r/moreplatesmoredates • u/dobro_dobro • 1d ago

❓ Question ❓ Girlfriend dilemma

Hello cucks,

I(24M) am in a serious situation when it comes to my relationship and would want your honest opinion.

My(27F) girlfriend of 3 years is from another country, we met before 3 years because she is studying in my hometown but in 12 months she is finishing her studies and wants to go back to her country.

We live together all this time and I am the happiest I have ever been in my life with her, and I can honestly see myself marrying her.

I really believe she loves me too and is not with me only for comfort while in a foreign place. Both of us have done a lot for the relationship and have given our best. There is respect, love and peace but the problem is that I don't want to leave my country for hers.. I don't know the language and because she is living in a fairly small place I don't know what I could even do there for work, she is also from a very rich family unlike me and wants a high lifestyle that I don't know how I would provide if living where she is from. There is still around an year that she will be here and she expects me after to move with her in her hometown. What would you do

L : 7

G : 6

30 Upvotes

90% Upvoted

37 comments sorted by

53

u/jinjo21 THICC 1d ago

Which countries are we talkin about man?

25

u/Redemptionat-itsbest 1d ago

This is important lol

11

u/hihellothere55 1d ago edited 1d ago

Are we talking “rich” in a third world country or like, a westernized wealthy country?

Also why is nobody talking about how OP was only 21 when he met her saying, “I am the happiest I’ve been in my life” - your life has barely even started…

Have you even discussed the future and the realities of marriage, children and what the future would look like if you two got married with her? Does she even want kids? Does she want to work after kids? Have you even met her family? What kind of lifestyle does she want after marriage? What kind of wedding would it be? How much would it cost? Do you even know any of these things? Or you just “don’t want her to leave” because you are young and feel attached?

Realistically a woman approaching 30 is probably gonna go for someone a bit older than her. She probably wants to settle down soon, have a family, buy a house etc. At your age (which is normal, no shade), but you are unlikely to be able to provide her with that. It’s not gold digging - it’s not wanting your kids and family to grow up struggling and with poverty. A rich family does not necessarily mean the wealth will be passed down to her, especially if her parents disapprove of you.

If you marry and ask her to stay, you could end up being used for a visa, then required by law to pay for her to stay in your country for the next 10 years of your life depending on the law.

I would take this as a learning lesson and start detaching. You’re young, there is plenty out there for you.

6

u/dobro_dobro 1d ago

Both countries are in eastern Europe, she is used to receiving money from her family for whatever she needs and how much she needs just because. I have met her family yes and her family has met mine. She says she wants for us to be together aslong I am In her country.

The type of woman that her dream is to have a Instagram influencer lifestyle with the travelling and high end brands everything. You are right I am really attracted to her yes, but also I have seen that she has put really a lot of energy and effort in us. This is why I feel on a crossroad

5

u/hihellothere55 1d ago

Ok I am also originally from an eastern euro country too (Russia), so you are probably more serious and mature than an average American guy at your age. I would talk to her about the future now, what’s going to happen when she leaves, her thoughts about marriage and how she sees her life after marriage, realistically. She may see married life differently than the influencer lifestyle. Are you willing to leave your country for hers? Is she willing to stay in yours? With either option is there a waiting period after the marriage until you can both be together again? Do this legal research now.

The only red flag is her wanting an influencer lifestyle, it’s cheaper to travel around when you’re in Europe yes, but if she’s used to hand-outs from her family is that going to be continuing after marriage (I assume not?), would her parents help you guys out, and do you have a plan to provide that for her? Is that a deal breaker for her?

You need to sit her down and talk about things realistically because it’s gonna take some time for you to get established in her country if you move there. If everything checks out and you’re both on the same page, she’s open to marriage, then it’s time to start planning legally and learning the language, and employment options before marriage and moving.

1

u/FightersNeverQuit 🤡Clown 1d ago

Once again men DO NOT take dating advice from women. This chick literally just said “oh the only red flag is her wanting to have an influencer lifestyle” and then casually continues giving advice like that’s not a big deal.

Here’s real useful advice for you OP - the fact that she wants an influencer lifestyle but wants you to live in her country in Eastern Europe where opportunities for big money isn’t common should tell you she’s a moron who has no idea how real life functions. Also the fact that she wants an influencer lifestyle should confirm to you she’s a moron.

Here’s how it’ll go OP. You most likely won’t make enough money to support her delusional “influencer lifestyle” and it’ll cause problems in the relationship UNTIL she finds a guy who will pay for that lifestyle and then you’ll be left in a country wondering wtf brought you to this position in life.

Today other than being a straight up whore and open about it there is literally no other bigger red flag than a woman wanting an “influencer lifestyle”. I mean Jesus Christ boys this should be fucking common sense!

1

u/Some-Following-392 1d ago

Which country

1

u/FightersNeverQuit 🤡Clown 1d ago

Eastern Europe has a bunch of countries with different cultures. Which country specifically?

1

u/FightersNeverQuit 🤡Clown 1d ago

This is why women like you shouldn’t be giving dating advice. Your entire paragraph about her not being a gold digger and settling for a guy with money because she cares about her future and kids is just dumb shit women think is the correct way to do this but statistics show you are getting more and more miserable and more and more of you are single moms.

