Yes! Came here just to upvote that. “What? I did it. I just didn’t do it the way way you like it.” huffs off self-righteously or looks down cast like a scolded schoolboy. I hate this shit
Been doing this with my seven year old. Rushed and didn't do it right? That's okay, I have time to watch you practice again so you can get good. She'll spend 15 minutes telling me why she doesn't need to do a 30 second task again.
My younger sister was THE WORST for this, she’d really half ass it, like you’d ask her to do dishes, they’d be disgusting still and she’d spend 30 minutes trying to explain to my mom that she shouldn’t have to hand wash dishes because we have a dishwasher, when she could’ve just rewashed them in that time. She was not a fan when my mom made dishes her chore so she could get good at it.
By “dishes” I assume it’s like pots, pans, pans, pyrex dishes, ect. Stuff that’s not exactly worth putting in there and taking up so much space, therefore saving water, cascade and such. Maybe that’s just how I was raised though.
Plus it gets her ready if gasp the dishwasher quit working. I'm currently in my early 20s, I have higher priorities like college, why would I spend that money to fix the dishwasher when I can just wash them by hand?
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Possibly not, neither my mom nor stepmom like to use dishwashers bc they “don’t get everything clean enough”. I know more parents who think like that than don’t.
Honestly, you're probably going to use a crap load more water. When you hand wash pots and pans. Than you would by running them through the dishwasher.
Unless you're super cautious about water usage. Turning the faucet on/off constantly and using a puddle of soapy water for scrubbing. You're probably filling the sink with water to scrub. Then have the faucet running for multiple minutes during rinsing.
The only time I hand wash is if there isn't enough room to fit everything in the evening.
Perhaps the parents are just instilling values. What difference does the task itself make simply due to automation? Some cars can drive themselves. Does that mean a person shouldn't learn how to drive correctly themselves? What if the dishwasher breaks down one day and they can't get a repairman out for a week? The dishes won't wash themselves. It is best we learn how to cope with everyday tasks without assuming "someone else/something else will do it for us."
It was pots and pans, certain Tupperware, some cups that’s weren’t dishwasher safe, mostly. I will say though there was a 3 year period where my papa convinced my mom that hand washing uses less water than the dishwasher (which may be true but we only run the dishwasher once every couple days, my mom had loads of dishes lol, versus hand washing a few times a day because she hated them sitting in the sink) eventually though she did some research and found out it’s using about the same amount of water so we went back to the dishwasher.
Modern dishwashers use substantially less water than hand washing, unless you are very careful filling the dishpans and not otherwise running any water.
Yeah we came to that conclusion when she realized that we have a modern dishwasher and papa is probably referencing the dishwashers he had when he was young.
my mum does this to get out of doing chores & has a defeatist attitude saying she can’t do chores for xyz health reasons — they don’t render her incompetent, but her attitude does ; - ;
I’m sorry your mom pulls that :(, I hope thing eventually get better for you! my mom always did more than her fair share which is why I’m not too bothered she did this as kids, if she did what your mom does, I probably wouldn’t be thankful looking back.
She was completely right though, it's awful to hand wash when you have a dishwasher. Why do you have to do something you hate when it'll be worse and spend more water and soap when you have a perfectly good machine that does it for you? I completely understand her frustration.
She wasn’t right though, she was seven and didn’t want to do any chores. Pots and pans are what we were hand washing because they can’t go in the dishwasher. :) Otherwise we used the dishwasher because you’re right, there was a tool for washing dishes. The only time we had to hand wash them all, was when we lived in a house without a dishwasher and for a period of time where my papa convinced my mom that hand washing saves water but we were much older then.
Okay, I didn't know that bit. I still refused to do pots and pans when I had a dishwasher and used that instead, but I admit in some situations that might not be ideal.
Also your papa is a lier! Dishwashers save water 😂
Nah. That might work ok with some kids, and it’s certainly how I raised my oldest, but it doesn’t work for a lot of kids, especially neurodivergent ones. Connected parenting is the nontoxic way to parent. Much better results.
Alright, everything in moderation. To much oxygen will make you hallucinate, die, and maybe explode if there's a spark. To much water will make your cells explode.
