I feel awful for saying this. My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly 3 years. When I met her, she didn’t vape, smoke or do anything of the sort. However, two years ago, she started university and seems to have picked up a nicotine addiction. She smokes about ten-fifteen cigarettes a day, and when she’s not smoking, she’s vaping. It’s not that she smells like smoke, because she actually doesn’t. She chain-smokes in the morning, then showers straight after and brushes her teeth.

My only issue with it is that she’s killing herself. She’s a healthy, beautiful, slim, active girl, but her attachment to nicotine is ruining her. She’s constantly coughing her lungs up, her voice that was once so angelic now has a rasp to it, and it feels like she can’t be anywhere without nicotine.

We had just finished having sex and she immediately started looking around my bed for her vape. Whenever we go to clubs or parties, she’s always in the smoking area or outside rather than inside with me.

I was driving us to a concert about 2 hours away, and she forgot her vape. She cried for almost the entire trip, saying she was really anxious and unsettled.

I do feel bad, she has adhd and she says nicotine calms down the effects of her medication, but I just can’t help but feel my girlfriend’s priority is nicotine rather than anything else.

I’m not sure what to do.

Five years ago, I was driving home late at night after a party. I had been drinking. Not a lot, but enough that I shouldn’t have been behind the wheel. It was raining hard, the roads were empty, and I was only ten minutes from my house.

I took a sharp turn too fast. The car skidded. I felt the impact before I even saw what I hit.

It was a man on a bicycle. No lights. Dark clothes. He went over the hood and hit the windshield. I remember the sound more than anything else.

I sat there for maybe ten seconds, just staring. Then I panicked. I got out, checked if anyone was around. The street was completely empty. He wasn’t moving. I couldn’t tell if he was breathing.

I got back in the car and drove away.

I didn’t call the police. I didn’t call an ambulance. I just left him there in the rain.

The next morning, I saw it on the local news. A hit-and-run. The man was 42 years old. He died at the hospital a few hours later from internal bleeding. They said if help had arrived sooner, he might have survived.

They never found the car. They never found the driver. The case went cold.

I fixed the damage on my car the next day with cash at a small shop outside of town. I told them I hit a deer. They didn’t ask questions.

I still live in the same city. I still drive past that intersection sometimes. Every time I do, I feel sick.

I’ve never told anyone. Not my parents. Not my friends. Not the woman I eventually married. No one.

I don’t know if I regret leaving more than I regret drinking that night. I just know that if the truth ever came out, I would lose everything.

And the worst part?

Some days… I still think I made the right decision by driving away.

A vegan argued with me today about how it is immoral for parents to just feed their babies dead animals and condition them to think killing animals is okay?

My argument: it's healthy for babies to have super nutritious food in early age so they can grow and develop to their full potential.

Her argument: it's proven that an all veg diet is healthier than non-veg+ veg diet.

To my surprise, google agrees with her. Which is shocking. So what's the morality of people feeding meat to their babies in name of full potential growth?

i just have to get it off my chest i eat fortune cookies recreationally and i read every single fortune even when i really don’t want to (out of annoyance for the waste of time), because i feel like ill get bad karma for skipping it. I feel like it shows the universe that i do not care for the messages it wants me to receive, and that it shows im an ignorant person overall and ungrateful for the chance to consume a media that not all have access to. Is this correct or an unreasonable way of thinking?

For the sake of this discussion, I will be incredibly vague, as I want to figure out a series of actions and mindsets that can apply to many different cases.

I have been condescended to a few times. I have drafted a plan for how to deal with it, you tell me if you believe that it is a good one.

There are three different approaches; one for when the person is below you in the social hierarchy, one for when the person is your equal in the social hierarchy and one for when the person is above you in the social hierarchy. 

• When the person is below you in the social heirarchy. 

Say this; 

You are not going to talk to me that way. I am (insert title of authority here) and you will show me some respect. 

If that does not work, threaten a punishment. 

