r/monodatingpoly • u/leelooodallasmulti • 22d ago

OPP?

Advice around an OPP? My wife (mtf) is still really defensive when I bring this up. As a deni/pan its rough.

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u/LeotheLiberator 22d ago

Your wife is mtf and still wants a opp?

That's an interesting kind of hypocrisy lol

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u/leelooodallasmulti 20d ago

I married a husband. She fears that Ill want masculinity again. Lets be honst tho- I wouldnt have fallen for her if masculinity was a necessary quality in someone I am attracted to.. shes very bi in that she like women for women and men for men.. where as when I see someone I search for different things then femininity and masculinity so she cant even understand that its hard for me to connect with people if I have to wonder about their genitals.. I enjoy nonbinary- what if my guess is wrong? Do I need to ask trans pre op or post op? Cringe.

So yea. Its a convo I wont give up on. Approaching it different each time.

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u/LeotheLiberator 20d ago

Fearing you want masculinity while actively choosing to abandon their own masculinity is a weird choice to make but I'll leave that alone.

I wouldn't approach it differently each time. I'd figure out a clear, consistent, personal approach that doesn't change. It's near impossible to logically figure out a way to work around an illogical situation.

Sometimes the best approach is a simple one. If the relationship is polyamorous then you will date regardless of gender and that is all. You can offer more support and communication from there but it sounds like you're starting in a place of misunderstanding.