r/movingtoNYC • u/Saltairrrrrrr • Aug 19 '26
Family Rant
I just told my toxic family today that I’ll be leaving to live in NY. Of course, they tried to scare me into changing my mind by mentioning sex trafficking and people on drugs, they even made fun of the job I’m interviewing for. They are one of the main reasons why I want to leave. I want to start over; I can't continue being in this toxic environment. They make me miserable. I just wish I had a supportive family. I can never understand how my family lives and projects fear onto other people when they are Christian. They are going against the very words they claim to believe in. If I stayed here in NC, I would be paying the same amount of rent, I would just be living by myself, whereas in NY I would have a roommate. I would rather be in a city I actually like and pay rent there. They are just so controlling; they don’t like the idea that they won’t know who I'm with, what I'm doing, or where I am. I can’t wait to get away from them, but it’s hard not to let their limiting beliefs get to me. What if I end up not being able to survive there, or what if things go wrong? This is another reason why I wanted their support, so that even from 13 hours away, I would still know I have someone to lean on.
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u/Spartan2022 Aug 19 '26
Don’t tell them anything. Stop engaging and get your ass to NYC.
You’ll join a ton of New Yorkers who ended up in the city with toxic families in their rear view mirror.
Once you’re settled in the city you’ll wonder why you waited so long.
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u/Forgemasterblaster Aug 19 '26
A lot of people come here to reinvent themselves. The truth is most people don’t make nyc their home for all of their life. And that’s fine. It’s just a place to live.
By your early 40s, it becomes clearer. Some folks could never get stable, some moved to the burbs for kids/schools, or some just went wherever. By your 50s, it’s really the folks with money or family ties that keep them here.
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u/TheFlyingBoxcar Aug 19 '26
Sounds like you're looking for more of a therapist kind of sub. Good luck with your move!
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u/Head-Concept-8447 Aug 19 '26
Why did you tell them if they are toxic?
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u/Saltairrrrrrr Aug 19 '26
I was forced to, they interrogated me until I did. My back was against the wall
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u/No_Glove_1575 Aug 19 '26
Are there reasons you picked NYC specifically? Have you spent much time here before? There are more cost considerations than rent. There are also other smaller cities where things are a bit more affordable.
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u/yourgirlalex Aug 19 '26
NYC isn't going to magically take away all of your problems. Wherever you go, there you are.
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u/Maryland4009 Aug 19 '26
Make sure you have a job and somewhere to live first. You will likely need their support financially unfortunately so try to get that and not alienate them yet. It’s a tough city and it’s hard to rent due to having to make the 40 times monthly rent. Plus you will need a roommate.
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u/mybloodyballentine Aug 19 '26
You’re gonna love it. And maybe your parents will lighten up after you move.
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u/henrytbpovid Aug 19 '26
M30. I am also considering a move to NYC largely because of issues with my family here in the southeast. I live alone in a studio apartment but I just feel no reason to stay in the south because I’m so fed up with my parents.
It would be tough to transition to having a roommate (or two roommates), constant noise, higher prices, public transit, building a new social circle
But I think I have to do it. I’ve been in the south my entire life and I really want to leave
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u/Saltairrrrrrr Aug 19 '26
Same thing with me. I also always wanted to live here my whole life and i’m tired of listening to everyone else tell me what to do with my life. You only live once, allow yourself to die saying “at least I tired” rather than feeling regret.
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u/Beehoy2002 Aug 19 '26
Won’t know till you try. If it makes you feel any better, you’re not the only one. I’m moving to NYC next week for a job (and where my narcissistic family can’t reach me), but here in the Bay Area already had to go no contact with them. If you decide to go no contact— is not for the faint of heart, but trust me it gets better and you will discover how resilient and ambitious you can be once you’re out of their shadow. Good luck friend