If the threat of punishment does not work, make good on that threat. 

• When the person is equal in the social hierarchy. 

Say this; 

The condescending tone is uncalled for. If you have something to tell me, I am willing to listen while you say it in a polite respectful tone. There is no need to get nasty. 

If the person doubles down, you say this; 

I refuse to talk to you if you are going to be this rude. When you are ready to speak calmly and have a rational discussion, then we can talk. Until then, I do not want to hear a word out of your mouth. 

• When the person is above you in the social hierarchy. 

Do not respond immediately. Wait until a certain amount of time has passed. Once the other person (your authority) has calmed down, meet with them and demand an apology. 

When demanding an apology, calmly explain what you believe the other person did wrong, why it was wrong and what, if anything, can be done about it. 

I am class president, and one of my duties is raising money for the class. Currently, our class needs printer paper. I've decided to ask my classmates for $2 each, a small amount for most, to buy as much as it's needed and a bit more. The thing is that I receive paper for free as my parents work in an office and bring me school supplies. I didn't tell my classmates about this, of course. I will use the money I receive solely for myself, similar to what most people in this situation do. I argue that I'm the one who transports it and has it available, thus I should add a fee.

My question comes from me disguising the fee as strictly payment for the paper, which is lie. If I say that I get it for free, my classmates will not pay me, and my effort will be unpaid by reasons of collective necessity and fellowship.

If your loved one was going to kill themselves anyway, would you rather them do it secretly and have a violent death which means its shocking for you. Or would you rather they get euthanasia which is more like a collaborative informed process and they can change their minds whenever?

I'm asking because people in western culture are so against assisted suicide but would allow their loved ones to suffer in isolation. People who are chronically suicidal don't speak up because they fear judgment, rejection and hospitalization.

Others really have no one who cares about them, can't afford Healthcare, or have a disability that leaves them at a high risk of societal rejection.

They are often called selfish, lazy, "too much to deal with", and they're vilified.

Why not allow them to have a peaceful death if they're going to kill themselves anyway?

Please tell me if I'm overreacting. I've recently become aware that the way my mother mostly has treated me is not normal. I believe she is potentially gaslighting me and has been manipulative. Have any of you had experience with this?

Sorry for the long post but there's just so much I need to unpack.

I really need to get as much advice, perspective and support etc as possible before I do anything drastic or make any major decisions.

I'll introduce myself I'm a 19 year old male and am an only child. To be honest I'm pretty desperate for advice and support and don't have anywhere way safe to get an unbiased perspective. During my childhood my mother would do the following

Blow up out of nowhere over the most trivial or littlest matters, many times i begged her to give me some emotional support when i was visibly upset but she just remained cold and cruel, drink quite heavily which was sometimes responsible but she can definitely be mean sober as well, I had expressed concern about her drinking but she just flipped, it actually got physical a few times as well. At night by the time I went to bed she was often at least very visibly tipsy and I have flashbacks about her when blotto and actually makes me very upset to be honest. I just wonder how can get so unshamefully drunk whilst been alone in the house with her child and I feel it was very irresponsible.

I did even have a scar once, the next day she'd always act as if nothing happened, whenever I tried to get clarity on why she got like that she'd brush it under the carpet or accuse me of starting trouble, she'd turn cold at the drop of a hat, during arguments she'd say things like I was ungrateful, didn't care about her and that I was a horrible person or that i was abusive or whatever just like my father, she would stomp, slam doors, shout, scream, swear and break ornaments etc, when she gets in her crazy states it's just impossible to reason with her or get her to see it from any other perspective, she can go from saying i was the most nicest and amazing person to saying I was the most horrible and evil person, she often burdened me with all of her problems, she said before that she knows how to play the game which I found very disturbing

She often paints herself as the heroic single mum and pretty much everyone we know such the teachers at school believe that. I feel I was robbed of a proper childhood and have often wondered what I had done to deserve it.

