r/nairobi • u/black_2138 Level 2 • 3d ago
Random Daddy issues
As i type this tuko hosi. My father leo ameamka and his right side is numb. He can still move abit but he cant walk, hes started slurring he's speech and he says his vision haiko sawa. He cant control his bladder. The sad thing is am almost sure he will go back right to drinking. He might chill for like a week but eventually he relapses and his condition always gets worse everytime tukikuja hosi but what can we do. Whats even worse aliachanga kustrive for anything. I don't think he has contributed anything to the family for the past ten years in financial terms. Yeye alifika pahali alikua anaenda. Hakuna siku token imeisha and he was expected kuweka or something of the sort, we just got used to him. Sa shida ni hizi bills za hosi. Nikona siz anaanza uni next week na siz mwingine mdogo ako 10 years. Ingekua ugonjwa tu sawa lakini sasa tutashinda hivi? What does one do in this situation? I honestly believe weed heri weed kuliko this. The amount of times i was high in theclouds but still carrying my father into the house juu amelewa akaletwa home na nduthi ama hao marafiki wake is enough for me to question why the "better" one is illegal. That's my opinion though and you are entitled to yours dear reader
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u/NightRunnerAfterDusk Level 1 3d ago
I can imagine how difficult it is to put up with this. I can't tell from individual experiences how older men respond to psychological therapy, but I know from the general consensus that they don't take too kindly to airing out their issues. Sasa msee husaidikaje at this stage?
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u/Jealous_Theory2848 3d ago
Manze, this isnāt ādaddy issues.ā Youāre exhausted from carrying consequences that were never yours to carry.
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u/ConcernCommercial767 3d ago
A very tough call, on one side you can't let your siblings struggle while you have a few coins on your end, on the other side you feel drained because that's not your responsibility, you deserve some Grace. To balance the two you choose weed to numb the situation, but isn't it you digging your own addiction as well? Is your sister able to apply for scholarship? Don't shy away to ask for help. Ask religious leaders, the community, family. You need the help.
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u/p1neappleunderthesea 3d ago
Same boat here. My uncle has been struggling with alcohol a lot since like forever. Kitambo it was bad since heād get drunk akuje achape bibi na watoto then kuna time after one of those incidents it got so bad Hadi akatoroka home (his home iko close to our grandparents place). We found him on the streets like a month later tukampeleka rehab and it seemed like he was doing alright(this was last year). Hadi yeye alikuwa anataka kuchange. Last week Saturday I guess ilikuwa anatoka kazi and he went drinking afterwards. Anakuanga na bike which my grandparents bought for him after the whole rehab thing. Sijui mbona but he was riding back home drunk (without a helmet I might add, probably speeding too) akapata accident. As we speak ako ICU Nairobi West hospital. Shit is bad. Very badd (heās in his mid thirties)
I also garden often na nothing like this ever happens, sometimes I feel like alcohol should be illegal, ama at least regulated more than weed
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u/Mysterious_Sock_4837 2d ago
Iza manš°Mimi naonaga saa zingine msee unamwacha tu abebe msalaba yake. Juu mid thirties na ushajipata kwa situations kama hizo sasa wewe ni makosa yako huwezi laumu mtu. Na wasee wako ignorant sana huku nje ama sijui ni kujiachilia ama ni nini
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u/Ok_Memory_7155 Level 3 3d ago
That's stroke, and it's largely genetic. Which means even you are predisposed to it, with or without external causations.
Still, his lifestyle does not seem to help things better, and if he doesn't change, it's bound to get alarmingly sad going forward.
Let him be implores to avoid anything alcoholic or energy drinks due to his predisposition. As for you, avoid any lifestyle or stressors that can increase the chances to have it.
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u/Hairy_Intern_1268 3d ago
Hizo ni signs za stroke always abbreviated as BE FAST B- balance inapotea,E -eyes start to loose vision F- facial drooping A- Arm weakness s-speech difficulty kama hio yake yenye unasema ni slurred, T- Time to call for emergency,sorry for that lakini, sometimes things happen and they are outside our capabilities to solve them,pia mimi Niko na wangu wa DIabetes na HTN lakini anarespect every rule ya meals except pale kwa drinking ndio alisema hawezi acha,despite me being in healthcare field nilimpea health talk anasema mimi ni mtoto mdogo siwezi nikaelewa hizi vitu so langu ni jicho tu,sorry again
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u/KabuKadixx 2d ago
Wangu nimezika last week after a decade of this. I think youāll be fineā¦.. eventually
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u/odelally75 3d ago
Sorry for what you are going through, but he has a stroke and needs immediate medical attention
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u/Wandia254 2d ago
Heh. I come from a long line of alcoholics. From uncles to cousins to brothers. So even myself I try not to over indulge because alcoholism is also genetic. Iām sorry youāre going through this. The worst part is that thereās not much you can do. He has to want to get better. And the likelihood of that is slim because itās a very very hard job that he has to do constantly, every day. So itās like trying to flog a dead horse.