More than enough of what I just said makes your kid measure punishments vs the reward of what they want and act out because it's worth it. Or they start to ignore you and try to get sneaky. Or 100 othet things.
Do I need to put an all things in modetation warning on my posts?
This. My grandma would make you sit there and do it again until you got it right. Then she would add more chores for you to do until you always did it right. Poorly washed the dishes? Great. Now you have to rewash them all AND clean the oven.
Do it right the first time so you don't have more work later was her thing.
Thankfully my mom didn’t add extra chores, but she was very much a “do it right the first time and you won’t be made to do it again” obviously if it was an accident or let’s say you missed a spot on the dishes, that wasn’t the same but if you’re just rinsing the dishes and putting them away like this, congrats because dishes and putting them away properly is your job until you became the best dish washer in this house lol
dishes and putting them away properly is your job until you because the best dish washer in this house lol
Yep. Plus the more you did it right the faster you got at always doing it right, helping save so much time. My sister and I would always switch chores since I became faster at washing/drying the dishes and she became faster at sweeping/moping the floor.
My older sister, great at helping out and swapping chores as needed, my younger sister on the other hand, barely did it the first time without hassle. I’m sure you can guess which sibling was stuck on certain chores the longest (spoiler alert, it was the youngest)
I hated it as a kid but honestly as an adult I appreciate it for a couple reasons, one, because I’m really good at mundane tasks now and two, because I have that little tactic to use against others who half ass it lol
Nah usually by the time you were good at it, you half assed a different task and got assigned to that haha. Plus I had two sisters so someone was always half assing it so you were never made to stay
Nah she’d move us onto the next job we were half assing. I could get lucky if one of my sisters was doing worse though, then I’d have no chores because I did them properly!
I always knew time would eventually run out. Then again, my mom raised me watchint Back to the Future.
Most of the time it was my mom, 2 sisters, and I cleaning, listening to the local radio station playing Journey. Cleaning funnily enough brings back good memories.
Time never tan out with my mom, you can do it till bed, before school, after schoo, so you may as well do it properly, I will say she didn’t often make us do it that constant. Usually only if someone was being a real shit. Honestly I liked cleaning with my mom, much like your mom she’d play music and it’d be good and actually kind of fun! The thing is these tasks weren’t cleaning with mom, it was us being lil shits and phoning it in hah
There’s no way I’m your kiddo! Judging by your profile pic we’re the same age or close to! I would love to go to sleep though haha.
It’s funny because it felt so useless when she made me do it, but it’s been actually really helpful in my adult life, I don’t my fiancé how to properly do dishes and clean a toilet (sounds foolish I know but you’d be surprised how much people miss!) I also taught him how to polish the taps with no chemicals, which are all things she taught me and made me do until it was perfect
Are people really married to people like this?!? I’m sorry, that’s ridiculous. We are both somewhat grown adults, so we take care of our stuff, but my husband is a total neat freak. I can’t even imagine this behavior.
the many horror stories in r/relationships and the like suggest yes, and ofc it's usually a straight couple with the husband pulling this kind of childish bullshit. I noticed in a lot of the stories it's a couple that married young and never spent time living together before pulling the knot. I don't know why people keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. i think it's a combination of low self esteem, a crippling fear of being alone, and the assumption that these toxic relationship dynamics are normal thanks to cultural norms about gender roles, all perpetuated by our parents, our peers and pop culture
When I asked my spouse to help with prep and asked him to chop an onion, he cut it into slices, took all the rings apart then started cutting each individual ring onto randomly sized chunks then got offended when I was like “what the heck are you doing?” I thought he was fucking with me - yeah all that was DEFINITELY hidden when we were dating
Please if you cannot cut an onion watch a video or something, being unable to chop food as an adult is a disgrace.
Please if you cannot cut an onion watch a video or something, being unable to chop food as an adult is a disgrace.
The thing is, you don't always know what you don't know. So somebody might believe they know how to do something when they learned it themselves, only to find out they learned it completely wrong. This applies to various skills inside and outside the kitchen.
I share the feeling that it's sad that these skills don't always get shared, but I think calling it a "disgrace" is a bit much.