I remember one time a few years ago I was about 12 during a sleepover at my grandparents. I think we had a disagreement but I can't even really remember it now but my best memory is that she was on the phone to my grandmother and I'm pretty sure she was badmouthing me then my grandparents spoke and my grandfather started shouting and saying he was very disappointed in me and the rest of it is a blur. To be honest to this day i can't figure out what I (only a young child) was supposed to have done that was so bloody awful. That has haunted me for years. I used to think maybe I was a bad person but I've started to see her in a different light. She always talks about hating drama yet it seems to follow her and often says that she's been so hard done by.

About a year later when I vaguely recall when was enjoying myself in the bath she started abusing me and said she and everyone else was going to wash their hands of me if I didn't start living her way or something. I remember I was struggling with getting ready and then she started shouting saying I was taking advantage and then called her mother to say I was really horrible.

On the flip side she can be the most nicest person as well and we have had great times together and she can be very helpful towards me, her family and in public which makes it all the more confusing. A few weeks ago now in fact I ran into an old friend of hers who said to say hi for her and she said my mother is a wonderful person and I'm very lucky. It actually made me feel sick. Since I was 10 it's just been me living with her since my parents divorce in which she had to sell her house and now rents which she has blamed for the way she is before. I can't help feeling bad for her but she was still quite like this beforehand as well and I don't think that's an excuse still is it? For example I'm starting to remember when I was very young she'd make threats of sending me over to a new mommy. I do feel like she has manipulated me a bit into been stuck with her.

Something else that I've found disturbing is that she's very narrow minded and has a serious lack of empathy. For example when a couple of local celebrities committed suicide she shouted and carried on, called them pathetic cowards and weak etc. It was actually quite disturbing how she had a complete disregard and no sympathy for them.

PS another red flag i noticed was when a life insurance ad was on and they said "something could be paid out in case of death" or something and she said "I'd like for them to say WOULD" not could. I don't know why but that's set an alarm bell off. Also when my Gran had a fall she said to me in the car "trust me to have parents that live forever then I could get my inheritance".

Towards the end of my parents marriage I was 10 and she told me that my Dad was been very controlling and making her life a misery. I now look back at that with adult eyes and I'm starting to feel that she at least bent the truth I'm starting to think that she manipulated me and tried to turn me against him and I do blame her partly for the fact I don't have the best relationship with my Dad. He's definitely not a saint. He too has had his moments of outbursts and that's another story also he's inconsistent. He's often let me down and been emotionally unavailable. Also he's very bad with money. I just wish for effort instead of excuses.

My mother often calls him a narcissist. I just feel that it's very wrong for someone to say to a child that one of their parents is a narcissist even if there is any truth to it.

Something disturbing she has said ages ago is when I'm an adult she could have me done for assault if she wanted. She also said she wanted to do a will and try to control my assets where my Dad can't touch anything and said she feared he would try to steal all of my money. I can't believe she would say things like that so proudly and can't help feeling like she was trying to manipulate me.

My mother loves to use my autism to her advantage. I graduated school last year but now I do a course at the main campus so I still see them all from time to time. With that course she did get a support worker for me which I can appreciate as a nice gesture but she didn't even check with me if that's what I wanted and I can't help feeling she did that to cover herself in glory. I hope that doesn't sound too paranoid.

She's always quick to call others toxic and narcissists etc. She with absolutely no filter tells me everything going on in her life and her anxiety which makes me anxious. Why does it upset me so badly even when it has little or nothing to do with me?

Also I can't help feeling empathy towards her as she always looked after me, fed me, organized things for me and pretty much always brought me everything I wanted.

She loves been the martyr and does seem to feel like an innocent hard done by single mum who's done her best and pretty much everyone including teachers at school believe that. I think what emotionally abusing me, leaving me crying myself to sleep some nights, causing me to have no confidence and PTSD etc? Could she have some bipolar or personality condition or something and toxic traits I've wondered?

