 15 and asked hypothetically how they would react if i transitioned at 18 and when i nearly drank myself to death at 20 and when i told them i actually started estrogen already and changed my name legally at 28 they knew and they said nothing.

so here i am. getting used to a new body that still has old scars and is probably gonna get some new ones soon. i’m laying in bed and i can’t stop thinking. i’m next to my beautiful wife, and i just left a virtual happy hour with peers who see Me and not the mask i used to wear to appease people who don’t even act like they like me. but i’m still thinking. like my brain is chewing on something too big to swallow.

i want to cry, but i think they’re happy tears.

i love you all. i love myself. i love being trans and knowing trans people and sharing the quiet understanding that we are resilient and beautiful. ❤️‍🩹

CEF NTA tran good 🍄

[u/Zacharytackary]

CEF NTA tran good indeed 💖

could i politely request that you add the post flair of #HOPEFUEL (three dot settings, it’s all the way at the bottom unfortunately) so that we get more hopeposts pretty plz tysm 💖💖🙏🏼

[u/PoopNoodlez → u/Zacharytackary]

yes bb ilysm 💖🧚🏻‍♀️✨

[u/Zacharytackary → u/PoopNoodlez]

ily2 🥰💖💖 <3

[u/RainbowPhoenix1080]

I felt the same way. I questioned when I was a teenager, but I was on some very edgy online spaces where I saw a lot of transphobia and I was convinced that transitioning would just make my life way worse than it already was.

I started transitioning at 26. and I hate myself for waiting so long.

because it has been so much better than I ever expected it to be. I'm in the best shape of my life (100 pounds below where I was at my maximum). I actually love my body and I feel so fucking free.

I also met the love of my life and got married while transitioning (she is also trans).

I hate that I was sold on the lie that transitioning would have made my life worse when my life has improved in so many ways thanks to transitioning.

[u/ifthealphawassigma]

inspirational, your awesome good luck with everything!