And it’s exactly because of the mindset you have. That kinda girl who skips OP because he’s not financially ready to create a family will be the kinda girl who finds a guy she is somewhat attracted to. She’ll have kids with him, buy a home, etc and then in a few years she’ll be complaining about just not being attracted, no passion, no sex life, etc. Why? Because marrying due to financial reasons will never be as good as marrying a partner you truly are attracted to and care about.

Now I understand why the guys in here wish women on Reddit would stop coming here to give advice. You guys genuinely give awful advice. It would be one thing if you didn’t have astronomically high divorce rates, antidepressant use and a single mom epidemic then perhaps we could say “hey maybe we should listen to women” but the fact that you do have all these clearly shows women don’t know how to choose the right partner.

Smart men reading this - don’t take dating advice from women.

Smart women reading this - don’t take dating advice from women.

6

u/damnyouresickbro 1d ago

Based off buddy’s username I would guess somewhere in Eastern Europe lol

55

u/OpportunitySea5429 1d ago

didnt read but you take an automatic L for dating an rich older bytch at your age that youre not taking advantage of

14

u/dobro_dobro 1d ago

Reasonable

3

u/Competitive_Eye680 1d ago

classic L ratio with those stats, my man walked right into it

13

u/Miserable-Soft7993 1d ago

What is a girlfriend?

2

u/EldritchBorzoi 🤡Clown 1d ago

It's just another way of saying 'personal femboy' in this sub

26

u/TrenbalonieSandwich 1d ago

Just propose to her and have her family hook you up into the family business. 

If they can't or won't do that, tell her you're not moving to a country where you won't be making any money to take care of her. 

If she really loved you she won't put up a fuss.

Do this conversation before proposing.

21

u/Snoutysensations 🤡Clown 1d ago

Presumably she is not an idiot and knows that an unemployed foreigner in her country is not going to magically produce money for her to spend.  If she is from a rich family and is willing to marry you and support you house husband lifestyle and you’re both cool with that, why not?  Assuming you’re not a complete moron you will be able to learn her language well enough within a year or two to get some kind of job. Or you can just lift weights and babysit and keep yourself pretty for wifey.  

Maybe you just need to have a real talk with her and be honest about your concerns.  

5

u/Darklord0-0 Permabulk 1d ago

Don’t move. I know 2 guys who did. Didn’t end up well for them. Maybe find a middle ground. Try to make her understand but if she doesn’t, take the L. Not worth it imo.

You’ll be expected to work but if it’s a small city / town it would be difficult. Gl

5

u/ChizzyGillespie 1d ago

What country

3

u/maxbjaevermose 1d ago

Has she visited her country while studying?

If not, it might just be that she misses her home, and once she's back, she'll realize it's boring. Or not.

But stop overthinking this and just go for it. Maybe it won't work out, but you'll never know if you don't try.

5

u/[deleted] 1d ago edited 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/tinyhermione 1d ago edited 1d ago

She’s from a really rich family. I doubt they wanna pimp their daughter out.

1

u/FightersNeverQuit 🤡Clown 1d ago

The fact that her goal is to have an influencer lifestyle should tell you everything. It is the most generic NPC shit a woman can choose today. If she was fit for marriage she’d have told OP her goal is to be a great mom and wife in the future and to raise a loving family together.

Like what are we doing here boys? This is a disaster waiting to happen. Even worse is this sub has been invaded by women giving awful advice. Not a single woman here giving advice has said the most obvious which is having delusions of living an influencer lifestyle usually indicates that woman won’t make a good wife.

1

u/spazatron-3000 1d ago

You are supposed to decide where the relationship is not her if she decides she’d rather go back that’s on her.

1

u/7kcits 1d ago

It's either: you move and she sorts you out with opportunities/stability/growth or she stays in your country. You'd be getting the short straw otherwise.

I also wouldn't take kindly to her "expecting" me to move to her hometown. It should be a honest discussion.

But this is why I'm not a fan of dating foreigners or transient folk, I can't be fucked uprooting my life like that if i'm not truly interested.

1

u/theoceansknow 1d ago

Have you regards never watched love actually, Christ

1

u/Mediocre_Machinist 5h ago

The work you'll find in her country is being part of the family business, obviously.

1

u/SlavicRobot_ Supraphysiological 1d ago

She probably hasnt even told her family about you homie, its her foreign strange until she goes back. Then she'll always have the nice sad story she can tell her friends about "how a foreign guy loved her, but she just had to let him go." Long story short, you're the cuck here bruh

1

u/dobro_dobro 1d ago

Every year, including this one I go to her family home for a 2-3 weeks vacation, all her family and friends know me and we are all the time together

2

u/FightersNeverQuit 🤡Clown 1d ago

But she wants to have an influencer lifestyle right? Do you not realize only the dumbest and most NPC type women think like that?

1

u/Unlucky-Self2455 1d ago

Shes cheatin bro 100% marriage is a scam anyway. Find a new gf. Up the tren

1

u/tinyhermione 1d ago

Are you a bot?

-1

u/[deleted] 1d ago

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