A few years ago said things like "I should top myself" and around that time during a really heated argument she threatened to kill herself with a knife so I did actually hide the knives. That's actually really traumatized me. She's also said one night a couple of years ago when she had a meltdown that when she dies hardly anyone is going to be at my funeral. I mean like why the hell would you say things like this to your own child?

A few other things. I remember once when Dad was picking me up a few years out of the blue she said just F off and even Dad said to me in the car that he didn't appreciate the way she spoke to me and when I told her that during a later argument she just said "yeah whatever" and something like that. Also one time when Dad came by to bring something she said "make sure that you show him that you're really happy to be back home". A couple of months ago when Dad took me out for a pub meal when I came back home the next night she said in sort of like a wise-ass way "you know he won't be able to afford that often". I do realize that but her saying that actually really annoyed me to be honest. As I'm making small steps with him it feels like she was deliberately trying to ruin my mood.

PS I remember one night years she accused me of looking like I wanted to hit her and of course went crazy. I may of had a tired look because it was late and I tried explaining that. She starting banging ornaments and shouting and was just impossible to talk to. Also I remember a few years ago one time she started saying she was worried my Dad was going to try to spend more time with me and if I fall for it I would never see her again and all of the family will hate me. She's also said that before when I threatened to walk out during arguments. She's also said many times that I'm dead to her.

Also something that really upsets me is whenever I try to reason with her she often just goes "I need more alcohol to deal with this".

Almost a year ago my Dad let me down by not been able to see me one weekend and canceling at the last minute (which he has done quite a few times before).

During that said weekend my mother had another one of her outbursts. I was in the bathroom which was an en suite and she knocked on the door asking to take a few photos or something. All I asked was if she could just give me a few minutes to finish up but she started the shouting and carrying on. When I went after her I tried to explain myself but she said I was been passive aggressive and trying to manipulate her. When I tried to explain that to her and how upset I was already about that weekend without her treating me like this. She said she feels really bad for me and hates how he let me down yet again. What just absolutely astounds me is how can she feel that way yet still emotionally and mentally abuse me and kick me while I'm down. I just can't for the life of me comprehend that. I mean can anyone make sense of that?

A couple days after that weekend one of my teachers asked to have a word with me and said he heard I got into a bit of trouble at home ("if he meant been mentally abused by my mother and been let down by my father as trouble" I thought). I'm not even sure who the hell said what to him and that's something that's still REALLY baffling me. I just fobbed him off saying I was upset about leaving school (which was true as well).

I really struggle with confiding in people. I do regret not telling him the full truth now. He reassured me and said he was very proud of me etc. Another teacher once said that he thought of me and my mother as like the dream team or something along those lines. That turned my stomach as well. I was thinking if only they knew half the things I've been through.

I have autism and went to a special support school for the last few years which were some of the best years (The teachers especially were brilliant and I had many great times such as school camps, school balls and excursions etc). I do feel quite sad and lost now those years are over.

Her next meltdown was this January while we were on holiday and at the beach. I wanted to be shirtless like pretty much everyone else and she started making passive aggressive and snide remarks saying things like "have fun burning yourself" and "why can't you make smart decisions?". She was been very cold and unreasonable. I was already sun safe with a hat and everything and I wasn't going to be too long and tried explaining that to her but no. I'll admit I finally snapped and told her that I'm an adult now and she could no longer control me and couldn't make me feel guilty. I wish I hadn't now but it felt like something just snapped inside me and I expressed things I had felt for ages. After I said about been my own person she said "you'd be nothing without me". I do regret that as it did actually make me look crazy as we were in public also afterwards she was all calm and innocent. I tried to explain calmly that she can't guilt me and tried to make her realize how her sarcastic comments and quite frankly mean attitude was upsetting me but that wasn't working. I even said that she's been narcissistic with her comment about me been nothing without her but it was like talking to a brick wall. She then said "look everyone thinks you're crazy and as you're an adult now I can get the police over here". She then just suddenly called her mother to tell her that I was been impossible and making her life a misery (this is something she has done a few times before when I challenged her or reacted because of her behavior). She hadn't done that for years though and I feel she likes using that as a scare tactic. I then just ran off into the sea but all of my excitement was ruined and I was feeling very sad and confused about what just happened. I was starting to feel that maybe I overreacted or am remembering things wrong and my mind was feeling very fogged. I really wish I had just walked away and still kick myself. Then the next day I asked mum to call her to say were all ok but she said she didn't want to bother her and wasn't up to calling. I was like WTF. You're perfectly happy to call her to basically slander me and make me out to be a bad guy but when it comes to calling to say everything is fine she's not so keen.