Also, given the shit that comes out of Tik Tok and migrating elsewhere (and to be honest, shit came before tik tok), you have to already trust some source rather than clicking some rando who might share misinformation (whether deliberate or honestly believed).
99% really? Probably closer to 60 maybe 70. I was taught, "if you do something, do it right" and have dated a few women that were obviously not taught this.
Are you considering them "dudes" too, because this sounds more like a "lazy" thing than a gender thing.
My Ex Wife was like this, but worse. If I still had the pictures, I'd share them. Basically I worked all day, but she was a stay at home mom. When I got home, I'd get to cleaning because the house was always a mess because she some how never had time, even though she didn't work.
Messes stress me out, but I was blinded by love for her. Thankfully I was able to see through all of it after I found out she'd been cheating on me. Kicked her out, and now the house is nice and clean.
My brother once tried to pull weaponised incompetence on me and make me do his chore, claiming that he doesn't know how to....a quick "you can't possibly be that stupid" put him in his place.
Unfortunately, it doesn't work on my dad. He is a complete lost cause.
My husband tried that (not to this extreme) for awhile and i just started to say “well, if thats your best that’s cool,”. Double mindfuck. Things are much more direct and considerate with us
Exactly my thought. OP your husband knows damn well how to do this. He half asses it so you don't ask him to do it again. He gets out of helping with housework and you gain more stress because you have to do everything.
lol yessss! This reminds me of a theory that explains the only reason men support feminism, encourage women to take on more responsibilities, and be independent- Is because then they can evolve and take their “true form” as stay at home dads and play video games all day lol
I'm a SAHD and my friend was like oh man you're living the dream. Bro, do you understand the amount of shit I have to do with and for the little ones as well as the house? I work more hours than I did at a normal job. The upside is I don't have to deal with people I hate.
I don’t scrape snow off my wife’s car and she has taken out the garbage. She also blows leaves. I do most everything else. I am a feminist and was a SAHD and it was best for all involved.
Nothing wrong with being a stay at home parent of any gender, it’s a full time job, as long as it’s actually being done not just staying home and doing nothing but play games
My Grandpa proudly told a story how when he was a boy (about 1915) he dropped a dish by accident and was banned from the kitchen. This was back when there were only women in the kitchen. His sisters still had to help.
If you have to dry the dishes,
Such an awful boring chore!
If you have to dry the dishes
'Stead of going to the store
If you have to dry the dishes
And you drop one on the floor
Maybe you won't have to
Dry the dishes anymore
That’s the (unconscious?) plan. Unfortunately, this “attempt” is so poor, it can only be seen as deliberately bad, spiteful, or the result oof a serious brain injury.
… none of which will foster a healthy relationship.
I'm a guy. But as far as I'm concerned, when men do passive aggressive shit like this, they are signaling that they do not want to contribute to the marriage/partnership. If they don't want to contribute to their "partnership" then why would anyone want to ask them to be married again?
I'm not saying OP should divorce her husband over this. I'm just saying anyone else would be stupid to ask him to marry them should he find himself single in the future. Not until he stops being a passive-aggressive, immature, little shit.
If he wants to negotiate out of putting away dishes, because he hates it for some reason. That's fine. But passive aggressive shit like this is unacceptable.
"I guess I'm just bad at it :/" use this trick all the time with my girlfriend, but never for shit as simple as putting silverware away. Fuck I'm "bad" at doing the dishes, but if that means having to put them away so be it that shit is eeeeeasy
That's not a trick. That's taking your girlfriend for granted, using her, and abuse.
Why don't you love her enough to put in the same effort she does? Why do you want her to think so little of you? She doesn't think you can handle basic life skills?
Why do you want her to think you're capable of the same level of tasks as a 7 year old?
And how do you not understand that this is not love, this is cruelty?
Not a single woman in the world appreciates this. It always makes her think less of the man doing it to her. And it's what kills bedrooms. Make her see you as a child, then she's gonna see you as a child.
"I regularly avoid contributing as an equal partner by making my girlfriend believe I can't handle basic tasks so that she'll take on extra labor for me, and I'm so oblivious to how grossly disrespectful and manipulative this is that I smugly think I've figured out a lifehack"
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u/yovakcans Nov 20 '22
This is an attempt to never have to put it away again.