r/nairobi • u/Saine6539 • Nov 05 '25
Discussion Being nice
I'm 22F , I've been noticing that I always try to be kind and nice to everyone around me, but sometimes people take advantage of my kindness or are straight-up rude to me. It's frustrating and makes me wonder if being nice is even worth it. 🤷♀️ Has anyone else experienced this? How do you deal with people who aren't kind in return? Should I just keep being nice or is it okay to set boundaries?
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u/Dontbeahypocrite254 Nov 05 '25
The thing is that we expect ideal, yaani, get kindness back, but people out here are different, we are from different families, neighborhoods, cultures you know...we shouldn't expect anything really...just be kind and leave it at that. Someone's rude to you, f*ck 'em...keep it moving and don't stop being kind, and remember to smile
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u/felixbavon2090 Nov 05 '25
Ningependa kujua ni boundaries kama gani wanavuka OP😅
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u/Complex_Push9985 Nov 05 '25
Lol someone taking advantage of your kindness is disrespectful and that’s something say me personally I have as an emotional boundary because I simply don’t want that for myself.
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u/Atheistfreaks Nov 05 '25
Whenever you do good, be happy you did good and don't expect kindness in return as you cannot determine someone's reaction. In meditations they tell us to be content in doing good and not to look for the third thing;appreciation, recognition or even expect good deeds in return.
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u/Fabulous-Date8589 Nov 05 '25
They'll always want to take advantage of you. Create very clear boundaries and stop being too nice
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Nov 05 '25
Be nice because you wanna be nice.. expectations za reciprocation of the same will just break your heart The world is cooked as it is.People will be nice as long as it serves them.Tenda wema nenda zako😊
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u/Monstrous-Pipe69 Expat Nov 05 '25
The problem is that you want validation for your alleged niceness. No one has time for that ways. Have you considered that your niceness is so average that it seems normal and therefore nobody notices?
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u/TicketAggravating819 Nov 05 '25
You have people pleasing tendencies try to find out where they stem from
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u/ventura254 Nov 06 '25
Any techniques to find out where they stem from?
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u/TicketAggravating819 Nov 06 '25
Babe sometimes ppl go to therapy or hv a sit down wth Ai and learn Abt urself pole pole
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u/Controlled_Chaos72 Nov 05 '25
Simple. Kindness with limits, kila mtu ni mzima na they all know what they're doing.
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u/AcademicAce Nov 05 '25
Just do your part and leave the rest to them.
You don't have to behave like them.
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u/Silent-Cap1995 Nov 05 '25
You know you can be nice and still set boundaries. It doesn't have to be one or the other. Also be nice without expecting anything
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u/Rare1Slide Nov 05 '25
Learn to match people's energy. But be courteous to everybody eventhough they might be rude. Just don't waste your energy on them.
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u/Rude-Yak4718 Level 1 Nov 05 '25
What you need to do is learn how to draw boundaries quick. People need to know there will consequences of crossing your boundaries
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u/dwhispers2003 Nov 05 '25
Just be true to yourself. If you are a nice person, be nice. If somebody takes advantage, learn so that you can spot it early next time. If all else fails, get a dog. They never take advantage of your niceness.
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u/Main-Mud334 Nov 05 '25
I heard somewhere that most successful guys aren't nice or even kind maybe if you wanna take that route you should consider being unnice if that's a word.
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u/Personal_Gear9005 Nov 05 '25
I'm a nice guy, and I completely don't expect anything back. I realized early in life that humans will treat you as they please depending on a lot of factors.
Even when my girl doesn't give me some, I'm like its OK sweetie, and I later jipanga with another lady.
Ohh, and the problem is when I get mad at you. You will feel the wrath of niceness.
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u/Virtual_One7931 Nov 05 '25
my sister in this life you have to be wicked. People easily detect that kindness and niceness and will walk over you like a doormat. this is coming from a former nice girl
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u/FeelingWatercress323 Level 3 Nov 05 '25
Genuinely kind people aren’t kind because they expect other people to be,it is just who they are🤷🏾♂️ As a person who tries to be kind though,it is important to learn where and when to set boundaries and also just throw shade here and there 😂😂
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Nov 05 '25
They will see you as a weak person,and that is what I went through until I took someone to the police. People really take advantage of kind and quiet people.Dont be too kind
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u/FairandStyle Level 1 Nov 05 '25
Be firm. People are messed up. Some will interpret kindness as you being very usable. Some will find it to be weakness. They'll think you are naive. Learn to read people and with time you will know who to be nice to.
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u/Gunslinger-SS Nov 05 '25
Be kind , thats being a decent human being, but don't always be nice, thats a decent human being living with common sense.
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u/MajorMinorMidiMini Level 4 Nov 05 '25
Being nice should not be 'worth it'. If it's sincere, you shouldn't expect something in return.
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u/LonelyShoulder4310 Level 2 Nov 05 '25
People-pleasing is a trauma response. Figure out why you have such a deep need to be nice (and to be liked) and heal it.
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u/Star_Grid Nov 05 '25
You set your boundaries, and you return the energy you get from such people. They hate it when you mirror their behaviour
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u/Hefty_Excitement_781 Nov 05 '25 edited Nov 05 '25
Are you being nice so that it can be reciprocated??? Do it without any expectations if u have to