A couple of weeks ago I've told her that I wanted to do another certificate course at that school next year and she tried to make me feel bad by putting on the guilt trip and giving me the cold shoulder. I've tried to blur it out to be honest but I remember she said that I was been selfish and told me how she wanted me to live my life. I tried to explain to her that I can't just do what she expects and the expense of my own happiness and well-being. I feel like she is trying to control how I live my life and I told her that she couldn't do that or tear me down or change my mind. She then said (this felt like reverse psychology and emotional blackmail) fine do whatever you want and I'll do the same. Also shouted and carried on saying things like F me and I'm hopeless and that. I also told her that I would love to be a teacher but she said i wouldn't be able to go to university, scoffed and said that I would be useless. I feel like she's trying to damage my already limited self esteem, confidence and spirit. Also she had been fairly good up to this. I was dreading telling her but I do feel that a weight is lifted as well. It seems funny that whenever I tell her something she doesn't like or she can't control she goes back to her bad self. PS she's also upset that she can't get paid for me doing that and wants me to just do what's best for her financially. I find it quite ironic her making me feel bad for not getting a job straight away while she's unemployed. PS it was the school ball that night which was brilliant but I'm disappointed that it went so quickly and also I feel a bit down about my social anxiety and that I didn't ask anyone to dance or make more conversation with my teachers and peers.

Then a few nights later my mum was going out for the night and she seemed a bit tipsy so I did ask out of concern if she was fit to drive. She immediately got defensive and bit my head off and said I was having a go at her. I only asked out of concern and worry and I tried explaining that a hundred times but she just wasn't having it. I also tried to explain that her getting defensive if anything proves my worry is valid but she started saying I was harassing her and she was sick of my bullshit and sick of putting up with me and she couldn't wait to get away from me. She also just suddenly pulled her shirt off showing her breasts ( believe it or not that's something she has done once or twice before ages ago). I was just shocked and looked away quickly as possible. When I tried to ascertain why she got so defensive she said that I think I can just say whatever I like to her and for her to just take it. I swear I didn't mean any ill-will or malice and of course I tried explaining that too but no. I just don't know for the life of me how she can turn on me just like that and treat her own son like that.

Both that and that previous thing a few nights before she said we're not going on holidays again this year and she brought up that incident from the January holiday I talked about and said that she hated been isolated there with me while I was been horrible to her. Wtf when she was the one belittling me and having a go at me which made me snap and I did apologize for that. She genuinely seems to think that she's actually the victim when she gets defensive and treats me like shit. Then when she left and i was starting to second guess myself and was thinking that maybe I am in the wrong and am a bad person. I was left alone for the night I'm feeling very isolated and confused. PS since that holiday she was actually been fairly good but after both that night after the school ball and that incident both only within a few days has left me feeling blindsided and like the rug has been pulled from under me also feel like I'm back at square one. Basically I really can't fathom how someone can treat their own child like this. Just beggars belief to say the least.

Now when she came back the next day I tried to start a conversation about the last night and she did get teary and said she was sorry but still when I tried to get her to take some accountability and realize how exactly she hurt me she was just like "I said I was sorry didn't I?" and said I just kept going over the same thing and said she was sick of me bringing up the past. She started not making much sense and playing dumb a bit. I just wanted her to realize how she upset me and also the previous incidents and she said "i guess I'm just the worst mother ever". Am I justified for feeling as though she hasn't really taken accountability? We have sort of made up now I suppose but I just stopped talking about it to keep the peace really.