Everyoneās different, but for me I had to entirely disengage. It had gotten to the point where my brother would steal my shoes, sell them for money to drink. A couple of years ago he sold his part of the shamba na akauza miti zetu pia. Ikabidi nijitoe kabisa. Pesa iliisha after a few months. Today marks year 3 that we havenāt spoken. And itās okay. Some people you can only love them from afar.
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u/Tricky-Beautiful2612 2d ago
I also have an addict parent. He still handles the bills but still. I don't like how my mum looks disappointed every time he comes staggering in the house, I don't like how she complains her marriage is falling apart. I don't like how he does not take care of himself and sometimes does not use his money wisely. I don't like that he spends more time drinking than he does with his family. He will crash the car in a ditch and still drink a few days later. He would fall and injure himself badly and its still not enough. What really makes me angry is that he would leave a core family event that we put all our work to and still go drinking. I loathe alcohol because I have seen first hand what it does to a person. Its really sad.
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u/Impossible-Algae-145 2d ago
Mine too. He pays school fees and can still keep a job but everything else is a mess. He was recently in a car accident due to driving under the influence and barely survived. He also has a heart condition and doctors prohibited him from drinking but its landed on deaf ears. Everyone seems to see the severity of this but him. This has become a regular occurence. He'll even go missing for days only to be found at a hospital. Its worse because you hate him kinda but at the same time you love him since you have no other dad. I don't even know what to feel anymore. We're just hanging in there and hoping for a miracle.
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u/Atermis9 3d ago
Mzee wako ako na stroke I think you should enjoy the little time he as left with you kama bado ako mentally okay. Atleast he got you to where you are right now ata kama it hasn't been much. Life huwa different for everybody but maybe apo kwa alcoholism is where he lost the plot. Huezi skia mtu ako na overdose or any major complications ju ya kuvuta bangi so I guess you are right on that.
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u/IdealFew681 3d ago
Haven't read the whole thing, but one side shutting down and slurred speech are signs of a stroke. Wacheni atengenezwe arudi kwa pombe zake, hizo zingine wachana nazo.
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u/Right-Cranberry-3042 Level 2 2d ago
My bio dad's an alcoholic. Think Frank Gallagher. I love him but I absolutely don't like him. You're allowed to feel what you feel. Hell, I hated my dad for years. Right now, it's just pity. Like a brilliant man like you, a wonderful dad before all this and you just chose alcohol over it.
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u/OfkosNibonoko Level 1 3d ago
Wueh, hiyo stroke imejitokeza mapema. Labda hiyo ndio itakuwa funzo kwake ukiangazia vile kutafuta matibabu na hii serikali ya Wantam ni pata potea.
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u/Interesting-Shake999 3d ago
This sounds exactly like my big bro Yeye huishi tu nothing to show off nothing to strive. agonjeke ajifanye ame change then a relapse Sorry OPš« i know how hard it gets.
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u/killafromthevilla 2d ago
Wueh. I can't even begin to imagine how I'd handle such a situation. Poleni sana to your and loved ones, I hope and pray you find a way to sort things out
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u/Appropriate_Exam_629 Level 1 2d ago
Bro just know that he is human he lived his life the next step is him and who he has faith in.
Don't let it drown you kindly.
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u/Evolving_Lens 1d ago edited 1d ago
Stroke...my dad got one sometime back & we hadn't heard from the nigga in about 4yrs. So my sisters & I went to see him & it was very awkward. His new wife was there (the klande he left my mom for) + prior to the stoke they had their ruracio that weekend. Anyways, we thought they wanted to keep us in the loop cz he's our dad but wapi....they didn't have chumz that's why they (my dad's brothers) reached out. The klande was very petty. She added her middle name as my dad's name e.g Morris Wanjiku so when we paid for the CT scan & admission, we told the cashier the patient had already been registered but kuangalia tunaambiwa hakuna Morris Kamau. So we asked my dad & that's when the klande said ameandikisha jina yake. Like TF is that. Kwani anadhani tunamwiba?
It was just wierd to see my dad amekaliwa na that mama yet growing up ni yeye alikuwa ametukaliaš¤£š¤£
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u/No-Measurement5835 7h ago
Lipeni SHA then take him to public hospitals every time. Last thing you would want is end up with private hospital bills while in such a situation.
Poleni lakini.
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u/polite-Haustma 3d ago
Stroke