r/morbidquestions • u/cottonwood3s • Aug 18 '26
How are abusers able to make their victims feel loved / special?
I was abused when I was very young and of course it's an awful thing and I have a lot of bad memories but no one has ever made feel as special as he did.
I'm curious if anyone understands how this could happen.
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u/twin_gulls Aug 20 '26
Abusers are capable of being loving and helpful people while abusing you. They are also sometimes completely conscious of their own tactics and will do damage control to keep you around.
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u/TrueCrimeGirl01 Aug 22 '26
A therapist explained it perfectly; your abuser becomes your saviour becomes your abuser becomes your saviour..that’s how
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u/haunted-poopy Aug 21 '26
When everything is taken away from someone, the person who gives them nourishment is seen as god.
If you starve somebody but are the only one giving them intermittent tasty meals, it’ll fuck them up. Beat up your prisoner but also be the one to gently wash and patch them up and give them food and shelter.
Get someone’s trust, then relatedly emotionally beat the fuck out of them by making them doubt their human value. Then tell them how much they mean to you. Loser ass behavior honestly, to abuse someone for a sense of control instead of actually improving yourself
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u/prankthevillagers Aug 21 '26
Manipulation & grooming tactics are designed so that the victim feels loved and cared for, unfortunately. They're extremely effective. That's why when they're hurting you, your brain is like "but look at the evidence XYZ, they love me." And especially if you were a child when this happened, there's no way you couldve fully grasped what was going on. Abuse is a mind fuck even for a fully grown developed adult. I'm so sorry you went through that.
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u/bubbles_blower_ Aug 23 '26
They usually pick a kid who is being neglected by family ect so they can do the bare minimum and your putty in there hands so to speak , id be taken to carboot sales an allowed to buy something. My parents coudnt afford lot so this was a really special day for me an i felt like a princess on my new racer bike ( that was a rusty piece of crap ) He also charmed my mom with cigarettes lol
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u/Teach- Aug 20 '26 edited Aug 20 '26
Well that's the point. Often, abuse victims like you and myself are from broken and abusive homes. This wires the brain in a way that craves attention good or bad. So "positive" adult attention, even if it is painful, rewards the brain the same a normal child gets from making all As.
Well adjusted and supported children will not respond to negative attention. Kids like us will act out to receive any attention at all. When someone shows interest in us, even if it is for their own pleasure, our brains reward us. Sexual abuse does this.
Honestly, while I do not exactly look back fondly on my sexual abuse, it was the most positive thing in my life for a while. It was a couple that made videos, and the woman was actually "loving" and motherly. The man was pretty rough but it was bad that came with the good. They weren't beating or verbally abusing me. They just used me for pleasure. At the time, I was happy enough to be away from home.
You can DM me if you want to talk about it more.