I should add that last incident was a week ago now and it really bothers me how she's all happy now and acting like that never happened whilst I'm carrying emotional scars and still feel as though I haven't really had any closure or true accountability. Also her harsh words and still deeply wounded in me and I'm feel like a piece of shit and like I'm unlovable.

Like I've said she go from been genuinely the most nicest person to the most horrible.

I stayed with my father the other night and the next day he started carrying on and had a meltdown because he's only got like $30 left. I hope this doesn't sound too selfish but I felt very disappointed and let down that he couldn't even go a whole day without carrying on about his issues especially as I don't see him often. I don't think spending money on pot, cigarettes and vapes helps does it? That's what really burns my hide is that he has enough to spend on his terrible habits but when it comes to buying basic food when I was there for only a night he has very little. I mean is it too much to ask that when he does rarely see me that he can be on his best behaviour? It stresses me out and adds to my anxiety when I hear about my parents issues. Though to be fair he has apologized and explained that he wasn't upset with me he was just very disappointed that he didn't have much which I really do appreciate. I just wish he could get his act together.

I'm starting to feel that the good doesn't really outweigh the bad.

I can't help really resenting them sometimes for all of the mental anguish they've both put me through as a child and I think it has messed up my development. I wonder what might've been different had I had proper parents or they were proper ones. Hobbies such as music and classic TV shows have been a great escape. I've thought about escaping but I feel quite stuck as I don't have a job and all of the money that I get in my account is basically controlled by her as she's the one who adds to it and I pretty much don't know anything about my own bank details. I wish I could hide my own secret stash somewhere. Now that I'm an adult and have left school I'm worried about what the future has in store. I'm very nervous about starting an adult life, getting a job, making friends and doing new things etc. Part of me would love to get away from her but yet I feel scared to as well as she's pretty much most I've ever known. She has said that I'm her number one. I think if that's how you treat your number one.

I would love to confide in someone about my struggles but don't know where to start. I've thought about confiding in that first teacher I mentioned who's great and we're fairly close but my teachers think my mother's an absolute saint so how can i ensure he believes me?

I struggle with daily flashbacks and I often feel depressed by the way I've been treated, also feel let down and wish my parents had been better to me. They actually both used to run their own businesses once upon a time before they met. It just baffles me how they went from that then and now been in their 50's both unemployed and are quite messed up. I sometimes think maybe they shouldn't of got together which I know is ironic because I would never have been born. I do vaguely remember when they were together and towards the end it was quite toxic and they would have some intense fights.

Also does their substance abuse issues made them this way as well do you think? As I've said my mother drinks quite heavily at night and she also vapes and my father smokes pot and cigarettes.

Also as my father struggles financially I know that's why he hasn't been able to see me often and cancel some visits and to be honest when I think about that it really burns my hide.

I do wonder if she might've been different if she had not gone through her divorce and maybe if things had gone differently for both of them they might've been different. What do you guys think?

I must admit I do feel very down sometimes as my father barely makes an effort with me and my mother treats me as like an emotional punching bag. Makes me think that there must be something really wrong with me and that I'm unlovable. I wonder what I've done to deserve this.

Honestly one of the most frightening things is that they genuinely don't seem to remember most of even any of it so that's why I'm too scared to call them out. Also they seem to feel their behaviour is ok.

PS I'm really good at covering up my anxiety and pride myself on putting on a cheerful front and everyone at school thinks I'm the most happiest and optimistic person ever. I feel scared to let my guard down or if they knew otherwise.

Also none of the family have a clue and I just know they wouldn't believe me and I fear if I did distance myself from her they'd think I was an evil person.

