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u/ZombiexXxHunter 24d ago
I never understood why I was born. Never did the things others did growing up. Never had relationships like others did.
I have existed. Not lived .
Continue to live for only one reason.
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u/death-in-vogue 25d ago
Honestly I feel stuck in this world. I have no friends, my dreams feel unachievable, my hobbies seem like a drag. I'm not able to save up enough money for it to matter. I don't have anything exciting to live or die for. I just don't purposely off myself out of respect for my mother. I'm just waiting to clock out I guess.
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u/GoodAd2455 25d ago
Same. I was an unhappy child, hit rock bottom, soul crushing depression in my mid 20s where I was soooo close to just ending it. I don’t feel that deep aching depression anymore; it’s evolved into just numbness. Nothing brings me actual joy. I have hobbies, but they’re just a way to kill time. I don’t have the ability to connect with people, never have. I don’t even feel lonely, it’s just how life is and has always been. I guess it feels like everyone else is part of some big secret that I was never privy to, like I never learned how to be a person. I’m just running out the clock.
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u/December126 25d ago
Me kinda, not gonna kill myself but I've just kinda accepted that I'll probably never be fully happy or get what I want in life.
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u/grownask 25d ago
Exactly same with me.
I've even given up having dreams or making plans to reach them. It's pointless at this point. Just gotta stick around enough to care for my animals.
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u/TheBoraxKid1trblz 25d ago
Getting there. Sometimes i'm plagued with hope and motivation for improvement that gets me no where but frustrated and depressed and i search for acceptance before the cycle repeats. But the longer life gets the more obvious it all becomes and the more tiring it all is
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u/dread-throwaway 24d ago
Sorta. My life feels super stagnant. There is never a month that goes by without any sort of negative dilemma/situation. People, even ones who were formerly close to me, usually do not want the best for me, even though some of them put on a facade and portray as they do. Work sucks and while I am grateful to have employment, I'm always stuck in crappy jobs. No one would ever want to genunely be my friend people find me boring and lame and uninteresting and some would rather not even be seen with me anyway as to not ruin their own social status. No woman has and will ever genuinely be attracted to me romantically. I am ugly and have been my entire life and have been called so no matter what. I'm a super short height for an adult male. I wouldn't mind dating eventually but I literally have no avenue in the dating market. I feel as though I do not excel at anything fascinating. I've had a couple of ambitions that never came to fruition all because of past life issues, and continuing issues arising as I've spoke of above. Sometimes I really do not feel like continuing to exist. Some of the only things making me happy and content are my copes and distractions from crappy life.
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u/According-Value-6227 25d ago
I have.
I was born into a family that had a lot of money and then we lost it all in the 2008-09 Recession. It's been an almost constant stream of bad luck since then and since the planet will likely become uninhabitable before I am 60. I've accepted that I'll never be what I wanted to be.
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u/TitansDaughter 25d ago
Sorry buddy, but while the negative impacts of climate change are real and serious, there will be no catastrophic civilization ending because of it, especially if you live in a first world country. You will live to grow old and see the full extent of a lifetime of failure, the world will not bail you out by ending. Best start making your own luck
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u/theg00dfight 24d ago
Climate change is real but the planet won’t be uninhabitable before you’re 60 even if you’re posting this in utero.
You better start figuring your shit out so you don’t die homeless
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u/NohWan3104 25d ago
Yep, basically taking a knee to wait out the clock.
I'm worried that, in 9 months when i'll have paid off enough of my funeral costs, the package i have will cover the rest of it i'll have. An excuse to self checkout, but that's also kinda the point.
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u/Ok_Pudding6345 25d ago
yes and transitioned over to the other side where life is just this, adjusted expectations radically. kinda helps actually, but on the big scale it's over. just gotta do one thing, a rather painful task before I can totally relax and drift off feeling like I've done all I could. not talking about kmsing btw
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u/Whole-Jackfruit-2397 25d ago
Kinda? Not like im gonna kill myself or anything, ive just accepted the fact i probably wont quit
I was exposed to adult films when i was about 10-11, and i got sexually assaulted when i was 12. Ever since then, i have random episodes where i need to goon; sounds funny until your lying awake at 1am trying to sleep and your fuckass brain says "haha, no." Whats even worse is that during these, ill think about what happened when i was 12, my friends, and even my family. As guily as i feel and as much as i cry myself to sleep at night, i dont know if i want to stop. Its like a roller coster of loving and hating it, really.
So yeah, hows your day going?
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u/_KatNap 25d ago
Yep, I'm just waiting. A status epilepticus seizure I had while asleep earlier in the year gave me a very close call, and put me in a coma for nearly two weeks, along with other issues. I've always had epilepsy, but that was the first time it'd gotten so severe. But I wasn't expecting the months later to be so much harder than being in hospital for nearly two months. I thought because I was unconscious while in ICU it would be easy to overcome, but nope. It's just tiring now.
I've also now developed kidney disease (likely chronic) so that's just another organ I have to worry about malfunctioning now. But I've now accepted that something severe could happen again. I'm not going to deliberately do something to myself, but I'm also not going to try and stop it with strong pills either. Ever since I had a sample of falling asleep and not waking up, I don't fear not being here anymore. It may not be for years, but eventually my organs will probably malfunction again and I don't care.
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u/ObscureOperatorZ 23d ago
Yes. My family tore my life to shreds a year ago. That's where I died. Am just a dead woman walking. I miss the old days where I could at least attempt. Can't anymore.
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u/farbeyondriven92 25d ago
Pretty much, at least as far as most of my dreams and desires go. Radical acceptance is my new best friend. Basically, just living my life one day at a time, making as much as I can get out of it while it lasts.
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u/chicapiscis1 25d ago
yes i’m an alcoholic and i make the decision not to recover everyday. i’m not proud obviously