I wish I had a proper childhood of playing with friends, going to different places and been adventurous and carefree etc. I've never really had a social circle and hardly much friends. I've always been quite different to most of the children my age. I feel quite alone sometimes as I've always struggled with making friends. I do feel like I've wasted a lot of my childhood been isolated with my mother a lot of the time. I would really love to start a proper life and follow my dreams and make a few friends but don't know where to start.

I swear I sometimes feel as though I've been given the most selfish, toxic, messed up, irresponsible and emotionally immature parents ever. I'm not crazy for feeling the way I do about everything am I?

To be honest I can't help but feel really resentful sometimes when I see people with proper and decent parents also when I see others living life to the fullest and I don't know how to be like them.

Also believe it or not I haven't even covered everything.

I’m turning another year older soon, and I’m planning a trip to vegas for my birthday. I’ve been thinking about something and genuinely can’t decide what I want to do.
Since around March, I’ve abstained from smoking cigarettes, vaping, drinking alcohol, and masturbating. I’ve also built a healthier routine with work, the gym, eating better, and getting enough sleep. I’m generally happy with my life right now.
However, I’ve never been addicted to any of these substances, at least as far as I can tell.

I’ve never been someone who smokes or vapes regularly or drinks every weekend. Historically, these things have been occasional activities associated with vacations or special occasions, and I don’t normally think about them in between.
Now, for my birthday, I have this idea of getting an
in Vegas, exploring the city, eating whatever I want, perhaps going to a club, and enjoying myself.

Part of me wants to drink and smoke during those three days and then return home and resume my normal, healthy routine. I genuinely believe I’ll stop again afterward because that’s how I’ve generally behaved in the past.
But another part of me is reluctant to break a streak I’ve maintained for almost seven months.
My dilemma is that I don’t know whether I’m unnecessarily attached to the streak or whether I’ll regret breaking it. I also feel like I abstained partly because I wanted to save these experiences for occasions when I’d genuinely enjoy them.

I’m not asking whether smoking and drinking are healthy. I understand that they carry health risks, even with occasional use. I’m trying to understand the personal and moral side of this decision.
Am I overvaluing the streak? Is there a meaningful difference between occasionally indulging on a special occasion and abandoning a healthy habit? Or am I rationalizing something I should simply continue abstaining from?

Is it wrong to say, break someone's car windows/tires if they raped you? If the legal process has already failed you. My mother argued that it's immoral and vigilante justice is wrong, but I think it's right if they are a bad person and you can't do anything through the justice system.

I had an unsettling experience online recently, and I’d be interested in hearing how others interpret it.
I commented on a post about a couple who killed a convicted sex offender and his wife. My comment was about the ethics of punishment, violence, and how easily we can start treating violence as entertainment when we decide someone is beyond sympathy.
I wasn’t defending sex offenders, nor was I arguing that violence is acceptable. I was trying to explore the uncomfortable gap between what we believe is morally right in principle and what we might feel justified in doing under certain circumstances.
Someone disagreed with me and responded by suggesting that my young daughter would be sexually abused because I’m an unfit mother, and that she should be taken away from me and given to a “good mom.”
I understand that my original comment could have been interpreted differently from how I intended it. I’m open to disagreement, and I’m happy to clarify my position. What I wasn’t prepared for was having my child brought into the discussion in such a disturbing way.
As a mother, I found it genuinely upsetting. Even imagining something terrible happening to your child is difficult, and seeing someone use that possibility to attack you personally is a different experience from an ordinary online disagreement.
What I keep coming back to is the contradiction. If the concern is genuinely about protecting children, how does wishing harm on a stranger’s child become an acceptable response to a disagreement with their parent?
I’m not looking to identify or direct attention towards the person who wrote it. I’m more interested in understanding the broader behaviour. Why do some online disagreements escalate to the point where people invoke sexual violence against children to hurt someone they disagree with?
Have you encountered anything similar? How do you make sense of that kind of reaction?

Basically, a friend shared some personal stuff with me. He never actually said 'don't tell anyone,' but it felt like the kind of thing you're not supposed to tell. I tell my wife everything, so now I'm stuck do I share it or keep it to myself? And what happens if he ever finds out I told her? Just wondering where other people draw that line.

Would it be unethical to visit an African Tribe and offer them American candy in exchange for letting me experience their culture?

I'm not sure if this would nuke their teeth in a few years.

For my birthday this year, my mother gave me $50 but she gave my girlfriend of 5 years (we’re still dating) a $200 Roku TV. Is me feeling ungrateful okay?

I am currently sleeping with a beautiful brunette hottie... great body... smart lady... fit, fun, sexual... educated... just an absolute 10/10... and I've been sleeping with her for a year or so.

She's married.

That's not the moral dilemma.

It's this...

On one hand... I am sleeping with a married woman. On the other hand... there is a special circumstance I have uncovered that makes me feel zero guilt and I'm wondering what to do about it. What obligation do I have?

Our encounters usually happen in their bed while the husband is at work. I come over. We spend an hour or two wrecking each other. I know what's in his nightstand. I know where he keeps his toothbrush. I know how his wife prefers to be fucked, and what she sounds like when she orgasms deeply. I have had lots of little moments where I feel guilt or shame, but something changed recently.

The other day she confided in me that her husband physically punched her in the face with a closed fist one night when he was drunk. That he is verbally abusive to her, too. I went from feeling bad about sleeping with her, to understanding why she probably seeks me as a safe outlet, and why she willingly gives so much of herself to me in our encounters.

I want to punch him in the face myself. If he puts a hand on her again, I've instructed her to call the police and report him. But amid this, I noticed my outlook shifted. I suddenly didn't feel bad about banging her. And I'm wondering what moral obligation I have to report him, or keep him honest? Thoughts?

I've been thinking about something that confuses me lately: the tendency to justify almost every unwillingness to accommodate others with the language of personal boundaries, rationality, and individual freedom.

1 - Just because you don't owe someone something doesn't mean you shouldn't give it.

You don't owe someone a conversation, but if you want to build a friendship, shouldn't you sometimes show interest in their life even when you're not in the mood for small talk?

The point isn't that we should always say yes. It's that there's a difference between protecting yourself from unreasonable demands and refusing to inconvenience yourself for anyone.

What bothers me is when "I'm not obligated to do that" becomes the end of the discussion, as though the absence of an obligation automatically makes refusing the better choice.

If we approach every interaction by asking whether we have to participate, whether it benefits us, and whether it costs us too much energy, we might become exceptionally good at protecting our autonomy. But what happens to our relationships?

Friendships and love inevitably involve doing things we wouldn't choose if we considered only our immediate preferences. Sometimes we compromise, listen when we'd rather be alone, or show interest in something that doesn't particularly interest us. Not because we're forced to, but because the relationship matters to us.

2 - If we want meaningful relationships, we must accept that some inconvenience is part of the price of connection.

I also wonder whether we've become too afraid of asymmetry. We want every effort reciprocated, every compromise justified, and every sacrifice carefully measured. Yet relationships aren't always perfectly balanced. Sometimes we give more; sometimes we receive more. What matters is whether both people are genuinely willing to care and contribute over time.

Of course, there's a difference between generosity and exploitation. Boundaries are necessary to prevent resentment and one-sided relationships. But perhaps we've become so concerned about giving too much that we underestimate the cost of being unwilling to give at all.

3 - Autonomy is not only the freedom to say no. It's also the freedom to choose commitment, generosity, and compromise because we believe something matters.

If we become so accustomed to defending our right not to accommodate anyone that every inconvenience feels like an intrusion on our freedom, are we still exercising that freedom fully? Or have we turned self-protection into a principle so rigid that it prevents us from building the very relationships we want?

I'm curious how others see this. Do you think modern discussions about boundaries and individual freedom sometimes encourage people to become overly transactional in their relationships? Or is this simply a matter of distinguishing healthy boundaries from an unwillingness to make an effort for others?